The Master Plan

Chapter 34: Meddling, Matchmaking Headmaster

Severus trailed behind Albus, feeling strangely...lost, and...alone without Harry, who had been sent to inform each house that classes were canceled for the day, and that a teacher would be arriving shortly to explain the situation. After that, the boy was to go to bed, and hopefully get some much-needed rest. Severus hoped his housemates wouldn't hound him too much. Imagining the relentlessness of Gryffindors in general, Snape felt sorry for the boy.

Of course, he SHOULD be feeling sorry for himself--never mind that thrice-damned irresistible delicacy of a youth--who would NOT, after all, even have to explain himself, since undoubtedly it would be considered a given that Snape was wholly responsible for the situation. And he WAS, he supposed; after all, the poor boy could hardly have known what he was doing.

"After being involved with Blaise Zabini for nearly a month?" the Headmaster sounded incredulous, and Severus was horrified to realize he'd been muttering fragments of his thoughts aloud. "I think he had a fairly good idea of what he was doing. Really, Severus, I'm beginning to wonder which one of you is the innocent in this relationship." He didn't sound the least bit upset, but Severus's mind had already latched on to another upsetting possibility.

"Headmaster," he said in a quiet voice, nervous that even in these empty halls someone might overhear, "you cannot possibly hold Potter responsible for this. This was NOT his fault, I assure you. I was the one who. I was. The one." He stopped and swallowed several times. How much had the man witnessed? 'Oh, come now, Severus. This is Albus Dumbledore you're thinking of. He saw things even you did not notice. Of course, you had your eyes closed and your hands, mouth, and mind all otherwise occupied, but still.' "I was the one who instigated the kiss. It happened. Without his permission. Completely involuntary on his part. I grabbed him and did not allow him to protest, and threw him up against the wall and. And." He stopped short, aware that his face was burning from painful embarrassment.

They were next to the gargoyle now, and Dumbledore had paused and turned to him, face appearing far more interested than he had any right to be. By the Gods, he looked almost as though he found the situation entertaining. "And kissed him, am I correct?"

"Yes," Severus grated, shoulders hunched. To Dumbledore, he looked more like his schoolboy counterpart than he possibly could have appreciated, and the Headmaster carefully kept the smile from his face. Severus took a deep breath. "Yes, that's right. I kissed him. I instigated it. I kissed him." His jaw was set, hands clenched.

"Finally," Albus rejoined. "I thought poor Harry was going to simply perish from unalleviated desire," he added, turning and stepping onto the spiral staircase. He had to reach back and yank the Potions Master up after him, after it became apparent that the man would not be capable of performing any action, besides standing and gaping, without some assistance. He sighed, after watching the man stare at him for so long it was becoming uncomfortable. They'd reached the office, but Severus had made no move to step off. Finally, Dumbledore pointed to the floor. "Severus, your shoes are untied."

Snape, reacting with the same instinct all of us have whenever anyone gestures to our feet and mentions shoes, insects, or dropping something, glanced down, breaking the moment. His head jerked up once more at the Headmaster's snort of laughter, and he scowled. "Very amusing. With that decidedly mature sense of humor, perhaps YOU ought to be the one screwing a student," Severus spat spitefully.

Never one to easily have a rise gotten out of him, Dumbledore merely gave him an ironic smile. "I'm not the one with the infatuation for one," he replied calmly. "And I know as well as you do that the relationship hasn't progressed quite that far, so you ought to stop attempting to provoke me. I also know, regardless of anything that happens now, or in the future, that you are not some depraved, ruthless old pedophile. Really, Severus, before Harry Potter, had you ever considered taking any of your students to bed?"

Severus was silent a long moment. "No," he admitted, then laughed harshly. "Only Potter. As always, he gets the privilege of being 'the chosen one,'" the man said bitterly.

Dumbledore managed to refrain from rolling his eyes, a habit he was unaccustomed to, but which Severus, it seemed, could prompt from a saint. "I'm nearly certain he views it with somewhat less self-pity than you'd think," he assured the man. "And," he continued, "I hardly think of Harry as some sort of bed-hopping Lolita out for a bit of fun. I certainly would not allow him to use you in that manner." He gave the man a helpful smile, dropping into the chair behind his desk.

Severus, aggravated, had to sort his thoughts several times over before gasping, "I should hardly imagine so!" Reflecting on this, he blushed and added, "I meant that Harry is no...promiscuous adolescent, who would sleep with just anyone at the drop of a hat. And how dare you even consider it." The words lacked the heat he'd tried to instill in them.

