Somewhere In Between

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy.

~ Lifehouse - Somewhere In Between ~

It should have been easy. He didn't mean anything to her after all. He was...he was just there. She didn't care about him, yet she couldn't escape the intense need to cry. The others...the others didn't care and they were fine. They looked stunned but...they were fine. Why did she feel like this? She had told him before he even went that he better not expect her to cry, because she wouldn't.

She sat down and stared out at the lake in the grounds of Hogwarts. She had graduated three years ago but everytime she stepped into the grounds she felt like she was fourteen again and crushing on her brother's best friend. The famous Harry Potter - The Boy Who Lived. She turned her head and looked over; his black hair was prominent beside her brother's red. Yes, at that point things were so much simpler. Why did it have to change?

She thought back, looking for a moment that would provide the clarity she needed. Was it in sixth year when she had actually spoken to Malfoy properly for the first time? Was it graduation when he showed up, black mark burned into his forearm warning Dumbledore that the school was going to be attacked? Or was it the night that he had went to the lake because he couldn't sleep and found her alone?

She felt herself smile slightly as she looked at the sun reflecting of the water. Neither of them should have been there really. He was a Death Eater after all who could have very easily been sent to be a spy, and she was a Weasley who was staying at Hogwarts for a few days for assistance in becoming an animagus. They shouldn't have met that night. If they hadn't met then it wouldn't have happened: none of it would have happened.

She closed her eyes as the memory played through her head unbidden.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I thought you had to stay in the school, Malfoy?" She looked down from her space in the branch about 10 feet from the ground to see a reflective looking Draco Malfoy looking out towards the lake. "Professor Dumbledore won't be happy if he sees you out here...not that I'll tell - I could do with the company..."

He turned abruptly, clearly surprised at the presence of someone else. His blond hair reflected the moonlight as he turned his pale gray eyes towards her. "I'm a bit old to be following rules, am I not? I couldn't sleep and I needed some air. What's your excuse? Out in the middle of the night, alone..."

"Unlike some people around here," she smiled at him and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't need an excuse..."

"Good point." He walked over to her and climbed up to sit on the branch beside her.

"So what brings out here? Peeves throwing the armour around again?" Ginny asked as he steadied himself on the branch.

He shook his head and sighed. "Can't sleep," he looked at her before turning back to the water. "Do you ever wonder why your life turned out like it did and what would have happened if you had made different choices, Ginny? If you had shown a bit of character earlier in your life instead of waiting until things were too late to fix..."

She shook her head as she looked at the water. "No, I like my life as it is..."

"Typical response from a Weasley. You all believe your life is perfect," Draco sighed. "And the rest of us mere mortals should get on with it."

Ginny shook her head. "I don't for a second think my life is perfect, but I refuse to dwell on the past and blaming a choice that I may or may not have made."

Draco shook his head as he turned and looked back towards the lake. "Are you trying to tell me that you wouldn't have spoken to Potter sooner if you had the chance all over again? Because if you expect me to believe that you are deluded."

Ginny sighed and looked away. "Why do you do that, Malfoy? Why do you show your contempt for me even when you are trying to have a civilised conversation?"

Draco turned to her and smiled bitterly. "Good question. Why do you still insist on calling me Malfoy when we speak? It's been nearly two years since we had our first conversation and we have had many since yet you have never once called me by my name. It's always Malfoy," he turned away from her again and shook his head. "And you get upset when I mention Potter's name? You can't have it both ways - you can't expect me to give you anything other than the contempt you give me."

Ginny bit her lip and looked at him. "I...I have called you by your name."

"Really?" Draco turned to her with a cool gaze. "When? Give me one example." He waited for a minute expecting her to respond and when she didn't he shook his head and gave a derisive laugh. "Exactly."

He jumped down of the branch agilely and looked up at her. "I don't expect anything from you Ginny, but would it kill you or your family to acknowledge me without seeing my father? People do change - even the morally ambiguous. If I had wanted to kill Muggles and destroy Dumbledore I wouldn't be here now as a fugitive. I would be out, with my family, spending a fortune and being free and having fun, instead of chained to this castle, tutoring the children of Death Eaters who would gladly kill me. Remember that next time when you look at me and see my father."

