The Master Plan

Chapter Six: How Much Bonding Can One Pack Into a Night, Anyway?

Remus beamed at Harry over his cup of tea. "You know, I used to think you were just like him, in so many ways. But now I've realized that you're like him as well, and even, perhaps, in small ways like me as well."

Harry blinked a little, trying to sort this out. "Erm. I am, am I? Like him. And him. And you?"

Remus nodded, lips curling upward and nodding encouragingly. "Like all of us," he said brightly. "You always reminded me of Sirius, actually, as much as James. Well, yes...looks. But what are looks, really? I always thought of you as something out of the same mold as Sirius; you've always been so dramatic, and earnest, and protective of your friends. And you've always seemed to have this desperate, desperate desire to exceed what you are. Sirius was like that, too. Always over the top, always having to rush headlong into anything if someone'd only dared him to. You have that urge to prove yourself. Like blowing up the potions lab. That was a thing Sirius would have done." At this, Harry sat a little straighter and grinned. So he'd been right! But then he leaned forward, eager to hear more of Lupin's reminiscences. He so rarely offered any, and Harry was eager for every little detail. He watched as the werewolf's face softened in recollection. "James was never that insecure. Except around Lily." He shook his head a little, frowning, as though he'd only just realized Harry might take this as an insult. "But you are like James, too. Mostly in looks, but in other ways. The way you tend to do the right thing, even when it takes a great deal of bravery. I certainly never had that trait. And that strength, that strength that I think Sirius and Peter and I all took for granted back in school; something we hadn't even noticed until it wasn't ours to depend on anymore. And sometimes, and I hope you don't misunderstand what I'm saying; you have that shyness and ability to see things from the underdog's point of view that Peter had. You just use it more constructively." He stopped, sipping his tea, and staring into space.

"I'm not as smart as you are, though," Harry interjected, wondering how Lupin felt they were alike. "And I don't stay calm and think things through the way you do. And I don't always know just the right thing to say, when someone's upset about something, and I don't have that tremendous self-control that you do. And I'm not able to be polite to people who are being rude to me or my friends. And I'm not mature and responsible, either," he pointed out.

Lupin had a small smile through all this, and raised a brow slightly at the last assertion. "You don't think so? What you said tonight required a great deal of maturity, and I rather think you put some thought and effort into it as well. I also think I could point out any number of situations that you dealt with calmly, despite the pressure you were under at the time. Don't sell yourself short, Harry. And as for not knowing just the right thing to say when someone is upset, I'd have to point out once again that you did admirably this evening. And I hardly think that's a skill I have in spades; I didn't say one single thing since the Department of Mysteries that's done you any good at all. I was at a complete loss, and I felt it. And since I couldn't think of anything comforting to say to you, I too often fell back on not saying anything at all; hoping my mere presence would somehow be enough. I'm afraid I handled the whole thing rather badly."

"That's not true at all," Harry protested hoarsely. "You said and did everything right. And when you didn't say anything; that was probably the most comforting thing of all. Like you knew you couldn't just say a few magic words and make it better, but you could hang out with me and spend the time he couldn't have spent. I needed the kind of comfort you can't get from words, and you were just the thing. Besides, you really are good at saying the right thing, the tactful thing. Remember Neville in third year? That was great! And when I was having problems with the Dementors, and I was too ashamed even to be able to explain it; you took one look at me and you just knew. And then you firmly quashed my insecurities, and very skillfully and delicately made me feel better about it all. And you manage to give professional courtesy to Snape. I mean, if that doesn't mean you're a born diplomat, I don't know what would."

Lupin chuckled a little at this. "I've seen you be tactful, as well. People pin a lot of their hopes on you; not just to be a hero but also to be everything a hero should be. They expect you to be kind, brave, intelligent, and also charismatic and sensitive and yet still somehow very masculine. They want you to be good, to always do the right thing, but they expect you to be daring and dashing as well. And then they want modesty, but they crowd around hoping for you to be flashy. They want their ideal; they want you to be all sorts of things, and in a way, to serve them; to serve their needs. And yet they crave leadership and expect you to know what you're doing. It's all so contradictory. It's a lot to ask of a boy your age, and yet I've always seen you make the effort to be courteous to them. Like Colin and Ginny, and even when the crowd turns on you, you rarely snap or snarl at them, although you often look as though you would like to. And I have heard, through reliable sources, that you're quite patient when giving instruction."

