Smiling Again

"Harry!" Hermione said happily, throwing her arms around him. "Ron, Ginny, he's here!"

Ron clattered down the stairs with Ginny close on his heels.

"Hey, mate," Ron said jovially, although he was eyeing Harry as if not certain whether he was going to start yelling or not.

"Hey, Harry," Ginny said, giving him a small smile. "How are you?"

"Fine," Harry said dully. "Just fine."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other worriedly, but Ginny didn't take her eyes off Harry.

"Dumbledore told us," she said bluntly. "About the prophecy, I mean."

Ron and Hermione winced in unison and threw anxious looks at Harry.

"Ginny," Ron said sharply. "Shut up."

"Maybe now isn't the best time to talk about this," Hermione suggested. "Harry's just got here."

Ginny still didn't take her eyes off Harry. It was quite unnerving. "Is it?" she asked. "Is it ever going to be the best time?"

"Ginny," Ron repeated.

"Sod off, Ron," Ginny said, not looking at him. "Harry, do you want to talk about it?"

After everyone tiptoeing around the subject, Harry was almost grateful that she'd brought it up. But he would have been a lot more grateful had he actually wanted to talk.

"No," he said, attempting to stare her down.

"Okay, then," she said with a shrug, and looked at Ron and Hermione. "Who's hungry?"

They both gaped at her. Harry found himself becoming annoyed with all of them.

"I'm going to take a nap," he said.

"But you've just gotten here," Ron protested.

"I'm tired," Harry said stubbornly.

"Mrs. Weasley made dinner," Hermione said pleadingly.

"I'm not hungry," Harry said, heading up the stairs.

"Drama queen," he swore he heard Ginny mutter.

*

"Harry?" came a yell through the door of the master bedroom at Grimmauld place, accompanied by loud knocking. "Unlock this door, Harry, and unlock it right now!"

Even Harry had to smile a bit at this. He had to admit, Ginny was one of the most direct people he knew. No beating around the bush for her. He rather admired that.

"Are you actually going to sit in there and listen to me yell?" she asked exasperatedly. When he didn't reply, she sighed and said, "And chivalry is officially dead. Harry, you can't keep hiding from everyone."

Harry walked over and threw open the door, suddenly angry. Ginny, it turned out, had been leaning against it, so she was thrown off balance and fell on the floor. Instead of helping her up, Harry glared at her.

"Why not?" he said. "Sirius is dead, and I'm going to be a murderer." Ginny didn't bat an eyelash at his blunt statement. "Forgive me if I'm not feeling very sociable at the moment."

"Holing up in here isn't going to fix anything," Ginny shot back, not making any move to pick herself up off the floor. "You're cutting yourself off from everyone who cares about you. That's probably the most idiotic thing you've ever done, which is saying something."

"If you're just going to insult me, then I'm leaving," Harry said angrily. He stepped over her prone body and stomped down the hallway. She jumped off the floor and stomped right after him.

"Those stupid dramatic exits may have an effect on Ron and Hermione, but you aren't impressing me," she said, walking quickly to keep up with his long strides.

"I'm not trying to impress anyone," he insisted. "You just don't understand, Ginny. You can't understand what it's like to be me."

Ginny rolled her eyes heavenward. "And here we go again with the dramatics. You're being stupid, Harry."

Harry spun around to face her. Not expecting this, she ran right into him and lost her balance. She grabbed his sleeve to steady herself and looked up at him, that familiar Weasley stubbornness apparent in her eyes.

"Let me spell this out for you," he said slowly, trying to quell the anger rising up in him. "I am going to kill Voldemort, or he's going to kill me. The closest thing I've ever had to a father has died. I've just found out that the fate of the wizarding world rests on my shoulders."

Ginny looked unimpressed. "Sounds to me like you're shit out of luck. It's a tough world, Harry, get used to it."

"You don't understand!" he shouted. "You don't understand what it's like to have Voldemort looming over you like a curse, to know that he could take control of you at any moment!"

Ginny gave him a sad smile. "I don't understand?"

Harry abruptly realized just who he was talking to. "Oh, Ginny," he breathed, his eyes wide. "I'm so sorry."

"Save it," she snapped, grabbing a tighter hold of his sleeve and dragging him back into the bedroom, where she closed the door with a loud bang.

"Let me see if I can understand," she said. "You wake up every morning and wonder if you've been possessed during the night and done something terrible. Everyone says he can't get to you any more, but you still feel unclean. Like there's something dirty inside of you, like you're not worthy to be around everyone else. You feel like you can hardly go on with the pain of Sirius being gone. He was your friend, your confidante, like the cool uncle you've never had. And now he's gone, and it seems like he took a big piece of your heart with him."

