My Point of View

My Point of View

Here I am now, unable to do anything other than to stare at the wall across from me. Another day has begun. Another day I start in Azkaban Prison.

Why do I wake up every morning? I do not know anymore. I don't even know what keeps me alive during this torture.

Prison. For three long months now it's been the same routine: wake up. Sit. Lay. Stare. Occasionally, eat. Sleep. Wake up.

I gave up screaming, pleading, threatening, thinking.

Azkaban is still a mighty prison. Not as horrible as it was back in Sirius's days surely, with only a dozen Dementors guarding it now, since the ministry lost control over most of them during the war; but it's terrible enough for me.

But of course I know what keeps me alive.

I've never forgotten you, the mere thought of you keeps me smiling-- inwardly. I don't think my body is capable of showing emotions anymore.

But today... it's different. I have this feeling in my stomach, my intuition tells me, something is different. Maybe, today... Maybe today they'll come for me. Not to grant me freedom, I know that much, but to execute me. Funny, that the thought of my own death doesn't scare me anymore.

Do you think I've finally accepted it? Oh, what I'd give to talk to you, to hear your opinions and witty remarks on every topic. But, alas, I am imprisoned, and you... where are you? I don't even know. But I think you are alive: it's what I hope, at least.

My mind begins to awaken and feelings I suppressed come up again. Memories. Am I able to let them pass again? This is my last chance, I know.

I wonder what my brothers are doing. Percy is dead, I know; I felt it. Maybe he was in prison too, maybe... I don't know. He was alive when they brought me here. Stupid "New Aurors"... Ron. Ron is dead too. He died during the war. Yes, I remember clearly now... so stubborn... he could've stayed... no. It's to early for that part. Many other things have happened before that. And so many others after it.

I wonder, if they kept my graduation papers? I was lucky to graduate at all - later this year, the war began.

Harry, Ron and Hermione, along with Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall and many others were prepared. The DA recruited many people in those days. I was seventeen when the war began and Voldemort vowed to kill Harry once and for all.

He attacked in three places at the same time: at the Dursleys, which involved many Muggles dying, in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. It was horrible.

I remember seeing my mother's shocked face, my father's earnest words and my five brother's grim looks. Where Percy was, I still don't know.

Harry took the attack at the Dursley's very personally, even if he never loved them. It showed Voldemort's knowledge and determination.

That was in summer. In fall, the Ministry gathered Aurors and some of the well known resistance movements: they planned our defence. In winter, Death Eaters raided

Hogwarts. Too many good wizards and witches died. Harry and Dumbledore's Army needed new Headquarters. By this time, even I was allowed to fight.

And mind you, I was prepared. I was ready to do my duty against Voldemort. Though I never consciously thought of him as Tom Riddle, I hated him with the passion of a wronged teenager and later, as an adult. He was the reason I learned more spells and studied more DADA, even back in my schooldays. I think everyone was a bit surprised that I, little Ginny Weasley, did so well on a battlefield.

If you could call it that. It was sheer horror, fighting for my life and for those of my friends. I never did perform the Killing Curse, though. That magic was too Dark for me, I never could bring myself to cross the line and kill somebody.

I was perfect at Binding Hexes, Petrifying, Memory Charms and there was always my Bat-Bogey Hex. My specialty. I actually smile now. It was you who also got to feel how good I was at that Hex... so long ago... It seems like a century.

Like some hilariously long time ago, when in reality, it was not even a decade. Oh wow.

Too many things happened during the war. It was always concentrated in England, even though all around the world, Death Eaters tried to weaken the Light Side.

And in England we fought in the North, the border to Scotland was almost non-existent by then. Our headquarters were in Hogsmeade. After Voldemort has attacked it, all of wizarding England seemed to come there to protect what was left. They did it well enough, we could build houses there and get organized once again.

Harry, Ron and Hermione along with Dumbledore were our leaders. I clearly remember Harry's discomfort with that new role of his. Ron and Hermione never saw themselves as leaders, but in certain situations they took advantage of their statuses.

