The Ivory Backbone

Chapter 6: Very Bad Things

 

Severus shivered despite the warm water. Partly, it was Lily’s gentle touches and kisses. More, however, it was the knowledge that she was only giving him these ministrations because of Lucius and his plan. Twice duped on this horrible night. He should stop her. This couldn’t go any further. He reached for Lily’s wrists.

"Stop. Stop, Lil," he said softly.

"But..." She looked up at him in confusion. "Don’t you WANT me?"

Severus felt little pricks of heat in the corner of his eyes. He was on the verge of giving in to her entirely. "O yes I want you o that felt nice but oh and oh you have to stop this before o god..." "Yes, I do--" he squeaked.

Her wrists squirmed out of his hands and she lowered her lips to his chest, biting and kissing playfully. "Then just lie back. I know what to do."

"I--no!" He pushed her away. "Listen to me. Lily, I think you’re under a spell. A potion."

"Must everything be potions with you?" Lily ran her hands over his thighs.

"Oh...that felt good..." "Stop that! I have to think!"

"No, you don’t. Stop thinking, Sev! Just love me now..." He recognized the longing in her eyes, but...

"No! I can’t. Lucius Malfoy--"

"Don’t bring him up now--"

"He found a way to give you that bloody potion--"

"I don’t even want to think about him--"

"You love Potter, Lily. Not me."

"I don’t want to think about him, either."

"What you feel for me isn’t real."

She slapped him, hard, across the face. "Severus Snape, don’t you dare tell me what I’m feeling isn’t real! How would you even know? If you don’t have a heart in you for anything but books and schoolwork, just say so."

His cheek stung from the slap. "Lily, I’m sorry--"

"If you don’t love me, don’t sugarcoat it."

Severus shivered again. "I think I do...I think I love you...I’m not supposed to love you, I know. You’re Muggle-born, Slytherins shouldn’t care about...but why do I feel...I do love you, but I’m scared." "I do love you. More than potions, more than books, more than I hate Potter...I love you. And that’s why I can’t do this."

"You love me?"

"Yes."

"But you won’t physically love me?"

"N-no."

"That’s so...sweet and chivalrous of you..." Her eyes were sparkling with the beginnings of tears. "Nobody’s ever...thought I was worth waiting for..."

And blessed relief swept over Severus. She nuzzled his chest and he hugged her close. He wanted her like he’d never wanted anything else, he loved feeling her pressed against his chest. But he felt like he had stepped into someone else’s skin, namely Potter’s. It was an uncomfortable feeling, having Lily like this. That burning feeling, that want. Desire...lust...Part of him did just want to lie back and let her explore and touch and kiss and whatever followed touching and kissing.

But how would he live in his own skin if he hurt Lily like that?

Lucius would pay for this transgression. He’d tainted the purest thing Severus had ever felt. Yes...Lucius...Anger is good. It made him immune to Lily’s touch. He could control anger.

"It’s almost time for breakfast," he murmured into her hair.

"I’m not hungry."

Severus snickered. This was the bottomless pit of Gryffindor speaking. "Liar."

"I’d rather stay here..."

"I don’t doubt that."

"Stay with me?"

"I have to check on Lucius...he Splinched himself last night."

Lily shuddered. "Will you come back...?"

"I’m going to breakfast."

"Oh..."

"I’ll meet you there." He took her head in his hands and stared at her for a moment. "Those eyes..." He awkwardly planted a somewhat sloppy kiss on her forehead.

She blushed. "I’m getting out now...you’re allowed to watch."

"I--" He felt blood creep up his neck and flush his pale face. "I’m just going to close my eyes."

"Forgive me if I don’t do the same when you get out."

* * * * *

Lucius was propped up on several fluffy pillows, playing with his dominos. He set them all up on the table beside his bed. One domino left...where to put it? He turned the polished ivory over and over in his palm, relishing the cold smoothness of it. The ivory (cold and smooth) reminded him of Severus... He stifled a laugh. He didn’t know where to put Severus anymore. Well, that was to be expected, right?

Lucius set down the domino beside his nice, neat columns of ivory troops. He inspected his spotted minions while he waited very patiently (patiently enough, considering his condition) for Severus to appear. His friend would be concerned, wouldn’t he? Or at least want to thank Lucius for sending Lily to him.

The dominos were stacked and lined up and ready. All he had to do was watch them fall. He knew how to line them up to bring him exactly what he wanted.

