All's Fair

Chapter Twelve

"Harry," growled Ron. "I think you have some explaining to do."

"I..." Harry squeaked. "I do?"

"Yes!" shrieked Hermione in reply. "We spent a day being utterly humiliated, and you somehow managed to get out of it scott free!"

"I got detention with Snape," muttered Harry. "As far as I can recall, you were rather jealous."

"Not helping here, Harry."

"Hey, that's not my fault," Harry protested. "I did try to persuade you guys. Repeatedly. But it was it was all, 'No, Harry, we've always loved Severus' and, 'I think you're just jealous that we've found the love of our lives and you haven't.' What was I supposed to do?"

"Suffer and be humiliated along with us!"

"What?!"

"If we're going to be embarrassed, you'd better be right there getting your reputation destroyed too!"

Harry looked in shock and horror at his two best friends.

"You're meant to be Gryffindors!" he cried. "You're supposed to be saying 'Hey, I know we had a bad time but at least our friend got out of it... and now we can all have revenge on that git, Draco!'"

"What does Draco have to do with any of this?" asked Ron petulantly.

"Let me think," said Harry sarcastically. "How about he's the one that gave you the bloody potion!"

"Oh, yeah. That figures."

"What, you thought that it was me who slipped you the potion?"

Hermione looked uncomfortable. "Well, you have been acting a bit strange recently..."

"And so I also decided to give Neville the potion too, just for the hell of it? It never dawned on you that his dose was actually meant for me?"

"Y'know," Ron scratched his head, "I never thought about it like that."

"Sorry, Harry," muttered Hermione.

Harry took a moment to calm himself, then grinned. "That's alright. You two are together again, and I expect that now we also have Neville on our side... What is it now?"

"We're not actually, uh, together again," said Ron.

"What?"

"We decided that it wasn't really working."

"But you two have been breathing each other for the last few months! You're infatuated with one another! How can your relationship not be 'working'?"

"Our obsession with Snape made us see that we needed more than security to make our relationship work. We need something more... exciting," replied Hermione.

"B-b-b-"

"The teenage mind is fickle and prone to change," added Ron wisely. Then he looked at Harry's stunned expression. "What?"

"'The teenage mind is fickle and prone to change'?" Harry mimicked, waggling his eyebrows.

Ron blushed. "Hermione told me to say it. She said it would back up the argument and make me look clever."

Hermione rolled her eyes and thumped herself on the head in obvious despair.

"So that's it for the two of you?"

"Well... yes."

"Oh. Alright then." Harry paused. "So what do we do next?"

"Well I don't know about you lot, but I think we should get on with the whole revenge thing," Ron pointed out.

"Ah, yes, that. Any ideas?"

A quiet, quavering voice spoke up from behind them. "Well, er... if you don't have any, then I do. At least, I think I might."

Beaming, Hermione turned to the boy behind her. "Neville, welcome to the game!"

LINE BREAK

That evening, Neville nervously approached the Slytherin table.

The inhabitants of the house watched him slowly draw closer, sniggering to each other and pointing at him. When he nearly tripped over his own robes upon nearing them, many of them roared nastily with laughter.

"Longbottom, what are you doing here?" Pansy asked imperiously when he reached the table and stood uncomfortably before them.

"Yesterday-" Neville started, then forgetting what he was meant to be saying in the face of his tormentors.

"Yes, yesterday," prompted Blaise. "That was Thursday. The day after Wednesday, and before Friday. And today, therefore, is Friday," he finished wisely.

Neville scowled at the darker and far more confident boy, then began again in a much stronger voice. "Yesterday you lot humiliated me for no apparent reason. I think that-"

"Aww," cooed Pansy. "Look at that, he can think!"

Neville made a noise that may or may not have been a growl. "Just forget it!" he cried.

"Forget what?"

"Me trying to reason with you. I'm going straight on to stage two."

With that, Neville reached into his pocket and pulled out three small pods. He lifted them to his face and whispered something to them.

As the Slytherins watched in stunned silence, the pods slowly levitated above Neville's hand, humming quietly.

Before any of them had time to react, they suddenly shot towards them, forcing their way through each of the Slytherins' closed lips and eventually disappearing into their mouths.

There was a stunned silence as everyone watched the Slytherins. And then suddenly, without warning, the three youths burst into song.

"Yummy yummy yummy,

I've got love in my tummy,

And I feel like lovin' you!"

It took a few moments for the amused audience to realise that the sickly sweet voices emanating from the Slytherins were most decidedly not their own.

And a few more moments to realise that throughout the entire display, the unfortunate Slytherins had not even opened their mouths to sing.

Once the music stopped, Draco carefully stood up so that he was looking down at the now grinning Neville Longbottom.

"What did you do, Longbottom?" he growled.

"Do you like them, Malfoy? I cultivated them myself, I'm actually thinking of selling them to Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. You three are my test models," beamed the Gryffindor.

"But what are they?"

"Singing plants! Quite short-lived, they only last a few days, but great fun while they do. They take root in your stomach, you see. The trick is to play them the desired tune while they're growing."

"And so..."

"I thought it was rather clever, really. The plants are the love in your tummy!" Neville giggled, obviously now in his element.

The school collectively gaped in shock and admiration. They had been expecting more fireworks from the warring seventh years, but nothing like this! And from such a person...

"And will they sing again?"