He shook his head and began walking away as she watched him. She bit her lip as she closed her eyes. Why was it so hard for her? Because if she called him anything other than Malfoy she would perhaps see that he was more than the boy he had been at school? She would perhaps forget that he was related to Lucius Malfoy? Maybe if she didn't keep calling him Malfoy she would forget that their families hated each other. Maybe if she used his name she would forget that she couldn't feel anything for him.

She looked again, half hoping he would walk back towards her but he was still retreating. She shook her head and began climbing down the tree. She couldn't let him walk away like that - if she did it would be ignoring a part of her that wanted him to stop.

"Stop. Please stop," she halted and waited on him to turn around. "Please..."

Draco paused and took a deep breath as he turned around. He held his hands out in a gesture for her to speak as he looked at her with an expressionless face. "What?"

She took a deep breath as she took a few steps over towards him. "I...I'm sorry...Draco..."

He looked at her coolly before his face broke into an uncharacteristic smile. "Did it hurt to say it?"

Ginny began to laugh as she took another step towards him. "Funnily enough, it was pretty easy..." she looked at him and put her hand gently on his forearm. "I do appreciate what you've given up to be here, you know. So does my family...it's just. Your dad...sometimes it's difficult to remember that the two of you are related. And then you have a look, or the tone of your voice, or a comment and it reminds me that you *are* his son. And that I care about the son - even though I despise the father and that makes me uncomfortable because the two are similar in so many ways..."

Draco looked down at her and took a deep breath. "You...care? Why?"

She smiled as she shook her head. "Because I'm not sure if I know anyone else who would be brave enough to turn away from their father after believing he was a God for eighteen years. I don't know anyone who would put themselves through the humiliation of asking for help from people he hated," she looked at him and smiled softly as she lowered her voice. "Because ever since that time in sixth year, even though you despised me and I despised you, you never ignored me, and because you are the only person who felt the need to ask if I was all right after Hogsmeade was attacked. That's why I care..."

He looked down, the faintest blush appeared on his pale skin before disappearing quickly. "I don't deserve it for any of those reasons, you know? I came back to save the school for selfish reasons - because I didn't want it destroyed and defiled to fulfil Voldermort's vendetta. I asked for Potter's help because he was the only one who could help. I only didn't ignore you in my final year because I enjoyed the reaction I got out of your brother and Potter and," he took a deep breath as he continued, "I only asked about Hogsmeade because you were upset, and your brothers weren't there. You needed someone to talk to, or yell at and as you hated me you could probably say things that you couldn't say to someone you liked..." he took another breath as he shook his head. "I'm not really the complete bastard you all think I am all the time, I sometimes have a conscience - even for you. You were upset and I just wanted to make sure you were all right - that's all."

"That was enough," she sighed as she looked down. For the first time she noticed the hand that she had touched his forearm with was now interlaced with his hand. She blushed slightly as she became aware of her skin tingling under his touch but didn't pull away as he looked at her, equally as unaware as she was.

He sighed as he looked at her and closed his eyes for a moment before turning his gaze back towards her. "Funny how we ended up here. A Weasley and a Malfoy, alone in the middle of the night in the grounds of Hogwarts after they had graduated. I doubt either of us would have predicted our lives would lead to this point."

"No, I doubt it. But, things happen..." Ginny shook her head. "And we would have had the conversation sooner or later anyway."

"Yes...yes we would have I suppose," Draco nodded his head as he took a step closer to her and touched her face gently, almost unsurely. "Are you still in love with Potter?"

She looked at him and shook her head as she reached up and brushed a thread of hair away from his eyes. "No...not for years - what about you?"

Draco looked at her and gave an amused smile. "No, I managed to get over my feelings for him..."

She blushed furiously as she looked down before laughing slightly. "I meant are you involved with anyone?"

"Define involved? If you mean am I dating someone at present then no, but," he lifted his hand up that had her hand entwined and smiled as he looked at it. "But I have hope for good things for the future..."

