To Be A Monster

To Be a Monster

The wailing went on for almost an hour before Severus noticed. He was staring into his microscope, watching human heart cells wriggle and die in his latest potion when a shriek pierced his thoughts. Why this particular shriek caught him, he did not know. There had been others, louder, from the same source. But this one held a certain note of desperation. Yes, it all made sense now. Whatever Avery and his goons were playing with was getting tired.

Breaking Severus Snape's concentration was a very difficult thing to do. He was quite adept at blocking out the various sounds that were part and parcel of the Death Eater experience. However, once something broke through his mental block, it was near impossible to ignore. He tried to focus back on his heart cells, but the screams were getting louder again. Avery's new toy must have gotten her second wind. Yes, anything *that* shrill must be female. He watched the last heart cell die and recorded the time in his report.

"Fifteen seconds..." He muttered unhappily. "Should have been ten..."

Another shrill blast assaulted Severus. He suddenly wished that Avery believed in gags. And what dunderhead put HIS lab over Avery's dungeon anyway? Severus massaged the bridge of his nose and waited for the next scream. It didn't come.

Severus blinked. Maybe now he could get some work done. He started slicing up unicorn horn for the next potion. His cuts were delicate and thin, remarkable thin for something as fragile as unicorn horn. He slowly became engrossed in the horn.

The screech was entirely unexpected. Severus' hand slipped and he chopped a huge chunk off of the horn. The chunk flew off the counter and hit the floor, crumbling to dust.

That was the last straw. Severus had rank over Avery, and it was about time he used it. He stormed down the stairs that connected the lab and the dungeon.

"Honestly, Avery! Can't you keep your subjects QUIET so that those of us who are doing the REAL work can hear ourselves think?! Can't you gag--?" Severus stopped mid-sentence. "By Merlin! That's a child!"

"Yes, Severus, it is," said Avery blandly.

Bulstrode and Lestrange snickered.

The child looked female, with long black hair. They had chained her to the wall with her back to them. It looked like the three of them were taking turns lashing her, and probably worse. Severus recognized cigar burns on her arms and bruised bloomed purple on her cheeks. She had a vaguely wasted appearance that made Severus wonder how long Avery had been "playing" with her. Her skin was caked with grime and dried blood, and the horror on her face was more than Severus could ignore. She looked no more than five years old.

"Please..." she whimpered softly.

"Where did you find--?" Severus asked, aghast.

"Voldemort. Killed the parents. Aurors," Bulstrode said, in his usual curt sentences.

"Crucio," Avery said, lazily. The child wailed.

Severus watched in horror as her little face contorted in pain. "W-what are you going to do with her?"

"Hmm...I'm going to play with her a little more, and when she gets boring...I'll probably give her to Rosier. He's always enjoyed the--er--company of children."

Fresh tears streamed down the little girl's face. "Please..." She said more insistently.

Severus felt rooted to the spot. He'd always known that Avery was evil. Aurors, Severus could understand. But this is a child. An innocent in every sense of the word. Her eyes locked on his and he watched her little chest heave with silent sobs. Avery stood beside her, his hand absently stroking one thin shoulder. The girl shivered at his touch, and finally vocalized her sobs. The noise earned her a slap across the weeping gashes on her back, and she lapsed back into silence.

Avery smirked and tossed the whip at Severus (who, surprisingly, caught it.) "You want to have a go?"

Severus felt his revulsion boil up to the surface. He threw the whip to the ground in disgust. "Unchain her now," he said calmly.

Lestrange was slow to action and confused.

"I said, 'NOW!'" Severus snapped.

Lestrange disentangled the child from the thick chains. The little girl ran to her savior with open arms. Severus picked her up and she looped her thin arms around his neck.

"What are YOU going to do with her, Snape?" Avery asked, accusingly. A smug grin played at the corners of his mouth. "Never pegged you for a pedophile..."

Severus bristled, but did not respond. Instead, he turned on his heel and swept up the stairs with the child weeping into his shoulder.

* * *

It took Severus several hours to answer Avery's question. He knew he couldn't keep the child. He was a Death Eater, not a profession amicable to the raising of foundlings. He thought he might bring her to an orphanage. No good, that. Avery and his minions would probably hunt her down. They didn't take kindly to having a favorite toy taken away. For the time being, however, he was going to bathe her.

The little girl had gotten very quiet after leaving the dungeon. Severus supposed that it must have crossed her young mind that he was just like Avery. Or worse. Severus never had a way with children. But he had to get this particular child into a bath, if only to get a better estimate of her injuries.

He ran a warm bath and set out to find the girl. His flat was small, and there weren't many places big enough for a child to hide. He found her sitting in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Severus was quite grateful that she hadn't wedged herself in a cabinet.

She was chewing on her thumb. Not sucking, chewing. She had to strain her neck to look up at him. Severus laughed at this; he often forgot how tall he was. So he knelt beside the child.

"My name is Severus," he began. "What's yours?"

"Pwenny," she said around her thumb. "Pwenny Smiff."

"Penny Smith?" Severus guessed.

The little girl nodded solemnly.

"Would you like a bath, Penny?"

