Thoughts of a Monster

Everyone wonders why I became a monster. Why I became something so terrible people are afraid to speak my name. Sometimes I even wonder myself. Why did I fall into the hands of evil, and not good? Listen to my story, and you shall find out why my life is not one of those happy, fluffy tails, but dark, mysterious, forbidding, and dangerous. Learn about the Journey I took to become Lord Voldemort.

Perhaps it all started with my common father. A rat. The fact that he was a Mudblood didn't bother me. If he had kept me and loved me, I would be as proud a son as he would be a father. I would have nothing against Muggles. But no, Tom Riddle had to abandon me when I was an infant all because my mother and I possessed magical abilities, commonly known as witches and wizards.

"I'm sorry, it might be too late," the midwife told my father.

He was a shaky white. "And the child?"

"Alive and well sir."

"May I hold him?" he held out his hands to look at his abnormal son.

"Careful sir, watch his head." She put me into my father's arms.

I, only a baby of three minutes looked into my father's eyes. They were a cold gray. They didn't soften at the sight of a newborn baby, his newborn baby. He looked at me with intense dislike.

"Are there any orphanages around here?" he asked gruffly.

The midwife looked shocked. "Orphanages? But look at him? Can't you keep him for a little while? What's the matter?"

"I cannot raise him by myself," he lied.

"I suppose he could go to the orphanage." The midwife looked sadly at me. "I'll take him now."

"Good bye, Tom Marvolo Riddle," My father's last words to me were that.

Of course, people thought I was cute and adopted me, but they were all Muggles, they didn't know I possessed powers of wizardry. They brought me back and complained of different and weird things. I broke lamps when I was two, because they made me angry. When I was three I shattered glass. There was definitely something wrong with me. But at the orphanage they didn't care. Just thought I was doing it to be funny and didn't reprimand me. I was just handed a broom and a dustpan and was told to clean it up. I remember the first time I did it when I was adopted. I was three.

"Tommy!" my adopted mother Abby called.

"Abe!" I clapped my hands.

"I told you not to play with that disgusting doll!" She ripped the rag doll out of my hands and scolded me.

I glared at her back and the plate she was holding shattered. "Oh my!" she looked at the glass and me. There was a rubber ball there she hadn't noticed before. She thought I had thrown it at the plate.

"BAD TOMMY!" she screeched at me. "NOW LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE TO DO!!!!" she swore and picked it up. The next day she took me to the orphanage.

"Take him back." And Abby left.

Things like this went on till I was seven. People stopped adopting me all together. I sat down in my small corner of the bedroom and watched the twins; Robby and Bobby play with the blocks. I was feeling very lonely. I had no friends, because I was the oldest there. I had nothing to do. I was very bored and had to spend the days taking care of the younger children. And then it happened. When I was eleven the most amazing thing ever happened.

"Oh my god there's an owl at the window!" one of the maids cried. I dashed downstairs. This ought to be interesting. And there it was. A large tawny owl with huge wings carrying an envelope in its mouth was knocking at the window gently using its claws.

"Well let him in!" I told her exasperated. She gingerly opened the window like the owl was going to attack her. It flew in and dropped the envelope on a chair and hooted proudly. I went to go pick it up.

"Mr. T M Riddle, Corner in the Orphanage bedroom, Daley Orphanage, Surrey," I murmured. I opened it up and looked inside. There were two letters. I picked up the first one and read, "Dear Mr. Riddle, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins September First, and we would like your owl no later than August First.Yours Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress." I looked at the envelope. I turned the letter to find the necessary equipment.

"All right, now for the second piece," I picked it up and read that one too. "To find all your school supplies you need to go to a certain part of London, where Book Corridor is located. I believe that is 245 Fifty First Street. Right after Book Corridor, there will be a small pub, hidden by a sign. Go inside. Ask Tom (the Bartender) to show you everything you need. Albus Dumbledore." The wheels in my head were turning. "I'm going." I announced to no one in particular.

Maybe if Muggles had paid attention to me and treated me properly, I never would have become evil. No one mistreated me; they just didn't treat me like anything.

"Michelle," I called to the lady in charge. "Come here for a moment."

Michelle walked into the kitchen. "What Tom?" she asked while taking a pie out of the oven.

"I'm going to school," I said.