What exactly they did, I don't know.

I remember telling you. You didn't believe me. In the beginning, you wanted to draw information from me, don't think I didn't notice that. Oh, how lonely I am, here. I almost forgot it. Mum, where are you? Do you believe, what they say about me? I long for my family, the safety and comfort of the Burrow....

I have no time to dwell in these past joys. I have to force myself to remember.

After my 19^th birthday, a large part of the Light Side moved to southern Scotland, where Dumbledore and some of the more powerful wizards had found an old castle and activated protective wards.

They were really powerful enough to shield us from the Dark Side. At this castle, the injured were nursed and countless people did research. For what? Oh, I don't really know, something against Voldemort, they hoped to find. Maybe something to circumvent the Prophecy, perhaps another weapon against the Death Eaters, giants, Dementors, Manticores, trolls....

Hermione was the leader of this library squad. Her helpers were young students and old people who were unable to fight. Everybody else was on the battlefield. I sometimes saw neither Ron nor Harry for months. Dumbledore was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The Order of the Phoenix and the DA were elite fighters. I remember, how many students joined DA after and during Harry's graduating year.

So many fellow students, so many friends dead... I still don't understand, why Justin Finch-Fletchley and Colin Creevey gained so much power within our lines. It must have happened during our darkest time, when Harry and Ron were missing and Hermione became gravely injured. My brother Bill, one of the commandants, forced me to go to Nameless Castle in Scotland. Yeah, we had to call it like that lest the other side would get any clues of where we were.

How I hated being in the hospital. I wanted to fight and Bill knew it, but part of his brotherly protectiveness must have made his decision for him. If I can't rescue all my friends, at least you'll be safe, he said. Oh, dear brother.

So I spent about three years absent of the battlefield, healing wounded fighters, taking care of captured people and of course I sat with Hermione. How it hurt to see one of my dearest friends laying in a dark bedchamber unable to move her entire left side, feverish and from time to time, passing out. Amongst us Hogwarts students, it was a bad sign that one of the Terrific Trio would be so... mortal. Vulnerable. Close to death.

I admit, at first I couldn't bear the sight of her, but I forced myself to look. I think she was glad to have me there. She still read books and helped a great deal with the other researchers. That's what kept her alive, I think. When Harry and Ron were reported missing, I thought she'd die. How close they'd grown to each other during the past nine years, I can only imagine.

Hermione told me a few little stories about their friendship, but never enough to let me understand them. My envy, to not be part of the Golden Trio had long vanished. I think, they truly loved each other and were perfect friends. And so Hermione decided to live.

So many things happened then. Colin got killed in a battle, Beauxbatons sent help, Justin established the "New Aurors", Snape found a new kind of Strengthening Potion and a captured Draco Malfoy came to Nameless Castle.

They announced that I was to take care of him. You.

I wonder if Mum still makes those cinnamon-fairy dust cookies. I'd like having one now.

Anyways. To think of you will be the last part I do, the best is always for the end.

As Harry and Ron eventually arrived at Nameless, everything had changed. They were welcomed with much joy and we actually had a little feast and celebrated. The Boy Who Lived still alive and Ron, my brother, his best friend, still at his side. I volunteered to show them Hermione. They stayed in her bedchamber for two days, additional beds were brought and Mediwizards took care of them alone.

Even now, a little shiver of joy passes my body when I think back to this week, where we dared to laugh again.

Harry took fully charge of the Light Side now. Justin presented his 'New Aurors' - a stupid military organisation. They were quite disciplined and drilled. I always have wondered how he could do that with people who had never been part of an army before. But desperate times called for desperate measures and in times of great changes or stress, humans are capable of enormous things.

Harry accepted them but let the Order and his very own Dumbledore's Army do the real fighting and tactical planning.

With Harry at our side, we actually won some battles and could weaken the Dark Side. Of course, I was in Nameless all that time, trying to heal the wounded. And yes, I talked a lot with you, Draco, you needed so much medical help in the beginning.

