The Recordings of Lucius Malfoy's Life... If He Lived with Me

January 7^th

Insufferable, ungrateful little brat. Son came back to Hogwarts from being imprisoned with the Muggles and you know what he did to me? He traded ME for the finishing of some story about Potter's misery. How could he do this to me? I am the one who begged, pleaded, and persuaded Narcissa into "forgetting" to use her magical contraceptives in order to get pregnant with an heir for me. And then I even offered to marry her so my heir would know how to be a Malfoy! I could have just stuck to my original plan: knock up every pureblood witch I could so the world would be populated with Malfoys. But no, I stuck to Narcissa and I was even there for Narcissa to squeeze my hand until I lost feeling in it for three days and broke every bone in it when she gave birth to the little brat!

But no, he doesn't say thank you or address any presents to me on his bloody birthday for my men for succeeding in their job. Instead he trades me for the end of a bloody story. It doesn't sound too bad when I put it in those terms. What he really did was give me to a bloody Muggle with no social life who had been known to turn a fairly respectable Death Eater into a paranoid, spineless, mentally damaged flobberworm; turn a highly respected and feared Death Eater's son who has been well known to hate all Muggles and Mudbloods (I would know, I got many complaint letters from his teachers for calling other students Mudbloods) into this Muggle's lapdog; and last but not least, she has turned the supposed "greatest Headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen" into a Muggle loving fool! Well... he was already a Muggle loving fool... scratch that last bit.

But that isn't the point! I don't care about those before me. The bigger picture is what is she going to do to ME?!

I am on a train right now sitting across from this evil incarnate. She has brown hair and brown eyes. Not nearly as attractive to my lovely blonde hair and blue eyes. If I weren't afraid of her looking at me oddly with her killing gaze, I'd flip my hair.

Ah! She's speaking to me!

"So.... Lucius... I need to tell you something. I managed to borrow a Time-Turner and when we get home, I need to take you to the past with me cause I still need to go to school. So that's what's going to happen. Okay?" What I wanted to ask was how'd she get a Time-Turner, but I've heard too many horror stories from Severus to want to know. So I settled myself by glaring at her. I will not lower myself to talk to Muggles. She is speaking to me again. Evil thing.

"Just so you know, I am NOT a Muggle. I got switched at birth on accident and a Muggle family picked me up and my parents are jealous of the possibility of my going to Hogwarts so they intercepted all my owls when I was eleven and killed them, so Hogwarts gave up on me because they were running out of owls. Okie dokie? So you can talk to me and not destroy your reputation."

Hm. Will consider this story before giving in. I will settle with an "Hmph" and turn my gaze back to the window. Will write back when something vaguely interesting happens.

Superiorly yours,

Lucius Malfoy

January 8^th

We have arrived at "Raleigh, North Carolina" aka "Hell" according to this Nikie thing. On the train she explained that I am invisible to the Muggle eye so there will be no need for insulting the Muggle fashion and dressing in it. Hmph. As if I'd actually want to. Time travelling time. Will write back later...or earlier...I don't know...

January 5^th

Okay, we went back three days. This is very odd. Now we are hiding under the kitchen sink waiting for Draco and Nikie to leave. Very uncomfortable. Hm... there is a plate of brownies in here. Unsanitary Muggles. Disgusting, foul beasts. The cupboard seems to be shrinking...

A Few Moments Later After Examining His New Surroundings...

The ceiling is shrinking! The walls are caving in! I'm going to die in here! Arraagghhh!!!

Nikie: Allo mates. Hm. Lucius just fell unconscious. I think he might be claustrophobic. Interesting... Well, you can't really fall in a cupboard so small and close to the ground. His head just sorta went limp after mumbling something about walls caving in and the world coming to an end. Odd duck. Oh no! His pretty hair is disarray! Did I use that word right? Whatever. I hope he'll be okay. Ah well. He'll live. Hopefully...

Yay! Me and Draco left! Time to pull out Lucius from the sink... now only if I can get out... This is painful. I'M STUCK! Argh! Hwa! Oh yeah! I kicked the cupboard door open. Now time to get the rest of me out... Dack! Lucius is falling on me in a rather uncomfortable position. Allow me to explain: My stomach, his head; my elbow, his knee; my head, his arm. We're pretty much one big pretzel... Uh oh... he's waking up... Probably wondering why I'm writing this all down, eh? Because I can, will be the answer. No point in busying myself by explaining the method behind my madness in this little book. No point in writing all this down in this little book, so I will stop. Dyack! He's taking the little book awa----

Lucius: Hmph. Took book away from nasty Muggle creature. She's probably contaminated it. Not to mention she's used up a large amount of the parchment in it.

