Devotion

Narcissa Malfoy studied her reflection in the mirror. She carefully made sure that no hair was out of place, and that her makeup was not smudged in the least bit. She used enough magic on her face already that she took a certain amount of pleasure from applying her makeup by hand, "the Muggle way," as Lucius called it, and she knew it only angered him more whenever she did so.

She paid particular attention to her left eye, which had been healing nicely, but was still too obvious to be seen in public without the aid of healing spells and a little glamour she had learned early in her marriage to Lucius. It had certainly come in handy over the years. She slowly and deliberately applied her lipstick, and winced when it came too close to the corner of her mouth. Glamour could hide the appearance of a swollen and bleeding lip, but not the pain. Well, the pain was her punishment for not pleasing her husband.

She wondered sometimes if she had ever pleased him. Her mind drifted over all the time she had spent with Lucius. Yes, she had made him happy, at least once, if only for a moment. And she supposed he had been pleased when she had given him Draco. Draco, her fine boy, who had been born strong and determined. Yet that wasn´t entirely true. He had been strong and determined even before he was born. She could feel it, as she carried him, and she drew her strength from his. She had known he would be strong, and she had to be strong for him, stronger than she had been when she carried two babies before him, and stronger than she would be for another after. Draco alone had made her strong, strong enough that, however much he tried throughout her entire pregnancy, Lucius had not been able to weaken her and make her body reject his child. Not this time.

* * *

Narcissa had known the moment Draco was born that he would be her only child. Lucius would not let her have another, and she knew he would not change his mind, no matter how pleased he might be with this fine, perfect example of a firstborn son. Lucius had hardly known what do to with Draco as an infant. He had held him at the moment of his birth, long enough to acknowledge, `This is my son,´ and then he had none too gently given him back to Narcissa and swept out of the birthing room. `You have difficult work ahead of you, my dear.´

Narcissa was all too happy to keep her boy away from his father. While she was pregnant, they had been able to feed off each other´s strength, but now he had his own body, one entirely too easily hurt by what Lucius might consider `simple´ and `trifling´ discipline. Draco was her precious, and he went everywhere with her. As he grew, the vibrant blue of his eyes faded to his father´s steely grey, and the crop of buttery curls he had had as an infant eventually fell out, to be replaced by Lucius´ straight, platinum strands. Narcissa knew that her son would grow up to look exactly like his father. But as far as she was concerned, the similarities could end there. She was determined to teach her child love and kindness, things Lucius seemed to think solely the realm of fairy tales and addlepated schoolgirls. Most importantly, though, Narcissa had tried to instill into him self-control, compassion, and never to raise his hand against any woman. She was so intent on this instruction that she refused to physically discipline Draco. When he was feeling particularly petulant, there was a certain chair in her study that faced the corner, reserved especially for him in such occasions.

Draco was five, and seemed to finally be learning and understanding household do´s and don´ts, when Lucius finally began to express an interest in the fact that he had a son. Lucius would come to Narcissa´s study while she was reading to Draco, and watch from the doorway, correcting his wife on her choice of literature to which his son was to be exposed. He began offering to take Draco on walks around the garden, which Narcissa watched nervously from her bedroom window.

It was on one of these walks that Draco was unfortunately distracted by a butterfly. He pulled his tiny hand from his father´s, and went chasing the insect across the garden. Not looking at his feet, he tripped over a planter box and fell headfirst into the cook´s prized tomatoes. Draco at least had enough of his father in him not to cry over something as little as falling down. Lucius pulled him roughly out of the box, and took in his grubby face, and clothes streaked with dirt and bits of tomato. "You foolish child!" he yelled, and raised his hand.