The door to the infirmary creaked open and there was Severus. Dripping. She must have found him in the bath. Good. Maybe she relieved him of his--

"Morning Lucius." Severus’ face was cold. Hard.

"I see you didn’t enjoy the gift I sent you," Lucius drawled. He pushed his silvery hair out of his eyes.

"She wasn’t mine to take, Lucius."

Lucius was genuinely hurt. He didn’t want Severus to know that, so he fled to his original scheme. "Dominos, Sev. She’s a means to an end."

"It isn’t worth it." He dropped his voice, noticing Madame Pomfrey at the next bed. "What possessed you?"

"We need to talk about something very important." Lucius pat the bed beside him. "It would be easier to whisper if you sat down and pretended to be a friend."

Severus sat down stiffly. "What is it?"

"That’s a good boy." Lucius allowed his hand to linger on Severus’. Severus yanked his hand away as if it was burned. "I want you to know that I did not intend for this to happen."

"You didn’t intend for me to be accosted in the Prefect’s bath by a very naked and very intoxicated Lily?"

"Oh, I intended that," he said whimsically. "I very much intended that part. It’s this that I didn’t intend." He raised his sheets and pulled down his pajama bottoms a bit. Severus stared at the bloody bandages on Lucius’ thigh.

"That’s from getting Splinched?"

"Yes... and no..." "He’s so close...I could just...so easily..." Lucius snapped his thoughts back in order. "You see, I was carrying the next three doses of the potion in my pocket when I was Splinched."

"So...?"

"Glass vials, Sev." Lucius smiled ferally at his friend. "They shattered. They cut me." He watched the gears turn in Severus’ head.

"Three doses, you said...?"

"Seeped right into the wound."

Severus jumped off the bed as if he’d been burned. "You aren’t serious..."

"Oh yes." Lucius stared at Severus with that same longing he’d seen in Lily’s eyes.

"But...but...but...I thought love potions couldn’t change sexual orientations!"

"Nobody ever said I was ONLY interested in girls." Lucius lay back into his pillows. "But I understand where my feelings come from. I can fight them because I know it’s just a potion. Though I will have a few things to explain to Narcissa."

Severus blinked.

"This potion keeps me from desiring anybody but you." Lucius couldn’t resist teasing. "Not to worry, Sev. She’s been wanting to invite you to join us for months."

Severus felt his nose start leaking. And then pouring. "She what?"

"I’m telling you too much." Lucius looked up at Severus with all the compassion a Malfoy could muster. "You’re bleeding. Sit down before you hurt yourself."

Severus did as he was told. Too much information swam through his already battered brain. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Oh, now hush..." Lucius reached up to wipe the blood away from Severus’ chin. He brought his bloody fingers to his mouth and licked them clean. "You’re overreacting..."

Severus bolted from the infirmary and didn’t stop running until he got to the Great Hall.

Lily was easy to find. She was the redhead in the middle of the large clearing at the Slytherin table. Two knots of Slytherins were pointing at her from either end of the table. Severus could sense them snickering and plying their usual witless repartee.

Meanwhile, at the Gryffindor table, Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew stared at Lily with betrayal, shock, and confusion, respectively. Potter turned his stare to Severus. And then he glared.

"What are you going to do, Potter?" Severus thought. "Your attack dog’s been suspended for ten days."

"Sev! I saved you a seat!" Lily jumped up and waved.

"Coming!" Severus’ heart leapt. "No, that’s just the potion. Don’t get too excited."

Pettigrew had tears in his eyes. Lupin looked sick, sicker than usual. Potter looked ready to kill.

He walked to the table with the whole school’s eyes on him. Usually, he’d try to squirm away from such attention. But he was too tired to squirm. Malfoy had tried to...had insinuated...had wanted...

"No Malfoy. Not here. Just focus on Lily." Severus took Lily’s hand in his own and brought it to his lips.

Lily flushed. Potter wretched.

They sat down together. Slowly the two knots of Slytherins turned back into some semblance of a line. Crabbe and Goyle sat on either side of Severus and Lily. Narcissa sat in front of Severus.

"How’s Lucius?" Crabbe asked over his oatmeal.

"Fine," Severus said sharply. A bit too sharply.

"Thanks for last night, Sev," said Goyle. "That potion sounded pretty bad."

