Rescue Me

Chapter Eight: Whirlwind

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

The older I get
Will I get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

-continued lyrics from "The Older I Get" by Skillet

Hermione sat in front of the fire that evening after everybody had gone to bed. She stared into it, letting it put her into a trance and making her feel like she's never felt before. She watched the flames dance around in the fire place and wished they could've been around her, consuming her body and burning her flesh until it turned to ash.

She moved in her chair, holding a book next to her. It wasn't a book that she had gotten from the library; it was a book she had found once in a Muggle store over the summer that she read when she felt sad or lonely.

She opened up the book and looked at the picture of a girl staring back at her, looking exactly how she felt. The book was sort of a counseling book, used to help young girls like Hermione overcome their pain and move on in their life.

Hermione used it as a book for ideas.

She flipped through the pages, seeing what some of the girls did to hurt themselves.

Then, Hermione found it.

Pills.

Of course. How could she have not thought of that before? She could get some Advil or Tylenol or something small and stupid and no one here would know what it was for. She could say it was Muggle medicine that her parents had sent her.

So easy.

So clean.

So destructive.

She thought for a moment about it. Pills could be extremely destructive...she could overdose without actually meaning to.

Isn't that what I want?

An overdose. An overdose of pain... that may be what could send her over the edge...

Hermione pulled out some parchment and a quill.

Dear Mom,

Hello! How's everything going? Everything here's going good... except I have a problem. I keep getting these headaches and I can't get rid of them. I've visited the Hospital Wing, but nothing seems to work. Do you think you could send me some Advil or Tylenol or something? Those always seem to help me when I have my headaches at home.

I hope everything's going good. I miss you guys! Christmas vacation is coming up soon. I'm debating whether or not to come home for it. I don't know. I'll keep you posted.

Well, once again, hope everything's good! Keep in touch.

Love,

Hermione

Hermione read the letter. She couldn't believe that she was actually asking her parents to help her in her destructive ways.

I may have pushed myself too far...

Hermione folded up the letter and went up the stairs to her dorm where she decided she would use Parvati's owl without asking her.

The owl went away and Hermione watched her go. She went back into the Common Room and found Harry standing there.

"Oh," she said, taken aback. "Hello, Harry."

Harry looked up at her and looked relieved to see her. "There you are!" he said, exasperated.

"Here I am," she said bluntly. "Were you looking for me?"

"Yes, actually. I went to Slytherin and met this Marla girl of yours."

Hermione descended the stairs and went over to Harry.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Hermione, listen. She's trouble. They're all about partying and smoking and doing things that I know you don't do."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Newsflash, Harry. I've been doing a lot of things that I normally wouldn't do. There's just nothing that you can do about it, that's all."

Harry stared at Hermione in horror. "You did not just say that, Hermione."

For some reason, Hermione all of a sudden felt an attitude towards Harry. "Are you deaf or something? I'm pretty sure I did just say that, Harry."

"Hermione, you aren't drinking and smoking and doing the things that the Slytherins do, are you?"

Hermione shrugged. "What's it to you?"

"It's everything to me! Hermione, you're in the middle of a whirlwind! I don't know if you realize that or not, but you're definitely not being you! Drinking, smoking, cutting yourself, forcing yourself to throw up and God knows what else! This isn't you! You know it, I know it... Hermione, I know you told me not to say anything but I can't just sit back and watch you do this to yourself."

"Harry, this is none of your business," Hermione said icily, shooting daggers and Hermione.

Harry shook his head and stared at her in disbelief. "I can't believe that this is coming from you. This isn't you, Hermione. You need help."

She laughed. "I'm beyond help, Harry. There's so much going on that you don't even know about. You're just naïve, that's all."

"I'm not naïve, Hermione! I know that there are other things going on! Would you just talk to me?"

"Harry, I've talked to you enough! And if you're threatening to tell people about it, then it's obvious that I can't even trust you with what you already know! So if you don't mind, I'd like to go to bed."

"You're not getting away that easily," he snapped.

"You can't control what I do. I know you're the great Harry Potter and everything, but there are things you can't save. There are things you can't conquer or be a hero for. I happen to be one of those things. Good night."

Hermione stormed out of the Common Room, leaving Harry completely aghast.

--

The next morning Hermione was shocked to find Parvati's owl returning with the pills she asked for and a letter from her mother.

Dear Hermione,

I'm sorry you're getting headaches, honey! I know that you get them a lot... hopefully this will help you! Magic can't solve everything, obviously.

Everything's going good here! I haven't heard from you in such a long time, I was beginning to wonder about you! You seemed a little down in the dumps when you left, is everything better now?

I hope you're staying out of trouble! Hope to see you over the holidays as well! Well, I'll talk to you later!