Back to my point, I woke up in a rather unusual predicament... I was twisted into a knot with the Muggle girl. It screamed for help and a larger Muggle came over to help her. Oddly enough, the larger Muggle did not seem to be surprised to find Nikie under the sink with a man old enough to be her father, not that I look it or anything... wait...forgot, I'm invisible. Ooh...I can have fun with this. Muahahahaha. Will write back later.

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy

January 7^th

I've tried to make an escape and failed miserably. Nikie caught me trying to jump out her window. I told her that I saw a stray Galleon and I was trying to save it. I don't think she believed me. She told me to get down, and something about my being trapped here until Draco's story ends. Will kill son when I get out.

Currently trying to devise a new escape plan, nothing is coming out well.

Of course, I could just kill her and go on a killing spree here in Muggle America, but that would be rather difficult with out my cane in which resides my wand. My new years resolution isn't going to get out of my debt, now it is going to be go home, pry the skinny fingers of my wretched son off my precious cane, and beat him into oblivion! Then I'll come back here and kill the lot of Muggles and go back to my manor. First things first, figure out how to get out...

I have an idea! Get Nikie to think that I'm a pathetic wizard who only thinks himself to be evil (which I am, 100% evil) but is really just a weak, egocentric bastard. Shouldn't be too hard, right?

So until Nikie manages to trust me and think I'm as harmless as a puppy (couldn't think of anything that's both harmless looking yet deadly. Ah ha! Kitten! Scratch that last thing about puppies, replace with kitten), I will occupy self by lighting cat on fire with the many "lighters" that Nikie has hidden that I have come rather fond of. She even gave me a purple one that gives off green fire. Very cool.

Heh heh. Evil plan in session starting...now!

Later...

Caught self on fire in attempt to hold cat still and work lighter at the same time. I smell like burnt hair now. Yuck. Will drown self in perfume.

I smell like artificial apple scent.

Uh oh, Nikie walked in and her nostrils are dilating, as if sniffing the familiar scent of her beloved smelly-spray stuff. She has seen the empty bottle laying on the ground, and now she sees me with singed hair and claw marks. Will write back if I live...

Later...

Ow. Head hurts from evil glare receiving. Nikie threatened to beat me with my own cane if I don't replace her smelly apple spray stuff. Very scary. Her voice was low and quivery and her eyes had an evil glint to them when she glared at me, not breaking eye contact. Scary.

She'd give the Dark Lord a run for his money in a scariness competition.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She took away my green fire lighter!!! My only reason for living is gone again! I'm going to go in a corner and cry now. Not literally of course.

Really, I'm not crying.

MALFOYS DO NOT CRY!

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy (not crying)

January 11^th

No, I haven't spent three days crying my eyes out over a lighter because MALFOYS DON'T CRY.

So there is no point in thinking that I would.

Because I don't. And I didn't.

And besides, I managed to steal it back. But Nikie has introduced me to something somewhat interesting. Well, actually introduced me to two things interesting. But it's all in one thing.

First, she tried to scare me with a thingy called "Fan Fic" and failed dismally. It was rather boring actually. But then she showed me something even better! It was a picture of ME!

Or so I thought. Actually it was a picture of a British fellow called Jason Isaacs. Very sexy. Apparently Potter's adventures got into the Muggle world and they made "movies" about them. Two of them, at least. Watched them both, Severus is a sexy piece of man-meat, but aside from that, the first one was rather boring.

But the second one was MUCH better! It had Severus and ME. Both of us being very sexy pieces of man meat. Both of us being very evil sexy pieces of man meat.

Very sexy. I had beautiful blonde hair. And I got to suspend Dumbledore. How I miss that moment. Bloody brats Potter and Weasley spying on my delightful moment. Made it even better though, I got to suspend the longhaired Muggle loving idiot man right in front of them and they couldn't do anything about it.

Jason Isaacs... my new god. I will worship him until the day I die. Will write later, must look at pretty pictures.

