An Alphabet of Objects

Fred and George Weasley have many things in their bedroom at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.

A is for Animals: a stuffed dragon and a stuffed manticore, hand-knitted and darned and tattered and enchanted to roar and writhe realistically. "This one is for you, Fred," Mrs. Weasley said when she gave them their birthday presents, and the two five-year-olds looked at each other, George stepping forward to clutch the toy. Now they no longer remember whom she gave what, and Mrs. Weasley always gives them one present for both.

B is for Beds - two. Until they were 13, Fred and George fell asleep in a tangle of limbs and freckles and sweaty, secret prank-plotting. When Mrs. Weasley found stains on their sheets one laundry day, Mr. Weasley climbed to their room and awkwardly stood at the door, telling the twins about Becoming A Man and why George would have to sleep on Bill's old bed. What neither Weasley parent knows is that, behind the door lock charmed to spit pus when anyone else touches it, George still sleeps with his face pressed against Fred's scratchy-warm hair, alternating beds every night.

C is for Chudley Cannons Posters. The posters have papered their bedroom ceiling for so long - first at the Burrow, then carefully transported to Grimmauld Place - that the moving figures tease the twins as much as the twins tease them. Once, last summer, they teased Fred and George so much about falling asleep together that George pulled himself up with a glint in his eye, beckoning Fred to stand beneath the offending poster. Without warning, he pulled Fred into a very wet French kiss, laughing victoriously at the disgust on the figures' faces. Once they tumbled back into bed, Fred muttered to George, "That was weird." Neither told the other that it was his first real kiss. Both knew.

D is for Dirty Laundry, spilled over their books and trunks and beds, permeating the room with a musky scent of sweat and skin compared to which house-elf-sanitized Hogwarts never feels quite right.

E is for Everlasting Éclairs - Fred and George's private stock. They offered Harry one last spring, swearing up and down that it wouldn't hurt him. Harry ate the éclair neatly, pausing every few bites to run his pink tongue over his lips, licking up crumbs and smudges of cream.

When he finally laughed in defeat and set the éclair down, chocolate icing lingered just out of reach, smudging the still-smooth skin above his upper lip. He had blinked innocently at the two twins, whose lips were parted in identical oh s. Their eyes met and they began laughing uncontrollably, but they refused to tell Harry why.

F is for Fake Wands, Quills, and Sweets. The twins had been working on fake robes, too, visible only to the wearer, and they had planned to test them first on Percy. Then summer came, and the jokes weren't funny any more, but they couldn't resist slipping a Revealing Robe into Percy's closet for when he comes home again.

G is for Galleons, enchanted to look and feel like poker chips. The gaudy circles dot the room, another bit of rubbish in the mess, but Fred knows exactly how many there are, and every few days he gathers them, counting them into little piles. Afterwards, he challenges George to a game of imaginary-card poker, which always ends with them wrestling each other across the floor, shouting accusations of cheating and scattering the chips in every direction.

H is for Harry Potter Pin-ups, complete with certificate of authenticity and limited edition number. In one of them, Harry poses full-length in his Quidditch robes, catching and releasing a fluttering Snitch; in the other, only his face is visible, a meter tall and blushing from the attention. Fred and George bought the pin-ups last year during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, mostly to annoy Ron, but sometime in May George paused speculatively in front of the close-up. "Y'know, Fred, the little blighter is rather fanciable." Fred cocked his head thoughtfully and looked, not at the picture, but at George. "'Course he is - he's Harry." When Harry blushed even more deeply, the two decided that their summer project would be the creation of a shameless Harry Potter, and from that moment they never missed a chance to shock and flirt with the two tousle-haired pin-ups. By August, the Quidditch Harry has learned how to striptease.

I is for Ink in black, red, and blue. At Hogwarts, Fred and George usually scribble down their homework assignments at the last-minute, and the black ink spatters on their hands, camouflaging itself among the freckles. When this happens, Fred will lean over, peer at his George's hand, frown, and cry, "That's not fair - you can't have more than me!" Usually George responds by wiping his hand on Fred's sleeve, but sometimes he merely smirks and shakes some ink from his pen onto Fred's side of the desk.

J is for Jumpers. In gradually ascending sizes and remarkably predictable colour, previous years' jumpers occupy a trunk of their own. Winter means scratchy, fuzzy wool against Fred and George's necks and wrists, because they wear their jumpers more than the rest of the Weasleys combined. This is one of the rare manifestations of Fred and George's shared secret: of all the smiles they try to elicit, their mother's matters the most.