"I did NOT consider it," Albus replied. "I am merely mentioning that I could see that was not the case. No, Harry is no Lolita. If he were, I'm sure you would have reacted quite differently to his attention. By knocking him halfway across the room with your forehand, for preference." He did not quite meet Severus's eyes, and allowed the man to go from pale with shock, to pink with mortification, and finally to a nearly normal color as he realized no wrath of the Headmaster was forthcoming, all without being under scrutiny. Dumbledore fumbled in his desk drawer for a moment, pulling a number of objects out, unwrapping one, and popping it in his mouth.

"Oh, Merlin," Severus said with disgust. "And now I suppose you will offer ME one of your little sugar-coated treats? You do realize that, as a potential miracle offering, a bit of candy cannot, in fact, solve everything?"

The Headmaster made a face at him. "On the contrary, this is a throat lozenge. All night yelling back at forth in the village, and I discovered I rather needed one." Severus had the good grace to look chagrinned. "Although I must say; I've found candy to be an ideal mediator. What men, of good will and sound mind, cannot find common ground in a chocolate covered toffee?"

Severus shook his head, putting an exasperated hand across his eyes. "If we could return to the subject at hand..." He sank down into the chair across from the Headmaster.

"One would think you a masochist, Severus. I know you are not enjoying the topic," the old man's eyes twinkled at the back of the Potions Master's hand.

"I find it somewhat less excruciating than listening to you lecture on how to make peace through the abundant distribution of various cloying confections," Snape responded defensively. Albus smiled knowingly, and Severus resisted the urge to add a new bend to that old and twisted nose.

'Poor Severus. Always trying to atone for something.' Clearing his throat, Albus gave him a piercing look. "Neither you nor Mister Potter is going to be punished or lectured...well, perhaps lectured, just a BIT...for this, erm, indiscretion. You are not in trouble. Harry is not in trouble. Is that much understood?" When Severus nodded slowly, eyes wide with little to no comprehension, Dumbledore continued. "Frankly, I think this relationship is going to have enough obstacles without one overworked and distracted Headmaster poking his nose into it." Once again, Severus displayed his remarkable ability to gape like a fool. "You should show that to Mister Potter," Dumbledore remarked politely. "The gaping, that is. You must have learned it somewhere and, really, I think you'd do him proud."

At this, Severus managed to snap his jaw shut and muster up a glare. "I do not see how you can be so--so blasé about all this," he hissed. "You cannot possibly--approve?--of this...relationship! Surely it has not escaped your attention that I am many, many years older than Mister Potter, which means probably far more experienced--Blaise Zabini notwithstanding--and in addition a Death Eater, a spy, and one of Voldemort's prime targets, once he knows my true intentions?"

"Precisely!" Dumbledore exclaimed, looking pleased.

"What?"

"Oh," the Headmaster deflated just a little. "I thought maybe you were catching on," he said in a slightly disappointed tone. Severus just stared. "My dear boy, you just named some very good reasons for your being involved with Mister Potter." He sighed when the look on Severus's face approached; 'The man has LOST his MIND.' "Where shall I begin explaining...Let's see. No. No--I think we ought to begin with what happened tonight." At this, the happy glimmer in his eyes dimmed, and he leaned back in his chair, no longer looking as though he were looking forward to divulging some great, elaborate plan.

"Hogsmead was attacked tonight," he said in a sad voice.

"I am aware of this." A sudden thought occurred to Severus. "Has anyone contacted Lupin? Because we were unaware of Harry's whereabouts, and he thought--"

"All taken care of. He'll be joining us for dinner this evening, as well as the meeting afterwards. You know, it's nice that the two of you have found something to...bond over," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

Severus was taken aback. "Oh yes, BOND over, I don't think! If he finds out I've had my hands on his quasi ward, he--he'll BITE me. And never feel one bit of remorse for it, either." Gods, this was INSANITY.

"Oh, I rather doubt that," Albus responded abstractedly. "He always was the least violent of all of you. I simply don't see him doing such a thing, even out of duty to James--or to Harry. No, thank your lucky stars it won't be James or Sirius you'll have to deal with, and instead our mild mannered werewolf. He WILL be somewhat distressed at first, I've no doubt, but he'll come around. If you have difficulty with him, I can always have you in for a mutual discussion and some toffee." This earned him another glare, this one approaching the seething, frustrated looks he was familiar with from the man.

"Last night," Severus prompted, electing to steer the conversation in a less futile direction.

"Last night," Dumbledore sighed. "Last night Lucius Malfoy attacked Hogsmead, apparently in an attempt to reach and destroy Harry Potter."

"I see," the Potions Master responded, mind reeling. "I was not forewarned of this." Which meant one of two things; either Lucius was acting on his own--an extremely unlikely possibility, considering how little he was likely to gain from it--or the Dark Lord had been made aware that Severus was a spy. His brow furrowed as he contemplated this. Why would he send Lucius to attack Hogwarts if he knew Severus was a spy? Why not just pretend he knew nothing, and call the Potions Master out, luring him to a place where he would not be able to summon aid?

