Ice

Chapter 9: "Darkness fills my secret heart, forbidden"--Sarah McLachlan, Ice

Inside the box was a single diamond earring. Not just any diamond earring, she realized, it was hers-the one she had thrown at the mugger. She raised her eyes up to him and started to shake. His eyes were chilly and he wore a coldly satisfied smirk as he stared down at her. "How--how did you find this? Did that odious man attempt to pawn it?" Her voice came out whisper-soft.

"Oh, of course he did, sweet. I have several contacts, let's call them, in the less reputable jewelry shops. I merely asked them to notify me when that creature attempted to pawn your earring. As soon as he walked in, they recognized it and alerted me." His smirk changed into a smile, but it was far from friendly.

For the first time Narcissa felt actual fear in his presence. However, it did nothing to stem the desire still coursing through her veins from his touch, his closeness, and his dark, sinister voice. Not to mention that smile which by all rights should have had her fleeing his embrace, running back towards the safety of the house and the lighted ballroom. I'm tired of turning my back on the darkness to always find safety in the light. Something dark flowed through her and she suddenly understood what he was trying to tell her.

She raised her eyes to his and saw him, really saw him, for the first time. Lucius Malfoy was dangerous, sadistic and cruel. He was not the type of man a proper young witch should be alone with in a darkened forest. She saw with perfect clarity that the man who stood before her now was nothing compared to what he could--and would--become. Lucius Malfoy will make Bellatrix look like a saint, she thought, staring into his soulless grey eyes. Her fear excited him, her strange attraction to pain thrilled him. He was darkness personified, he was everything the Aurors fought against in their quest to eradicate the darkness. And Narcissa wanted him, wanted him with a passion she had never before felt in her life. As she stared into his eyes all she could think was if this is what it feels like to drown, I cannot blame Bellatrix for being so willing to do so.

"What did you do, Lucius, when you found the man who had hurt me?" Her voice was as quiet as his, low and dark.

He took the diamond and wrapped her hand around it. The small black box fell unnoticed on the ground at their feet and he slowly closed her hand into a fist around the earring. Narcissa caught her breath at the delicious sharp pain and she closed her eyes in ecstasy. A moan escaped her as he pushed her back again, roughly, forcing her hands above her head as he had done earlier.

"Why, Narcissa, what do you think I would do to a man who would dare touch that which belongs to me?" There was a throbbing excitement in his voice, as if he was eager to give her the answer.

There was no question in her mind what he had done. She remained quiet as he lowered his mouth to her ear and said softly, "I killed him."

Narcissa's rational mind, ever her safety, shouted out to her in warning: do you really want to be with a man who kills so easily? The darkness rose within her, and she voiced her answer out loud in the cold dark night, a sibilant hiss dragged from the very depths of her soul....."Yessss..."

A cold rush of air hit her as he stepped back from her. Her body was taut with anticipation, fear and desire. She stared at him while she all but collapsed onto the tree, her shaking legs barely holding her up. The intensity of his stare burned through her.

"You know what I am, Narcissa. And I know you. But I shall not bother with a woman who is afraid of either. If you want me, Narcissa, I suggest you come and take me."

There was a moment when her mind flashed on the girl she had been, flashed to summer meadows and streams and swimming with her sisters, languishing in the innocence of her childhood that knew neither darkness nor death. She could have that life, if she wanted it. She could marry a man who would keep her safe and removed from any taint of darkness, and life would be similar to the easy days of her privileged childhood. Or she could embrace the man standing before her, staring at her with his mercurial eyes, a man who represented darkness and death. Lucius Malfoy promised no easy life; there would be no summer meadows, no return to innocence. Life with him would be like swimming in the depths of the ocean under a dark moonless night, adrift without a raft to cling to; frightening, deadly, but terribly exhilarating.

I shall never know life, if I go with the easy choice. He may be the death of me one day, but at least I will have known what it was to live. Bidding farewell to her childhood, to the woman the world thought her to be, Narcissa Black stepped forward and embraced her destiny.

In the future, she would remember this moment as sublime; his hands grasping at her furiously, pulling her down on the cold ground. He was above her, pushing her into the dirt, and she should have stopped him. They were not married, they were not even engaged, but it did not matter. She had given herself completely to him in her mind, and it was only right that he should have her body, too.

She pulled at the satin ribbon holding his hair back in its neat queue. His hair fell around his face; she had never before seen him with it down and it made him look almost savage. She gasped as he pulled at her clothes and she shifted beneath him, trying to get closer. "Lucius," she moaned, and he sucked in his breath and made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan. There was a flush on his high, fair cheekbones and his breathing was harsh and uneven.