Harry slowly smiled at that. "Yeah, I have been told I'm a pretty good teacher. And in Defense, too. 'Cause I know it's all about practical experience coupled with encouragement, and knowing how to adjust your lessons to the people you're trying to teach. I guess I can see where I picked that up." He gave Lupin a sly glance over his teacup, and was amused to see the pink-cheeked werewolf looked a little sheepish, but pleased.

"Well," he cleared his throat, "I'm glad I can say I've not been a completely useless old crank," he said, eyes sparkling. He sighed and leaned back in his seat, and they were both contentedly at ease for a few moments. "Harry?" Lupin finally queried.

"Mmm?"

"Is this why you came to visit me tonight? To...to apologize, and perhaps talk about things like Sirius, and that sort of thing?" His amber eyes were piercing, and there was just a hint of doubt in his voice.

"Well...no, not completely," Harry admitted. "I kind of had something that I wanted to talk with you about. Something kind of crazy, I guess." He looked up to see Remus giving him a complacent smile, shrewd eyes dancing. "Hey...you knew, didn't you!?" Harry exclaimed. "I would have thought all this...mawkish emotional bonding would be kind of enough."

"It was cathartic, actually," Remus told him, and then gave him an enigmatic smile. "I did know it wasn't just to apologize, and that it was something important," he replied.

Harry mumbled, "It's not really a big deal. I wouldn't call it all that important, or anything. Actually, I would have to say it's not at all important." He gave a breezy wave of his hand, but didn't look Remus in the eye.

"Ah. Really? It's not all that important, but just important enough to leave you sleepless, get you out of bed at two in the morning, and have you giving your former Defense professor the most eloquent apology you could conceive, in the hope that he might be able to give you some insight or instruction into the not-at-all important matter...hmm?" Remus had a gleam in his eyes, and for a moment Harry could see the wolf in him, not a werewolf, exactly, just a regular wolf, which after all are much more intelligent than dogs, in a wild, natural sort of way. Just for a moment, Harry had an impression of those amber eyes, flashing out at him, lupine smile on his face, and just the suggestion of the tip of a silver tail wagging somewhere in the background. Harry shook his head a bit, and the vision was gone.

"Something wrong, Harry?" Remus asked him.

"Hmm? Oh, no. Nothing. And...I guess I only thought it was important. I shouldn't have woken you up with it, though."

"Do you still want to talk about it?"

"Well...kind of." He looked anxiously at Remus, wondering if he should just let the poor man get back to sleep. Remus gave an encouraging nod, though, so Harry felt he might as well get at least some of it off his chest. "Erm. Remus, what would you do if you, kind of like...wanted to be friends with someone, someone your friends probably wouldn't like? Someone who maybe doesn't like you, or maybe they do? And you can't tell the difference, because you don't really know them, but you're not sure if you should even try to get to know them, because your friends might be upset, and not want you to be friends with them?" He wondered how complicated this sounded to Remus, and whether he could express it more simply without giving the wrong impression. Or the right impression, which would be even worse.

"Hmm..." Remus replied, looking thoughtful. "That sounds rather how I felt about Severus Snape, when we were back at school." He took a sip of his tea, closing his eyes and missing the look on Harry's face, which rather gave the impression that he was choking on his own tongue. He tried to get some composure before Remus looked up. "I didn't really dislike him, you see, the way Sirius and James did. And he was very smart, and could be quite amusing, in a poisoned-tongue sort of way. He wasn't absolutely horrible to me, either, at least not until after the incident with the Shrieking Shack. In the earlier years, I would have rather liked to call him a friend, but I was never able to stand up to your father and Sirius about it. I'm afraid I was just too dependent on their friendship to risk really challenging them about it. But I did try to be nice, although I'm certain he didn't appreciate it. But why should he have done, really?" Lupin sighed. "Considering I wasn't much of a friend, the way I let James and Sirius...well. You know. But he did fight back, occasionally. And sometimes, he even got a bit of his own back. Like that time Sirius caught him with a Hue Changing Charm, Squrpulus Evanscium, I think it was, and he turned a shade of glow-in-the-dark purple for almost a month...then he turned around and slipped Sirius and the rest of us an Unmitigated Adulation potion, which is every bit as bad a love potion, and James followed him around for two weeks, proclaiming him the next Messiah, and Sirius went and carried this picture of Evander Batsheba from Witch Weekly around, telling everyone who would listen what a super wizard he was, and..." Remus went on and on, and Harry was half trying not to hear.

