Advice in the Prefects' Bathroom

ADVICE IN THE PREFECTS’ BATHROOM

    The death of Sirius Black took its toll on all the inhabitants of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, especially his oldest friend, Remus Lupin. Although he tried to put up a friendly front, everyone knew Remus was taking the death of another friend very hard. As he sat in the kitchen eating dinner, he saw Mrs. Weasley scrubbing the dishes by hand, and Mr. Weasley was reading the Daily Prophet quietly. Ron and Ginny both were sitting at the table, pretending to eat, but just stirring the food around the plate. Tonks, on the other hand, kept trying to cheer everyone up by making faces. She was the only one who still kept a good mood, although she was very sympathetic to the others. After all, Sirius was her second cousin.

    “Well,” said Remus as he got up and cleared his plate. “I’ll be in my room for the rest of the evening. Hope you all have a nice night.” And he made his way upstairs to his room. Once there, he closed the door and sat down on the bed. Tonight was a full moon, so he planned to be alone the rest of the night. Even though he had taken his potion so he would keep his human mind during the transformation, he always thought it best to stay away from other people.

    Plus, he was feeling a bit guilty. He knew he should have been thinking about Sirius and his sudden death, but his mind seemed to stray to another friend he had lost. He kept thinking of how Harry had lost both parents, and now the closest thing he had to a father figure in his teen years. Harry’s parents.... Remus missed them both so much. Two of the first people who accepted him for who he was. That was what plagued his thoughts lately, and he felt guilty about how selfish he thought he was. He was losing all the people who cared about him. Lately, he repeatedly reminisced about one of these people when they were in their sixth year at Hogwarts and Remus made a detour into the Prefects’ bathroom for a little peace and quiet...

    *        *        *        *        *        *

    “Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll leave,” said Remus when he walked into the Prefects’ bathroom to see it was occupied. Lily Evans was in the oversized bathtub, well covered by massive amounts of foamy bubbles, and her long, dark red hair piled on top of her head.

    “No, it’s okay, Remus,” said Lily. “I actually wanted to talk to you.”

    “Er,” said Remus, trying to keep a conversation while not looking directly at her. “What about?”

    “Remus,” Lily laughed, “Come here and sit down. I’m completely covered. But thank you for trying to be a gentleman.”

    He hesitated, but then sat down on the step leading to the tub. He still kept his eyes on the floor. He could hear a soft splash of water as Lily turned around. “Remus.”

    “Yeah?” he finally looked at her. She was leaning over the edge of the tub, with her elbows resting. He could see nothing below her shoulders. He was glad that was all he could see at that moment because he wasn’t sure he could take seeing more. He couldn’t shake the thought that she was naked in that tub.

    “I want you to know I know.”

    His heart started to beat faster. What did she know? There were so many secrets in his life. The fact he was a werewolf, that he and his friends routinely ran around the grounds as wild animals, or the fact that he.... No, it couldn’t be that. “What?”

    “I know where you go every month.” She looked him straight in the eye. There was no pity in those eyes, but compassion.

    “Uh,” Remus stammered. “You do?”

    “Look,” she reached over and touched his hand. “I put it together on my own. I’m not going to tell anyone.”

    Remus looked at her hand touching his. He truly wished he didn’t have feelings for her, but he couldn’t help it. She was so smart and pretty, and most of all kind. She was the first girl he ever had a full-blown crush on, liked her for all the little things. Ever since meeting her at Platform 9 3/4 before their first year, he saw something special in her. She was a positive influence on everyone she came in contact with. He loved her. But he knew in his heart it wasn’t meant to be. She’ll be the one that got away, he told himself. Every person had someone like that. He had oddly come to terms with that.

    “Remus?” She gently tapped his hand.

    “Oh, sorry,” he looked up at her beautiful face. “So...”

    “So,” she smiled. “I just wanted to tell you that I know, and it’s not going to change how I feel about you. You’re still a great person.”

    He smiled, too. “Thanks.”

    “I just wanted you to know.”

    There was a long pause before Remus asked, “Lily, can I ask you a question?”

    “Sure,” she said and rested her head on her hands. “What?”

    He looked her in the eye again. “You’re in love with James, aren’t you?”

    She laughed and looked away, but her cheeks had flushed. “Remus, are you crazy? I can’t stand him!”

    “No,” he said, his voice somber. “I’m right, you do. Believe me, I know these things.”