Penny looked to be sizing him up. Finally she said, "Wif bubbles?"

"I'm afraid I'm out of bubbles."

Penny didn't respond for a while. "Alright."

"I'm going to have to help you...you're hurt."

Penny took her thumb out of her mouth and chewed on her lower lip instead. "Okay..."

Severus held out a hand and Penny took it. He lead her to the bath and started peeling scraps of cloth off of her back. She would shudder a bit when skin came off with the cloth, and Severus would stop for a moment. Slowly and painfully, he undressed her. The pile of bits of fabric looked like it might have belonged to a lacy nightgown at one point. He lifted Penny into the tub.

The water seeped into her wounds, and she bit back a scream.

"I'm so sorry, Penny. But we have to see how bad you're hurt." Severus stroked the top of her head gently.

Penny nodded through her tears. And Severus began to scrub.

The bath took an hour. Severus had to drain the tub and fill it with clean water twice. Most of Penny's wounds were superficial, which greatly relieved him. Somewhere around the forty-minute-mark, the grime and blood washed out of Penny's hair, leaving it brown. The bruises shone brighter without the filth. They peppered her neck and shoulders, occasionally sliced in half by a lash mark.

The Cruciatus left no physical marks, of course. Severus supposed that it was some small kindness on Avery's part, to drive the child insane before handing her over to Rosier. He shivered as he was assaulted by images of what Rosier might have done to the little girl. Sick, sick, sick.

The bath relaxed Penny quite a bit. Wrapped up in terry cloth and chewing on her thumb again, she looked almost content. Severus carried her to his bedroom to locate clothes that would fit. Eventually, he settled on an old undershirt from before his last growth spurt. It positively swallowed Penny up, but it was better than letting her run around naked.

"Sev'rus..." Penny said hesitantly as he was trying to recall a good de-tangling spell.

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry."

"Oh."

Severus decided that feeding the child took precedence over de-tangling her hair. He lead her back to the kitchen and started rummaging through the cabinets. Severus was very much a bachelor at heart, and all he came up with was an ancient box of macaroni and cheese and a half-empty bottle of mustard. He scratched his head at this for a moment. Finally...

"Do you like pizza?"

* * *

Penny was clean, fed, combed, toothbrushed, and still Severus felt like he was forgetting something. He'd given her several chunks of medicinal chocolate after dinner, and liberally coated her in antibiotic cream. She was sleeping now, in his bed. And he was watching her, trying to figure out what he forgot.

Her hair turned out curly. She looked a bit like the cherubs on Christmas cards, in his oversized undershirt and the brown curls. No, he knew exactly what she looked like. She looked like the Muggle child actress Shirley Temple. His mother had an addiction to Shirley Temple films when Severus was young. Maybe she'd want the child.

No, that was silly. His mother was almost seventy years old. Too old for small children. Besides, she kept pedigreed French poodles, and those spoiled creatures did not have the right temperament for children at all.

She needs a family. The thought looped through his head over and over again. But who did he know that would want a child whose parents were slaughtered by the Death Eaters? The Malfoys had a boy about her age. No...that boy's about as rotten as they come... Severus thought. The last time he visited the Malfoys, little Draco kicked him in the shins and spent three hours wailing for sweets. He wouldn't see Penny turn out like that. Crabbe and Goyle had children...but they were Crabbe and Goyle. Dunderheads. There was Patrick and Lindsay Parkinson, who had a little girl. But Pat was a good friend of Lestrange, so that wouldn't work.

The Clearwaters. Severus almost dismissed the idea on principal. He hadn't spoken to Michael and Annie Clearwater since he'd joined the Death Eaters. They were friends from Hogwarts. A nasty Quidditch accident in Michael's fifth year had probably made children an impossible dream for them. Michael was the keeper on the Hufflepuff team. One of his own team's beaters accidentally hit a bludger right in Michael's groin in a match against Gryffindor.

Annie was a Ravenclaw with a talent for potions. She'd been Severus' friend, once. And Michael, too. But now Michael was a Ministry drone, and Annie taught Potions at Hogwarts. They were both so vehemently against the Death Eaters. Would they accept this child if he was the one bringing her to them?

He very grimly realized that they were his only option. Penny rolled over in her sleep and sighed softly. She needs a family, and she deserves one, Severus thought. And he tried to get comfortable enough in his chair to sleep.

* * *

The screams woke him up at 4:13 AM. Penny was screaming in her sleep, and struggling with some unknown presence. Severus shook her awake, finally remembering what he had forgotten. He'd wanted to give her some Living Death to ensure a good night's sleep.

Penny gasped for breath, her eyes darting around the room in terror. She caught her breath, hiccupped, and dissolved into sobs. Severus gently folded her into his arms as she cried.

"It's...not...fair..." He caught between sobs. "It's n-n-not fair..." She sniffled and looked up at him with big blue questioning eyes. "Why did m-m-my mommy and dadd-d-dy have to die?"

Severus had no idea how to explain the concept of war to a five-year-old. "Sometimes, bad things happen to people who don't deserve it, Penny," he said quietly.

"But," she said. "That's not fair."

