Behind Emerald Eyes

Lost Without You

I will keep my eyes patiently focused...on you. Where are you now? I can hear footsteps. I'm dreaming. And if you will keep me from waking to complete this...I swear that I can go on forever, again. Please let me know, that my one bad day will end." - Lost Without You by Blink182

With tears all cried and feelings exposed, the two long-lost friends decided it was time to finally talk. With no yelling, no crying and especially no fighting. They were just going to talk face to face, calmly and like the friends they once were. Ginny began with what happened when Harry left. How Hermione and Ron acted and how the rest of world resurfaced.

"When you left the battle scene with Voldemort and Dumbledore both dead, we didn't know what to do. Hundreds of people died. It was unimaginable what damage was caused. Half the castle had to be rebuilt along with Hagrid's cabin. Most of the Forbidden Forest was replanted due to the fire burning it to the ground. Not many animals were left after the werewolves and Dementors raided the remaining forest. Heaps of people had been kissed by Dementors and now they are still in a Recovery Hospital outside of Scotland. It was so terrible stepping out from the castle to face that! I just broke down. When Ron and Hermione found you standing above the dead Tom Riddle, at first they were thankful that you survived. Then proud that you finally defeated Voldemort. But then they were upset and angry.

"You didn't know what it was like being trapped in the castle, having no way of getting out helping fight. We had no idea what was happening or who was dead or alive. Occasionally we had to hex off a few Death Eaters who were attempting to gain entrance through your charm. But we felt useless. We thought you were dead! And we had no way of helping you! It felt as if you thought we wouldn't stand a chance against Death Eaters and was weak. So weak you had to cage us away from the fighting!

"Then when we heard no more, we knew it was the end. No noise could be heard from out the great doors, it was just silence. We immediately thought you were dead. That Voldemort had killed you and everyone out there! It was so horrible not knowing and being kept out of it all!

"Then when the ward fell away and the blood-red grounds shown upon our faces as we stepped out, we knew either you or Voldemort were dead! At first we spotted Dumbledore lying at the feet of someone who was practically glowing with power, we didn't know what to do! Then we recognized you. You were the one standing over Dumbledore! It didn't look as though you had defeated the most feared man in the world! You looked so sad. It was as if the world had ended but you were free. There was a freeness in you face we had never seen before! But then we remembered what you did to us and there was no way we could so easily forgive you! You could have died! And if we had been out there with you, we could have prevented it! That was why Ron and Hermione blew up! They knew how much you hated having to sit back and watch while others fight! That was how we felt!

"When you left without so much as a 'see you later' we knew how much it hurt you to have to leave. A week from that day, Albus Dumbledore was buried in the Graveyard of his ancestors. So many people showed up! There were thousands spread out between the graves, all crying. It was terrible! My family and I were right at the front! We could see the coffin being layered into the ground. Fawkes was there as well, sitting on Alberforth Dumbledore's shoulder. They looked so much alike that I almost believed he was my headmaster..."

It was true. Harry had met the old man once before, in his sixth year. It turned out that the bartender in the Hog's Head was Dumbledore's brother, keeping an eye on the students in Hogsmeade.

"It was never the same again," continued Ginny, wiping a solitary tear from her eye. "With you, Voldemort and Dumbledore gone, we had nothing to do with ourselves. It was as if we had lost you too. We mourned almost everyday for the ones lost. When I returned to Hogwarts for my last year, I knew that the school would never be the same again. You could see it in everyone's eyes. The professor's looked older than I ever knew. Their eyes were dull and you could just tell how much Dumbledore was loved and missed by just looking in their them.

"Hermione was first to go. It was only a few months after you left that she decided to make a new life for herself. She moved to France to teach Transfiguration for the Beauxbatons School. We hear from her occasionally. She and Ron haven't talked since the beginning of last year. She seems to be going okay. She has made a really great life for herself."

Harry smiled sadly. "That's good..."

"And Ron has been working at the Ministry as Junior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic. Dad thinks he is much better than Percy ever was. We still haven't heard from him either since Fudge vanished. Ron has been dating Luna Lovegood, the girl the same age as me, you remember her?" Harry nodded slowly. She was another member of the group he had led into the clutches of Death Eaters in his fifth year.

"Yeah, they've been together a little over twelve months. We believe she is just a substitute for Hermione to Ron. It broke his heart when Hermione left but not as much when he discovered that you weren't coming back. It broke all our hearts Harry. We knew you were only trying to keep us alive by locking us in. But it would have been better if you just let us fight. That way if we died, it would have been fighting by your side. Instead of hiding out in the castle while others were killed fighting the way we should have been. You taught us well, Harry. And we would have helped you defeat Voldemort!" Harry seriously doubted this, but said nothing.

