Ice

Chapter 1 "The wisest men follow their own direction"

When she was quite young, Narcissa Black's sister Bellatrix had come into her room and shut the door, and regarding her from serious dark eyes. "Narci," she said, using her favorite nickname for Narcissa (the rest of the family called her Cissa, but Bellatrix always did have to go her own way), "I have to tell you something very important."

Narcissa had fixed her sister a look with her dark blue eyes and said nothing. Interrupting Bellatrix could lead to trouble; her sister had an unpredictable temper that was best left alone. So she remained quiet yet eager to hear what knowledge her older sister was going to impart to her in a rare moment of seriousness.

"You can't let them know you are clever, Narci," said Bellatrix, grabbing her hand and staring at Narcissa with dark, intense eyes. "They think me the rebel, they will think Andromeda the clever darling, but they will never suspect you of anything other than being beautiful and obedient. Do not let them know you are clever, Sister."

Narcissa was honest enough to see the truth in what Bellatrix had told her. Her parents were often busy with their two lively daughters--Andromeda's passion for throwing herself headlong into life resulted in some interesting adventures, and Bellatrix's desire to go her own way had caused innumerable conflicts in the Black household. They attacked life with the sheer force of their personalities--all who knew them were drawn inexplicably into their web, and Narcissa's parents were not excluded from this phenomenon. While they fought, pleaded and cajoled their two outspoken daughters, Narcissa was left alone to watch, listen and learn. In these things, she excelled far more than any of them knew. The Black family did not teach her how to act like a lady and be the embodiment of pureblood perfection--they taught her to learn when it was prudent to do so. It was a shame they never managed to instill this in any of their other daughters, but it was hardly surprising. No one set out to teach Narcissa this lesson, after all.

She had no doubt her parents thought of her fondly, but they did not perceive her as an equal to her two sisters. She was the contrast--where Andromeda was headstrong and vibrant, Narcissa was biddable and contemplative. Where Bellatrix was possessed of the fervor of her convictions and an unshakable sense of what was right, Narcissa was willing to compromise. Her parents thought of her in terms of what she was not, rather than what she was. Narcissa was not the model of daughterly perfection her parents thought her. Mostly, they would pat her fondly on the head while rushing about to drag Andromeda out of whatever scrape she had fallen into or calm Bellatrix down after one her terrifying rages. "Thank goodness Narcissa has good sense," they would say.

Narcissa loved her sisters, but she was oftentimes annoyed with their behavior. Bellatrix's penchant for causing problems lead to innumerable, exhausting screaming matches that echoed throughout the house. Narcissa often envied Andromeda's easy smile and quick wit, not to mention her boundless enthusiasm, but she was well aware of the amount of time her parents spent straightening out the messes Andromeda inevitably created. It was easy to read the dark-arts books her father forbade them to read, for instance, while her parents were rushing after her sisters in a panic and did not spare a glance for the slight blonde girl curled up in a leather chair by the fire, said book held nonchalantly in her graceful hands.

Bellatrix might have been mad even then, but she was always very perceptive. No one saw that Narcissa excelled in school--they did not see her excellent marks in Potions, her outstanding performance in charms. They only saw the beauty--the ash blonde hair, the deep midnight blue eyes, the porcelain perfection of her face. The graceful, pleasing figure and charming mannerisms she so easily adopted.

At Hogwarts, she was in Slytherin, and even there she was overshadowed by her sisters so that none stopped to think why the Sorting Hat had placed here there. Andromeda was viewed as the smart one, even though Narcissa outperformed her consistently. Although quite popular, Bellatrix was a troublemaker, as she had an ability to coerce students into mischief that was a constant bane for the teachers. Bellatrix was a sought-after friend; few could resist her charm. In later years, the madness would leak out into her ebony eyes, and her voice would ring with the undeniable tone of the fanatic--but at Hogwarts, Bellatrix was the darling of Slytherin House. Ambitious, arrogant and sly, she embodied all that was prized in her House.

Narcissa went through her schooling rarely interacting with her classmates in any sort of deep, meaningful fashion. She studied their faces, the way the girls moved, the way the boys talked and looked around with quick, shifty eyes. She made a study of people, of watching their reactions, and it became a habit with her to sit in Slytherin's common room or in the Great Hall and watch the groups of people talking in their low, hushed voices and figure out what they were really talking about. She eventually grew bored with the students, as their secrets were rather easy to discern--broken relationships, infidelities--nothing that held her interest for too long. She finally concentrated on the teachers and found that it required much more skill.

When she returned from school on holidays, her family praised her for her beauty. They said nothing of her grades or her teacher's comments about her "excellent intuition." "She'll make a good marriage, our Cissa," they would say as they stroked her head in that absent way they had when it came to their youngest daughter, and Narcissa would smile. She never once let one that she hated the name Cissa or that she preferred her full name or even Narci to the nickname her parents used. She despised the pats on the head, as if she were brainless enough to be placated by such trivial gestures. Narcissa knew that weakness was a horrible thing, although she was never sure exactly where she learned that lesson, as it seemed to be the very thing she was given the most praise for. It made her furious when she stopped to think about it.

