The Wedding

The Wedding

By Matt Coggins

Today is my wedding day! I'm marrying the man I love. Nothing can go wrong.

Unless when the priest asks if somebody doesn't want us together and somebody speaks up...

No. That only happens in movies. Bad movies.

But what about Malfoy? He proposed to me shortly before Harry did. He could barge right in and say Harry and I shouldn't be married, and with all the power he and his father have over every wizard, you'd think he's a second Voldemort.

Ginny offered to be my maid of honor, and I couldn't turn her down. And as for a wedding planner, Ginny hired someone but didn't tell me whom.

Oh! This is going to be great! Harry and I are going to be a great couple. We'll grow old together. I love him so much.

And when I think about it, I feel happy. My name, for once, has a spark to it. Hermione Dolores Granger Potter. It kind of sounds weird, but if you take out "Dolores Granger" you have "Hermione Potter", and that sounds beautiful.

And so is Harry (beautiful, that is). The man I will marry.

***

WOO! This is the best day of my life (so far)! My best friends are getting married!

Harry and Hermione. I feel so happy for them. The happiest I've felt in my life.

I've known them since my first day on the Hogwarts Express. And I've seen the people they liked. I thought Harry would have a relationship with Cho Chang. I guess not.

And Hermione, well, Hermione didn't seem to like anybody at the start. But then, I saw it their eyes.

When I was "unconscious" in the forbidden corridor after playing chess in my first, I saw Hermione look at Harry lovingly after he ran off.

But today, she doesn't have to hide it. Harry knows she loves him.

Harry deserves Hermione. He's a good guy.

***

I get to be Harry and Hermione's wedding planner.

I hope the Drengolumps don't ruin the whole thing. Drengolumps are creatures that like to ruin weddings.

I also hope that the pixies aren't in Hermione's bouquet. They could mess up her hair.

Ginny said that I could have the job, and that I could make any changes to the decorations that she did.

The thing is, she forgot the Drengolump repellent. Silly Ginny! Luckily for the Potters, I personally spayed the church myself.

Ginny's brother Ronald came in one day while I was spraying. He said, "Loona, what are you doing? There is no such thing as a Drengolump!"

But he's wrong. The Drengolumps will come and invade every wedding in the world! But not if I stop them. I've started an evil creature extermination business called "Loona's Evil Creature Extermination Business." I think it's the best idea I've ever had!

***

The day has come! I shall ruin Potter's life today! As it is wedding day, I shall also ruin his wedding!

First, I'll graffiti all over the walls. (I think Loony Loona beat me to it. I was walking by the church today when I saw her spraying the walls with some kind of fluid from an aerosol can)

Second, I'll pee all over that book the minister reads. It will be very stinky and wet. Ha!

And third, I'll make a small black hole with my wand and push Potter in it. Then I'll force Granger to marry me.

This is the best plan ever!

***

Duh.

Me Crabbe. Me been invi- intit-...duh... Potter and Herm- Hermi-...duh... girl ask me to come to wedding.

Malfoy ruin wedding. Malfoy say that be fun. Me no think fun, but me do anyway 'cause me stu- stup-...duh... dumb.

We gonna pee-pee on book. That sound fun.

***

Harry's marrying Hermione. I guess that's okay, but why couldn't it have been me he proposed to?

I mean, we're practically related. I'm his best friend's sister. But I want to really be related, as his wife.

IT'S NO FAIR!!! I WANT TO BE HARRY'S WIFE!!! [sob, sob]

***

Hello, everybody out there! I'm Lee Jordan, and I've been asked to commentate today's wedding!

And there's Potter, walking down the isle, and sporting a lovely velvet tux! He's right up there now, next to Ron Weasely, the past Keeper for the Gryffindor Quidditch team last year.

And there's Granger! She looks... she looks... WHOA!! SHE'S THE HOTTEST THING I'VE SEEN TODAY!!!

Oh, um, whoops! Lost control there. And with no Professor McGonagall next to me, expect that a lot.

What's this? Malfoy and his little buddies are pulling down their pants. Whoa! I guess they wear briefs. The age old question is answered.

Potter jinxes Malfoy! It looks like Tarantallegra. And there goes Malfoy, dancing off half nude.

And so the minister -Professor Dumbledore- says those final words. Granger says, of course, that she does. But, look at Potter! He doesn't look sure about marrying Hermione!

***

I'm not sure about marrying Hermione.

Yes, I know, you just wanted to read, "Potter says, 'I do' to the minister", but it's not gonna happen. Not yet.

Hermione looks at me like, "I'm gonna kill you if you don't say, 'I do.'!"

I really don't know. I love Hermione, but if I marry her it'll be like Spider-Man and Mary Jane. I'm putting her in danger if I marry her. And just like Spider-Man, some bad guy -like Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, or even Voldemort- will come after her, and maybe even kill her.

But what's a husband for? He usually protects the wife from danger. And that's what I'll do.

"I do," I say.