"Mhm," she said, now cutting the pie.

"To a wizard school," I pressed on.

"Tom could you check on Robby and Bobby? I hear crying!" Michelle finally set the pie in a glass dish. I knew what was happening. I could feel my anger creeping up. Finally with an earsplitting whine the glass splintered, leaving pieces no bigger than splinters littering the floor, shining like diamonds. The pie was inedible, due to glass shards in the crust.

"TOM!!!" Michelle wailed. "MY IN-LAWS ARE GOING TO EAT THAT!"

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"SORRY? SORRY! YOU THINK SORRY MAKES UP FOR MESSING UP MY VERY FIRST PIE?" she screamed.

"I didn't do anything!" I told her, my eyes were blazing.

"Get out!" she said under her breath. "Go on, get out, and don't come back till you can control yourself. Little freak." She turned away and started getting out the ingredients for another pie.

I ran away with the letter in my hand.

My very first trip to Diagon Alley was memorable, very memorable. I was so excited to see all these knickknacks. They were amazing.

"Corridor Books please," I told the cabbie.

"Righto then," he said gruffly. In about five minutes we were there.

"I'll get out here, thanks, how much do I owe you?" I pulled some money from my pocket.

"On me," he smiled.

"Thanks!" I got out and he drove away.

"Ok, Book Corridor, and what's that little shop?" I murmured. As I crept up closer the words looked different. "The Leaky Cauldron. That's the place." I walked into the little pub and I could feel the charge of the magic. It felt different. There was a toothless old man behind the counter and he smiled as he saw me.

"Aah young Tom is it? I've been expecting you. Hey Toby, keep an eye out on things all right?" he yelled to the man sitting at a table. He led me out back.

"Watch me carefully Tom." He went over to the brick wall wand tapped a few brick in order. They moved and formed an archway leading to Diagon Alley.

"Diagon Alley, Tom. Find everything you need for school. Mighty fine school, Hogwarts." He led me to a huge building.

I suddenly remembered something. "Tom, I haven't any money, I live in an orphanage."

"No money?" he gave me a toothless smile. "Gringotts, the wizard bank. Safest place in the world."

And then of course there was getting my wand, a most interesting memory.

"Tom Riddle, are you? Your mum was in here buying her first wand, 9 inches, springy, containing one dragon heartstring." Mr. Ollivander looked at me eerily with his eyes.

"Lets see what we make of you, remember the wand chooses the wizard." He laughed heartily and led me to the counter. He handed me a wand.

"Holly, phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple. Go on wave it," I felt like an idiot, but I did it anyway. A few fireworks burst out. Mr. Ollivander eyed me with a very strange look. "Interesting," he murmured.

" Thirteen and a half inches, yew," he handed it to me. "Also with a phoenix feather."

I waved it. Green and gold sparks shot out. They formed into gigantic fireworks with loud popping noises. They outdid what the eleven inches did.

"Oh wonderful Mister Riddle! That'll be Seven Galleons."

My wand became my most treasured possession. I could live without it, I couldn't breathe without it. It became my very existence, and replaced the soul I lost later on. My wand was the most important thing I owned. It did terrible things, oh yes, but it was still my precious. My first memory of evil, or something to clue me in on what was going to happen to me, was indeed very strange. It was before my first term. It happened a few days before I had to leave for the train.

"Tom go look in the mirror and smarten yourself up, you have flour on your cheek," Michelle told me. We were making cookies for her sick sister. I went to the grand old mirror in the hallway. As I looked into the gold-framed mirror, I nearly screamed. Glaring at me was a chalk white face with glaring red eyes. Lips that were fine lines and were black. I slid down to the floor gasping hard.

What I had seen was the face that would be mine in ten years. The monstrous face that people ran from. What gave people nightmares. I would never forget what I saw. Something extraordinary. And then of course there was my sorting at Hogwarts. I remember it well also, maybe the only person with options.

"Riddle, Tom!" Professor Dumbledore cried. I stepped up to the stool quivering. The hat was placed on me and slid over my eyes. A little voice spoke in my ear.

"Hmm, I see great things that will happen to you, but only one house will help you to greatness, do you want to take it?"

I thought hard. Apparently the voice knew what I was thinking.

"Slytherin would help you become great, but Gryffindor wouldn't be too bad, each will help you differently."

