The Wonder Year

The Wonder Year

After lots of tossing and turning, an achy Harry Potter woke up with a pain--not in the ass but down below. As he lifted himself gently off the bed, he noticed his body felt very oddly.

He got up and checked the mirror, yet his scar was still there. Rubbing his head, he wondered what could possibly be wrong. He ran to the bathroom and observed his body in the full-length mirror. Noticing different lengths in a certain body part, he whispered, "Bloody Hell!"

He ran to Ron and shook him, "Ron! Ron! Wake up!"

Ron gazed at him sleepily and responded, "Go back to sleep. It's six a.m., Harry! I'm in no mood for your rubbish." Harry now found himself in a crisis and ran in circles, not knowing what to do.

By the time Ron woke up, Harry had gone through so much self-torture that he could've killed someone.

Ron tidied up his bed and went to go brush his teeth. Harry was still in the bathroom, decided whether he should go out or not. When Ron knocked on the door, Harry ran out frantically.

"Ron, has your, um, pencil ever grown?"

"Harry, what in bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, Ron! You know, have you ever grown your willy, hotdog, peninsula, pennant--"

"My god, Harry! You grew down there?"

"Yeah! That's what I've been trying to tell you the whole fuckin' morning!"

"I'll help you, Harry. Luckily, I've been through this before. Let's go down to breakfast and get ready for our classes."

"But what about my...you know...problem?"

"Oh, don't worry, Harry! You'll be fine!"

A Few Minutes Later...

Harry and Ron walked down the corridor thinking over the morning's events.

Harry was trying to relax by thinking positive thoughts in his head. "Everything is okay. Just relax. Ron knows what to do."

Ron was watching lambs run and counted them as he tried to think of what to do. Trying to make a friend feel better when going through a crisis can be helpful, but telling him that you know what to do when you really don't can be a problem.

So there they were, walking uncomfortably through the Gryffindor Common Room. Hermione was standing by the door, impatiently waiting for them with all her books in her arms. She looked like she was ready to explode with anger. She stared at them, and then shouted, "What took you so long? Do you know what time it is?"

Ron looked at his watch while Harry said, "We were having, um, 'technical' difficulties."

"Well," said Hermione, "I've been waiting here for an hour already! Breakfast is probably ending now!"

"Hermione, don't be a bitch. Harry had a problem, and it's fine now," Ron quickly rambled.

Harry stared at him with an angry, terrified look. Ron, you better run," said Harry, "...or you're going to be the one with the problems!"

Ron ran all the way to the Great Hall while Hermione and Harry walked normally.

Hermione asked Harry, "What happened? Was something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Hormones! I mean, Hermione!" Harry covered his mouth in shock.

Hermione's jaw sunk to the floor, and she slapped Harry across the face as if he didn't have enough pain in his body already. She ran to meet up with Ron, although he was nowhere in sight. Harry looked around nervously, wondering if anyone saw Hormo--I mean--Hermione slap him.

As if the day couldn't get any worse, when Harry was walking to the Great Hall, Draco passed by him, ready for Quidditch practice. He glanced at Harry and said, "Potter, either your pants are incredibly baggy, or your dick is actually growing."

Harry felt his cheeks grow hot. He snatched Draco's broom and threw it down at him down there. Draco fell to the ground howling with pain while Crabbe and Goyle stood there eating doughnuts.

"Get me something!" he gasped. Crabbe and Goyle ran away, and came back holding more even food in their hands. Draco was ready to throw the food into their faces. Before he could do that, Harry grabbed it and smashed it into him. Draco, face full of chocolate syrup, glared at the hysterical Harry. Harry found a box of sprinkles and dumped it on his enemy's head to make him a living cupcake.

Later that Day...

Harry sat in the common room. He was still puzzled about what had happened in the morning. He still hadn't work things out with Hermione and Ron, but for some strange reason he wanted to make up with Hermione more than he did with Ron. He felt that he always wanted to be with her and that he loved her. Hermione and Ron then walked into the common room. Ron was still oblivious, but Hermione was extremely mad. Harry's feelings for her were clear now.