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy

January 12^th

Slightly disturbed. One of Nikie's evil little friends emailed her a picture of G.G.J.I. (Gorgeous God, Jason Isaacs) in women's clothes. Unsure what was going on.

Was he facing a moment of identification insecurity? Why was he wearing a sparkly green dress and false fingernails?

Nikie tells me it was from a movie called Sweet November. Still disturbed. Why did he play a woman? Were there not enough gorgeous women out there with the talent that meets that of Jason Isaacs? That must be it.

Nikie tells me that he was playing a transvestite. Apparently, according to her, gorgeous people have a tendency to play those. No clue what she is talking about.

Now she is going on about possibly renting Sweet November because she wants to see a highly respected British actor in a sparkly green dress. Sadist.

However, I would not mind seeing why he is in a sparkly green dress. Still disturbed, however. Until I see Sweet November, I will raid Nikie's extensive movie selection in hope of finding a Jason Isaacs movie. She says he's in a very good on called Armageddon where he gets to wear cute little glasses, but he has a total of three lines, just about. Hm...

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy

PS: My anti-evil plan is in session and it seems to be working wonderfully. But remember, I really am evil. I'm just good at acting like a vain, egocentric, self-centred, arrogant, conceited, stuck up prat. Unsure why, but it just comes so naturally.

January 18^th

Just saw Sweet November. Very boring. Discovered why Jason Isaacs in a sparkly, green dress though. Apparently he played an Irish, homosexual, transsexual who was part time "Chaz" and part time "Cherry". Cherry was the one with the sparkly dress.

Now I am bored out of my mind due to Nikie kicking me off line so she can hunt down interviews with Jason Isaacs talking about wearing women's underwear.

Maybe I should take this chance to find out how much longer I'm here for. Will write back with answer.

Later...

Asked and she mumbled something about it not being updated. Damn.

Well, I'm bored now. What to do... I could plot! That is what I can do! Because that's what evil wizards such as myself do so well! I can plot! I will plot!

Yep...still plotting...What to plot about is the question? Taking over the world, that is a good one. How to take over the world...Kill off all Muggles! That is what I will have to do! Oh yes...minor flaw, Dark Lord is back and very strong and will kill me as soon as he finds out he has competition. Damn. Can't overthrow the Dark Lord, that's a suicide mission. If he takes over the world successfully, I will still be his mistress, so I will probably be second in command. That's a good spot. Nice piece of power in one hand, and mass orgies with the Dark Lord and his other little friends. Very good.

That's enough plotting for today.

I'm going to go find the cat to light on fire...

Later...

Damn cat saw me coming, practicing my thumb work with the lighter and it darted outside under the porch. Invisible or not, I am not going to make myself look like an idiot on all fours trying to lure a cat out to light it on fire.

Bloody rodent.

Hm... speaking of rodents, there is a cage of suspicious looking fire-lighting opportunities that the residents call ferrets. About time I figure out what these things are after calling people them as insults... good thing I'm using them as insults, ugly as ... er... ugly things.

Lifting cage roof... reaching into ferret cage ... getting hold of ferret ... thumb in lighting position... fire inching close to ferret ...

Damn! Bloody ferret woke up and nearly scratched my hand off. Made me drop lighter and now the hem of my robes is on fire! Will write back when fire is out.

Later...

Bloody robes are singed and I smell funny again. Bloody rodents.

Will write back when if I come out alive after asking Nikie for smelly stuff...

Later...

Nearly died! Asked for smelly spray stuff and she said in evil, pleasant tone that I can use all the smelly stuff I want when I replace it. She then gave me a "friendly" glance (really an evil-I-will-kill-you-if-you-don't-replace-my-stuff-soon look) and returned to reading things on the Internet.

Life threatening.

So now I have to go about the house smelling like a burnt ...uh...burnt thing. Dammit! I can't think of any good similes anymore! Will spend the rest of the day pondering on good similes. Will write back in the morning...

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy

January 19^th

Forced to wake up at ungodly hour in the morning. I need my beauty rest! I only got two hours of sleep in! Bloody Nikie for being right about lack of sleeping hours. Bloody Nikie for being right about staying up until four o'clock in the morning trying to think of similes will give me only two hours of sleep. Bloody Nikie for not forcing me down and tying me to my bed. Bloody Nikie for being Bloody Nikie.

