The Ivory Backbone

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5: In Spades

 

Lovely white marble walls, perfect for beating his head against. Severus resisted his initial impulse and filled the huge bathtub with purple foam and big yellow bubbles. Patchouli and dandelion spiced the air above the scalding bath. He neatly folded his robes and settled into the sweet foam. There was almost three hours to breakfast. He had the Prefect’s bath to himself for maybe two. The combination of dandelion and patchouli reminded him of home. Ma making dandelion wine and Da smoking sweet, sweet Indian tobacco. Patchouli was a close approximation to Da’s pipe. His parents were relics of colonial Britain, with many fascinating artifacts of the time. Half of them, he knew were the leavings of dark witches and wizards of the area. And yet...was it so wrong to seek knowledge...to learn about these things? Were they not simple tools, for good or evil? He derailed that train of thought and tried to remove himself to simpler times. He closed his eyes, remembering what it felt like to run with Mowgli and Rikki Tikki Tavi. And the moors around Yorkshire (where Ma and Da were free to practice magic as they saw fit) faded into jungles of India for him. He was glad to have the bathroom to himself. Severus didn’t fancy getting sentimental in front of his fellow prefects.

Slowly, foggily, he set his mind back to the events of this morning. His brain had tired of Dumbledore’s office. He moved on to what Sullivan had said. Severus blinked.

"Bulbotuber...pus..." He said aloud. "Deadlier cousin of Bubotuber...Yeah, it’d degrease me...right before it ate off my skin."

Whenever he came face-to-face with such incompetence, Severus’ paradigm shifted just a little. Stupid people should not be in positions of power (especially not over him). This paradigm shift physically manifested itself as a migraine and a nosebleed. His forehead throbbed and he rubbed slow circles around his temples. Then he felt his nose give way and drip red all over his chest.

"Potion’s master is a difficult position to fill. Sullivan is probably the best Dumbledore could do..." It hurt to think, but Severus had to justify the great idiocy he’d seen in action.

Then there was McGonagall. Severus’ nose gushed. That woman, usually so careful and discreet, turned into a puddle of goo when it came to the Wonder Boys of Gryffindor. Potter and Black, her favorites. Potter, Dumbledore’s favorite.

Potter...Potter...Potter...

Severus’ nosebleed and headache hastily retreated in the face of fury. And he was furious at Potter.

And Black.

And himself.

He slipped under the foam to wash the blood from his face. His thoughts snapped suddenly to Malfoy. "Sullivan’s making Malfoy’s Good as New...hope it doesn’t kill him."

Severus mentally reviewed the ingredients and process for Good as New. Good as New was the main ingredient in medicinal chocolate; it was only given to patients who’d just been through something especially painful. Splinching qualified.

Sullivan. If he actually did his job, hovering over fuming cauldrons, the chemicals would get into his pores just as they did to Severus. The lack of oil in his complexion testified the man’s incompetence. But Madam Hooch couldn’t teach flying forever, right?

Severus decided that he didn’t want his last thoughts in the world to be of Saluan Sullivan. So he returned to Lily. He remembered how she looked when he tutored her in potions last year. ("I thought the bat wings went in before the wither root." "No, no...think about it, Lily. The root must go first to ground the spell. Then the wings for lift.")Her brows would knit in intense concentration and her so-delicate fingers would scratch at the parchment as she worked out the new formula they were studying. ("And so the bay leaves are the last before the incantation, right?" "Yes, very good.") And in those moments, when she was away from the Gryffindors long enough to realize her brains...her potential...she was beautiful in a way that Severus could not put into words. ("It’s green. Is it supposed to be green?") It wasn’t her hair, or her teeth, or her eyes...she had a beautiful mind. ("No, it’s supposed to be blue...I think it might--" BLAM! "--blow up.") He watched Potter and his cronies neglect her intelligence to death. ("Oh, they mean well, Severus. They just don’t understand me.") She stopped coming to tutoring after Christmas. ("I’m sorry...I can’t really give you a reason. You were a wonderful tutor. I just...can’t anymore. You understand right?") Potter’s idea.

But during tutoring, he got to know her in a way that went beyond Gryffindor Tower. Gryffindors reminded Severus of Sullivan. They simply do not value brains, especially in a woman. James would never realize his phenomenal luck.

"For these are the blessed...the luck-children..." Severus remembered reading that, but he could not recall where.

He remembered their last session, right before mid-terms. How she had told him she wasn’t coming back. And then she hugged him, a friendly gesture. But for Severus, it filled a part of some longing that he could not identify. Something in him reached out, longing to end his solitary bookish existence. And she left, and he returned to his books. Life went on. Until Sirius beat the shit out of him for that hug, undoubtedly by Potter’s order.

But here, in his mind, he had Lily stored up. Her how she pushed her hair behind her ear and chewed her quill, and how he used to long to just touch her.

There was no way of telling when he dozed off or how long he’d been sleeping. All he knew was that he was no longer alone.

The ripple of water against his chest had woken him. Something blurry was cutting through the foam toward him. Severus rubbed his eyes. At first he thought he was still dreaming. There was only one person in Hogwarts with hair that shade of red, and she was swimming up to him. Lily.

She rose out of the water two feet from the ledge Severus was sitting on. The foam preserved her modesty, which was good. Severus’ paradigm was wobbling. This threatened to crash the whole thing down. He doubted he had enough blood to bleed if he experienced that kind of meltdown.

"Severus," she said softly. The mermaid, who had previously been napping, now stared at the bathtub with rapt interest. "I heard what they did."

He nodded slowly.

"Do you remember...when you were tutoring me?"

"Y-yes," How could he forget? Those were his happiest months at Hogwarts.

"You warned me, Sev." She stepped closer to him, and the foam threatened to recede entirely from her breasts. This wasn’t helping Severus think straight. "You warned me when I first started dating him. You told me what he was. You said he was self-absorbed. You said--" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she sat down beside him. "You said that he would never value me for anything but my body. You said he never thought further than his own needs. And I didn’t believe you."

He felt her hip against his and his heart skipped several beats. He wanted to say something, but his voice was being very elusive.

"I still can’t believe that he would make Sirius...That they would risk your life...just for the glory of saving you."

Severus probably would have been very angry about this revelation if he wasn’t sitting naked beside Lily Evans (equally naked) in the prefect’s bath.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders lightly and a tremble went down his (o yes I do have one, Sullivan) spine and halted at the burning below his stomach. Lily smiled at this as she rested her head on his shoulders. He wrapped his shaking arms around her waist and hugged her close. He felt like he’d just found something of great import...maybe love or something damned close.

She stared up at him with her wide green eyes. "You forgive me?"

"I--yes. Of course. Lily." And he buried his face in her blood colored hair and inhaled heady patchouli and dandelions and felt at peace.

Lily shifted herself into Severus’ lap (which most certainly did NOT help him think straight.) Her lips found his neck, and worked their way to his chin. Severus felt a tingling shock when she kissed him, like the time when he was three and he tried to use Da’s wand. And then something in his mouth...her tongue? Exploring. (o this is bliss, well, at least I’ll die happy...) Her hands slipped up and down his chest.

Unfortunately, Severus’ brain was not one to simply shut down and let him enjoy the moment. Reflexes, honed by his Grandpa’s training sessions, began to connect events and facts. It all turned around in his mind until it mushed together into one concrete thought.

"Lucius!"