"Oh yes, every few minutes. Who'd want to buy a plant that only sings once?" snorted Neville.

Draco frowned, then began to reach into his pocket for his wand. As he was about to hex the pest, however, the plants began to sing again.

The Great Hall roared in laughter as the Slytherins tried to ignore the deafening chorus from their stomachs and get on with eating their dinner.

LINE BREAK x 2

They had journeyed for so long.

Days had been spent battling through wind and rain. Nights had passed full of creatures out to get them. Every plant in their path had felt like an impassable obstacle, every hurdle a huge struggle.

But finally, the end was in sight. The sun rose in the sky as they flew... and then they saw them. The reasons for their journey.

Their purpose.

LINE BREAK

"Aargh, Harry, help! It's trying to smother me!" shrieked Ron.

"Oh, right hang o- oomph!"

"What the hell are these things doing here?" shrieked Hermione, pulling the attackers off the boys as quickly as possible. This was not an easy job- the assailants were determined to hang on to their prizes.

"I," gasped Harry. "I don't know. Are they ours?"

Hermione squeaked as she was hit over the head by another of their attackers. She flushed as Seamus Finnigan handed her the limp form of yet another. "Yes, they're definitely ours."

"How do you know?"

Hermione held up a filthy and damp pair of green panties. "I'm certain that these are mine."

Ron frowned. "But how did they get out? And how on earth did they get back?"

"They're the clothes that the Slytherins banished from that awful Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Whatever Draco did must have had an effect on them," said Harry thoughtfully.

"How can you be so calm about this!" shrieked Hermione. "My lingerie is flying around the Great Hall while everyone is having breakfast!"

Harry covered his mouth so that Hermione could not see him sniggling slightly.

"Ugh, you," growled Hermione. "Well if you lot won't do anything about it then I'm going to!"

She jumped up and stalked towards the Slytherins.

Harry and Ron exchanged concerned glances, then threw their clothes onto the benches, being careful to pin them down with some plates and cutlery before they left.

They arrived at the table just in time to hear Hermione shriek in anger and cast some unknown spell at the smirking Slytherins, who promptly vanished.

There was silence.

"Hermione, what did you do?" asked Ron in amazement.

"Do what did she?" squeaked a voice. "This she did!"

Harry looked down to see a small creature standing up to about his waist height.

It had a mop of white-blond hair.

The darker (and now much taller) boy knelt down so that he was on eye level with the creature. He noticed that it had pale green skin, huge ears, and grey eyes poking out from under its hair.

"Draco?" he asked.

"Did you think who else?" squealed the creature, its face going blotchy red in fury.

"Oh," grinned Harry. "Wow."

He turned to look at Blaise and Pansy, who were getting to their unsteady and decidedly smaller feet beside him.

"Hermione," started Ron, who was looking very confused. "I don't understand. What did you do to them?"

Hermione smiled slyly. "Well, I was working on a spell that would make humans into House Elves. You know, so that they would know how it feels."

"As would any other normal person. And then what?"

"And then I watched Star Wars."

Harry suddenly realised what Hermione had done, and rolled onto his back nearly crying with laughter.

"Harry, mate, I still don't get it," asked Ron looking very confused.

"The only one he is not," added Blaise, causing Harry to laugh harder.

"You've all turned into some weird adaptation of Yoda!" he gasped.

Draco opened his mouth to berate Harry, but at that point, his stomach decided that it was time to burst into song once more. And, naturally, Blaise and Pansy's stomachs immediately followed suit.

Once the din had finished, and Harry was standing stably again, Draco grabbed him by the hand and attempted to drag him out of the hall.

Since, of course, Harry was now far stronger than Draco, this took a while. The process speed up significantly, however, when Draco discovered how sharp his new teeth were, and put them to use. Harry howled in pain and followed the petite blond from the hall.

"Potter, fair this is not!" growled Draco.

Harry looked affronted. "Draco, as you know very well, in this game all's fair."

"Cast two spells at once you have! Make my life very difficult this will!"

"My pity for you knows no bounds," said Harry sarcastically.

"Mock me you should not!"

"What are you going to do? Bite my kneecaps?"

"Take me seriously you should. Powerful wizard I am!" shouted Draco.

"Yes, Draco. I understand," said Harry carefully keeping a straight face. "The force is certainly very strong in you."

"Understand you I do not, but angry am I still!"

"Aww, poor -literally- ickle Draco."

"Last long h-"

Draco paused for a minute as his stomach burst into song again, looking utterly miserable.

Harry felt a little bad at causing the blond such utter humiliation. But on the other hand, he himself had suffered significantly over the last few days. It was Draco's turn to endure what he himself had.

"Don't feel so bad, Draco." Harry leant down to pat the boy on the head.

Draco snapped irritably at his hand.

"Hey! I was just going to say that you have at least three days until Potions class."

"Make me feel better this does not. Angry at you I still am. Unfair this is."

"There's no such thing as unfair in this game. You told me that yourself."

"Like me I thought you did," sniffled Draco. "Disfigured me you have."

Harry now remembered why he had been so annoyed earlier, and his anger returned in full force.

"Well I had thought that you liked me, but I was clearly wrong about that. If I change you back, you would just do something like that to me again."

Draco looked very offended. "Your opinion of me is that?"

"Yes. What else is there?"

Draco's face crumpled, and he took off down the corridor as fast as his tiny feet were able to carry him.