Love you with all my heart,

Mom

Hermione felt a sudden urge of guilt. How could she be doing something so evil as what she was doing when she had parents so kind as hers?

Because they didn't care.

But did they? Was Hermione over thinking everything that had been going on?

Hermione folded up the letter and put it away, careful not to ruin it. She looked around.

The dorm was empty.

Hermione sighed and opened up the pill bottle and poured six pills into her hand.

She felt tears well up in her eyes again. That's always how it would work. She would do something she knew she shouldn't be doing, and she would cry. That was her defense. Stupid tears.

Her tears turned to tears of anger and she swallowed the six pills whole. She knew she would be feeling a little high or loopy soon. She actually didn't know how she would be feeling, seeing as how this was the first time she'd done something like this.

Hermione closed the bottle and put it away under her pillow.

The door opened and Parvati walked in and rolled her eyes.

"Being a little on the emotional side again? It's good to see you're cooping yourself up in here and not going out to face the real world."

Hermione felt her anger flaring up again. "Why are you on a mission to hurt me? What did I ever do to you?"

Parvati laughed. "Why do you think everything has to be about you?" she said icily and left the room.

About ten minutes later, Hermione felt a little odd. She didn't know exactly how she was feeling. It was sort of like a mixture between really, really tired and really, really high.

The dorm room started to spin around her.

She laid down on her bed.

The wooziness was comforting. She smiled and let it overcome her. Even smoking anything with Marla wasn't as exhilarating as this.

Hermione felt sleep coming over her.

If sleep was all Tylenol made her do, Hermione knew she'd have to get something else.

She'd have to talk to Marla again.

--

That evening, Hermione went to see Marla, but instead she found Draco in the middle of the hall.

"Hey," he said. The moonlight was shining perfectly on his smiling face, and for the first time ever, Hermione felt a surge of love for him.

"Hey," she whispered.

"I was just coming to see you."

"Oh? Well, I was just going to Slytherin."

"To see me?"

"Maybe. It wasn't first on my agenda, but I could've swung by and stopped to have a quickie."

"Well, you could have your quickie first and then go to the House to do whatever it is you wanted."

Hermione smiled. "Where?"

Draco nodded towards a shut door. "Broom closet. Always a good place."

Hermione smiled and Draco led her into the closet.

After they had finished, Hermione went to the Slytherin House and found Marla and told her about her present situation.

"Dumb friends," said Marla.

"Tell me about it," said Hermione.

"And so now you're fucking Draco?"

"Yeah."

"Fun painkiller," she said in a mocking voice.

Hermione laughed. "Speaking of painkillers..."

"Right, the pills. Yeah, I can hook you up, don't worry."

Hermione felt oddly relieved. "Oh, good."

"Yeah. I went shopping through the Muggle world. They got some good stuff out there. But you shouldn't start off really strong or anything. You don't want too much too fast."

"Yeah, well, I had some Tylenol today."

"Good start. I'll hook you up with some better stuff later on."

"Good. Thank you, Marla."

"What are friends for?"

Hermione smiled and left, going back to the Gryffindor Common Room. She sighed as she saw Harry there again.

"Hermione," said Harry. "I know."

"What?" she asked, confused.

Harry took a deep breath. He was obviously struggling to say something and Hermione looked at him as if looking would coax it out of him.

"I know about you and Draco."

Hermione froze and fear shot up her back.

How?

"Oh," she said. She went over to a chair and sat down. "I see."

Harry stared at her. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Harry, it's not what you think."

"It's not even just snogging! If you just hid in a closet and snogged then that would be fine, but fucking? Come on, Hermione! I know this isn't you."

"How did you find out?"

"How the hell do you think I found out? This is Draco you're talking about! He hates us! He wants us to feel pain, and you're not using him as much as he's using you as his fucking rag doll!"

Hermione froze and looked at the ground.

She was being used.

He had promised her that he loved her.

And he was using her.

For his own pleasure.

"Harry, I know this is really weird."

"Weird? Weird doesn't really explain it."

"Harry, have you talked to Ron at all?"

"Yes."

"Then why is he still listening to Parvati?"

"He's blinded by a love that isn't even there." Harry sat down across from Hermione. "Just like somebody else I know."

Hermione looked down, avoiding all eye contact with Harry.

"This has to stop," he said.

"It won't," said Hermione. "I don't even care anymore. Just go and tell everyone. Tell Ron. Maybe it'll stop."

"Fine," said Harry. "I will. I'll tell Ron tomorrow and he'll come and save you, you'll see."

Hermione nodded. "Good. Tell him tomorrow."

"I will. And then I can stop worrying about you."

Hermione sighed. "Harry, there's nothing to worry about. I can take care of myself. Really."

"Really?"

"Yes. And this is scary, but you're so confident that Ron will help me. So tell him. See if he cares."

"I will. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

If I even last that long.