"We weren't the only ones broken hearted. Remus was so distraught. He stopped eating and became extremely ill. The werewolf transformations had really taken a toll on him and the loss of you only deepened the hole that had been dug when he lost your parents. Right now he is living by himself somewhere that we can't find. We have no way of contacting him and have no idea if he's even living!" This news brought even more guilt pressing down over Harry's heart.

Remus Lupin had been there for him when he thought all was lost. After the death of Sirius, they both had mourned together. They shared a common bond in loosing the ones they held close. James and Lily had been Harry's parents and Remus's best friends. When they were killed, it left them both lost and alone. Then Sirius died. This death reopened old wounds and left a gaping ravine in them both. But with many hours of mourning and talking through their pain, they were able to overcome the loss and remember all the good things about Sirius Black, godfather and best friend.

Just the thought of Remus in pain over Harry, was enough to make him mentally scream at himself for leaving him alone when all the man ever did was be like a second father. He had been so selfish when he ran. He didn't even think about whom he would leave behind. All he had thought about was loosing Ron and Hermione; his two best friends. He didn't think about loosing another father or breaking the bonds of a surrogate family like the Weasley's. Running had been the cowardly way of escaping even if he had just defeated the worlds darkest wizard. Harry had run because he couldn't face living without Ron and Hermione. Now he saw how much of a fool he had been. If he had stayed he could have mended the breaks in their friendship and maybe created a better life with them in it. Now he was all alone in the middle of Muggle London living with a man who didn't know his true name.

Ginny sensed his inner battle. She clasped his hand in her own and squeezed it tightly. "Everything is okay now, Harry. I've found you and when we go back-!" Harry interrupted her.

"I'm not going back, Ginny..." Harry said firmly, letting her hand go. Pain and confusion flashed across her shining eyes.

"What? Why not?"

"I've made a new life for myself. Going back will only stir up old memories. Anyway, Ron and Hermione will never forgive me for what I did; I probably wouldn't if it was me in their place." Ginny grabbed his hand again and wouldn't let it go.

"No, Harry. You would forgive them because you're so much of a forgiving person. When I opened the Chamber I was so sure that you would shunt me away because I was so foolish. But when I realized you were the one who saved me down there and you held no signs of disgust or repulsion towards me, I knew you were different. And I know that if it was Ron or Hermione who locked you in, that you would forgive them. And I know my brother and Hermione. Ron may take a while to come round due to his thickhead, but he and Hermione will forgive you in time. They know why you did it but never thought to ask you actually why you did it! They were so angry with you that when they finally realized what your intentions were, it was too late. You had vanished."

Harry knew that the youngest Weasley was right once more. But he could not or would not return to the one place which held so many foul memories that had plagued his sleep for years. Voldemort had mostly been the one to deliver the false visions in his head and the terrible nightmares that caused him to awake screaming. Voldemort was gone but the nightly fears remained. Some nights he would wake up, yelling and sweating. Dave would run in and ask what was wrong. Harry always passed them off as old memories from living at his relatives all those years. The man accepted these explanations. But a cloud of doubt always hung above Harry's head that his muggle room-mate knew more than what he let on.

The last years had been spent with such a loneliness that no one, except maybe Sirius, could match. Spending the days wandering the streets or cooped up in his apartment, all Harry could do to keep his mind from walking the path to his past was take sleeping pills to make him sleep and forget, or work out so much in the gym down the street so his body was too weak to even register his thoughts in his own head. These intense work-out periods did much for his figure. Once a skinny scrawny boy, underweight and usually in the Hospital Wing. Harry was now standing tall and well built. He was still skinny and slightly underweight but he didn't look unhealthy anymore. Instead, he looked different to the boy five years ago. Ginny had to have a good look at him to know it was truly Harry Potter. But his eyes had not changed. They had grown older and wiser but they still sparkled with an unnatural emerald shimmer.

"I don't know what to do, Ginny," Harry said, bowing his head. "When I thought my life was free of magic and everything that came with it, you showed up. During my time away I have tried to turn my life around, to forget my past. I didn't want to, but when I think about what I have done and what has happened, I don't think I can face it. Not alone, anyway. Dumbledore had always been the one I could look up to. Even though sometimes I absolutely hated his understanding and annoying knowledge, I still respected him. He could make me feel his equal. As if I wasn't a fifteen year old and he wasn't the most powerful man of our time. He made me feel just as much as he was, and maybe a little more.