After five large mugs of very strong espresso, I managed to collect enough energy to brush hair.

Hair got frizzy. Makes me wish I were back in Azkaban. At least there it's fashionable to look dreadful with frizzy hair.

Reminds me of a bad dream. I dreamt that my hair curled overnight and I tried brushing it out and it kept growing into one big poof ball. A flash back from the eighties. The eighties was a ten yearlong nightmare. Not at the time, of course, but now I look back on it... big hair should be made a crime.

Now sulking in Nikie's Spanish class. Of course, being invisible, I could harass the lower life forms known as Muggles, but I am too sleep deprived, grouchy, and homesick to do that, so I am going to sulk and write in this miserable bundle of parchments here.

Hm...what to write...

Once upon a time there was a beautiful prince by the name of Lucius Malfoy and he was trapped all alone in a horrid kingdom overrun by Mudbloods and anything but precious purebloods. Poor Lucius didn't know what to do. He couldn't just kill them all, that would put an end to all the sports worth playing, such as Muggle Hunting, Mudblood Maiming, Muggle Torturing, Poke the Mudblood, Kick the Muggle and much, much more that Lucius loved so dearly.

One day, Lucius was kidnapped by the said beasts and locked up in a Muggle home where he had to be prisoner. Turned in by his own son, Lucius did not know what to do. He tried many brave and daring escape plans that all failed, much to his dismay. He was sick with fear and worry about what would happen to his beautiful head and his people back in the Magical world if he did not return shortly.

Finally deciding to take his risks with the food the evil Nikie beast offered him, he found himself slightly stronger. With this new strength, Lucius decided to write out all his brilliant ideas and plans to escape and return to his people.

Thinking he could use his wonderful and highly useful cane in his attempt, he soon realized that his horrid son stole it in Lucius's attempt to defend himself. Silently cursing his son, Lucius carried on with his plans, hoping against hope that he could find a way to escape without the help of his handy, dandy cane.

Hm... this sounds like a good, sturdy story. I will be carried on for generations. Ah yes, I can see it now: grandparents telling their grandchildren, and then grandchildren telling their grandchildren and on and on.

"Oh, Granny, tell me about Lucius the Great, I love that story. That poor wizard being forced to live with Muggles!"

Yes, very sad indeed. Hopefully by then the Muggle population will drop drastically and they will be used as slaves. That'll shut up that bloody Mudblood who's in love with house-elves. Granger, was her name? Yes, what will she say when she finds herself in a cage replacing my house-elf? Ha ha! Such lovely fantasies.

The Nikie thing is looking at me oddly. Dyack! She gave me a piece of paper. My eyes! They'll burn! The evils of Muggle-ism will turn my eyes and brain into goop! Oh... it's a note. Ahem.

Hello. Going to stop wishing evil things about me yet? How did she know? No! She can read minds! Must practice Occlumens while here... Well, I'm bored so I'm going to talk to YOU! You should feel privileged. *snort* HA! Do you know any foreign languages? This class is terribly boring. Why I picked it, I'll never know. Anyways, I doubt you want to hear about my complaints about Spanish. Hey, where'd you get that oh, so very festive cane of yours? I want one! Who do you think I should ask for when you leave? I'll be terribly bored without you. Mind you, you're not doing a great job at keeping me entertained. Write back!

~*~Nikie~*~

Hmph! Scribbling on back...

Miss Nikie, I beg of you to not give me demands, as you are not my boss. No, I do not know any foreign languages. I know only two languages: English and Bad English. Do you wish me to show you my wonderful tongue with Bad English? My "oh-so very festive cane" of mine is mine, so I will not tell you where I got it. It is festive isn't it? Unfortunately, I do not have it because of my troll of a son took it when he told me you are taking me home. Mark my words, when I get my hands on it you, Draco, and Dumbledore are all going to get beat into bloody pulps. As for who to replace me, I say the Mudblood Granger. She should be in her natural habitat of the Muggle World and not pollute my natural habitat of the Magical world. Now please refrain from writing to me, I have a novel to write that will be a legend of the Magical World.

Folded it and handed it back to Nikie-Brat. She read it and now she is laughing at me. Psh. Brat doesn't appreciate fine literature. Ah! She's giving me another note! She doesn't follow instructions well, or threats. Grumble, mumble, grumble.