"Slytherin," I thought.

"Then it is SLYTHERIN!" the hat screamed the last word. I walked rather shakily over to my new house table.

The old Sorting Hat was right. Slytherin helped me on the way to greatness. And then in my second year, I found out about the Chamber of Secrets. I knew it must have existed. Salazar Slytherin had built it and surely all these stories couldn't ALL be fake.

"The Chamber of Secrets?" I looked at the name in Hogwarts, a History. "A myth saying that Salazar Slytherin built a room unbeknownst to the other three founders, especially Godric. Then he made sure that only his heir could open it up and unleash the horror within and set it on all the Muggle-borns," I read.

"Interesting, is it real?" I asked myself. It then became my top priority to open the Chamber of Secrets. I could revenge on all the Mudbloods who had made me suffer.

A little before my actual discovery of the Chamber, I began playing with the letters of my name. Tom Marvolo Riddle. A name that needed to be spat at every time it was said. I hated that name. It always reminded me of the father who I never had. The rat that left me because of what I was. And then I came up with my new name, a name to only the best of my friends.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle. Dirdle? That's stupid. Backwards? To hard to pronounce. Mot? I sound like the juice company. Voldemort? It's missing something. What've I got left? Lord Voldemort. That sounds right. I am Lord Voldemort," I looked triumphantly at the crossed out letters. "Father, did you really think I was going to keep that ridiculous name?" I asked saintly. My friend, Guwardo came in. "Any luck?" he asked me.

I smiled broadly. "You can call me Voldemort. Lord Voldemort."

"Voldemort?" he mused. "I like it, Voldemort."

That name was to be the most feared thing in the world. And I carried it. One day I would be very proud of that name, and at the same time hate it because my soft side felt bad about the fear it caused. And, aside from the capture of Rubeus Hagrid (I made everyone believe it was him who opened the Chamber) there was my REAL discovery of the Chamber of Secrets.

"So I can talk to snakes, maybe that'll be useful for the Chamber," I told myself. I checked to make sure no one was around and I walked into the girls bathroom. I looked to make sure no one was inside and started checking the taps. I didn't see anything remotely suspicious at all. Not until I saw a snake engraved in one of the faucets. I touched it delicately. That was carved by Slytherin himself. To mark the entrance of his hidden Chamber. I stared at it.

"Open up," Nothing happened.

"Open up!" I commanded. Still, nothing happened as the seconds ticked by.

"Open up." But all I heard was a hissing noise. It opened to reveal a pipe big enough for a man to slide down. So I slid. It felt like a slimy, dark hole. I was falling and falling until there was a muffled thump. I shook my self off and walked to a set of doors. I didn't even need to think about what I was doing. "Open," I hissed.

I walked inside and saw the ghost of Salazar Slytherin himself gliding towards me.

"Tom M Riddle," He said. "So you have found a way to the Chamber of Secrets, have you?"

I nodded my head silently.

" I trust by now you know the horror within this chamber," He asked.

Again I nodded slowly. "A basilisk isn't it? The King of Serpents. If it sees you through anything unprotected, you would suffer instant death."

"So you've done your research boy?" he smiled, a very evil smile.

"Thank you, Salazar Slytherin," I bowed my head.

"All you do is call the basilisk and it will move through the plumbing. Remove all of those unworthy of being in this school," He slowly faded away.

"Basilisk, come out and play." I hissed, a sadistic, and scary smile etched on my face.

I even killed a girl named Myrtle with the Basilisk. I became ruthless. I started setting it on all the Mudbloods. Finally we left Hogwarts. I hung around the 'Bad Crowd'. They started to rub off on me. I wanted to start an evil life too. I had never been around anyone to show me good and evil. I underwent many transformations to reach the level of terror I wanted. The first curse they put me under to transform was a toxic spell. It's poison went through skin and sent a core of evil down into your very soul. Or it might as well have done that.

I looked from Guwardo to Gregen. "Will this hurt?' I asked shakily.

"A little." Guwardo carelessly rubbed his wand tip. "Are you ready, Voldemort?"

I nodded shakily and closed my eyes. I braced myself for the pain. "Econa Zipast."

My face was on fire. I felt like my skin was melting away. Then I felt intense cold. It was like dry ice being press against my face. It stung. I had never had something so horrible happen to me. I could slowly feel the vibrating stop and I looked up shakily.

