A Sorta Fairytale

I remember everything.

Like when we first met. I didn't even know a Ron Weasley or a Harry Potter existed (well, okay, of course I knew one existed... and knowing you, you'd correct me there... but honestly, Draco, you know what I'm trying to get at). You were the first sight I laid my eyes upon. I had just gone through Platform Nine and Three Quarters and my suitcase was a fright. It had popped open and all my books (don't laugh... I know you're trying to suppress your smile, yes... I had books, only books, in my suitcase) had fallen out. You had been standing nearby, your perfectly gleaming suitcase clutched in your gloved hand. You stood there, and you stood tall... trying to mask your first day of school nervousness and pulling it off quite nicely with your observantly critical stares. I remember you shot a curious stare in my direction and began to bend down unknowingly to help me pick up my stuff.

I remember my heart beating, my hands clammy and a secretively giddy smile getting ready to pop onto my face. I had thought you were so good looking (honestly, Draco... wipe that smirk off your face... right now!). I was, after all, an unknowing school girl. You almost did touch one of my books, but just before you were about to grab one to assist my clumsiness, your father had slammed down a firm hand onto your shoulder. I remember watching as your eyes followed his arm and met his gaze, and then the two of you glanced toward my parents... who were busily, fascinated, looking through a map of Hogwarts. Their eyes curious and their expressions excited. You quickly got up and shot a disgusted stare in my direction. And all I could do was continue kneeling down, cursing myself for being so klutzy and underneath it all... wonder why you had turned away.

Why you let me out before you even let me in.

Of course by the time we arrived at Hogwarts, I had figured it all out. Yes, I did - I can be cocky too, Malfoy... I knew all too well and it only took me a matter of minutes to figure out who you were. And I instantly grew this intense attraction to you. And I'm sorry to say, it wasn't of hatred... of course being only a First Year, it wasn't love either... it was just simply... intrigue. I was fascinated by you. I had never in all my life laid eyes upon someone as rude, judgmental, and sure of himself had I in you. I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I hated myself for it. But of course I found better things, Ron and Harry of course. I latched onto them, hoping that we would form a good friendship and that it would keep my mind off of you. You at the ruddy time had already picked on Ron and his tattered robes one too many times and reminded Harry that his status wasn't well deserved. You were so... mean. I knew the right thing to do would be to stick by Ron and Harry. At one point at that time, I was content enough and thought we would be good friends. Until I heard Ron complaining about my prude behavior and my book smart annoyance. I was so hurt, I still remember the warm stream of tears that stung harshly on my face as I awkwardly stumbled away from Ron, Dean Thomas, and Harry. You bumped into me seconds later and commented on my sad facial expression, "Awww... Granger, do you miss your dumb muggle parents already? Can't stand to be away from them?"

I blame you. You upset me so much, I blindly ran into the nearest girl's bathroom... not knowing that it was time for dinner or that a giant troll would stumble into it. Ron and Harry saved me. They saved me before you could even muster up the courage to be nice to me. You were a coward, and they were brave. I'm sorry, but it was true. And from that day forth, the three of us were inseparable. I was so content with our friendship... it was rare that we all got along so well, and I had even begun to develop a crush on Ron. (Yes, do shut up... you really need to stop teasing me about that.)

I also remember later on, after we had dealt with the Professors, Ron, Harry and I were walking back to the Gryffindor common room and we passed by you. By then, naturally, the whole school had heard what happened. And all I remember from then was that you stared at me... and I had always wondered. Were you glad? Were you sorry? It was of the latter. You told me later, that you'd never meant to really physically hurt me. Gee, that's good to know... six years later. You couldn't say sorry then, your family name and your philosophy on life was too embedded in you for you to realize what you were feeling. So you let it slide, and tried to forget that you had hurt me.