Be nice to Hermione! But that is a good idea; I'll have her come over the summer. I wouldn't want to torture her by separating her from school, would I? You are fluent in Bad English too? Wow! It must be a very popular language because it is spoken about the school. You like to write novels, eh? I like to write 'em too. Well, I never really finish them, but I do like writing them. Now why would you want to beat ME into a bloody pulp? I didn't make the offer, Draco did. Speaking of whom, I need to check the Internet for his story updates. Sadistic little germ, he thinks it's humorous because poor Harry is miserable. I feel bad for Harry, don't you? Well, then again, you're a Malfoy and a Death Eater so I doubt you'd pity the poor boy. I think I should go to Hogwarts, don't you? I would be in Hogwarts but my owls all got intercepted. Poor owls. *Tear, tear*

Me?! Pity Potter?! HAHAHAHAHA!

I beg your pardon, but are you trying to be funny by asking whether I'd pity Potter? Because if you are, I must applaud you because you've succeeded quite well. I'm urinating my pants; I'm laughing so hard. Do you honestly think I care whether you write novels or not? I was trying to use that line to get you to stop passing notes to me! As for your owls, I do feel bad for the owls for dying in their desperate quest in looking for your pathetic being. However, if you were to be in Hogwarts, I wouldn't be here in the Muggle World, so I'm supposing that I pity you a small fraction because you are not in the world you wish to be. Yes, I agree, Draco IS a sadistic little germ. Did you hear him laughing like a howler monkey when Dumbledore sent you and I to the King's Cross? If you manage to get on my good side (highly doubtful) I will think twice before beating you to a pulp. But you better be on my good side! Yes, unfortunately Bad English isn't as rare and beautiful as it once was. Ruddy children abusing the lovely language and making it a common thing. I remember back in the day when it was exotic and people had such wonderful reactions when hearing it; now it's just "tut tut, you shouldn't say those things," and turn a blind eye. I blame you.

There, that should keep her busy for a short period of time. Back to my story...

Lucius, tied to Nikie's side, sat rather bored, but alert in case of her fellow delinquents might spot him and make an attempt of torture and maiming out of their own boredom, in her foreign language class in her Muggle school ---

Ack! Note from Nikie again!

Why do you blame me? What did I do? Psh. Weirdo. Draco doesn't laugh like a howler monkey, where'd you get that from? Are you going senile, by any chance? I worry for your mental health. Ooh! I smell sarcasm! 'I'm urinating my pants, I'm laughing so hard' very nice. I didn't need that mental image. *Shivering involuntarily* what do you mean by "good side"? I'M FOURTEEN, YOU PERVERT! You're older than my mother! That's just wrong! But then again, you are a Malfoy and a Death Eater, so I doubt that matters much to you, eh? AH! MENTAL IMAGE! *Hitting head on desk*

Wha--AHHH! MENTAL IMAGE!!!. Grr... daring to call ME a pervert...

For your information, you disgusting little ferret, I was NOT implying that you leapt into bed with me. YOU HAVE MY SON'S ACTIONS AT THE SNAP OF YOUR FINGERS! WHY THE BLOODY HELL WOULD I WANT TO SLEEP WITH THE GIRL OF MY SON'S BIDDING?! LOOK WHO'S THE PERVERT! Speaking of my son, why did you have to turn him from a possible future somewhat respectable Death Eater into your lap dog? WHY?! And I would appreciate that you stop blaming my "flaws" (ha! As if I'd have any!) on my name, thank you very much.

Ha, ha! That'll show her! I am going to sit and smile smugly and cast evil glares at the children, and then cackle evilly as I see them shiver involuntarily at my glares of ice.

Oh. Sorry 'bout that. Teenager. I'll blame my hormones on that. And sorry about turning Draco into a lap dog. And I'll try to stop blaming your "flaws" (ha! As if you wouldn't have any! You're a Malfoy AND a Death Eater! I think the answer lies within the question... sorry about the Malfoy bit, I'll stop with blaming things on your name. It isn't fair. I beg for your forgiveness *on knees begging*) on your name. Can I continue blaming it on you being a Death Eater then?

Psh. I refuse to forgive the little brat.

