When Life Passes You By

When Life Passes You By

Chapter One

Truth, love, passion, peace; combined, all assure completion of life. Harry has never had completion. Truth has been hidden from him, love has been stolen, passion is fleeting and painful, and peace cannot be found until evil is eradicated.

His fifth year in school had been just another example of the trials and tribulations of his life. In June, days before summer break began, Sirius, the one person he could remember that he loved like a father, died while trying to save Harry's life. Voldemort got away yet again, and the truth about Harry's entire existence was finally revealed to him.

Or so it seemed.

~
Remus awoke very suddenly, sweating. He flung out his hand to defend against the pursuing dream-demons and hit his alarm clock, which fell to the floor and commenced ringing deafeningly. He jumped up, startled, and fell off the edge of the bed. His face landed inches from the clock, and the glaring red letters burned 3:10 into his retinas.

What an unholy hour.

He pulled himself up onto the bed, then stood, stooping down to pick up the clock. He set it on the bedside table and padded, barefoot, into the small bathroom. He flicked on the buzzing fluorescent and squinted at his reflection in the grubby mirror.

His brown hair, mostly gray nowadays, needed trimming, as it was falling into his eyes and curling under the collar of his threadbare nightshirt. His amber eyes, once sharp, now showed deepening weariness and growing sorrow. There were thin lines branching out from the corners of those eyes, more from grimacing now than smiling.

Remus turned away from the unbearable visage in the mirror.

Is this what I have become, or have I always been this way?

He fell asleep soon after he lay down.

~

Remi was back in the Death Room, back in the churning battle in the nadir of the Ministry of Magic. Only two people were still fighting, not realizing that everyone else had halted at the arrival of Dumbledore. Sirius ducked Bellatrix's curse, laughing all the while. "You can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing.

Her second curse hit him dead-on in the chest.

The laughter was still on his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

Sirius seemed to take ages to fall. His body curved gracefully as he fell through the ragged veil draped from the arch; the raven veil, behind which were the secrets of death.

There was a look of mingled fear and surprise on Sirius's wasted face as he fell through the ancient doorway and disappeared behind the veil, which fluttered as if in a high wind, then settled.

Sirius did not reappear.

"Nnnn-"

~

"-oooo!" Remus felt strong hands shake him from sleep and looked groggily up at his sixteen-year-old tenant. Green eyes stared at him warily from behind smudged glasses.

"You were screaming. I was worried."

Remus blushed, feeling shameful that he had awakened Harry, seeing as Harry slept in the basement, for Pete's sake.

"You were dreaming about Sirius again, weren't you?" Harry's voice was guarded, cautious. This made Remus feel even more abashed, because, when had he become so easy to read? Especially by someone who hadn't known the depth of his and Sirius's relationship until just recently.

Harry, sensing Remus's embarrassment and knowing exactly the reason, smiled slightly in a reassuring way.

"You were screaming his name."

"Oh."

This made Remus feel slightly better, but there was still the fact that he had awoken Harry, in the basement.

"How'd you hear me?"

"I was in the kitchen."

"Oh."

"Was it the same dream?"

"Yes."

Harry didn't press the subject, and Remus silently thanked him for it. Having a conversation with your dead lover's godson in the middle of the night was awkward. Especially if it was about said lover.

"Why didn't Sirius come back, Remi?"

Damn. Now they were rushing headlong into an awkward conversation. Remus pulled himself up into a sitting position. Damned if he wasn't going to be at least physically comfortable.

"What do you mean, Harry?"

"Why didn't Sirius come back as a ghost or something?"

"Harry, only wizards who are afraid of death stay behind. And from what every ghost I've ever known has told me, being one is no Sunday picnic. I'm guessing that Sirius had his reasons for not staying on."

"What do you mean?" Harry's voice was gaining a tinge of desperation.

"He loved you, Harry, more than you could ever know. But, his life was filled with hardships that no normal man must face. His family, for one. Azkaban, your parents, everything was wearing on him. He probably wouldn't have been able to live a normal life, even if his name had been cleared. Can you imagine what a relief it must be, to be away from all that dragged him down in life? Plus, somewhere where he is, his best friend is there, waiting."

Harry looked up from staring at his hands. His glasses had little tear-splotches on them.

"D'you... D'you think he's happy? Wherever he is?" Harry sniffled.

"I don't know, Harry." Remus held his arms open, and Harry fell into them. Harry nestled his face into the base of Remus's neck, his glasses digging painfully into Remi's shoulder. Remus hugged the sobbing Harry tightly to him, and started to cry as well.

He hadn't cried, or screamed, or gone insane after Sirius had first fallen through the arch; he hadn't even cried at the funeral. But this weeping teenage boy in his arms brought home the fact that Sirius was gone.