Dear Sirius...

Dear Sirius,

Remus told me to do this--to write a letter to you. He said that it helps with the grief...I can't see how it would help me, because you'll never read this. What's the point in me writing a letter to someone who will never read it, and will never return to my world? Remus's been worrying about me for some time, though, so I think I'll do it just to keep him from fussing over me.

Speaking of fussing, Hermione's been fussing over me all summer. She and Mrs. Weasley both are doing it, you know how they get. I'm actually at the Weasleys' right now: they rescued me from the Dursleys just after your funeral. Don't get me wrong, Sirius. I really appreciate Hermione and Mrs. Weasley's concern, but sometimes I just wish that they'd leave me alone. To remember you alone, by myself. I'm sure you know the feeling, from my dad's death, that sometimes, you just want to mourn by yourself.

I really wasn't able to cry until I arrived at the Burrow, and I guess that I was past tears before that. The Dursleys were considering sending me to a mental asylum because I wouldn't eat or sleep for days on end. And when I did sleep, I'd have constant nightmares. Nightmares of you falling through the--get a grip, Harry--through the veil, of your damn cousin Bellatrix laughing at you, and of Voldemort. I suppose I should tell you what happened after you fell. If you were here, you'd be scolding me probably for how stupid I was. I went after Bellatrix, and I tried to kill her, I actually tried to murder her. But then Voldemort and Dumbledore stepped in and started dueling. It looked as if Dumbledore'd won, but then Voldemort...I'm not sure how he did it, but he took over my body. And he told Dumbledore to kill both him and me.

Sometimes I wish Dumbledore had done it, that he had used Avada Kedavra on both of us right then and there. Like the first time I sobbed my heart out, at the funeral service we had for you. I wished that I could be with you, wherever you are right now. I wished that he'd just ended it right then and there. We were all outside, in a small graveyard near Godric's Hollow, and it was pouring rain. Even through the rain, I could tell that everyone was crying. Everyone. Even Dumbledore was shedding tears, and his voice was choked up when he gave the eulogy. He'd asked me if I wanted to, but I couldn't talk about you, or even think about you, without tears forming. Well, actually, almost everyone was crying, with the obvious exception of Snape. I know, I couldn't believe that he was there either, but after the service, he walked up to me. And instead of sneering or making some slimy remark, he just said, "Sorry, Potter," before turning and walking away.

When we got back to the Burrow, all of us were soaking wet, more so because we'd all been crying our hearts out. Me, Ron, Hermione, and Remus must've just cried ourselves dry until all we were bringing up were dry sobs. Speaking of Remus, we're all on first-name terms now, and I've been spending a lot of time with him. He's the only person whom I've really talked to about you. He knew you best, he was your best friend from school, and of all of us, he knew how I felt better than anyone.

It seemed as though the world was grieving with us in the next two weeks. We had pouring rain for nearly a week. Mrs. Weasley said that it was typical summer weather, and good for her plants, but to me, it was as if tears and blood were falling from the sky. Our tears, and your blood. The rain even tasted bitter, like ashes in my mouth. After that, pewter grey clouds that hung so low you felt as if they were going to crush you. Like the terrible burden of grief that all of us were carrying.

And then on my birthday, for the first time in two weeks of gloom and rain, there was a sunrise. The most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen, and a cloudless sky. I actually smiled that morning. Was it you who sent that to me? As a reminder that you care for all of us? That night, Remus and I went outside with my telescope. And, for some odd reason, the star Sirius was burning more brightly than I've ever seen it.

I miss you, Sirius, and I feel like when you died, part of me died with you. But I'm ok. I don't blame myself, or Dumbledore, or anyone other than Bellatrix Lestrange for your death. We'll always miss you, but all of us are starting to move on and live life. Just as you would've wanted us to.

Always your godson,

-Harry