And you only continued. The random insults on the hair, my awkward teeth at the time, the test scores, and of course my parents. It really didn't bother me as much. It became more of a game, I would glow with satisfaction when I walked away from one of our verbal disagreements, because you always found some new way to out smart me and then I would shoot back and leave you stunned. Of course sometimes this would be reversed. Draco, you're so smart... you don't even realize how sexy that was. How much appeal you had going for you. How snog-worthy you were, even though we were so young. (Well, never mind... you probably just assumed you were the best damn thing ever without knowing why) How immature I felt to be happy to see you in the halls. How my heart skipped whenever your cloak fluttered gently past me as you breezed away after your daily insult. And that one time you did so, slipping a tiny flower into my pocket. I walked into Herbology and learned about it - one of the tiniest flowers in the world... but with incredible healing petals. I had the most ridiculous smile on my face when Professor Sprouts told us what it was called: The Hermionelle.

I passed by you again later that day and simply smiled at you. You only glared back. But I still read the message in your eyes. And I promised you that day... I would be careful. I could keep a secret.

Our secret.

The first time you made me cry was when we were second years. Remember? In front of both the Slytherin and Griffyndor Quidditch team, you called me a mudblood. You spat it out viciously. Don't think I didn't know, Malfoy. I knew you were angry. I had insisted that you tell me all you knew about the Chamber of Secrets and to even ask your father. And I knew that was asking for so much, and it was stupid of me to think that you would do it. You only grew disgusted with me and claimed that I was a waste of your time. We kind of stopped talking that school year. But Madam Pomfrey did slyly let it slip to me that while I was petrified and in the hospital wing, I had a late night visitor... one who came when it was quiet and the school was sleeping. You stayed for only a minute or two, you stared down at me and kissed my forehead gently, whispering that you knew I could survive this. Then you quickly, with a flutter of that cloak of yours, left. I do vaguely recall hearing your dim footsteps on the marble doors as you quietly trotted away.

I was so scared, Draco. I didn't want to fall in love with a Slytherin. I didn't want to fall in love with someone who despised my parent's roots. I didn't want to fall in love with someone whose father wanted my best friend dead.

I didn't want to fall in love with you.

So I pushed you away. And it worked out perfectly because you had saw the same thing coming. You didn't want to fall in love with a Gryffindor. You didn't want to fall in love with a muggle born, a filthy little mudblood.' You didn't want to fall in love with someone who was best friends with a poor, low income wizard, and the Boy Who Lived and stood for everything you were against.

You didn't want to fall in love with me.

It was perfect. So perfect. We were both intellectual enough to fight this. I'm usually not one to brag, because I remember your past two Potions exams have been two points higher than mine, but I did think that I could overcome you and of course knowing you... you knew you would overcome me.

Merlin, who would have ever dreamed us to be so weak? Me... and you. We played it up so well on the exterior, too. I'm terribly sorry for slapping you across the face when you insulted Hagrid. I missed class after that because of you, because I was so upset about hurting you and at the same time glad that I had done it. Maybe it was a sign that I really did despise you. And maybe finally, you would realized that maybe you despised me, too. You only proved me wrong when you had your owl send me a copy of the study guide Snape had written out for the Slytherin house (he conveniently 'forgot' to distribute it earlier that day in class). Oh, there were so many other times I had despised you for making me break.

So many times I shouldn't have cared, but couldn't it fight it off.

I remember that one time, I think we were Fifth Years, when Ron was sniggering about you being a ferret, and I had let it slip that I was glad you were okay. I recovered from this of course, covering it up with some sarcasm of my own and Ron and Harry let it slide. Blimey. But I was shaken up. I was so weak. I craved to be with you. I desperately wanted to be with you. I needed to be with you. And little did I know, you needed to be with me, too. That night we met and I cried in your arms. I asked when we could really be together, and you kissed my hair and whispered "Soon."

I went to sleep sound that night.

I didn't want to put this in here but do you remember the night you 'broke up' with me? (Though we were never really 'together'). You told me all this pressure of being a prefect and trying to pass all your exams with the highest scores and trying to fight off your feelings for me were too much. I was at a loss for words, not because I was against you... but because I knew exactly how you felt. So you went back to the Malfoy that everyone else knew - cold and untouched. And you ended your self declaration with a cold goodbye, muttering under your breath that it would have never worked out anyway.