As she spoke she walked towards him, and by the end of her tirade she was squared off no more than a foot from him, a defiant look on her face.

"And it eats you up inside," she said, her voice breaking slightly. "Some days you just don't want to get out of bed. You want to roll over and die; you want it to be over already. Is that how you feel, Harry?"

Harry looked at her in astonishment as he nodded. "That about covers it."

"You're not the only one who misses him," she said. "You're not the only one who feels unclean."

"I never even thought to ask," he said, abashed. "How did you do it? How did you go on?"

"I just lived," she said quietly. "I made myself get back to normal. I tried to take my mind off the fact that I'd been taken advantage of. That I'd been betrayed. Possessed."

Harry looked at Ginny in an entirely new light. She'd come back from the most horrible experience a person could dream of, and still had the spunk and the sheer willpower to have a normal life.

"Ginny, I'm sorry," Harry said sincerely. "I should have helped you."

Ginny gave a soft laugh. "You're not everyone's hero, Harry. I did perfectly fine on my own."

"But I never even asked how you were," Harry said apologetically.

"There you go blaming yourself again," Ginny said, exuding a bravado that was betrayed by the look in her eyes. "It's not anything I expected you, or anyone else for that matter, to think of."

"What did you do?" he asked desperately. "The summer after it happened? How did you forget?"

Ginny smiled at him. "I played a whole lot of Quidditch."

Harry smiled back in understanding. Quidditch was like balm on a wound.

"And I didn't cut myself off from the people who care about me," she added, looking at him meaningfully.

Harry sighed. "I'm - "

"For Godric's sake, don't say you're sorry," Ginny snapped. Then her face softened. "We care about you, Harry, all of us. Don't hide from us. Don't hide from me."

"Okay," he said softly, willing his eyes to stay dry. He couldn't tear up in front of her.

She was staring at him with an indecipherable look. "Harry, do you think - "

The door banged open and Ron walked in. "Ginny, I heard the door slam. Were you two yelling at each other?"

Ginny sighed and didn't finish her sentence. Harry felt himself immensely curious as to what she had been about to say.

"It's fine," Ginny said.

"Dinner's ready," Hermione said, walking through the door and sliding past Ron without looking at him. Harry dimly recognized that wasn't normal, and wondered why she wouldn't meet Ron's eyes. "Are you guys hungry?"

"Starving," Harry said, grinning for the first time in days. Ginny grinned right back, and they all went down to the kitchen.

*

"Ginny?" Harry said, standing uncertainly in the doorway of the room she shared with Hermione.

Ginny turned from what was probably homework and looked inquiringly at him.

"I just...I wanted to thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. "Any time you need someone to shake some sense into you and chase you down hallways, let me know."

Harry just smiled at her, somehow feeling even more nervous than he had before. "Doing homework?"

"Yeah," Ginny said with distaste. "Hermione's been on about my O.W.L. exams, so I thought I'd get a bit of Charms homework done."

"Good old Hermione," Harry said with a smile. Then he looked around. "Where is she, anyway?"

"I dunno," Ginny said, turning back to her desk, pulling out a fresh piece of parchment and picking up her quill. "Probably off hiding from Ron somewhere."

"Hiding from...why?" Harry asked in confusion.

"It's getting a bit much for her, I suppose," Ginny said, starting to write on her parchment. "Being cooped up in this house with him day in and day out."

"Yeah, they do fight a lot," Harry said. "But Hermione's never been one to hide from an argument."

Ginny chuckled and looked up at him again. "Are you really that thick, Harry?"

"What?" he asked, feeling decidedly wrong-footed.

"She's not hiding from an argument," Ginny explained. "She's hiding from her feelings."

"Her feelings," Harry repeated slowly. Realization struck. "For Ron?"

"You got it," Ginny said, twirling her quill between her fingers and getting ink all over them. "But don't tell her I told you."

"It all makes sense now," Harry said in wonder. "Why didn't I realize this before?"

"You were a bit preoccupied," Ginny said, grinning impishly at him. "And you're a boy. It's a known fact that boys are less observant about things like this than girls. Which, in short, means that I'm loads cooler than you because I saw it first."

"Well, I'll let you get back to your homework," Harry said.

"I'm not doing homework anymore," Ginny said, turning back to her parchment.

"What are you doing, then?" Harry asked.

"Writing Dean," Ginny said absently.

Harry's heart, for some inexplicable reason, chose that moment to sink into the approximate region of his knees.

"I'm..." he started, but his throat decided to close up and make it difficult for him to speak. He cleared it and continued, "I'm going to go find Ron."

"Okay," Ginny said. "Bye."

"Talk to you later, Ginny," Harry said, and started to walk out of the door.

"Definitely," Ginny said behind him.

Harry smiled again as he left the room.