K is for Knights nicked from Ron's wizard chess sets. Once every year, they locate his chess set and steal just one white knight, lying and bluffing him into believing that he just lost a piece again. The twins have decided to present the lot of them to Ron as his Hogwarts graduation gift. In the meantime, though, rainy Saturdays are an excuse for knight gladiator matches, with Fred and George cheering on their champions and betting with poker chips.

L is for Lions in bright red and gold, bursting from scarves, robes, hats, and bedspreads. Their first evening at Hogwarts, George watched Fred pull on the Sorting Hat, grin proudly at its shout, and rush down to join Charlie at the Gryffindor table. When he slipped the Hat over his head, though, a smooth, knowing voice whispered, "Cunning and devious, this one. You'll have all the chance you want to bend the rules your way, once you're in -" George had looked desperately at Fred, who watched intently. A spasm of fearful, indefinable emptiness ran down his spine, so strangely painful that he couldn't speak, and the Hat stopped. "Faithfulness, eh? Not entirely a Slytherin trait . . . Well, you've got guts, I'll give you that - I suppose you'll go to - GRYFFINDOR!" It took George a whole week to tell Fred what the hat had said, but Fred told him that he had only got Gryffindor because he told the Hat that his mum would kill him for anything else, and everything was all right.

M is for Mirrors: one over the dresser, one magically fixed into the back of the door. As they refused to speak, spark, cause permanent boils, or exhibit any other sign of magic, Dark or otherwise, Moody declared them safe for use. Fred and George, however, noticed that everyone else looks just a bit uglier in the dresser mirror, and just that much more attractive in the one on the door. When they see each other, though, they still look exactly the same.

N is for Nosebleed Nougat. Their recipe is perfect, aside from the minor detail that they haven't yet developed the antidote. When it came time to test the Nougat, George lined up bottles of possible antidotes while Fred sliced off two squares of the sticky, strawberry-smelling stuff. They raised their squares in salute, said "Cheers!", and swallowed them in a few chews. Before they expected, before they could even grab the wads of rags they'd set to the side, blood began streaming from their noses. Flush with success, they started at opposite ends of the antidotes and began testing, waiting between each sip. One by one, the bottles emptied, as blood clotted the rags and seeped down their throats. The twins' fingers met in the center. As the room began to swirl dizzily, they pointed their wands at each other, rapidly muttering every Healing charm they could think of, staring into each other's wide eyes and whitening lips. " Petrificus ," George finally croaked, and Fred felt his nose harden, as if everything, including the iron-tang trickle, had frozen in place. He repeated the charm on George, and the two collapsed onto Fred's bed, faces smeared with blood, hands clasped so tightly it hurt. When Mrs. Weasley gave them a furious lecture about duelling, Fred swung his arm around George's back and grinned cheekily. "Look on the bright side, Mum: neither of us got killed!" Only George felt Fred's fingers shaking.

O is for Origami Cranes. On his free evenings, Lupin (who has an inexplicable fondness for paper-folding) sits by the fire and chats with everyone about Mr. Weasley's work, current Quidditch rankings, and the weatherwitch's predictions of when the rain will stop, quietly folding enough paper cranes to set the whole house fluttering. When the flames die down, Sirius looks at Lupin questioningly, and Lupin smiles and nods slightly, and the two head upstairs, a few minutes after each other. No one ever comments on this, but Mrs. Weasley usually picks that moment to say what a nice young woman that Tonks is, and how lovely it would be if Lupin finally settled down with someone like her . Fred and George fiddle with the cranes that Lupin leaves behind, wondering whether they should smile.

P is for Potion Ingredients. Potions was the only subject in which they got an Outstanding O.W.L., to the surprise of everyone except, perhaps, Snape. After all, they remember their first perfect Aging Potion. It had resulted from a rather boring class on Scintillating Solutions, and Fred and George had an unsettling feeling that Snape graded their entirely non-scintillating mixture even lower because he recognized exactly what it was. From then on, Potions became their time to experiment with the first Skiving Snackboxes, and - despite the constant stream of low grades and detentions that resulted - once or twice, after a particularly impressive but unasked-for potion, they swear they saw Snape's lips twitch.