You told me that they captured you by insidious tactics.

I believe you. Anyone who ever saw you fighting, must have known you were dangerous to cross, a worthy opponent for even the most experienced of our soldiers. I remember seeing you, back when I was eighteen. I fought near you, but we never encountered each other. Which I am glad for now. Then, I think I wished to kill you. Did I really? Perhaps not.

I took care of you as well as I could. I never completely forgot our rivalries back at school, but we were both warriors now, not teenagers anymore.

Did you hate me, in the beginning, because your life was in my hands? At first, I made fun of you but gave it up quite soon.

As soon as you could sit by yourself and talk, all your wit and sarcasm fell upon me. Of course you wanted to get information from me and sometimes we yelled at each other, your pain came back and I was reminded of my duty.

I knew the Dungeons, you and our other prisoners were in, did your health no good. But those little cells were effective. No one escaped from them.

Just like me, now. Ye Gods, how I hate being here. But if I am right, they'll come today and it will be my last one.

I feel so incredibly tired. All that cost me my strength - my normal will to live is almost gone. Maybe it's just fitting that I'll die today.

You know, I really would like to know where you are. I miss you. But that hurts too much.

We talked a lot to each other, you had much time to think and I was the one who listened to you. Of course, I had other patients and my family, who lived at Nameless with me, but - well, I don't know anymore when I began to look forward to our meetings.

We actually became friends, equals. I started to tell you about Harry, Dumbledore, that idiot Justin and the news. You commented very pointedly on each topic and yes, I think you warned me of Justin. That bastard.

Then, Harry and Ron went out to face Voldemort for the last time. We all knew, this was final.

On the next day, no news from Harry and I came to you for comfort. My friend and brother were out there and it was terrible. It was the first time you reached out the bars and held my face in your fine hands.

It was wonderful. You wiped away my tears and tried to calm me. I loved you for that. Because for the first time since the war had started, I felt peace.

Never will I forget that feeling, and I hope I can hold on to it in the moment of my death.

Your injuries got better, you were a mere captured Death Eater now and actually I had no more reasons to come to the Dungeons... But I continued to. I used to sit next to you, our bodies leaned on the bars which separated us, holding each others hands. Do we know what we thought, then?

A Death Eater and an Order member.... it was strictly forbidden, but I had told you news and some secrets about our side and my heart longed for you, so I must have committed treason long before Justin accused me of it.

It was a week since Harry and Ron went to confront Voldemort, and suddenly Death Eaters were frightenly near our Castle, only a few miles away at a small village.

Many went out to help and so did I.

I don't know if confusion over my feelings for you let me seek the danger again, or if I just felt the urge to be out there once more.

In the end, it was more of a curse for me than anything else.

I saved Justin.

I saved his cursed life, may he rot forever. And in the same moment, Justin's brother, Mark Finch-Fletchley tripped, I turned around, a Death Eater came near us, I got stupefied, Mark screamed, Justin was too shocked to move...

It must've looked for him as if I did nothing at all to help Mark out of this situation-- he died hours later.

Justin branded me guilty of his brother's death, conveniently forgetting his own errors and panic.

No one quite believed it and therefore no-one saw it that nice and good Justin Finch-Fletchley, a Hufflepuff, became obsessed with war and leadership and went mad.

I don't know why, but he saw a threat in me.

Maybe he thought me solely responsible for his brother's death, or that I would try to claim or undermine his leadership position because of my connections - I really don't know.

He hated me for saving his life and knew that I noticed how much he'd changed.

Wasn't it you, who'd warned me? Wasn't it me who put this idea aside and didn't listen? You told me that one insane man with the right weapons at his disposal was more dangerous than a whole bunch of murderers.

Oh my, how I miss you, Draco. How I hate to be alone. I told you, didn't I, about Tom Riddle and how I despise being in dark rooms without company.

The Dungeons never seemed as dark to me as this cell.

And then, an enormous earthquake shook our Castle.

The protective wards secured us from magical attacks, but against this natural force, we were almost powerless.