His hands moved under her robes, and the touch of his gloved fingers on her skin was incredibly erotic. He trailed his fingers up her stomach, and they covered her breasts possessively, his fingers pulling at her taut nipples. She arched into his touch, the rough ground beneath her an added thrill to his rough caresses. She fought with the elaborate fastenings on his robe; wanting to rip and tear, wanting nothing separating him from her searching hands and her mouth. She felt a frantic sense of urgency, something he obviously reciprocated. He shoved her robes up and she twisted in his embrace, restless beneath him.

She leaned up, kissing his neck and biting roughly. He hissed and dropped one hand to unbutton his trousers. He pulled at her knickers and she tilted her hips up to help him. The night was dark and cold around them, and they were in danger of being caught by anyone who opted to take a stroll in the cold weather, but neither of them cared. Narcissa had never thought her first time would be this way; but since it was with Lucius, how could it be anything else?
He did not speak a word to her as he drove himself into her, and she cried out from the intoxicating mix of pleasure and pain that shuddered through her. She clasped herself to him as he grabbed at her legs to wrap them around his waist. Narcissa crossed her ankles behind his back and scratched her nails down his chest, his shoulders. She felt wild, feral.

They were silent as he thrust into her, but neither of them closed their eyes, staring instead at each other intensely. She felt her body tense as he slammed into her, running over a place inside her that was a startling mix of hurt and pleasure. His hands were rough on her body, she would have bruises from his grip. She cried out her pleasure and moaned his name in her release, and seconds later she felt him spill into her, and he collapsed on her, breathing roughly.

Lucius laid his head on her chest, and she stroked a hand down his hair that spilled around her body, glowing silver in the moonlight. It was an oddly tender gesture, and he tilted his head up to look at her. His smile was lazy, his eyes softer than she had ever seen.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, his voice still a bit breathless.

She smiled. "Oh, yes," she purred, "you most certainly did."

The obvious pleasure in her voice changed his lazy smile into his trademark smirk, and he pushed himself up. He surprised her by kissing her gently on her lips, and saying "I aim to please," and she laughed softly.

Lucius stood up in a lithe, agile gesture that had her arch a brow. "If you can jump up quite that quickly, I might have done something wrong," Narcissa said wryly, a bit shy in his presence as they both righted their clothes. She looked back towards the Travers' brightly lit ballroom, and a flush stole over her cheeks as the realization of what they'd done stole over her. She did not regret giving herself to him, but she was hardly able to believe she'd done so on the cold ground outside of a society party.

Lucius moved over to her, and surprised her by drawing her into his arms. He put his hands on her shoulders and stared into her eyes, the look almost reverent. "You did everything right," he assured her, pulling her into the warmth of his body.

They stood like that for a moment, and he cleared his throat before saying, "Narcissa..."

She looked up at the unfamiliar tone of uncertainty in his voice. She had never heard Lucius sound anything but supremely sure of himself. "Yes?" she asked, peering up at him. He looked down at her, his eyes wary.

"I--I just wanted to tell you that--well, what just happened..." he coughed. Narcissa hid a smile into the folds of his robes as he struggled with whatever it was he was trying to say. "It wasn't just a shag," he said, voice rough.

"Oh, Lucius," she said, a teasing lilt in her voice. She patted him on the chest and smiled into his slate eyes. "I know." She understood what he meant, what he was unable to say.

They walked out of the forest, and he pulled out his wand to Apparate them back to Ravensden. Once they arrived, he kissed Narcissa's hand and she smiled coyly. "Thank you for returning my earring," she said.

He smiled at her, really smiled, and the gesture softened his features. He was a handsome man, Lucius--a fact often forgotten when he was wrapped in that cloak of arrogance and cold cruelty he wore so well. She smiled back, and turned to go.

"Oh, Narcissa?"

She stopped cold at his voice. Gone was the warm tone he had used with her before, and when she turned to face him, the coldly formal Malfoy stood where Lucius her lover had been moments ago. "Yes?"

"I don't share, Miss Black, see that you remember that." His cold drawl was every inch the imperious aristocrat.

She would have slapped him for the insult, if she did not see beneath his words. He was trying to break her composure--he was playing their game, and Narcissa had to fight back an evil grin at the thought. So she made her face as cool and impassionate as she could, despite the fact she was mussed from head to toe, her back covered in dirt, her body bearing the marks of their frantic passion. Nevertheless, she stood as tall and proud as any queen--as any Malfoy-- and said regally, "I don't share either, Mr. Malfoy. See that you don't forget."

She missed his unholy grin as she stepped through the door into the house, but Narcissa thought she heard him laugh in the darkness as the door closed between them.