Q is for Quidditch Bats - battered, dirt-stained, and splintering, but infinitely precious. Fred and George still remember the day that Mrs. Weasley bought them new, a reward for making Beaters. The wood shone almost as brightly as Charlie's eyes when he told the Gryffindors that they had twins - and twins close enough to him to be triplets at 100 mph - as their new Beaters.

R is for Recipes, all collected in a tattered red binder enchanted to show a Chocolate Frog card collection to anyone else. To be doubly safe, the recipes are written in Fred and George's own code. Once, the twins accidentally left a recipe lying on the floor; that evening, they found Ginny puzzling over some very odd "chocolate scones" she had tried to make. The two decided not to mention that, with a few substitutions, they would have been perfect Fainting Fancies.

S is for Secrets. Fred took Angelina out into the garden after the Yule Ball, and - surrounded by a Concealment Charm that she cast - they started snogging. The snow fell around them, thick and muffling, and they went farther than Fred intended. That was the first time that Fred had been with a woman, and it felt - messy, and strange, and thrillingly good. He never told George, because he thinks that George might be gay, and he doesn't want to be the only one who's not. George saw Fred's face when he came out of the garden, though, and this is his secret: he thinks he is gay, but he's never told Fred, because he doesn't want to be the only one who is.

T is for Trousers. They're all hand-me-downs from Charlie; he has a knack for getting his clothing burned and torn, and the Ministry pays to replace it. On those rare, perfect summer days when the sky is cerulean and cloud-strewn and a cool breeze blows from the east, Fred and George Apparate up to the roof of the house, spread an old tablecloth beneath themselves, and bask shirtless in the sun, feeling the wind waft through their trousers' holes. Everyone says that Fred and George are identical down to the last freckle, but they know that's not quite true, because one sunny Sunday, his head resting lazily on the warm, comfortable-smelling pillow of Fred's chest, George poked his finger two centimeters to the right of Fred's belly button. "There!" he crowed. "I don't have that one." Fred just chuckled, and the sound of it thrummed pleasantly against George's cheek, and his smile was so close to the freckle-dusted skin that he could feel prickles of Fred's hair brush his lips.

U is for Underwear: faded cotton boxers, Enlarged over the years to keep up with their growth. Fred and George mostly don't mind who gets what, but they'll sometimes bribe each other to take the yellow pair with the rather poorly-positioned hole.

V is for Vaseline, "borrowed" from Ginny and Hermione's room. It's buried beneath all the twins' underpants, and they have used it together exactly once. Once in a while Fred or George's fingers brush the top of the jar accidentally, and the cold, smooth memory slides down their spine like sweat. What George remembers of that night is the physical sensations: the odd, overpowering, damp closeness, the terrible sense of finality. What Fred remembers is George curled up beside him and wrapped in cotton, saying, "Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if - ?"

W is for Wet Spots: mostly in the beds, but Fred and George are comfortable and careless, and patches occasionally appear in the nook under the table between their beds, and in the warm, scratchy nest of clothing in their walk-in closet.

X is for X-Tra Strength Merlin's Mess Remover. Because there are spots in the Burrow, too, and when Mrs. Weasley forced them into separate beds, she didn't know that hey had been magicking them clean for seven months before they forgot that once. George was the first of the two to do it, but neither of them really remember, because the next night he asked Fred if he had ever done that to himself, and when Fred said that he hadn't, George showed him how. It was easy and comfortable and really deliciously nice, and although Fred learned how to do it by himself, most nights he turns to George in the darkness, because everything feels better when they do it together.

Y is for Yellowed Birthday Cards, all the way down to the first birthdays, which Mrs. Weasley collected. There are Valentine's Day cards, too, from when they were old enough to write them. All the Weasleys give each other Valentine's Day cards, even Percy, but Fred and George send such flowery, poetic declarations of eternal love that everyone but Percy just laughs when they read them. The most over-effusive, drippingly sweet, and passionately promised Valentines, they always save for each other.

Z is for Zonko's Cold-Lips Kissers:"Place the small tab under your tongue during dates gone bad, and your snog will become as frigid as your sweetheart!" This spring, Fred bought two of them, saying that one would be for Angelina, and George could use the other one whenever he had a date. Fred came back late the next Friday night, laughing about Angelina's shriek of surprise. George hasn't used his yet, though, and these days, he wonders if he ever will.

finis.