Breaking the Habit

It had always been his curse. With every person he met, it always happened. He'd always send them a hot glare before promptly marching off. He'd had no friends. Anywhere. The lone five year old, rolling the fire truck back and forth. The crouched figure daring anybody to come near him.

Memories consume
Like opening the wound.

The grown man before the fire held his head in his hands. Reliving every childhood memory. He had been the outcast among outcasts. Most of it had been his own doing.

I'm picking me apart again.

The flames crackled, bringing back even more memories. Christmastime, under the tree before the only warm fire. The other children trading and exchanging gifts. He, sat alone in the corner, with his one and only gift.

You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again.

The man sobbed in anguish. Always so alone. Then he had received that letter, oh that glorious letter. It was his savior. He got away from that accursed place. It was his haven. This was the only place he was accepted, like a human.

I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose.

His fierce eyes glared into the fire. If only he hadn't had to return during the summer. He would've been ecstatic. But he had to return to the gloomy place. Alone.

'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused.

It had confused him. He was the perfect student. He studied the books back to front, memorizing every spell, every enchantment. Why didn't they want him to stay? WHY?! The man threw a bottle into the fire.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream.

Those summers. Full of fights, bullying. To them he was the bookworm. Shove him down, and he'll stay down. The man chuckled at the memory. How wrong they were.

I don't know why instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way.

No, after a few of those summers, he regained confidence. He was popular at school. Why did he let them push him around? He struck back. And sent them running further than before.

I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Tonight.

After a few restless nights, full of the ladies and other kids, he gave up. Why keep pushing them away? After all, he only wanted acceptance to begin with. The other boys kept roughing him up, even after he had stopped. The man remembered those painful nights. Alone, with only his steel for company.

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door.

His fingers ran over the white scars. He felt the pain running through him, with every memory. Then he remembered the numbness. It always followed. He sighed. Yes, that was his escape.

I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I no options left again.

This had happened monthly. Then weekly. Then nightly. The man smiled. It had been his cure. It relieved him of his pain. The numbness always settled over him. He yearned for that numbness. Feeling those scars brought it back.

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean.

Yes, those nights always cleared his minds. He continued over the school year. It helped him through everything. All of the mindless dribble he had to put up with.

I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight.

The man smiled. The good memories finally came upon him. He had discovered it. The chamber, his chamber. It was his escape. It was better than the blade. It was bliss. Then came the discovery of his greatest weapon of all. Oh yes, he finally had the friend he had always desired.

I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one that falls
I'll never fight again.
And this is how it ends.

And cackle echoed throughout the house. A cold malicious evil laugh. Yes, he had warned them. But they didn't listen. No, he'd have his revenge, and he did indeed. First it was the Mudblood girl. That kill had felt so good. Better than the blade, it brought him the relief he so desired. He needed more. And he took it, along with his other followers. He never had to fight with them again. No, he killed them. He solved his problems once and for all.

A small knock was heard on the door. A deep voice answered, "Come in my dear. I've been waiting." He smiled and turned, facing his most loyal of followers. "Bellatrix, so good of you to come."

She smiled that smile of hers. The smile erased all of what he had been feeling before. "I live for you. Master."

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean.
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
Breaking the habit
Tonight.