"No, I don't know that anyone was forewarned of this, exactly. Lucius acted on his own--or was meant to think he was acting on his own. No, not Imperius. Voldemort was more subtle than that this time. He simply informed Lucius that Harry had killed his son, and then let Lucius's mind come to its own conclusions--as well as plans for vengeance."

"Draco?" Severus queried. "But Draco is in Vermont. On a long holiday..." But Draco was nearing the age at which he'd be expected to take the Dark Mark. Skiing in Vermont did seem a little unlikely, now that he stopped to think it over. Damn. "Not in Vermont, then, I take it," he said slowly.

"Not in Vermont," Dumbledore agreed grimly. "Apparently, he'd just been given the Mark. Early, I agree, but Voldemort...was most anxious to gain control of someone so close to Harry. As a test of his loyalty, he was given a task...a task at which he failed. Perhaps Voldemort would eventually have gotten over that. Unfortunately, he did not simply fail. He chose to fail. And discovered that not only could he not hide his failure, but that he could not hide his choice. I do not imagine Lucius was present when Voldemort killed him."

"No. Not if he was convinced to come after Harry," Severus replied in a hollow voice.

"All Voldemort had to do was make some semi-reasonable accusation against Harry, and then sit back to see what Lucius would do. If Lucius got through, then at the very least there would be deaths and strife and, quite possibly, the elimination of Voldemort's most feared enemy and, if Lucius did not get through, then there would likely be the extermination of a lieutenant who was, after all, showing signs that he would shortly become unmanageable. Voldemort could not lose."

Severus took a deep breath, feeling his heart accelerate. "That is...more planning than I would have credited him, at this point," he admitted shakily. "Was Lucius killed?"

Albus gave him a tight smile. "Not quite. There were numerous curses aimed his way, but I believe he escaped relatively unscathed. Abandoning some of his followers to us, of course, which just shows how much he's modeled himself after his master."

"And they supplied you with this information," Snape guessed. He pondered how Lucius was able to escape, thus leaving both of the Dark Lord's goals unaccomplished. How very, very sly of you, old man. But I have doubts about the advisability of letting Lucius remain free, at such a time.

Dumbledore inclined his head. "After being left alone with the Weasley twins and some of their more intimidating-looking toys for a short time."

Snape scowled. "What were those children even doing there?" he griped.

"Now, now, Severus. I feel I must point out that you had, just a short time ago, your tongue down the throat of a boy of an even younger age." He had to bite back a smile as the Potions Master flushed again. Severus needed to learn to loosen up a little. One had to have a sense of humor about these things. "And after tonight, there aren't many who would deny them the right to call themselves men. They were visiting Zonko's, of course; indulging in a little trading. We were very lucky they were there when the chaos erupted; they managed to catch one of the Death Eaters, all on their own. That, and they put out most of the fires. Well, they do know all about that sort of thing, don't they?"

"There were fires?"

"Indeed. Once it became apparent that Harry was not going to be captured or killed, Lucius evidently decided to turn his efforts toward the more mundane devastation presented by the option of arson. I believe we would have lost most of the town, if not for the efforts of the Weasleys."

Severus sighed. "This is not good. None of this is good. Albus...I'm going to have to leave the grounds, and report to my 'master.'"

"Yes. Of course. If you are not gone for the rest of the day, I should appreciate it if you would take Harry aside and apprise him of events, as well."

Severus looked pained. "Headmaster, I truly do not believe that is a very good--"

"Oh, bollocks," replied the Headmaster easily. "It would do you good. That boy is just what the doctor ordered, to use a Muggle adage. He is the perfect thing to bolster your spirits after your dealings with the Devil. You'll both feel better for it." He cocked his head, examining the Potions Master shrewdly. "Stop fighting so hard, would you? Try to remember, Severus; we are each and every one of us exactly where we ought to be. Once you accept that, I can promise you that everything becomes much, much easier." At the exasperated look on Severus's face, Albus shook his head and smiled. "Don't worry, dear boy. I shall just have to explain."

Dumbledore was smiling that habitual, mysterious smile, and Severus began tapping his foot in annoyance, causing Albus to give him a chiding look. Severus sighed deeply, but kept his foot still. "Look, is this going to take a great deal longer?" Abruptly, he sat straight up, his spine rigid.

"Severus?" the Headmaster queried, his face becoming grave.

"I...I suddenly have a pain in my left forearm," the Potions Master responded in a tense voice, "and it's likely to get worse before it gets better."

Albus nodded in understanding. "Go, then. We can continue this later, but recall that I will be on hand if I am needed." He watched the dark man sweep out of the office, and allowed him to get partway down the stairs before calling after him, "And don't forget to speak with Harry afterwards!"