The Master Plan

Chapter 28: Twisted Minds Leave Them Twisting in the Wind

Harry followed Remus into the common room, feeling strange. Blaise Zabini had been. Well, had kind of been. It sure SEEMED like he had been...FLIRTING with Harry. Harry didn't know what to make of it. He was simultaneously intrigued and terrified. He was a Slytherin, like Malfoy. But also like Severus. And he'd been nicer to Harry than either ONE of THEM had been. If Severus REALLY didn't want him...but no. The way Harry's heart lurched painfully told him it didn't matter; he couldn't stop loving Severus, even if Severus could never be remotely fond of him. Thinking of the man shut off his enthusiasm, and made him miserable and unsure again. He really had thought the man might...have had some, slight interest in him. He just couldn't understand the kiss, otherwise. The hands across his hair, those could have been purely imaginary, but the kiss! It was the most real, incredible thing Harry had ever experienced. The man had to have felt SOMETHING.

Remus asked to speak with Harry privately in the dorm room, so Harry complied, puzzled. Why had Remus brought Snape with him, and then sent him away? What had he whispered to Snape? Why had Snape left, without so much as a snide comment to Lupin in return? He watched Remus as the man settled himself unsurely across from him.

Lupin seemed to stare at him with those bright, yellow eyes for a long time, before suddenly putting forth a question. "Harry, do you know where babies come from?"

Harry was, for a moment, simply shocked. Then he collapsed to the floor, laughing himself sick. He heard Lupin gave a tired sigh, but it was still some time before he could get himself under control. "Oh, my God," he gasped, wiping away tears, "that's the funniest thing you have EVER SAID. I just. Can't believe it. Do I know where. Do I know. Where," he choked out between chuckles.

"Harry..." Remus admonished, sounding worried. "This is really quite serious. Please try to be mature about this."

Harry nodded. He took several breaths before speaking. "Lupin...you don't have to teach me about sex. Um. I mean, not the basics or anything. I know." He swallowed, becoming embarrassed. "I mean; I know pretty much where everything is supposed to go and all. And...some of the places they CAN go." He looked away, blushing furiously.

"Yes, well, knowing and having experienced it are two entirely different things, and besides that; whatever knowledge you have is only as good as the place you get it."

Harry shot him a look. "Ron does HAVE five older brothers, you know."

"Yes, I suppose that is a good start. Still, I don't want you having any...misinformation. There are consequences to sexual exploration, even in the wizarding world." Remus looked anxiously at Harry, trying to will the boy to sober up.

"Are you worried I'll end up barefoot and pregnant?" Harry responded with a snort. "No, no, I know. It's just that...wow. This is really WEIRD, that's all. I mean, I never thought I'd hear you bring something like this up. But then, this whole day has been kind of surreal."

"I realize that. It's part of the reason I'm doing this. It's only that...Mr. Zabini is..." Harry flushed even more brightly than before. Remus was giving him a lecture about sex because of Blaise Zabini? Did he really think Harry could...well, given the opportunity, perhaps. More to the point, did that mean he really thought BLAISE would...? Wow. "Things have changed a lot since I was your age. When I first told my friends I was gay, it was...a different time and place. Mind you, my friends didn't seem to take it quite as well as yours did."

"Was my dad angry?" Harry wondered. This was something he'd been thinking about a lot.

"Not really. He was more...pleased to have less competition in the wooing of women, I suppose you might say. He rather thought Lily had a bit of a thing for me in the earlier years. She may have done, I really don't know. But in any case, he already had to outdo Sirius, who was considered by many to be THE catch of the school. So your father was really quite pleased about it, which would have been fine, if he hadn't been quite so vocal as well." He gave a small smile to Harry's questioning look. "Ah. As I recall, it was. Let's see, at supper in the Great Hall, just after Charms, I was having mashed potatoes with my meal...Your father sits up when your mother enters the room, and yells, 'Oy! Evans! DID YOU KNOW THAT REMUS LUPIN IS A GREAT BOY-BUGGERING ARSE BANDIT?' I know I was having mashed potatoes because I went to smack my head against the table, and ended up with a face full of them. Yes, taken all around, that WAS a good evening."

Harry was aghast. "What did people say? What did Sirius say?"