    She laughed again, but more nervously, and shook her head. “I’m not in love with him.”

    “Hey, look, you knew my secret without me telling. I know yours. We’ve got that type of friendship.”

    She looked away from him and mumbled, “yeah, I guess I do.”

    Remus was surprised to realize how much his heart didn’t break. He was sad he didn’t have a chance with her, but he was all right with that. “Well, I have good news for you.”

    “What?”

    He leaned in a little and whispered, “he loves you, too.”

    Now her face was a deep red. “Do you really think so?”

    “Yeah,” he nodded. “He’d have already asked you out, but he thinks you hate him. He’s not as perceptive as I am.” They both laughed.

    “Don’t worry, Remus.”

    “What?”

    She patted him on the shoulder. “You’ll find someone.”

    He sighed. Maybe she did know. But he didn’t feel upset about her knowing. It was as though their close friendship allowed them to communicate about things like these without talking. But he felt like he’d never meet anyone who he could fall in love with who would feel the same. If Lily wasn’t it, then how could it be anyone else? “Thanks,” he said, unconvinced.

    “No, really,” she said, tapping her finger to her chin thoughtfully. “I think you’ll end up with someone. Probably your exact opposite.”

    “My exact opposite? What, like someone popular?” he laughed.

    “No,” she said, without a trace of humor. “I mean someone who is probably wild on the outside, but very serene and intelligent on the inside. Someone who will love you for all of you.”

    “So that’s who you think I’ll end up with?”

    She looked at him intently. “Yes, yes I do.” She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “You’ll find her. But right now I need you to turn around so I can get out of the tub.”

    *        *        *        *        *        *

    Remus sighed. He had gotten over his crush on Lily a year later, but still loved her like a close friend. He missed James just as much, and knew they had made the perfect couple. All one had to do was look at their son to realize that. Just that first year with them, Harry had been instilled with that love.

    Only when he looked down at his paws did Remus realize he had already transformed. He had become so wrapped up in the memory he had been able to block out some of the pain of changing. Lily was wrong, he thought. No one has ever wanted me or loved me for who I am. He got up on his bed and curled up near the head. He tried to sleep, but he couldn’t with the past memory still running in his head. So he laid there for a while until there was a knock on the door.

    “Remus? Are you in there?” Tonks’ voice came through the door. Then Remus heard the door click open, but he did not turn to look. “Can I come in?” She opened the door and walked in, but Remus did not look over until she tripped over the bedpost. “Ouch! I just wanted to keep you company.” She smiled rosebud-shaped lips, her eyes crystal blue, her hair shoulder length and matching in color.

    Remus just looked at her, with no ability to speak.

    Tonks sat down at the foot of the bed. “I hope you don’t mind, it’s just I couldn’t deal with being downstairs anymore.”

    Remus rested his head on the pillow and kept his eyes on her, trying to communicate that he wanted her to go on. She seemed to get the point.

    “It’s just – it’s just I’m the class clown here. I mean, it’s fine, I love cracking jokes but right now...” she trailed off. “Well, you know,” she whispered.

    There was a long silence. Remus wished he was in human form, so he could tell her he understood, to comfort her.

    Tonks looked thoughtfully at Remus in his wolf form. “You know, even when you’re a wolf, you’re my favorite person to talk to.”

    Remus wished he could tell her he felt the same way. Even though she was considerably younger than he (around 10 years), there still seemed to be a similarity between the two. A similarity in opposites. He was putting up a facade of calmness to cover up his pain and anger, and she seemed to be putting up one of a goofy show-off instead of showing sadness. Even though she played the part of wild child, her accomplishments in witchcraft and her promotion to Auror was beyond her years. And in times of battle, she had shown great strength. He admired her abilities. Even in just the past few weeks, she had become something special to him. He gestured with his head as best he could to indicate for her to keep talking. Again, she seemed to understand without needing words.

    “Well, there was one other thing I wanted to tell you.”

    Remus laid his head on the pillow again, listening intently.

    “I wanted to tell you this when you were, well –“ she gestured slightly. “You know. I thought it’d be better if I could do this, well – face-to-face, but I guess I’m too chicken.”

    Remus raised his head in interest. What was she talking about?