He bent his head down and kissed her gently at first, before pulling back to look at her. She felt her heart beating erratically as her lips tingled as she smiled at him - what had just happened? She couldn't even describe what she was feeling as instinct took over as she brought her free hand up to his neck and pulled his lips onto hers and kissed him passionately.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ginny closed her eyes and shook her head. She would not cry. She didn't care, it was a stupid relationship. She didn't care that she wouldn't see him again - that she wouldn't feel his touch on her bare skin. That she would never again hear him talk to her in the low intense voice he saved for when he wanted her to know how he felt about her. That she would never wake up enveloped in his arms...

She took a couple of deep breaths as she squeezed her eyes shut. She would not cry!

"Ginny?"

She turned away from the water and looked at the figure of her father and mother standing looking at her sadly.

"Yes?" she asked, her voice steady, her gaze strong and her posture straight and proud. She wouldn't be weak.

Arthur walked over to her and put her hand around her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

Molly shook her head as she walked over to her daughter. "Of course she isn't - but she will be, won't you sweetheart?"

She smiled and nodded her head. "Sure. I'll be okay. I'm fine actually - I don't know why we have to go through with this anyway. It isn't like anyone else here likes him apart from the staff..."

She caught herself as she looked at her parents who were looking at her sadly as though she was about to break. Past tense, she remembered. No more talking about him like he's there. "Liked him, even..."

Molly indicated to Arthur who walked away leaving the two women alone reluctantly after he briefly hugged Ginny and whispered, "It'll be okay, Gin. It'll get better, I promise..."

As Arthur disappeared from view Ginny looked at Molly expectantly. No doubt this was the 'things will get better, you only have to be strong and there's plenty more fish in the sea speech.' that she had given Charlie when his fiancee left him.

"Mum, before you start. I'm fine, great in fact. I don't need 'pepped' up, I know I'll no doubt meet someone else and I'll forget all about him and I know that everyone here is there for me and that you all are sorry that it happened but that it wasn't unexpected. I know all that, so if we can just skip to the part where we hug and then we can both move on already..."

She took a deep breath as she finished and looked at her mother who was looking at her like she was about to cry. She felt herself get angry. Why was she crying? She didn't like him! "Why are you crying? I thought you'd be pleased? You and Dad, and Ron, and Harry, and Fred, and George, and Hermione and Charlie? Bill was the only one who was ever civil to him. So the rest of you must be glad - if not glad then relieved. Don't cry...God, I'm not even crying. And I didn't despise him like you all did..."

Molly looked at her daughter and walked over to hug her. "Oh Ginny, how can you think that. Of course we're not glad or relieved. We love you, and you love him..."

Ginny pulled away from her mother and shook her head vehemently. "No! No, I don't love him! I don't feel anything for him. Nothing at all."

Molly shook her head as she looked at Ginny. "Don't block out your feelings Ginny. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be in pain."

She shook her head as she bit her lip. "I know I am, and you know what? I don't want to be in pain. He doesn't deserve it! I told him not to go, I told him it was a trap. I told him that if he went and this happened that I wouldn't stand here and mourn him and he went anyway! So good riddance to him!"

Molly reached out for her daughter. "His mother was dying - she wanted to see him. How could he know that it was a lie? That she was lying to him? What if it had been true? He would never have forgave himself..."

Ginny looked at her and shook her head. She didn't get it. "The woman had never looked out for his best interests in her life! Of course it was a trap! Yet he was too blind to see it, all he saw was her withered old face asking him to be a good son! She should have been a better mother and he wouldn't have been in the position he was in in the first place! If I ever, ever see her I swear I will tear her lying, deceitful heart out and leave her alive long enough to see me rip it to shreds so she knows what she did to him!"

Molly reached out for her daughter as Ginny began walking away. "Ginny, you can't be angry at him..."

Ginny gave a bitter laugh as she shook her head. "Watch me. If he doesn't like it he better tell me. No wait, he can't because he was a stupid, trusting, selfish bastard and I hate him!"

Before Molly could get a word in Ginny had already run away leaving her mother standing watching her run.

"Stupid, trusting and selfish. Who would have thought that those would be the words that would sum up Draco Malfoy?"