I was with you, when it happened, along with Zach Smith, who guarded the entrance to the dungeon cells.

The cells around yours smashed down and created a hole in yours. Maybe Zach feared your escape more than any harm that could come to him, or maybe he wanted to protect me; he drew his wand and ran through the shaking room in our direction. All my healing skills couldn't help him, when the rock crashed down on his head. We were alone, for the first time since the beginning of it all and every exit or entrance to the surface was sealed.

I wasn't as afraid as I ought to have been.

I had you by my side and I helped you out of the cell.

We tried to shift some rocks, but it was impossible.

Zach's wand was broken and I had left mine at the doorman's desk, out of reach. Other than that, it was a beautiful time.

The Lightning Spells were still working, we collected the blankets that we found so we could make it a bit more comfortable for you to sit upon and I crawled into your lap.

We didn't know then, if we would ever escape from this other kind of prison.

But I was finally with you, able to hold you, to caress and kiss you. I don't exactly know what you felt, but you held me tight and that was all that mattered.

Whether you remember it or not, I know I still love you.

Even I don't know where you are and what you think.

If you think of me at all.

Oh, I wished you'd come and rescue me, deny your family and take me away from here.

I promised myself to stay strong and not to show weakness. But it's hard with your presence all around me. For you, I never had to wear a mask. But I believe you would like to see me go with dignity.

You used to say, I had that natural grace I move with. I remember laughing out when you told me that, earnest face, for no one had ever told me so before.

Oh, the many things you told and taught me.

I think I am shattered, deep within me. Broken. I've seen and felt too much, it's a miracle I am still sane. Or am I? Maybe I just made you up, here in this lonely prison...

No. No no no... It was you who kept me sane, don't... don't... I check my arm. Where you would have your Dark Mark, I have a little 'D' engraved with a silver knife I once brought you to do that. I am relieved. I am glad to know you are real.

But still... the war took too much from me. I kept my steady expression and remained calm, always, but deep, deep within me, I am just a frightened little girl who wants to run into her father's protective arms and her mother's forever comfortable lap.

What am I thinking. I am rambling again and I know it myself.

Here and now I promise you, I will remain strong.

The feeling I have now is reminiscent to what I felt when they rescued us from the dungeons: hesitation to go mixed with joy to be able to leave. Then, it was you I had to leave, now it's this world.

How long we stayed down there, I don't know, but I truly cherished the time. It was when we could both laugh freely, when we were able to touch each other, all the while fearing for our lives.

And you know what? I am still sorry I had to hit you with that rock. You insisted on doing it, to pretend you were unconscious most of the time we were together, still too weak from your original injuries to do me any harm.

They yelled down from somewhere that they'd get us out and free in a few hours, so we were ready.

Being a healer has other advantages besides just making people healthy again. You know where to hit, press or pull to hurt somebody severely without really killing them. So I knew where to hit you on your head, without getting you in danger, and of course head-injuries always bleed and are much more believable.

Sorry, though. A little smile wanders across my lips. Knowing what we were doing didn't keep you from swearing. Now I know for sure you did it to protect me.

My cunning little loveable Slytherin.

But bloody Justin saw through it or maybe he just made a wild guess. He spread rumors of me being a Death Eater now and giving away our secrets.

Thank goodness, he couldn't get any further, because two messages arrived shortly after my rescue. That Ron had died and Harry had been seen alive.

That evening, my parents, Bill, Fred, George and I sat round Hermione's bed and we all wept and mourned together.

Ron's death was a shock. I cannot describe it, cannot put it in more words.

I was truly shocked and many others with me.

It still hurts so deeply.

My closest brother, my role model, my best friend. Oh yes, it was a great loss. The Castle was very silent on this day, only the information of Harry being alive was a glimpse of hope.

Stubborn git, why did you have to follow him? Oh brother, you could still be alive... but no. Not really. I always knew, your place was beside him. His first true friend.

Maybe it was because of you, Ron, that Harry was able to defeat Voldemort.