    “Well,” Tonks said, suddenly fascinated by the patterns in the quilt, “I, uh, I think I might be – I might have – I know you’re –“ she sighed and then spoke very quickly. “I know you’re older than me, but I think I’ve developed a thing for you.” For a moment she stayed frozen, and then ran from the room, leaving a very befuddled Remus. What was he supposed to think about this? He got off the bed and began to pace. This was interesting information. Ironic that this happens right when he was thinking about his conversation with Lily. He always thought Lily wasn’t correct in her belief that he would find someone who loved him for him, who was the perfect complement to him.

    Tonks couldn’t be the one. Well, she was funny and smart, a bit crazy and truly sweet, but.... Remus was considerably older, and there was the obvious problem: he was a werewolf. He was a social outcast because of it.

    But Tonks was the closest friend he had now, he didn’t want to lose her. He got along with her so well, making him laugh when he really needed it, and getting into heated discussions about everything from magical law to the Weird Sisters. There were nights when they sat in the kitchen talking well past everyone else had gone to bed. And of course, she was beautiful. It was more than her ability to morph into different looks, it was her complete ignorance to how pretty she really was.

    But I can’t even entertain the idea, thought Remus. It’s just wrong. My condition, and my age, it isn’t fair.

    With that thought, he got back on the bed and curled up and went to sleep.

    *        *        *        *        *        *

    The next morning Remus made his way down to the kitchen for breakfast. He was exhausted from his night, and was craving a little food before really thinking about what happened earlier. But when he came into the kitchen, only Tonks was there. “Good morning,” she said, but did not really look him in the eye.

    He went to the counter and started scrambling some eggs. “Where is everyone?”

    “Molly took the kids shopping for new school robes, Kingley and Arthur are at work, and Mad-Eye’s out on the prowl for who knows what,” she said while stirring her cereal. Neither said anything more while Remus cooked his eggs and Tonks simply stared at her breakfast.

    He sat down across from Tonks after he finished cooking. “Do you want to talk?”

    Tonks ran a hand nervously through her long, white-blond hair. “So you remember what I said?”

    “Yes, I do.”

    “I’m really sorry I didn’t have the guts to say it earlier,” she said and finally looked at him with golden brown eyes.

    “That’s fine, I understand. I wouldn’t have been as brave as you,” he said. For a moment he paused, thinking about what he was about to say. “There are certain things I need to clarify.”

    “All right,” she nodded.

    “You know what I am. That changes everything when it comes to me living as a normal person,” he said. “And you’re so much younger than me.”

    “So you’re saying you don’t feel the same,” she said looking away. “I understand. Let’s just pretend I never said anything.”

    “No,” Remus replied. “No, that’s not what I meant. I – I did a lot of thinking last night. I guess I never thought of you in that sense.”

    Tonks looked down at her breakfast, her head leaning on her hand.

    “I thought you’d never think of me that way,” Remus continued on. “But now that I’ve thought about it, you’re the funniest and smartest woman I know. I should have seen it before.” He reached over and took Tonks’ hand in his, making her jump and tug on her hair slightly, so there was now a giant green streak. Remus instinctively laughed. “But are you sure you want this?”

    Tonks looked at him, the green streak in her hair fading back out, and said, “look Remus, I’ve thought about this for a long time. I really do feel this. The question is, do you?”

    Remus sighed. He had thought things through for a long time, and had finally come to a conclusion. “Nymphadora, I think I love you. I hadn’t realized it until last night, but I love you.”

    Her eyes grew wide. “Remus?” she whispered and leaned over the table.

    Remus didn’t even realize he was leaning over the table also until he was an inch away from her. “Yes?”

    “Don’t call me that,” she smiled and kissed him. It was a sweet kiss at first, then deepened into something passionate. They broke, since the table between them stopped them from doing anything more. Remus laughed, thinking of how right Lily had been. He had found the woman who didn’t complete him, but complemented him. Someone who loved him for everything, even admitted it when he was in wolf form. He was glad he never got involved with Lily now, but learned from dealing with that unrequited love how great love was when it was reciprocated. “Fine, Tonks, come here,” he said, stood up and led her away from the table. Without the table in the way, he ran his hand through her hair. She stared up at him seductively and flecks of green appeared in her eyes. He drew her closer and kissed her passionately. It had been so long since he had felt this way. He pulled his other hand around her waist while she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing them closer.

    Remus pulled away only enough for the two to catch their breath. He then tried to gain composure. “Tonks, would it be presumptuous of me to invite you up to my room?”

     "No, not at all,” Tonks laughed. And finally, the two of them found a little bit of happiness in a time of darkness.

THE END