Love Unwanted

Two weeks later was Christmas. I bought her a present against my better judgment. I was still denying any feelings I might have for her past physical attraction and an amiable attitude, and I didn't even show that in public. Not that it helped; rumors were flying already. All we had to was be missing from lunch at the same time and it was, in Pansy's words, "obvious we were off in bed together". We both denied it, and most of the Gryffindors believed Ginny. What would sweet, innocent Virginia be doing with the likes of me?

In all honesty I could have cared less what my classmates thought. I would have snogged her in front of everyone if she'd been willing. What other people think of my personal affairs never really bothered me. The only fear I had was that my father might find out. God only knew what he'd do.

To my father the Weasley's, any of them, were filth not to be associated with. He said they were blood traitors, beneath us. To think it was only last year I stopped believing his bigoted ideals. That however, isn't important.

What's important is I bought her a gift, because in all honesty that's where all this torment and misery began.

* * *

Ginny went home over the holidays. I wasn't sure when I should give her the gift, and after much debate I decided on the night before she left. She met me on top of the astronomy tower at 11, and for unknown reasons I developed a strange fascination with my feet.

"Hey." She smiled at me. It was amazing how comfortable she was around me, considering I always felt clumsy and awkward; an unwelcome feeling in any scenario.

She walked over to where I stood, and settled her self against the wall. I sunk down on the floor next to her, unsure of how to proceed. It seems strange that such a simple task as giving a Christmas gift was so totally foreign to me. It occurs to me know that all the gifts I've ever given were required; it had never been something I'd wanted to do.

"SO you're leaving tomorrow." I said, suddenly wishing I hadn't. It made me sound as though I needed her. A Malfoy doesn't need anyone or anything.

She laughed, and I felt a surge of anger. I liked her, but at times the differences between us were infuriating. I was used to people being what I wanted, and she wasn't someone I could mold. At the same time I hated her and loved her for it.

"Yeah, I'm leaving tomorrow." A long silence followed, and I could feel her demeanor chance. Then she asked, "How long have we been together?"

I counted back in my head. "About four months."

She gave a bitter smile. "Wow. Almost time for you to move on, I'd think."

"Move on to what? Have you seen the people here?"

"You don't want to break up? Go snog other people out in the open and try to make me jealous. I recall a time when you had to break up with someone at least every two weeks, just to keep things interesting."

"Well I'm not that person anymore."

"You can't just become a different person. People don't change overnight."

Anger again. I couldn't understand why she was doing this. Did she want to end it? I was perfectly content, I never wanted anything more than a snog and intelligent company. Was that not enough for her? This was the one thing that stood out in my head amongst all the confused thoughts. Was I not enough? And I didn't even know why I thought it.

"I'm not saying I've changed overnight. Nor am I saying I'm a totally different person, Weasley, but change can happen."

"Weasley? You show your change well."

"What do you want me to do? I'm not saying I woke up one morning and decided I should be a wonderful, nice person. I didn't suddenly get the urge to follow around Potter and his gang. But you spend a couple of weeks watching a bunch of Death Eaters torture muggles and rape their wives and children. Believe me it's enough to make anyone who isn't completely inhuman change their opinions."

More awkward silence, and then, "So you're not a Death Eater?"

"No," I said shortly, "And was that what this is all about?"

Ginny cupped her head in her hands. "It was Harry. He saw us together...in the library one night. He only saw us kissing, but a couple of nights ago when I came in late he asked where I was...and I told him I was in taking a bath. He didn't believe me. He was right, of course. But he got really mad. Started yelling about how you were using me and he went on about your family...it sort of got me thinking he was right."

"Well he was wrong." I stood up suddenly. Removing the small silver wrapped package from my pocket, I dropped in her lap.

"Merry Christmas," I said, then I walked out the door.