We learned that, two days later, when another messenger finally came through to us.

Harry had killed Voldemort, the scourge of wizarding world for so long.

We had actually won. The Castle now cheered and burst of joy and laughter. It was me who climbed up the stairs to your new prison, my love, to tell you. The old tower held three captured Death Eaters then. I didn't care about the other two, I had to tell you.

It is over, Draco, we defeated your Lord.

You sighed, looked briefly out of the window, as if to see if I spoke the truth.

My father? you asked.

I don't know anything about him, I told you. Again, you sighed. I couldn't read your expression and was glad when you spoke once more: I am tired of the war. Ginny, you know I am tired of fighting and choosing between right and wrong. And now the wrong side has won. I should congratulate you, but instead I will warn you. It isn't over.

I asked you, what you meant by that.

My father. You still have one or two serious enemies. And the land has to recover, your people have to organize everything all over again. I am sorry for you, Red.

I clearly remember that day, that moment in the tower. How earnest your face and voice were; I believed you. Yes, I did.

We embraced each other, you kissed my hair, for I was shorter than you. I was fully ready to never let you go again at that moment. But Fate didn't ask for my opinion. We kissed goodbye and I thought my heart would break.

I completely learned to love you with all my heart, all my soul.

Oh, it aches again. My personal little torture here.

Why didn't you come. Why didn't you find me. Why didn't you come rescue me.

Somehow, I knew then, on the day Harry saved the world, that I was never to see you again, love.

Shortly after this message had reached us, another earthquake shook our Castle. And then the sky darkened, because dozens, hundreds of winged monster attacked Nameless Castle. We had to fight once again for our lives, even though some had thought - no, firmly believed - all was over since Voldemort's death.

But Lucius Malfoy wanted his son back and revenge for his master's death. They took the Castle in one attack.

We could rescue ourselves rather easily for we had so many emergency Portkeys. Granted, wizards needed to find themselves again, we were all across Europe. The Order and Dumbledore's Army met at Grimmauld's Place Nr. 12 together with the Ministry of Magic, which survived the war rather well.

There we learned that Lucius Malfoy had caused the two earthquakes and seemed to know too well where to find our Headquarters.

Justin, who had somehow managed to make the maintenance of Law and Order his job, again spread rumors about my intentions and being a slave to Draco Malfoy. I didn't listen. Many others did.

Harry wasn't back yet, the wizarding population began to get nervous. I too was eager to see Harry again. Hermione had stayed alive, she too wanted nothing more than have her best friend back.

I don't know why we let Justin, a mere 25-year-old, take charge of almost everything. Maybe the old ones were too tired and relieved to care.

One day, it must have been two weeks after we fled from Nameless, New Aurors stood guard in the ministry and veterans like Moody or Remus Lupin were no longer allowed to go into the building.

Justin was looking for a scapegoat he could blame.

With Dumbledore gone somewhere and Harry still missing, the surprised wizarding world obeyed. How stupid people can be.

Remus was accused of being a Dark creature and then, they came to me.

I wasn't even at the Burrow again, hadn't seen it in about six years, my beloved home-- I was at Grimmauld Place and the New Aurors took me under arrest.

Then I remember nothing much.

I know they put spells on me that worked like drugs.

Justin and two of his henchmen questioned me and must've learned about my relationship to Draco.

For the public, I now was a whore, a secret Death Eater. They used my engraved 'D' as clear sign for it, isn't that horrid, love? And I was a traitor. They thought I had betrayed them, told Draco everything and that he in turn told his father, whom he secretly communicated with. Not many questioned this accusation.

My parents fought in vain for my safety. Justin hated me, I knew it, he was mad, we both knew that and that's why I had to go. Why he had to get rid of me.

I was put into Azkaban the day Harry arrived at Grimmauld Place. I remember, that was sometime in fall. I was too confused to hope or feel fear in the first place, I thought it ridiculous, that they would call me a traitor.

But the world had changed and I was never important enough to really fight for.