"Well, James managed to convince most people that it was just a prank, so no great harm was done, but I did endure a lot of teasing. I wasn't ready to come out, at that age. I didn't actually begin acknowledging it in public at all, until after graduation. And as for Sirius...well. He wasn't actually speaking to me at the time, so he wasn't present during the event. He didn't. He didn't have as easy of a time accepting it, that's all. And it was only a couple of weeks after this, after he'd finally started to come round, that he caught me kissing Severus Snape..."

Harry's jaw dropped, and his eyes bulged, and it might all have seemed comical to someone, but not to Harry, because he felt too much astonishment and envy to consider his own reaction, and not to Lupin, who was somewhat self-involved and, after all, reliving a very painful and embarrassing moment.

"Er. It just sort of...happened. We were study partners in Potions, and we got along well--somewhat well, I suppose, this IS Severus Snape we're discussing--and we would once in a while hang about together in the library, and...I don't know. It just sort of happened. I don't think either one of us actually MEANT anything by it. It was over with very quickly, and we both sort of jumped back, really awkward and surprised...and then. A book fell off the table, and we both jumped again, and he said he had to go, and I said I had to go, and he left, and, well. I started to leave, and ran smack into a very pissed-off Sirius Black. Who was absolutely convinced that Snape was...molesting me. Stalking me. Sirius Black who, in retribution, tricked Snape into going to the Shrieking Shack." Remus sighed. "Sirius had SAID he was all right with me, but I don't think he could handle actually SEEING what I was first hand."

"Sirius tricked Snape into doing that because--because he saw you--you. You kissed him and he kissed you back?" Harry gaped in disbelief. But they HATED one another. They all had. Hadn't they?

"Oh, Harry," Remus said, misinterpreting Harry's vexation. "Sirius would NOT have disapproved of you. He loved you very much. And what he did to Severus, he did as an upset, impulsive teenager. After he matured a little, he truly no longer had any difficulty accepting me or my lifestyle. He would still be proud of you, Harry."

Harry blinked a little, brows lowered. "That's...good," he said slowly, thinking about other things. When Lupin first arrived this morning, he went straight to Snape. He didn't even speak to Harry first. They'd come upstairs together. Lupin had put his hand on Snape's arm, and Snape hadn't even flinched. Had hardly noticed. And then Lupin had whispered in his ear, and Snape went away, as quiet as a lamb. Harry was beginning to feel very angry.

"So what else did you need to tell me?" he grated straightforwardly. They'd come to tell him about their...relationship? So he would, what, feel understood? Like he had someone to talk to when he needed it? How could Snape agree to do that, when not long ago, he was kissing Harry in a coat closet? 'Maybe that's why he was scowling...because Lupin forced him to do it, and he was worried I'd tell...' Harry bit his lip hard, brooding.

Lupin, thinking Harry was finally taking the subject with as much somberness as it deserved, barely noticed. He began detailing the obstacles and rewards two wizards face when beginning a relationship.

Harry hardly heard a word, though he nodded and tried to look at Lupin from time to time. 'So THAT'S why he didn't want me,' Harry thought sadly. 'He was in love with someone else the whole time...How could he do that to me, though? He said he could tell I had feelings for him. How could he string me along that way, knowing all the while he was...what, banging my erstwhile Godfather? Jesus.' Harry felt ill, and turned his face away, knowing that Lupin would only think he was discomfited by the topic of the lecture. 'If you're really like that, then you're not really the person I fell in love with. You're just a stranger, and the person I love is a myth. And then you walk away like you don't even give a damn! Well, all right for you, then Severus Snape! If you really are such a complete prick, if you really did just USE me that way, then fine! Maybe I WON'T care about you anymore! Maybe I'll just see if Blaise is capable of showing some genuine interest!'

Severus woke just before one in the morning to someone pounding thunderously on the door to his chambers. Still somewhat inebriated, half-awake, and very peeved, he went to answer it. He glared blearily at the werewolf, who was looking at him with concern.

"I've been waiting for almost ten minutes!" Lupin informed him. "Why weren't you answering?"

"Sleep," he answered shortly, and stumbled back inside his chambers, leading Lupin into the Study. "What happened?"

