Rejection

He should have known better.

He broke my heart. He ripped open my chest, took it out, broke it in two, and thrust it back into me. I'll never forgive him for that.

He was all I'd ever wanted to be. Even as a teenager, he knew things I could never imagine. He was ruggedly handsome, in just the way I wished to be. He was clever, the exact opposite of me. He was sporting and athletic after all that Quidditch, yet all I could do was dream, and even that had me worn out. He was fun, but I was a bore, some little tag along, not even wanted.

I grew up with him. The most important days of my life were spent with him, watching him practice Quidditch, talking with him and our friends in the Common Room, sharing jokes, food and Christmas presents. We were inseparable, the four of us.

He fell for her at about the same time I fell for him.

Lily Evans, the girl who ruined all of our lives.

It was around about fourth year, and I was fifteen, going on sixteen. Maturing into an adult, you might say, although I didn't seem to be. I was the same chubby goofy boy I had always been. It was James and the others who were maturing into young adults. They had grown loads, their facial features grew sharper, their voices lowered. James became more and more attractive every day.

One day I realised I had feelings for him. At first I was shocked, then scared, then I got used to feeling for him this way. It made sense, I suppose. I had always admired him and wanted to be him. Now I just wanted to be with him.

I kept the feelings hidden. I wasn't going to tell him how I felt. I feared the worst. This was James Potter, the boy known around school for his tendencies to make fun of Slytherins, so if he found out his own friend had a crush on him....God only knows what would become of me. I certainly would never be able to see him again.

He told me that he liked Lily. He told us all. Sirius laughed, telling him exactly what he thought of Lily. Remus sat quiet as always. I tensed up, although I tried my hardest to make conversation. I felt like my heart had been wrenched out of me. I had never felt like that, and I hoped that I never would have to again.

Remus dated Lily. The days they went out were some of the best of my life. I saw James every day, cheered him up when Remus told us that he was going to see Lily, and James knew, as did I, that he had no chance with Lily. At least not for the moment. Our days were filled with sunshine as we wandered about the grounds, occasionally making fun of random Slytherins as James loved to do, especially of Severus Snape, talking, joking, as friends do.

It had to end, didn't it? And soon Remus was back with us, depressed and moping, and Lily was back on James' mind. My hopes of James' heart were crashed. He chased her, and she found herself giving in to him. The Yule Ball came. I had a date, just. We didn't speak much. She went to dance with Remus' date, who didn't seem to be talking to Remus, either. Lily and James danced together. The slow songs were the hardest to watch, for both me and Remus. I think he had tears in his eyes. I know I certainly did.

Days came and went, and James and Lily were unapproachable, the Golden Couple. Remus got over Lily, yet I was fixated on James all the while. They got engaged, the Golden Couple. I was heartbroken. I cried as much as a boy could cry.

The stag night came. I was invited, of course, and I nervously dressed in my best suit. There was only me, James, Sirius and Remus. Remus and Sirius must have eaten something dodgy, because they both kept on having to go to the bathroom, leaving me with the space to talk to James.

I told him everything. Every longing, every truth. I lay my feelings bare, I was offering myself up to him, and he rejected me. Rejected my heart, and I no longer had a reason. He stole my reason. He was my reason. And he was gone.

Everywhere I go, I cannot escape the Golden Couple. I cannot move on. Cannot forgive. Cannot allow myself to feel anything but hatred.

He should have known better.

And now he'll pay for what he did.