"Even though he kept many things from me that I should have known, I understand now that he only did it to keep me safe. In a way he was like a grandfather to me.

"But when or if I go back, I won't know what to do! He had always been like a thought of comfort and safety. Everyone knew and loved him. If I go back, I'm afraid people will believe I killed him and blame me, even though I rather did. If I go back...I will be back where I started. Alone and without someone to keep me safe..." Ginny was crying again but drew him into a tight hug. The smell of honey met his senses. Her orange locks comforted him and made him feel home. They pulled away. She wiped her eyes and flicked a tear from Harry's face which had been rolling down to his chin.

"You won't be alone. You will have Ron and Hermione. You will have Remus and Tonks, who has been almost as distraught as Lupin trying to find you. You will have Luna and Neville. My parents, Fred, George, Bill and Charlie. And you will have me. We will not let you be alone, Harry. We will be there to care for you. We will keep you safe. After-all, you are family!" Harry grinned sadly. It was true. The Weasley's were as much as a family as anyone could be.

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The day was passing. The sun was sinking into the far horizon. Ginny and Harry were watching it with certain peace. During the many hours the two reunited friends had talked. They had conversed about many things. Such as what they were planning to do when they finally sorted out their life. Or what had been happening in the world since the downfall of Voldemort. But right at the moment, the conversation had turned to Ron and Hermione. Once more.

"These last years have been terrible, Ginny," Harry began, the setting sun reflected in his tired emerald eyes. "Every night I dream about them or the final battle. Sometimes it's a false recount of what happened, sometimes it's the truth. I'm not sure which one is worse. They both are too frightening to think about. But what really scares me is living like a normal person. My whole life I have been overshadowed by Tom and all his followers that I didn't have time to be a normal person. Now, I have all the time in the world. And I don't know what to do with it, or myself! When I was still in Hogwarts, Ron and I had decided to become Aurors together. I never thought that bringing down Voldemort will split our friendship as well!

"Hogwarts had bee the best days of my life. I spent the time there with a sense of never-ending. I thought everything would be the same or better when I finally defeated Voldemort. But its not. It's actually a bit worse. When Tom was still alive and I had to face him during my sleep and most lonesome hours, I had Hermione and Ron to make it better, to make the scene of death fade. They were like my foundation. I relied on them to make everything better and I should not have done that! I relied on them so much that when they finally were gone, I realized how much I loved them. And how much they brought to me. And how much they kept me alive.

"Every day that passes I think about them. Every minute of every hour of everyday, I think about how we used to be friends. How Ron used to be so stupid and idiotic sometimes that it caused more pain than pleasure. I think about how smart Hermione and was and probably still is. Correcting us when we didn't wand corrections and growling at us when we did something illegal, even though she ended up doing it herself.

"I miss them so much, Ginny. I can't sleep anymore without talking the pills. If I forget to take them, nightmares will overtake my mind. I will see Voldemort, not dead but alive. Very much alive. He would capture Hermione, Ron and even you. He tortures you, and then with one flash of his wand, you would be dead. Life taken by a bolt of green electricity. Then he turns to me. Eyes glowing with blood-red flames and a sickening hunger. He smiles and says: "You thought you killed me, Harry. But I can't be killed. I am still alive and will kill you and everyone who has a spot in your heart." Then he grins and points his wand at me. With Avada Kedavra I awake. Yelling, sweating and wishing against anything that Hermione and Ron where the ones to comfort me. But they are not. They're gone. Too far gone for me to grasp them. I still love them, and always will. But there's still a hole in my heart where they used to be."

Ginny smiled up at him, hazel eyes wide and filled with glistening tears. Just as a drop of salty water slipped down her cheek, she spoke.

"When we return to your true world and find Ron and Hermione, that hole will be filled. And when you awake from a vivid dream, they will be the ones to calm and soothe you. When you feel alone and drenched in dark, they will be there to give you company and light a match. And when you wish you were somewhere else and hope for someone to love you, we will come and be that different place and love you. Just like we used to. And just like I love you now."

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Hey all! Well, there's a look at how every felt when Harry left, why Harry left and how the others coped. Also, here is a look at the new Ginny. She has matured and become a lot more inspirational. In many ways!!! Please tell me what you think and that will be great put in a review! I can't believe I already have 12 reviews for three chapters!!!! Hooray!!! And this chapter is longer, can you tell? The next one should be longer still. Also, soon I will write two chapters on two others peoples points of view. Just to give a better view on what has been happening and what they felt and feel, about Harry! Enjoy and until next time!

Dreamer43