When Bellatrix married Rudolphus Lestrange, her parents had to force themselves to smile and pretend they approved of the marriage. The Lestranges were purebloods but hardly the top tier of society--her parents had plans for Bellatrix to marry into a wealthier house, and there were tearful tantrums and passionate arguments for months about the situation. Bellatrix and Rudolphus were a love match--or rather they were drawn to each other like moths to a flame, with equal chance of surviving the union or destroying each other in some glorious conflagration. Passionate and devoted, they fought fiercely and reconciled in the most dramatic of manners. Being around them often made Narcissa tired.

Bellatrix is always looking for an outlet for her mania. She is like a torch burning, and she will burn herself out. He is like a torch, too. Together, they will produce more light, but they will burn down the wood twice as fast. Narcissa had never been surprised that Bella had taken up with Voldemort--how could the quintessential bad girl do anything else?--or that she had been one of the few who proclaimed her loyalty and swore to wait in Azkaban until the dark lord's return. Bellatrix is nothing if not loyal. Her sister had finally found the cause in which to channel her furious devotion, and Narcissa was the least surprised when Bella ended up in prison for her actions with her husband by her side.

And Andromeda--why were her parents so surprised when she ran off with that Muggle? Couldn't they see how Andromeda yearned to do something different, something that would give her the attention she felt was her due? Not to mention, she was fascinated by the Muggle world forbidden to them and had been since an early age. Did her parents not see the breathlessness with which Andromeda spoke about "televisions" and "moving pictures" and all of the other various oddities they learned about in Muggle Studies? Andromeda could convince herself the moon was orange if it would provide her with something dramatic, something to fight for, something that would contrast with Bellatrix. Thus, she convinced herself the Muggle world was full of untold delights just waiting for her to discover. When Bellatrix was attending the meetings with the Dark Lord and finding a worthy cause in which to pour her considerable energy, Andromeda was sneaking out to Muggle London and cavorting with the very beings her sister Bellatrix despised. There had always been a rivalry between the two; it was hardly a surprise.

Narcissa had been standing outside the door of the library, forgotten as usual in the flurry of activity. After Andromeda's marriage and subsequent flight from the house, the Black household was thrown into chaos. Narcissa watched as Bellatrix screamed about "blood traitors" and "betrayal" until Rudolphus, whispering to her furiously, pulled her out of the room. Both of them ignored Narcissa. Bellatrix and Rudolphus had elected not to stay for the ceremony that would disown Andromeda--no doubt running to report to the Dark Lord that the Black family would not tolerate blood traitors among them. Bellatrix was furious, although Narcissa suspected it was not so much for Andromeda's betrayal of their blood as for her betrayal of her loyalties. Bellatrix had never been accused of being forgiving. Narcissa had often thought, in later years, that any person Bellatrix tortured was either her sister or the Muggle who had taken her sister away from her. Bellatrix and Andromeda might have been forever at cross-purposes, but there was a bond between them that was shattered by Andromeda's betrayal.

Her parents were horrified, both for what Andromeda had done and for what this would do to the family name. They did not mention Andromeda's name but merely used the pronoun her with a distinctly unpleasant bite to the word. And then, she heard her mother say in a soft voice, full of relief, "At least we don't have to worry about Narcissa. She's never been any trouble; she just doesn't have it in her."

Narcissa had dug her nails into the palm of her hand hard enough to draw blood. The darkness within her surged towards the surface that night in the hallway of her ancestral home, and she wanted to rush in and hex them, berate them, scream at them for always ignoring her, for never seeing what was right beneath their eyes. You think it is so horrid that Andromeda chose a Muggle? Where were you all those years she snuck away to Muggle London? Why are you surprised Bellatrix refuses to have children--what can she love more than herself? Why do you think you know me any better?

She kept silent, however. They would never know her, and she could hardly change that. Bella might have had some inkling, for why else would she have given Narcissa that advice so many years ago? The Blacks forgot that the Sorting Hat put Narcissa in Slytherin. They did not know her, and they died without ever knowing her or the darkness that curled inside her like a serpent waiting to strike. She was a pretty face, a lovely body, and nothing more than that. She was the dutiful daughter who did not cavort with mad would-be rulers or Muggle bus drivers. She was the last chance to salvage respectability for the House of Black. Toujours Pur. Always pure--always the last remaining hope for a family besieged by betrayal and madness.

She could have become nothing more than that--the perfect daughter who made the perfect marriage, bringing back the honor forever lost by a traitor and a madwoman. However, Narcissa Black would meet the one person in the entire world who was capable of truly knowing her, truly understanding her, and all the potential for what she was and who she could become would be unleashed from within. She would never know, in later years, which would have been the preferable outcome.