Love Unwanted

One month into what Ginny called a relationship (I always thought of it as an arrangement), she wanted more. At first it was just physical, a quick snog here and there, extensive snogging in the library whilst working on our project. And then...she wanted more.

***

Her lips against mine. Hot, wet. Her body underneath me, the swell of her breasts against my chest. I slid my hands up the back of her shirt, feeling her warm skin. I moved my hands to undo her bra, and she tensed. I pulled back, and she buried her head in her hands.

"This is totally fucked up," she mumbled.

"What?" I asked, slightly confused.

"This is totally fucked up. We've been doing this for like what, a month? We make-out, and work on our stupid project, but that's all we do. You don't talk to me, I don't talk to you, and I end up feeling totally awkward, and stupid, and..."

"You knew what you were getting into."

She snorted. "Yeah sure. I figured you'd have dropped me by now."

"Nah. I'd have to sleep with you first."

"Like that'll happen."

"Oh?" I looked at her.

"I know you think you're all that, being handsome, rich, good at quidditch, and one of the smartest people in your class, but no."

"You forgot Head Boy," I said, trying to lighten the conversation. The last thing I needed was for this to get, well...serious.

"Oh, however will you forgive me?" she said in a very sarcastic voice. And then, more quietly, "Look, I've already had sex with someone I didn't love, and I felt like shit afterwards. Not doing it again."

"You're not a virgin? My world is crumbling beneath me. You're supposed to be sweet and virginal, and innocent."

"Oh yeah, and I've given real testament to that here, when I've snogged you on all the tables in this library."

"You know, this is kind of a weird place to meet, a library."

"Yeah, especially when you have your own separate room."

"Yeah..."

***

"You're really not a virgin?" I asked a couple days later. It had been bothering me since she'd said it.

"Yes, I'm really not a virgin," she said, like I was stupid.

"Who'd you...you know."

I'll never forget the look she gave me. It was a look that said this-is-none-of-your-fucking-business-can't-you-just-leave-it-the-fuck-alone? It almost made me feel ashamed to have asked, except that a Malfoy is never ashamed.

"Harry, if you must know."

"You shagged Potter? Why on earth would you-"

"Because. We were going out last year, and he wanted to, and...it's complicated."

"Ah. So you slept with Potter even though you didn't want to, because it would make him happy." She nodded. "And it his happiness was more important than yours because...?"

"Because I was stupid and thought that was the best way to cheer him up. He was all...weird, because Sirius died and his life was shit and he said he loved me, and he was so miserable and he seemed so pathetic. And he was being an asshole all the time and thought it'd make him better." I stared at her for a moment, agog.

"That is the most screwed up logic I've ever heard. You're boyfriend is being a git and trying to get you to sleep with him, so you do because you think it will make him less of git? Where did you come up with that?"

"Look, just shut up. I'm not exactly proud of it." She snapped.

"Fine. I'm sorry I asked." I still didn't get it. The way she talked about Potter he must have really hurt her, and what bothered me, thought I didn't realize it then, was I couldn't see how anyone could do that.