Hermione shouted, "You have no right to call me that! I admit that it was a mistake, but how could you be so rude?"

Harry knew it was his time to actually say something smart for once, "I've been going through...well, um... maturing problems and I didn't think it was appropriate to tell you. I'm sorry for being an asshole and for calling you Hormone. I hope you can forgive me."

Hermione looked at Ron, who was playing with the portraits on the wall. When Ron caught on that Harry and Hermione were staring at him, he asked, "What? They're cool!"

Hermione and Harry started laughing at him. They stopped when they noticed that they weren't mad at each other.

"Hermione, I've been meaning to ask you something. I've been having, well, feelings for you. I don't know they began, but whenever you're around, my day brightens. I don't know what I would do without you. Will you--..."

Right when Harry was about to ask the big question, his voice cracked. Every time he went to ask again, his voice would squeak. Hermione became annoyed and left. Harry was so disappointed, and decided to head up to the dormitories. When he got into the room, Ron put down the book he was reading and went to the bathroom. Harry picked it up and found the title, What to Do When Going Through Puberty. Harry sat it on his bed and started to read. The first thing it said to do was measure your willy.

The book said that if it is 5"-6" then you have an ordinary willy and no one will be able to tell that you're going through puberty. But if it's over 6" inches, the book just said "BEWARE."

Harry found a ruler on Ron's bed and thought, "Do you think he'll mind? No... it'll be fine." So he grabbed the ruler, stripped down and started measuring.

Just at that moment Ron walked out of the bathroom. Harry stood before him with an embarrassed expression and with Ron's book and a ruler on his willy.

"HHAAARRRRRYYYY!!!!" Ron screamed so loudly that he may have woken up some of his housemates. He was angry that normally he would've beat something, but right now, with all the changes in Harry's life, he couldn't.

"Ron, I...er, it's...er...not what you think..."

"Keep the book and ruler!" yelled Ron. Harry wondered if Ron had really gone through this already, or was going through now too.

Harry didn't quite settle things with Hermione. He knew that he would end up having to talk to her, but didn't know how he could. Every time he talked, his voice squeaked! Harry changed into his pajamas and decided things would be better in the morning.

The Morning

Harry woke up from heavy breathing. He opened his eyes and Ron was standing over him.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Harry half-asked, half-shouted, as Ron stared at him with a horrified expression.

"OH, MY GOD, HARRY! YOUR VOICE! IT'S DEEPER!"

"Really? ...You're right! Hmmm.... Do you think it will attract the girls? It is sexier, and a lot more masculine."

"I don't know, Harry! Let's go down to breakfast and find out."

While they were walking down to breakfast, they found Hermione carrying all of her books. She smiled at them and said, "I don't believe we finished our conversation last night, Harry...I'm sorry that I left, but I was frustrated that you were fooling around. Can we finish now?"

Harry turned to Ron and grinned, knowing that this was his chance. He turned back to Hermione and took a deep breath.

"Hermione, I love you. Will you go out with me?" Harry asked with his deep masculine voice.

She was shocked and quickly responded with, "Harry...I...I...I...I don't know what to say!"

"Say yes, Hermione! Say yes!" Ron was caught up in the excitement.

"Yes! Yes I will!"

Harry quickly grabbed Hermione and they were found still making out an hour later.

As the day went on, Harry found that puberty turned out to be an extraordinary thing. The professors were taken back by his new voice, and the girls were absolutely dying...but that was only because Hermione gave them death stares if she caught them staring at Harry. In all, Harry loved his new self.

Later That Day...

Harry was in the common room with Hermione on his lap, making out yet again. Everyone got sick and tired of watching them, and had left. Hermione shifted on Harry's lap, and he felt a sudden electric feeling deep inside his body.

Hermione's lips left his and asked, "Harry, what's that?" She pointed to his crotch.

Harry followed her gaze, took one look at his problem, and simply said, "Love, puberty is a bitch!"