"Hmph," Harry replied, both wanting and not wanting to know. He could definitely see how Snape wouldn't want people prying into this. After working so hard be seen as someone impressive, someone intimidating, trying to forget people ever used to treat him like that...he would be upset, to use a euphemism for 'evisceratingly-angry,' to know Harry was hearing about things like this. "Didn't he have any friends?" Harry interrupted.

Remus shrugged. "Well, yes. A few. But they were all dark wizards, Death Eaters in the end, and that sort of person is hardly loyal enough to stand up to people like James and Sirius. They might have helped him plot a few vengeful tricks, but they'd never have done anything to draw attention to themselves. Rosier made the occasional snide remark, as I recall, but it was never really on Snape's behalf."

"Oh," said Harry quietly, pulling at a loose thread on his sleeve. "Girlfriends, then? The kind that wear black lipstick and too much eye-shadow and always glare at everybody?"

Remus laughed at that. "I think you'll find that that's actually rather a new look, despite the wizarding world's progressiveness in other areas. No, I don't think Snape was ever interested in anyone. He always seemed too interested in learning. Books, curses, potions. Those were the only things he really had time for, so far as I could tell. At any rate, you came here to talk about your potential friend, not Severus Snape."

Harry ducked his head quickly when he heard that, hoping the furious heat in his face would subside quickly. He really wasn't ready to get into any of that, yet. Luckily, Lupin was still talking, seemingly oblivious to Harry's discomfort.

"But because of my experience with Snape, I think I can offer you this advice; don't mind what anybody says, and don't let anyone else decide your feelings for you. And if Hermione and Ron are good friends, and I think they are, they'll come to understand when you tell them that they don't have to like this person, but you do, and they'll have to accept it. Just stand your ground, Harry. You're good at that. And this person may not entertain your overtures of friendship, but it's certainly worth the effort of trying. Friends are very precious things, Harry. I think you and I both know now that a really good friend is never to be taken for granted." Harry nodded and they smiled sadly at each other for a long moment. "And any time you can spend with someone you like is truly priceless." He gave Harry a happier smile, and reached over to ruffle the boy's hair. "Do you think you know what you want to do about your friend now?"

Harry returned his grin. "Yeah. You're absolutely right about everything. As usual. I don't know how anybody's going to react--not even me, really--but I'd like to try, anyway. I'll just do it carefully and take things slowly. I'm certainly not going to force my company on anyone." He wrinkled his nose, looking chagrinned. "Well, I'll try not to in the future, at any rate."

Lupin laughed, thinking Harry was talking about him. "Don't worry about it, Harry. I really am awfully glad you came here tonight. I appreciate it; really, you did as much for me tonight as ever I've done for you. And remember; whenever I'm visiting Hogwarts, you should feel free to visit, any time at all. I'm not upset that you came here so late. In fact, I'd say it shows a certain trust and depth of friendship that I am really quite honoured to have offered me."

Harry waved a hand in an 'it was nothing' gesture. "Well," he said, rising to his feet, and then almost off them as he stretched in a great yawn. "I guess I'd better be heading back to bed. Good grief, I'm going to be utterly useless tomorrow." He looked at Lupin, wondering if he'd get any sort of parental lecture on the subject, but Lupin just rumbled a bit of a chuckle at him.

"Serves you right, then, for staying up until all hours and mercilessly bothering your elders." He, too, gave a bit of a yawn. "I have to leave tomorrow afternoon, you know, so if you need me before then, feel free to find me." He walked Harry to the door. "But I'll be back in a few weeks, and I'll be around on and off, I'm sure."

Harry pulled the cloak around himself, just leaving a hand free a moment to wave goodbye. He smiled as he walked away. He pictured the werewolf counting sheep, and himself counting werewolves. He was sure both he and Lupin would sleep better, now.