Molly turned around and looked at her husband as he wrapped her arms around her. "Oh, Arthur...she won't let us help. She's so angry...and she's using that to cover up how hurt she is. She loves him so much..."

Arthur shook his head as he lay his head on top of hers. "She had to choose a Malfoy - typically Lucius would manage to ruin her life again..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She wasn't sure when she had stopped running. She just knew that when she started she had felt a burning sensation in her throat and chest and when she stopped all she had to think about was making her lungs take in enough oxygen for her to stand. She sat down and looked around. She really hadn't got that far. Just into the school courtyard. Thank God it was the holidays - the last thing she needed now was a bunch of students. She walked over to a seat and sat down, maybe her mother was right. Maybe it was wrong to be angry at him. If she was angry at him it meant that she felt something for him and she didn't. She just wanted to go home - she hated this school now. All it did was bring back memories.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I'm sorry, but I refuse," she looked at him as he scowled at a pupil who was looking at him with an amused expression. "I suggest you keep walking boy or I will have you skinning newts eyes and extracting snail bile for the rest of your school career."

Ginny suppressed the need to laugh as she watched the small boy run off in terror. "I love how you are such a people person, Draco. That's why I think it would be a good thing if you put those skills to good use..."

He got up and began walking away. "I am not going to see your parents and brothers. I have met your parents and your brothers and their opinion of me is the same as my opinon of them..."

She shook her head as she followed him into the castle. "Do not even follow that thought up, Malfoy. I am not in so deep that I won't leave you for insulting my family, you know."

He turned to her and sighed. "Ginny! Please, it will be a disaster. I mean, I heard the howler your mother sent you when she heard in the first place. Could we not just concede defeat on this and save us both a long and embarrassing night of false pleasantries while your brothers try and curse me at every available opportunity?"

Ginny sighed as she looked at him. "It would prove to them that you don't think you are better than them..."

"What do you mean 'think'?" he quickly took a step back as he raised his hands in defence mode. "Sorry, joke. I don't think your family is inferior to me. I'll tell them that. I'll write them a letter."

Ginny shook her head as she looked at him. "No. They're coming here, we'll all go for dinner in Hogsmeade and that will be it over with."

He looked at her for a second before he noticed another student walking past. He gave a low growl of frustration as he reached out and took her arm and guided her towards the door of an empty classroom. They walked in and he charmed the lock, and walked over to the desk and sat on it before he began talking unenthusiastically. "If I agree to this, and promise to be on my best behaviour, do you promise that you will never make me do it again? Unless it's at our wedding, or child's christening, or my funeral?"

Ginny smiled as she walked over to him and grinned. "You're already thinking about children and weddings? I'm honoured. I didn't think Draco Malfoy had it in him to want that sort of thing..."

Draco looked at her as he pulled the front of her robes gently until she was standing in front of him. He wrapped his fingers around hers and sighed. "I guess you just bring out my romantic nature..."

She slid her hand up his chest and rested it on his heart as she looked up at him and smiled softly. "I like it."

He tilted his head backwards as he gave a low groan. "Don't get used to it, I'm just trying to extract a verbal guarantee that I don't have to endure your family all the time."

Ginny rolled her eyes as she tilted his head down to look at her. "I can't guarantee that, but I'll try..."

He leant his head forward so their foreheads touched. "That's all I ask," he slid his hand inside her robes towards the small of her back and pulled her close to him.

She bent her head down and kissed him tenderly. "You know it's times like this that I realise why I'm in love with you, Draco Malfoy."

He pulled away from her and fought to keep the smile of his face as he looked at her with a mixture of supreme happiness and pride. He smiled and took a deep breath as he spoke quietly. "Well, I suppose times like this wouldn't happen if I didn't love you. So, on that note I assume we're even..."

She bit her lip as she tried to curb her natural instinct to show the joy she was feeling inside. They had said it, not that they didn't know it already, they had been dating for a year. But they finally said the words. She reached in and kissed him again as she took his hands and guided them to her waist as she took her own hands and wrapped them around his neck.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She took a deep breath as she shook her head. Why did they feel as real? Like she was back at the point when everything made sense. Was it a last minute joke to torture her with? Make her realise how things were? The potential that was there?