"Well," Remus began, sounding pleased, "I really think I got through to him! He was taking me very seriously by the end. And I told him he absolutely had to listen to you in my absence. He didn't like it; he scowled at me, but I was firm! I think it had the right affect."

"Hmph," Severus responded, and then gave a great yawn.

"God, Severus, I can smell the alcohol on your breath from...well. Yawning that way, I, personally, could probably have smelled you from across the castle. Why did you imbibe quite so much?" he queried as tactfully as possible.

Severus shrugged. He didn't want to talk about it. Then he realized the man was still staring at him expectantly. He wasn't going to leave it be. 'Because I'm so sexually repressed I thought I might explode? Yes, that WOULD go over well. Because it helped me pass out. Which was not a great improvement, as I was having labyrinthine dreams; scrambled, unsettling, kaleidoscopic visions of students in their first explorations of coupling...of Mister Potter and myself, in flagrante dilecto, or perhaps seducto; what's the difference...of me ripping Zabini's heart out and holding it up, still beating, before his face...' "Don't quite know," he responded. "I was having difficulty falling asleep." 'I was too anxious about whether Harry would plague my life forever, dooming me to miss what I can never touch again. What self-pitying bullshit you're concocting tonight, Severus.'

"Are you worried about meeting with Voldemort?" Lupin asked with quiet heed.

'Almighty God, I'd actually completely forgotten.' "Yes, I suppose it does weigh on my mind. What the hell took you so long, by the way? I'll have to be leaving soon! No doubt Mister Malfoy has directed an owl to his father; if the Dark Lord is contacted by Lucius, he'll be quite angry with me for not having reported it first."

"So lie," Lupin shrugged a little. "That's in the job description, isn't it? Tell him Dumbledore cornered you and wanted to know how Malfoy got the information."

'Brilliant. So he could ask me the same question. "You misapprehend the mechanics of dealing with the Dark Lord. I cannot lie. I may merely...be selective about what truths he gleans from me. Which takes far more skill, believe me." Severus shuddered a little at the thought.

"You ought to be going," Lupin noted with some trepidation. Severus merely nodded in acknowledgement, and stood to walk the man to the door. "Harry's got a Quidditch match tomorrow," Lupin told him. "He's quite looking forward to it. I hope you'll be there to keep an eye on him."

"As the match is against my own house, and as I volunteered to referee for that very reason, I am well aware of Mister Potter's upcoming athletic competition," Snape replied as snidely as he could drudge up the energy to say.

Remus smiled wearily in return. "God speed, Severus," he told the man, and left to seek his own chambers for the night.

Harry woke bright and early the next day, which felt like a miracle, considering that just over twenty four hours ago, he was convinced he wouldn't live this long. He jumped out of bed and ran to the showers, heart pumping strongly. Slytherin match today. Mustn't lose. Hadn't had his mind in the last few games, actually lost one. This time he'd show them. He'd show Snape. That cold-hearted bastard. He ground his teeth at the thought of the man, while rinsing the soap off. Quite different than most of his previous procedures, when Snape was in mind and he was in the shower. Yes, he was turning over a new leaf. No more begging-for-it, kick-me-while-I'm-down Harry Potter. Starting today, he was Harry Potter in-control-of-things. Indifferent-and-blasé Harry Potter. Yeah.

When he and his teammates departed the locker rooms and headed toward the field, Harry became aware of three things in quick succession. Number one; Blaise was lounging about in the shadows just inside the exit. Number two; Snape was hovering at the edges of his vision, haunting the area just outside the exit. He looked closer. Severus seemed unusually pale and drawn, and for a long moment, Harry's resolve wavered. He felt a pang of tenderness once more; what had happened, and how could he help? He was just considering calling out to the man, when Harry became aware of number three; his shoe was untied.

As they passed, Blaise detached himself from the shade, his slim silhouette separating into a living darkness. Harry's blood rushed through his veins. Harry glanced at his shoe, and Ron paused, looking back at him.

"Want me to wait for you, Harry?"

"Nah, that's all right. I'll catch up in a minute," Harry replied, kneeling to tie the lace. When he straightened up, Blaise was right before him, hands behind his back, smiling gently. Harry almost gasped. Didn't the boy have any conception of personal space? "Hey, Blaise," he said in what he hoped was an engaging, casual voice. "What are you doing here?" From the corner of his eye, he noticed Severus move in closer. Ha. Lupin hadn't mentioned why Snape had come along last night, but Harry was pretty certain that was only because he realized how much Harry disliked the man. Which was getting to be a pretty accurate description.