"No. It's not. But sometimes..." Severus changed his tactics. "When I was a little older than you," he said, "my father went to work, and he never came home."

"Did the Def Eaters get him?"

"No...the Aurors did."

Penny's eyes got wide. "Was your daddy a Def Eater?"

"Yes."

"Monster. He had to die."

Severus shook his head. Oh, to be that age again, when everything was so cut and dried. "There are good and bad people in this world, Penny. You can't always tell the bad ones by which side they're on."

She thought about that for a minute. "Were they Def Eaters?"

"Who?"

Penny shivered. "The men."

"The ones that hurt you?"

She nodded.

"Yes, they were."

"But you're not." This wasn't a question.

Severus took a deep breath. "Yes, Penny, I am."

Penny cocked her head to one side and looked rather surprised. "But...you don't look like a monster..."

"Avery and Lestrange and Bulstrode did?"

"Yes." Penny shivered. "They was all monsters."

"They're far away from here, Penny."

Penny nodded. "You can't be a Def Eater. You don't hurt people like a monster."

And Severus thought of all his research. "Not directly."

"Would you hurt me?" Fear crept into her eyes.

"Never." Severus meant that. He was looking at a severe reprimand for taking Penny in the first place. He'd be damned if anything else happened to her.

"But you're not like the bad man that killed Mommy and Daddy." Penny blinked. "Why do you stay here?"

"For the knowledge. There are things worth studying, that are illegal. The Death Eaters are a means to an end, Penny. They let me study."

"Study ways to hurt people?"

"Yes."

"Then you are the same as the monsters."

"No, I'm not. I'd never hurt a child. Ever."

Penny nibbled on her lower lip a bit before she met Severus' eyes. "I'm going to grow up one day, you know. Then I won't be a kid."

Severus felt his soapbox get kicked out from under him. "Come again?"

"When I'm growed-up...I won't be a kid. You might hurt me then."

"I--" The child was right, of course. Not to mention that his research had probably made hundreds more orphans just like her...more orphans than Avery and his cronies could make in ten years.

A drop of asphodel and wormwood gave Penny a peaceful, dreamless sleep. It also gave Severus the rest of the night to decide whether or not he wanted to spend the rest of his life rescuing the orphans he created.

* * *

"Get the Hell off my lawn, Snape!" Michael Clearwater pointed his wand at Severus' throat. Annie stood behind him, clutching at his shoulder. "Take one more step and I'll blast you to a million pieces."

"Michael..." Severus sighed heavily. "I want you to think very hard about this. Why would I come here if it wasn't of the utmost importance? Why would I foolishly travel to Hogsmeade, a place that is crawling with Aurors and those friendly to the Aurors, when everybody bloody knows that I AM A DEATH EATER?"

"Put the wand away, dear," Annie said finally.

Michael kept his wand out, but at his side. "What do you want?"

"I need a colossal, life-altering favor that I probably shouldn't be asking of you," Severus said calmly, now that his life wasn't in imminent danger. "However, I have nowhere else to go." He stepped aside, revealing Penny. "This is Penny Smith. She is five years old."

Penny fidgeted in itchy, starched, cornflower-blue dress. "My whole name is Penelope Marie Smith..." She held up a fuzzy yellow bear that Severus bought for her when he bought the dress. "This is Bear."

Annie clapped a hand over her mouth. "Is she yours, Sev?"

"No," Severus said flatly. "Orphaned."

"By you?" Michael asked, accusingly.

"No. By Voldemort."

Both Clearwaters twitched involuntarily at the name. "Do you...I mean...Are you asking us...to keep her?" Annie asked quietly.

"Yes. If you'll have her." Severus looked down at Penny, who was timidly chewing on her thumb. "She needs a family. I can't provide her with that."

Michael glared at Severus suspiciously. "What if we say no?"

"I take her to an orphanage and hope, by Merlin's tooth, that the sadistic bastards I took her from don't find her."

Annie was kneeling in front of Penny and straightening her collar. Penny had a fistful of Severus' robes and seemed reluctant to let go.

Michael reluctantly pocketed his wand. He looked down at his wife with the little girl. His eyes warmed up a bit. "Penelope, did you say?"

"Penny..." Severus shrugged. "So, will you keep her?"

"I think Annie's getting quite attached."

Penny looped her arms around Annie's neck, and Annie smoothed her brown curls. "I'm not going to let this angel go to an orphanage, Michael."

"Right then, I guess we'll have her." Michael held out his hand to shake on it. "We'll get the paperwork done...so it's official..."

Annie was holding Penny and swaying slightly. Penny chewed her thumb contentedly and held onto bear with the same hand.

"Be good, Penny," Severus said. The girl nodded. "These are very nice people, and they'll take good care of you."

"You be goo' too," Penny said around her thumb. "Pwease..."

Severus nodded slightly. "Thank you, Michael."

"I'm not doing this for you," Michael said after Annie took Penny inside. "Neither is Annie. And if I ever see you here again, I won't hesitate with the wand."

"Understood."

Michael finally joined his wife and brand new daughter inside the house. Severus turned from the little house toward Hogwarts. He had urgent business with his old headmaster there.