"Ginny?" She closed her eyes at the sound of the voice behind her. Why did everyone want to help her? Couldn't they see that she was fine? That she didn't need anything from them?

"Professor Dumbledore. How can I help you?" she didn't turn around as she spoke, hoping he would take the hint and leave her alone.

Dumbledore sat down beside her. "I'm not going to insult you by asking how you are feeling, because it is obvious..."

She turned around and looked at him. "Sir, I don't mean to be rude but my Mum and Dad are worrying about nothing. I'm fine, I know they sent you to check on me. But I'm good. I'm just trying to clear out some ghosts..."

Dumbledore looked at her with a sad smile. "I'm afraid I'm not here because your parents asked me to. I'm here because someone else asked me to."

She looked at him quizzically. "Who?"

Dumbledore reached into his robes and pulled out a small envelope and slid it along the table to her. "He wasn't as ignorant as you may choose to believe, he was well aware of what would probably happen...so he wanted to..."

Ginny stood up and shook her head. That was his last words? "No No, I don't want it! If he had something that important to say then he should have said it before - I don't want his letter!"

"Virginia," Dumbledore stood up and shook his head. "It was impossible for him to talk to you before he left..."

Ginny turned around and felt as though she had been punched in the stomach as she forced herself to speak. "That's not true! He could have spoke to me..." That was true. He could have went to the Burrow - that was where she had went after the fight. He should have physically went to the Burrow and spoke to her face to face, he could have spoke to her if he had really wanted to...

Dumbledore's expression softened as he walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "I know he could have. But, he wanted to save his pride as much as you wanted to save yours. Why else would you take the Burrow off the floo network? Why else did you request the teachers not to assist him in projecting after the first time he tried to contact you?"

She shook her head. She refused to be blamed for that. "I wanted to be alone! This has nothing to do with any of you! I'm sorry, but it hasn't - you all got your memorial service. You all can move on now."

Dumbledore sighed as he looked at her. "You're right of course, but it will make you feel better to know what his last thoughts of you were. But it's up to you," she turned around to see Dumbledore lift the letter up as he looked at her. "It will be here when you feel you are ready to read it, Ginny. So will we all."

Ginny closed her eyes as Dumbledore began walking away, the ivory envelope in his hand. She didn't need to know what he said...it didn't matter. They had split up. They were over with now, then, whenever. "Pr...professor? Could you...leave me the letter?"

Her voice was so small that she wasn't even sure it had come from her, but Dumbledore turned towards her anyway and handed her the letter without saying a word. As he walked away she sat back down and looked at the neat writing on the front. She couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Formal to the last: Ms Virginia Weasley. He had only ever called her Virginia when he mocked her in play, or when he was attempting to demonstrate his romantic side. Never in conversation...

She thought about ripping the letter up. She didn't need to read it after all. She knew what it said - maybe because there was an identical one on her desk at home addressed to him that she had wrote after she had returned home after she had left him standing alone in the courtyard she was now sitting in.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You are being unreasonable! She is my mother! I wouldn't deny you the right to visit your mother!" his voice echoed around the empty courtyard as the moonlight reflected the passion in his eyes towards her.

She shook her head as she looked at him. "Do not dare compare my mother with yours! It's a trap! They've been looking for you for three years and now you are going to walk straight into their arms? They will torture you and kill you..." she choked the words out, they were almost too horrible to think about.

Draco ran his hand through his hair as he walked to her. "Ginny, my mother wouldn't do that to me, she wouldn't endanger my life by lying to me. She isn't Lucius and she wouldn't do it - she's my mother..."

Ginny shook her head as she looked at him, her eyes filled with tears but her resolve strong. She wouldn't let him kill herself in front of her. "Draco, I love you and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to say but if you go to her, that's it. We're over. I'm not going to mourn you when they kill you, which they will do, horribly. I'm not going to miss you, I'm not going to think about you. If you insist on going don't expect me to make it easy on you."

Draco looked at her disbelievingly as he shook his head. "You are leaving me unless I choose you over my mother?"

"I'm not making you choose! If your mother is as sick as she says she is then why doesn't she come here? We could attach her to the floo network and she would be here as soon as possible..."

