Rating:: PG
House:: Astronomy Tower
Characters:: Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
Genres:: Romance Slash
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Chamber of Secrets Order of the Phoenix
Stats:: Published: 07/18/2003

Updated: 07/18/2003

Words: 1,536

Chapters: 1

Hits: 860

A Fine Line

Starkissed

Story Summary:: It's a fine line between love and hate, but once you cross it, there's no going back... H/D

Chapter Summary:: It's a fine line between love and hate, but once you cross it, there's no going back...H/D

Posted:: 07/18/2003

Hits:: 860

Author's Note:: If you like this story and would like a sequel, review it. Reviews tend to inspire me, so the more I get, the more likely I am to write one. I'm rather attached to this, so if you don't like it, please be kind about it.

A Fine Line

I saw him out of the corner of my eye. A flash of silver blonde hair, reflecting the sun as he cocked his head to the side and laughed cruelly. But it didn’t matter to me. None of it mattered. Not the front he put on for his friends, not the show he put on for his enemies, not the mask he puts on for me.

It happened suddenly. I was wandering through the halls, not really sure where I was going or even if I was going anywhere. I did that a lot in those days, trying to forget. The only time I felt calm was when I was flying. Nothing could ever match the peace I got when I was flying. To feel the wind rushing past you, it makes you feel invincible.

But it was a stormy day. I couldn’t escape to my Firebolt, so I contented myself by wandering the twisting halls. Eventually, I ended up somewhere down in the dungeons. I recognized that place, I had been there before. But when? My mind recalled the days of my second year; Ron and I had followed him down here, trying to gather information. Ah, yes, I remembered now.

The Slytherin common room. It was around here, hidden in a grungy stone wall. I sighed. Why did I come here? I had no business being there, nor did I want to be there. I turned to walk away and that’s when I saw him.

Malfoy.

“What’re you doing here, Potter?” he sneered at me.

“Trying to leave. Get the hell out of my way,” I had shot back at him.

“Oh, but it’s not that simple. Now that you’re here, you’re not getting away that easily. I’ve waited a long time to get you alone, Potter. A very long time.” I didn’t miss the devious twinkle in his eyes.

“What do you want with me? I don’t care anymore. Whatever you want, just do it.” There was no emotion in my voice anymore. I had given up.

“C’mon, Potter. Why’re you being such a prat? It almost makes me pity you,” he said.

“What the fuck do you want with me, Malfoy? I’m sick of these games, I’m sick of this life, I’m sick of these…feelings! So whatever the hell you want, just take it.”

“This isn’t a game, Potter.”

“Why do you keep saying my name like that?”

“Like what, Potter?”

“Like you…care about me or something.”

“Would that be so wrong?”

“Given our past, let me think…yes.”

“What is about me that you hate so much, Harry?” I froze. I had never heard him say my name aloud and suddenly, I was afraid.

“Everything. Now move and let me leave.”

“No. You have to hear this. I know the reason you hate me. You hate me because you see in me what you are. Confident, charming, determined, stubborn, but it's not only the good. You see the darkness, the evil, the ambition that you keep so carefully hidden just below the surface. The list goes on. You see it in me and you don’t want to admit it. We can’t get along because in some respects, we are the same person.”

“Malfoy, I don’t know what you’re on, but –“ Draco cut me short.

“Shut up, Potter. You know I’m right. You know why you haven’t pulled your wand out and jinxed me yet. Tell me, Potter. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong. Get the hell away,” I shoved him out of the way, not missing the look in his eyes. Somewhere between murderous and hurt, I knew I wouldn’t soon forget those eyes.

“Malfoys are never wrong,” I heard him say in a harsh whisper. I just walked away.

But I couldn’t forget what he said. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t push him out of my head. The things he said…I began to consider them. Could it be that he was right? It occurred to me that he was.

Two weeks after that first encounter, I was walking through the halls again. I found myself in the dungeons and I wondered if perhaps my subconscious was guiding me back here. I found the stone entrance and waited. I stood there for nearly an hour, just thinking. Thinking about what I was going to say.

“Back again, Potter?” His hair caught the thin ray of light given off by the dim torches and I noticed how cold his face was.

“Back again, Malfoy.” I stood there, not daring to say the words threatening to roll off the tip of my tongue.

“Are you going to tell me something or would you like to stand there like a statue? Because let me tell you, I’m not going to bow down and worship you.” It amazed me, really. How he still had so much spite in him, even when he was clearly nervous. I wouldn’t have known he was nervous, except I acted the same way. Uncaring, callous, whatever would get me through it.

“You were right.”

“I know.” Two quick strides and Malfoy had pinned me against the wall. He was stronger than I anticipated; his arms were thin, but they had strength to match mine.

“Do you want this, Potter?” His gray eyes were locked on mine, insistent. “I’m not going to change. I won’t give you pretty speeches or pay special attention to you. What you see is what you get with me.”

“I know. What I see is what I want right now. You can give me things no one else can. You were right. I see myself in you and I need you right now,” I said, never taking my eyes off him. I reached out and caressed his pale cheek, watching his eyelids flutter and his resolve dissipate.

He took my hand and placed it around his neck, putting his own through my hair and pulling me to him. Slowly, gently, I felt his lips meet mine. His kisses, soft and sensuous at first, grew desperate. He pressed harder into me, my back so tightly adhered to the wall I could feel every groove.

I opened my eyes briefly and saw the creature I was kissing. He had such a finely shaped face, I didn’t know whether he was truly human or not.

A pair of boots echoed down the hall. We pulled apart and I felt pain through my body. I craved the pain, I needed it.

The footsteps continued, growing louder and we pulled out our wands. Professor Snape’s face emerged from the dark shadows of the hall and Malfoy began sneering at me.

“I told you, Potter. Get the hell out of here. Only the worthy can stay here.”

“Sod off, Malfoy. I was leaving before you stopped me.” I turned on my heel and walked away, hearing Snape’s words of approval to Malfoy.

It hurt, to separate myself from him so, but I welcomed it. Anything to escape from my hell. Even fraternizing with the enemy.

And so it doesn’t matter anymore. Not the front he put on for his friends, not the show he put on for his enemies, not the mask he puts on for me. All that matters now is the pain he can give me.

The light catches his hair as he turns to me, silently mouthing My room. Midnight. I nod slightly and his lips curve up. He turns back to his friends, as do I.

This will be our last midnight tryst. We graduate tomorrow and we likely won’t see each other for years. When we do meet, it may be as enemies and we’ll find each others deaths on our hands.

I’ll miss him, I really will. He’s never it aloud, but I know he loves me. We’ll say our goodbyes tonight and he’ll say a strangled I love you, not wanting to leave without ever telling me. There may be tears glistening in his slate eyes and I’ll kiss them away, but my mind will be somewhere else. I’ll be thinking of the pain he’s given me over the last year and a half. That beautiful pain he never intended on giving me.

How I would miss it. The deception, the lies, the sneaking around. It was painfully delicious, every moment of it.

“Harry? You all right, mate?” the redhead next to me asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I answered absently, not fine at at all. As I sat there, I realized something. Staring at his finely chiseled face, the face I had kissed so many times, I wondered when my desire for pain and had crossed the line to love.

I reached into my pocket and fingered a small dragon figurine. ‘Draco,’ I thought, ‘it’s true what they say; it’s a fine line between love and hate, but once you cross it, there’s no going back.’

That’s when I knew he wouldn’t be the only one saying I love you that night. Somewhere between burying myself in him for the last time and taking a drag on the cigarette we always shared after, I knew I would say it and for the moment at least, it would be true.