If only I could comfort my mother. Our family had to suffer too much. My dad visited me once, here. No-one else could come because of toadface-Justin's stupid rule. But he couldn't really deny the former Minister of Magic to inspect the prison.

That must've been shortly after I came here. My dad's hair was white, no more red in it. That was a true shock for me and hurt me so deeply, that I forgot that I was a prisoner and tried to comfort my father. Three boys already dead and now they wanted to kill me, his little daughter, as well.

My poor beloved father.

He told me that mum was no better, thin and worried out of her mind. Dad told me that they fought for me and all I could do was nod as tears streamed down my face. Maybe that kept me alive as well, the chance of revenge for my family or maybe I just wanted to see them again.

I hope Justin will pay. My sweet mind and innocence are long gone, so all I really wish for is his death. What have I become.

War made me like that.

But if you are alive, I have almost no doubt that you'll let Justin pay for my death. You owe me that. Oh... -

- I hear steps. They are coming.

They are here.

Where am I? It's so dark... what happened?

They must've put me under a sort of spell, I don't remember walking out of my cell.

I hear voices like a murmur of the ocean. They must be far away but many.

I notice that I got blindfolded. Do they not grant me a little bit of dignity? I take it off.

I am sitting on a normal chair in a chamber. It is still Azkaban, I think.

Here is Justin. He is coming to me. I hope my face mirrors the disgust I feel.

Scared, Weasley?
You wish, Finch-Fletchley.

I believe you know what a Dementor's Kiss is, huh?, he asks.

I control myself not to swallow hard or start sweating. Justin comes nearer and whispers in my ear.

At first, little Weasley, you'll lose your soul but you'll be still here... and then the Killing Curse will take whatever is left in your body.

I shudder. Justins hot breath is unpleasant near my neck. Only you, love, were allowed to do that.

How I wish you'd live and take revenge for me. I close my eyes. I've heard this is a traitor's death. So long, long ago, in another life it seems, where Ginny Weasley was nothing more than a common Hogwarts student and no one knew about her... but it's not true. I never was common. My first year at school was legendary, maybe even more than Harry's.

I face Justin again. How ugly he is.

And do you have the guts, Hufflepuff, to kill somebody innocent?, I ask him.
For a moment, he looks scared and takes a step back. Another person enters the room, where is the door, ah, behind me.

Are we ready, then. I think so.

...Your hand on my cheek, your lips on mine, your eyes telling me you love me, your hand in my hair, your cheek on my cheek, your hand in mine, your hand on my cheek, your lips on mine, your eyes.... I really feel calmer now. You are in all of my thoughts.

We are going through a long hallway and there's another door. The voices are loud now.

As I step into the Court Room, people scream my name, curse me, bless me, take pictures of me...

My eyes search the crowd: Mum. Dad. Bill. Fred. George. Hermione in a wheelchair; Harry. Well, Saviour, what could you do for me? They all look truly sad and there is guilt in Harry's face. No dear, you couldn't rescue me. I forgive you.

But where in all that is what I am truly looking for?

Where is a flash of platinum-blond hair?

I see none.

You are not here, then.

I close my eyes. See you, feel you again.

I am too numb to listen to this old man's proclaim. I don't even hear the crowd. I am the center of the storm and that is always still.

Maybe I am too shocked that you are not here, maybe I am dying right now, maybe I'm dreaming and will wake up soon....

Silence.

All eyes on me. Should I speak now? What words would be appropriate to tell them I am innocent, to tell those I love how much I do so, to tell them I am frightened?

I am not a traitor, I whisper.

The Dementor is next to me, I feel the chill, see Ron's dead face, Charlie's, yours... are you? Are you dead? No, gods, please, don't... you need to live, I need you to be alive... don't be dead, beloved...

I stare right into the crowd as the Dementor bows over my head, his robes shadowing my body, blocking my view.

....Your hand on my cheek, your lips on mine, your eyes telling me you love me, your hand in my hair, your cheek on my cheek...

~*~ End ~*~