Oh, bloody hell, Malfoy... when did it ever work out to begin with?

I was miserable. I spent the next few weeks barely passing my exams and scaring the life out of Ron and Harry who had thought I was upset over Krum leaving Hogwarts. (Remember Krum? Heh. My rebound) I even almost got the lowest score in Potions, and I remember distinctly you studied me from across the room as tears welled up in my eyes. You watched as Ron (who fancied me greatly at the time) took my hand and comforted me. Then you approached me after class and muttered to wait until dark. You helped me with Potions all night, Draco. It was strictly platonic, of course... but that didn't hurt at all. Neither did your snide little comments. I think, at that point, I was numb to everything, including you even. And I didn't understand it, why you were such a pompous ass to me that night even when we were alone, but so insistent at the same time that I stayed and learned it.

I got a perfect score on my next Potions exam. I remember I was just bursting with hope and happiness, and the sight of you drove me wild so I did the worst and openly hugged you in the halls. You pushed me away violently, shouting at me... asking me if I had gone blind and if my 'mudblood' parents were really that stupid. Then you told me never to touch you again, and you told me that you wished I were dead. And yes, everyone in the halls heard and laughed it up. Well, the Slytherins did. The Gryffindors tried to glare you to death. But nevertheless, everyone saw. That was your conquest, wasn't it? And you had won. I saw such passion of fury in your eyes at the fact that I had destroyed your image, and I read it all in that gaze that you had bored upon me - you really did want me to go away. I was still numb to all of this, of course. And by then I didn't even cry. I went back to my room and tore up my perfect Potions exam, and I stared outside my window for the rest of the night...

Until you had flown up to my window much later (3 am) With Parvati and Lavender sleeping and dreaming about, inevitably, Poor Lockhart who was still quite delirious in St. Mungo's. And you grabbed me and hoisted me onto your broom. We didn't fly anywhere far, I don't even remember where you took me. Only that you wordlessly came to me and I wordlessly followed you. I was ice cold by then, and surely expecting you to tell me you were going to transfer schools or something of the sort. Anything to get away from me.

You held me in your arms. You held me close. And for the first time, I didn't want you to apologize, because all of your 'sorry' was in that one short breath of a moment when you held me. You pressed me up softly against you as you looked up at the deep velvet night sky and sighed. I, too, sighed, and realized I could feel again. I laid my head against your shoulder and relished the moment, and you took my hand, kissed it, and looked at me.

"Can I keep you?" you had asked. I nodded. Knowing this moment was bound to crumble and desperate to pick up any pieces so that I could live in them.

Hogwarts was really a time to remember. Some of the best times of my lives. All my work has paid off, you'll be glad to know (because I know you well enough, Malfoy. I know you really do care about me). And Ron and I are expecting our second child this May. A girl, we're both hoping for.

I hope all is well with you. And I hope you're treating your wife right. We never really did get to talk after graduation. I only remember three years later I had bumped into you in Diagon Alley (shopping for a present for Harry's birthday) and I dropped all my books. You bent down and, that time, picked them up for me. I hugged them close to me after I watched you walk away. Your soft silhouette softly melting into the background, and I told myself it never would have worked out.

I know, I know... that never stopped either of us before. Especially not you.

I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt. Because it did. And I'm not going to lie and say it didn't mean anything, because it meant everything. But I'm also very happy with Ron, my career, and my life. And I wish you all the best... in life, in love, in everything.

And lastly, I'm sorry. Who would have guessed that I would be the weak one, the one to push away in the end? I'm sorry, so sorry. Thank you for everything, for loving me. For opening my eyes to things I never knew possible. And simply for trying. And I only hope that you'll understand one day.

Draco, I miss you more than you can know.

I'll never stop loving you.

Signed,
Hermione Granger Weasley.