Hmph! I will NOT forgive you so quickly! And yes, you can blame my "flaws" (I do NOT have any! But if I did, I'd blame them on Death Eater-ism, but when it comes to my ears, you can blame that on bad genetics. You blame yours on your hormones, I'll blame mine on my choices) on being a Death Eater. I'll also let you blame them on Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy Senior, Lord Voldemort, Bellatrix and Rodulphos Lestrange, Salazar Slytherin, Narcissa Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore, Cornelius Fudge, Harry Potter, Arthur Weasley, every little Mudblood polluting the pureblood air, Sirius Black, and Elvis Presley.

The last person should keep her thinking for a little while.

Elvis? What did he do to you? ... OHHHHH... I get it now! Okay, okay. Poor Lucy! Have a cookie!

Lucy? Did... LUCY?!

Begging your pardon, but did you just call me Lucy?

Are you illiterate? Written right there.

WHY IN HEAVEN'S NAME DID YOU CALL ME LUCY?! I ABSOLOUTELY FORBID YOU FROM EVER CALLING ME THAT FOUL, REPULSIVE NAME EVER AGAIN!

I--uh oh ~~~

Uh oh, indeed. Her teacher just took the paper off her desk. Ahem:

"Nichole, what is this?"

"uh... Notes?"

"Mm hmm. I've realized that, but it isn't anything about my Spanish lesson."

"Yes there is, it's at the top. It just sort of faded into something about Lucy..."

"'This class is terribly boring, why I picked it, I'll never know'. Well, how about you spice up the lesson by reading me your notes?"

"Sure. Mind you, I may confuse the lot of you into oblivion."

"I look forward to it."

Ack! She's reading it aloud in front of class!

...Moments later, the teacher is now looking at Miss Nikie confusedly and slightly frightened for her sanity.

"Nichole, who is responding to your notes?"

"Lucius."

"Who is Lucius?"

A deadly Death Eater who could kill you in an instant if his snot of a son didn't take his cane... wait a minute... I think I have my back up cane...

"Lucius is my friend. He's invisible though, and I doubt he'd want to talk to you."

No, I wouldn't. Ah ha! My back up cane! It was in my secret pocket of my cloak. I just need to unfold it and it will be as good as my other. Special rule of any respectable evil person: always have a back-up strutting stick with wand inside.

"Invisible friend?" I wouldn't quite say friend.

"Yup. But I doubt he'd want to call me a friend. Just someone his son sold him to for the ending of a story he was reading. Long story. Do you wish to hear it?"

No, she wouldn't because she thinks you are insane. However, I wouldn't mind hearing it. I would like to know how this whole thing began.

"Dear, I think you should go see the nurse..."

"Why? I feel fine."

"I'm sure you do, but just go to the nurse."

"Okay, fine. Come on, Lucius."

What?! I don't want to go anywhere!

"I think Lucius can stay here."

Thank you!

"Psh. You just want him to yourself. And you say you're married!"

"I beg your pardon?! SHE CAN'T SEE ME, SO HOW CAN SHE POSSIBLY BE ATTRACTED TO ME?!" I told her.

"Lucius, you know your effect on people. Either they run away screaming or they start giving you lap dances. My god, if you and Sev were together the entire world would be more jealous of you than they already are."

"We were together... Then Narcissa came along and I needed to knock her up. Needed an heir, you see?"

"Sev told me you two were never an item."

"I left him crying in the streets. He probably denied it after it happened."

"Aye. Well, come along. Time to go, Lucy."

"Do NOT call me Lucy!"

"I'll scream the name Lucy for the entire building to hear if you don't come to the loony bin with me, 'cause that's where my teacher is going to send me if I carry on this conversation with someone she can't see or hear."

Mumbling and grumbling incoherently, I reluctantly stood up and followed her. Left the teacher talking under her hand to the felly tone. Assuming she called the loony bin. I don't think she should go to the loony bin. After all, she was only talking to someone completely sane and delightful, only invisible and mute to the Muggle eye and ear.

Me.

Well, getting rather bored with this and I might get sent back to Azkaban for killing a Muggle in passing again. Need to practice my wand movement, see? Haven't used it in a couple of weeks. Pity, Nikie was beginning to dawn on me. Ah well. I'll get out eventually, and maybe I'll be able to pull some strings and get Nikie into Hogwarts. Doubt I will though. No one trusts me any more. Rather depressing really...

Until then...

Superiorly Yours,

Lucius Malfoy.