The Last Marauder

The Last Marauder

I hate you, I hate you all. Every last one of you, I hate that you made me the last one. We were the four, the four of us were supposed to be together forever, Best friends, never leaving one behind. But you did leave one behind, you left me behind.

James could be forgiven, he died protecting his family, and I think we all could, at one point of another, we all could say that we would have willingly died to protect Lily and Harry. But, James didn't make a promise to me, James didn't swear to be with me forever, like you did. James didn't hold me at night, when I thought that the moon would haunt me forever and destroy everything. James didn't hold me in the middle of our Dormitory and let me cry to sleep in his arms, that wasn't James. James was in the girl's dormitory having sex with Lily, but you were there with me.

Moreover, Peter, that back stabbing moron. I hate him more then I hate James for leaving. Why do I hate him more? Because he is sill alive. He has the opportunity to come back, but he wont. If I ever see our dearest friend Wormtail again, I will spare him no mercy. I will use all the unforgivable curses on him until no one can tell that he is the very same Peter Pettigrew who was supposed to have died nearly fifteen years ago.... Just like James, Peter never promised to do any of the things you did. Peter was only there to run between the branches and push the knot on the Whomping Willow, that's all Peter was there for. I needed you there. I didn't need Peter, I don't need Peter to come back, I need you to come back. But, I still hate you more.

Yes, you heard me right, I hate you. I hate you with every ounce of my being because you made those promises to me. You swore that no matter how long I lived, no matter how scared or lonely I got, you would always be there to help me through it. But you're not.

Not only are you gone, I watched you die. I saw the red bolts fly at your chest, I saw you disappear behind the veil, and what's worse, I had to keep my cool. I had to act normal, unsacred, while I held back your godson so that he wouldn't take himself to an early grave.

But, Harry doesn't know that the very night of you death, I was wallowing in hate and pain and mourning. I didn't sleep at all, and I haven't slept since. Even when I turn into my wolf form, my horrible monstrosity, I still haven't acted the same. I don't terrorize, I'll have you know, I curl into a ball and whimper, I whimper because you aren't there to hold me. You would always hold me, no matter how much I would growl to get you away, you wouldn't let me go. And now your arms aren't around me and the fact that you are gone sinks further into my mind.

People might try to convince me that I held Harry back so that he wouldn't die, so that the one who could finally save the wizarding world from Voldemort's reign of horror and pain and fear would live. No, I did it for you. I did it so that you would know how much I loved you. I loved you enough to make sure that the one thing you cared about the most, even more then you cared about me, lived on. Frankly, I wouldn't care if the entire wizard world disappeared right now, if everything just stopped. But, you would have, so I made sure that your godson, your light and joy, the reason you had gone on living, so that he could defeat Voldemort. I saved him for you.

So, here I am, sitting up in the room we used to share. I'm curled into a ball; the only thing that keeps me living now is revenge. Revenge on who killed you, revenge on the rat who betrayed us, and to protect the boy you would have protected if you were still here. I may be here, but I swear to you Sirius Lee Black, I'm dead inside. I'm dead inside because I'm the last one, because I, Remus J. Lupin, am the last Marauder.