The One Week a Month of Lily Evans

She felt weepily moody. Unreasonably so. Unless, of course, you counted the fact that her period was due any day now and quite a lot of her thought had been devoted to the mystery behind James' and Sirius' frequent disappearances nowadays. Together. Coquettishly she began a message to be owled to Narcissa for an earlier meeting than the original 9.30, which was an eternal three and a half hours away, then realized that she'd have to walk to the Owlery to do that, and in that case she might as well just go and find Narcissa herself. She opened her mouth to let off a shriek then thought the better of it. There wasn't even anyone there. Being a seventh-year prefect with your own room just isn't all it's cut out to be., she thought crossly, then set off in search of Narcissa.

"WAAUUGHHH!!" No part of Narcissa's lithe body in the split secong it rose up, could be seen to be in any contact with either the chair or table or anything even remotely connected to the ground.

"CHRIST, woman, if you'd really wanted to scare the bejesus out of me couldn't you have found a more pleasant way of doing it like letting a couple dozen manticores in here or something like everybody else?!" she snarled even as Lily stormed across the room and sank her teeth in the curve of Narcissa's neck. "Oh S*** oh Owhhh-unghhhh..." Narcissa's initial cry of surprised pain soon changed its tune as a thought ruefully flitted past her mind. The only thing I hate more than Menstruating Lily is PMS Lily, sighing in melodramatic resignation as she made up her mind. Ah well, her period's on its way...and as she said *gasp* so often, time-wasting IS *Oohh..* a cardinal sin, after all. So well, who am I to disagree? And she grinned evilly as she manhandled Lily down onto the bed.

Two bouts of lovemaking later...

"...and James is ALWAYS out with Sirius, and he SHOULDN'T, I mean, he knows my period is coming, and I'm gonna tell everyone they're gay pretty soon if he keeps this up I mean, just imagine, I actually had to carry books back up the other day and and" and here she had to stop cause she'd run out of breath. Narcissa immediately stopped playing roll-my-eyeballs and grabbed the chance to point out the obvious to Lily.

Lily's green eyes were wide as Narcissa exasperatedly finished, "...and THAT is why they turn up every morning stinking of butterbeer and grease while Filch screeches about motor oil on the walls! So there! And dearest, now that you know what you know can you please stop chewing my nipple? Lily abruptly clamped down, unwilling to relinquish the one piece of comfort she'd had all day, but after an all-too-brief pause she started wailing like her heart was fit to break. Narcissa bridled a frustrated bellow of her own before asking through gritted teeth what the matter was.

"I...I...it's just that...it's so unf-fair...I n-never even knew!" and bursting into a fresh round of sobs before howling

"I want a motorbike to go out and have sex on toooo!!!" Narcissa turned around and burrowed her head under the pillow and tried to recall the emergency number for St. Mungo's.