"Phantom wolves would have ripped out your entrails, Goyle." Severus stabbed at a piece of sausage. "It wasn’t entirely an illusion, either. You would have bled internally and been in lots of pain...and..." He paused for dramatic emphasis. "You would have been on a liquid diet for six months."

Crabbe and Goyle stared wide-eyed at Severus for a moment. Competitive eating was their favorite sport. "That’s not...true...is it?" Crabbe ventured.

"Very true." Severus was about to sink his teeth into the sausage when Lily’s hand found his knee. He almost bit through the fork.

"I don’t get it," Narcissa said. "Lucius Splinches himself and somehow Gryffindor gets five-hundred points up for House cup and the Gryffindor Mudblood is eating with us." Narcissa stabbed her fork at Lily. "Care to comment, Sev?"

Mudblood ran through Severus like a dull sword. "First of all," he said through grit teeth. "Do NOT insult her, you pretentious bitch. She doesn’t need your pedigree to be ten times the witch you are."

She was completely taken aback. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other dumbly.

"Apologize, Narcissa," he said.

Narcissa stared at him as if he’d sprouted a third arm from his forehead. "I think not. I don’t apologize to trash like her."

"That’s just fine with me," Lily said evenly. "I don’t expect anybody’s taught you manners. What would a breeder like you need those for?"

"A breeder?" Narcissa’s left eye twitched and her nostrils flared.

"A breeder. All your magic is practiced horizontally, right?"

"You would know, wouldn’t you?" Narcissa hissed. "Considering what you and Severus were doing in the Prefect’s bath!"

Severus’ eyes grew wide and his nose dribbled red splotches on his napkin. "How’d you--?"

"For your information," Lily cut in, loud enough for the Gryffindors to hear. "I’ve found someone that thinks I’m worth waiting for."

Pettigrew and Lupin looked faint. Potter broke the glass he was holding. Shards of glass and pumpkin juice splattered.

"Obviously, a prized pedigree isn’t all there is to wizardry. How are you doing in Transfiguration, Narcissa?" Lily said finally.

Narcissa fumed silently, nose upturned and face flushed. She left her toast and eggs untouched.

Severus blinked. Lily never stood up for herself like that before. Before, she ran to Potter for protection. He liked this independent side of her. However, Narcissa hadn’t apologized.

"Narcissa," Severus hissed. "If you don’t apologize to her, I might remember that potion I made last December."

Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. "You wouldn’t."

"I don’t think McGonagall would go easy on you." Severus kept his stare cold and penetrating. "That ‘stomach flu’ almost killed her."

"You mixed the potion wrong," Narcissa said weakly.
"Don’t you--ever--question my potions." The steel in his voice surprised him. "You knew damn well what it would do. You knew it might kill."

"You’ll get in trouble too!"

"A risk I’m willing to take."

Narcissa regarded him in her usual calculating way. Her manicured fingers clicked lightly on the breakfast table. Crabbe and Goyle looked from her to Severus to her. Lily gave Severus’ knee a squeeze. It startled him, but he was to focused on Narcissa to jump. He saw the resignation in her eyes and realized that he was winning.

"Fine." Narcissa idly examined her nails before continuing. "I’m sorry I called you a Mudblood."

The first bell rang, formally ending the battle of wits. Crabbe and Goyle hurriedly downed their bowls of oatmeal and rushed to class. Narcissa stood up slowly.

"Lucius will hear about this," Narcissa said.

"I’m sure he will," Severus said evenly. "I don’t really care."

Narcissa spun on her heel and marched off down the hall.

"I’m sorry about her. All of them." Severus took Lily’s hand and walked toward class.

"I blame inbreeding," Lily said flippantly.

Severus laughed. "What I can’t figure out is how Narcissa knew about the bath."

"Oh that." Lily giggled. "We smell the same. Patchouli and dandelions. They were teasing me about it."

"That’s--"

"I don’t care what they think, Sev." She settled into the crook of his shoulder.

He definitely liked her better when she wasn’t so ungodly hormonal. "Probably the potion," he thought. This was nice, though, walking her to class and laughing.

"That’s the problem, they don’t think. ‘The brains of the entire Slytherin House have been replaced with cheese, let’s see if they notice. Wait a minute! Crabbe and Goyle appear to be...gasp!...more intelligent!’"

"The horror!"

And they laughed at that until they got to the dungeon for Potions.