"Behold, the new Voldemort." Guwardo bowed.

My face was almost white, my eyes looked different my nose had thinned and flattened. I looked evil. I didn't even need to thank my friends.

When the transformation was complete I looked nothing like the devilishly handsome boy I had been at Hogwarts. Very few remembered me as the boy who carried a worthless Mudblood name. But I looked frightening. I looked horrible. I was so scary I even gave myself nightmares. And I wasn't complimenting myself. I began to wonder what it would've been like if I was good. My first glance at a mirror after the spells was truly a horrific experience.

"Look in the Mirror, my lord," Gregen announced after finishing a last spell. I turned the mirror towards myself to admire their work. I had a shock. The figure I saw was the one I had seen almost ten years back. It frightened me to death. I was an ivy color. My eyes were red, my mouth was lipless. I was tall with baggy black robes. I could almost see that helpless boy I had been, ten years ago.

"Hmm..." I turned in the mirror. "I like it a lot."

Then, of course, my very first Muggle raid. It was a very hard to get into at first.

"The first Muggle raid happens tonight!" I ordered.

There were murmurs throughout the crowd. They had named themselves Death Eaters.

"Master, which selected Muggles suffer tonight?" my demeaning follower Lucius Malfoy asked.

"You decide," I told him.

"Yes Master."

What am I doing?, I wondered. I'm killing Muggles, for no damn reason. I'm taking away lives from people who have done nothing to me.

Ah, a nasty voice in my head said. But they have.

I watched silently as Death Eaters marched away

My all time famous killing, the Potters. They were blocking my way to greatness. They were in the way and needed to be killed. I can still remember that very night like it was yesterday.

I walked up swiftly towards the Potter's door. It was locked tightly. I could hear faint voices arguing.

"Alohomora!" I whispered. The lock blew open.

"Lily that's him! Take Harry and run! I'll hold him up as long as I can! Just go!"

"No James! Don't do it!" I heard a begging voice.

I heard a door slam shut as I slowly walked in to make my entrance. "Hello, James Potter."

"Voldemort!" he snarled.

"Saying my name?" I asked sadistically.

"I'm not afraid of you!"

" I didn't expect you to be."

"Expelliarmus!" he cried. I flew back and my wand was thrown up in the air.
"Curse you!" I screamed. I lunged for my wand.

"No you don't!" he yelled. He kicked it further from my reach.

I rose, James's wand pointed at my heart. "Give me a reason to do it and I swear I will!" he snarled.

"James, James, do you honestly think you can kill me? Do you honestly think that you could kill me after no one can?" I asked dryly.

"Of course," he said cockily.

"I would be so sure James," I lunged for my wand. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" I screamed.

He dodged out of the way.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I screamed again. He pounced at me from behind.

His wand was kicked out of his hand. He made a grab for it. This time I got him.

"Avada Kedavra." James was dead before he hit the ground.

I advanced on. There was the nursery door. I blasted it open. And there was Lily holding Harry wand drawn out. "Move aside Lily!" I snarled.

"No, take me instead!" She cried.

"Stand aside you silly girl!" I ordered.

"Please!" she sobbed. "Take me instead!"

"Move aside or I will make you!" I pointed my wand at her heart.

She held her ground, fear and anger coursing in her eyes.

"Avada Kedavra." There was green light and something else I couldn't see, but I could sense.

Then I turned towards little Harry. He looked so innocent, with his wide green eyes and shaggy hair. It was almost a shame he was going to die.

"Avada Kedavra," I said. Nothing happened. I could slowly feel a burning sensation on my hands. It spread and soon I felt like I was on fire. I screamed as hard as I could. I couldn't breathe, I was gasping. I was floating. I was doing a million things, and it hurt very badly. Suddenly from nowhere, behind Harry there was a shard of green light coming towards me. It went through my mouth and into my very soul. And suddenly I wasn't there anymore.

My life, my story, my dream, my nightmare. I became the most feared wizard of all time, I still am. My body was taken away, but it's back and so am I. Good did not see fit to take me in. Evil was my companion my whole life. I bear no resentment to what I am. I'm proud to be what I am. My emotions are non existent. But I think of my life often. And even now I begin to wonder, did it all start with my father, or did it all start with me?