"Oh, you know. It's your big game and all. Against Draco. After what happened yesterday, I thought you might be feeling a little nervous, so I decided to come and wish you luck." He blushed prettily, and Harry was blown away. Wow! Someone had blushed over HIM, for once! "And I thought if I did it out there, I might end up as kind of a pariah. You know; since I'm a Slytherin and everything."

"Oh!" Harry said with a bit of a gasp. "Gosh. That's awfully nice of you."

'Awfully conniving of you, is more like,' Severus fumed internally. He hated the tramp more every time he saw him. The devilishly good little actor. And the blush was inspired! They were walking toward him now, but were so absorbed in each other, they were unlikely to notice. 'Harry will walk right past me, already having forgotten my existence,' he reflected desolately. But then they came to a halt, still some feet away.

"I shouldn't accompany you any further," Blaise told him regretfully. "But I'll come out to watch after you've left," he offered.

"All right, then," Harry grinned. "Whose side will you be cheering on?"

Blaise returned the smile easily. "I won't cheer at all. Not a peep." Harry raised a hand in farewell and turned to leave, but Blaise caught hold of his arm. "Wait. I can't cheer for you, but I CAN give you something, like, for luck," he proposed.

"Yeah?" Harry raised his eyebrows. Blaise HAD kept his hands behind his back most of the time. Harry could hear the cheering start; the other players had arrived on the field. He wondered what Blaise could possibly want to give him. He was speechless when the Slytherin took him by the collar of his Quidditch uniform and pulled him down into a very advanced kiss.

Severus wanted to steam, scream, and satisfy some extremely relentless bloodlust. The little minx just yanked Harry over and stuck his tongue down the boy's throat! 'Can't he even see how blatantly wanton--how, how, promiscuous, and sordid, unprincipled, just--raunchy--can't he see how contemptibly CHEAP that little floozy is?' Severus bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood, trying to breathe evenly, all the while thundering and clamoring and weeping and bleeding within.

When Blaise eventually drew back, he did so very languorously, pulling Harry's lower lip with him as far as he could. Harry was absolutely stunned. He couldn't remember ever having ANYTHING like THAT happen to him before. He slowly brought one hand to his face, touching a fingertip to his lip marvelingly. So that was what that felt like. Different from Snape; but not at all bad. His eyes slowly began to focus again, and he saw Blaise before him, looking a touch pleased with himself. He obviously expected something. "Wow," Harry said honestly. "That was. That was just. Wow."

"You are now LATE for the GAME, Mister Potter. Which means it is being DELAYED because of YOU. Fifty points from Gryffindor for WASTING MY TIME," he heard Severus's palpably ferocious voice behind him, and for some reason, it made him smile.

Severus watched as the huge, silly grin spread across Harry's face, and he lost all ability to be angry. It had simply drained away, leaving a huge, aching pit behind. 'That kind of happiness only comes from one thing.'

Harry, still grinning stupidly, took a step backwards, and ended up on his butt. He looked surprised for a moment, before looking at his feet and seeing his shoe was untied again. He looked up at Blaise, who was smiling broadly. Harry returned the grin again and gave a helpless shrug. He tied the shoe once more, and got to his feet. He turned to leave, and thought he heard Blaise mutter something, and he felt his shoe untie again. He bent to do it up, and glanced over his shoulder at the boy, who had his wand still pointed at Harry's feet. So THAT was what he had behind his back. Harry would've expected him to look repentant at being caught, but when Harry stood and gave him a pointed look, Blaise merely winked suggestively, before moving fluidly off to find a vacant seat in the stands. Harry laughed, shaking his head, and went to join the rest of the team. Win or lose, who cared? He was already flying.

Severus watched it all in defeated silence. Voldemort thought he knew how to hurt people. Hah. This was worse than any pain the Dark Lord could have caused him. It had been many, many years, and by power of pride and will he had been certain he would never do it again, but, as he watched Harry walk blithely away to the future, Severus Snape recalled what it was to cry.