Draco shook his head as he walked away from her. "She's too ill to travel by floo powder. I already asked her that..."

Ginny rolled her eyes. Why couldn't he see it? "And you, Draco Malfoy don't find that suspicious?"

Draco shook his head as he looked at her angrily. "I am not arguing with you over this. I'm leaving in a couple of days, discussion over."

"You leave here, I leave you," she looked at him seriously, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart. Why didn't he want to be safe? "Your choice. Bring her here but I won't stick around just to bury you in a few days - if they leave enough to bury you that is..."

She felt like a grown man was standing on her chest as the pain washed over her while she looked at him. If anything happened to him... She shook her head as she forced herself to take a deep breath. If anything happened to him it would be down to him. She would live without him - she didn't need him.

"I'm going," he looked at her determinedly, with a mixture of sadness and irritation. "Nothing will happen to me but if it does, I don't expect anything from you if that makes you feel any better."

She clenched her fist and stuffed it into her robe pockets as she dug her finger nails into the palm of her hand to distract her from the sharp pain shooting through her heart. That was it. Over. "Well, I guess we have nothing else left to say," she turned towards the castle and began walking away. The tears she had successfully prevented falling earlier in the evening now streaming down her face.

"I have something to say, Ginny," she paused at the sound of his voice but didn't dare turn around to look at him. "I love you. And I will be back for you..."

She bit her lip as she heard his words but couldn't prevent the sob escaping her lips as she began running towards the castle, trying to get away from him, away from the feelings that linked her to him forever and away from the knowledge that he wouldn't come back to her no matter how much he wanted to.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

She opened the envelope and held it up to her nose. She could still smell his scent - if she closed her eyes she could pretend that he was there with her. She reached in and pulled out the letter only for there to be a sound of something drop to the ground. She reached down and lifted an object up: a small pouch? She opened it up and pulled out the contents. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at the ring, gold with a diamond. She dropped the ring as though it had burned her fingers. No. No. No. No. No! She didn't want to feel anything! She didn't want to think about how close they had got to being happy - she didn't want his ring. Not when he wasn't here to give it to her...

She reached down and pulled the letter up. She unfolded it with trembling hands and took a deep breath as she read it.

'Dear Ginny,

I know, no doubt that you would rather not receive this. But, unfortunately I haven't been able to reach you anywhere. The reason for that, as you no doubt know is the fact that you were showing your annoying family trait of stubbornness and refused to talk to me when I tried to contact you at the Burrow. Anyway, that doesn't matter - why am I writing?

I'm writing because I had to let you know certain things just in case you were right, which I don't for a second believe you are. I couldn't, in the off chance that I'm wrong, risk you not knowing certain things. So, as much as I hate having to do that in a letter where whatever I say will no doubt sound nothing like how I would actually say it, needs must.

I wanted to let you know that watching you walk away from me was quite possible the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have never felt as much pain in my life before and I hope that I will get an opportunity to make it up to you. I also wanted to let you know that at no point in my future do I care to envisage us being apart again so I do not care if it takes us years - we will get through this. We have to get through this.

I love you. No matter what happens after today, if you take only one thought from our relationship I would hope that it would be that. I love you and I would do anything for you, I just hope that one day you will understand why I had to do this.

Yours,

Draco Malfoy

Ps. I hope you like the ring - it's the one I wanted to ask you to marry me with. If I get the chance to see you again, Ginny - please, marry me...'

She had done really well but as soon as she read the last line all her carefully crafted defences fell and she began to weep. It wasn't supposed to have happened like this...it was supposed to have been different. They were supposed to get the happy ending!

She crumpled the letter and fumbled around looking for the ring, blinded by tears. She picked it up and slid it onto her finger. So close - she had come so close to having it all and they had taken it away from her again. She vainly wiped her eyes as she looked at the ring and the letter - that was all that was left of them. That was the last thing that she would have of his ever...

"Yes, Draco...I will marry you..."

She looked at the ring and began to sob. Why couldn't things go back to how they were? Why couldn't they be as easy as they were when she was a child? Why did it have to be him...

~ fini ~