Narcissa, who had seen the situation brewing from her window, came running out of the manor house and grabbed his arm in time to keep it from falling onto her unsuspecting child. Lucius, furious, rounded on her, bringing the metal snake´s-head handle of his cane against her temple. Narcissa fell, which finally made Draco erupt in tears. Lucius knelt in the pathway and pulled Draco over his knee. "You have coddled this boy for too long. He must learn what it is to be a man, and above all, a Malfoy." Narcissa slipped into darkness, thankful that in the oblivion she could not hear the cries of her child.

* * *

Narcissa shook the memory from her mind, just one among so many, and returned to perfecting her appearance. They were taking Draco to King´s Cross Station today, to leave for his first year at Hogwarts, and Lucius demanded perfection from her whenever she was to be seen in public, especially in his company. Narcissa tried not to think about the upcoming year, endlessly alone in the house with Lucius as she had not been in a very long time.

Hogwarts would be good for Draco, she knew. He needed more exposure to witches and wizards other than just the children of Lucius´ friends. Narcissa shivered. Lucius´ friends. She knew exactly what type of folk they were, and she was certain that she didn´t want them getting their hands on her son. Tonight, Draco would be Sorted into his House. Narcissa wondered if he could even begin to contemplate how that would affect the rest of his life. She silently prayed that he would be placed anywhere other than Slytherin. She knew how much Lucius wanted his son to be in his old House, and Draco would want to please his father, but if he were in a different House, maybe Lucius´ hold on him would slip. Maybe Draco would be able to forge his own destiny. And that was a prayer that had been on Narcissa´s lips since the day she knew that he would survive to be born.

"They will not turn my son into a monster," she muttered as she pushed pearl drop earrings through her ears. Like his father... her mind silently replied. She sighed. It was a thought she had been having with increased frequency for several years now. Ever since that day in the garden, Draco showed Lucius nothing but fearful reverence. Like most boys at that age, Draco had thought his father could do no wrong, so the fault must have been within himself. From that day forward, Draco strove to be everything Lucius could expect him to be. And every day Narcissa had watched her precious little boy slip away from her.

Her eyes began to sting as she thought of the moment the train would pull out of the station, taking Draco away from her for an entire year. She quickly batted her eyelids and forced herself to stop. Lucius would not be pleased by any show of excessive emotion when they parted with their son, and his definition of `excessive´ was roughly equivalent to `any at all.´

"Mother," Draco called impatiently from her doorway, "Father´s getting quite irritated down in the parlor."

"Yes, of course, darling, I´m nearly done." She moved a few more imaginary strands of hair and pursed her lips, then with a wince thought better of it. She turned to her son, so frighteningly like his father in appearance and posture. "What do you think? Good enough to be seen with two such handsome men?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Mother..."

"No, I´m serious, Draco, how do I look?" She stood up, smoothing her skirt and tugging on the bottom of her grey and black pinstriped vest. She knew she looked the image of a successful Muggle businesswoman. Draco took in her clothes with an expression of apathy, but when his eyes came to her face, his eyes narrowed.

"You did it the Muggle way, didn´t you?"

Her tone was chiding, "Draco, darling, you know how temperamental my wand is. Do you think I would trust my face today to anything other than my own hands?" Little did he know how much work her wand had done on her face, before the makeup. Draco raised an eyebrow as if not completely convinced, then shrugged and headed out the door. "Draco," she called, and he turned back around. "Darling, would you give me a hug before we go down and meet your father?"

He paused, and his steely grey eyes were considering. He looked as if he might agree, then almost visibly a wall went up and his voice changed to the condescending tone she had heard so often from Lucius. "Really, mother, I´m not your baby anymore," and he turned on his heel and walked down the hallway to the stairs.

Narcissa nearly choked in her effort to fight back her tears. She mechanically picked up her silver and black handbag, which was large enough to discreetly carry her wand, and followed Draco´s footsteps down the stairs.

Lucius was indeed impatiently pacing in the parlor. He severely disliked the tediousness of driving to one´s destination, but they could not Apparate with Draco and all of his things, and Floo Powder was out of the question. Lucius was certain that not everyone kept their fireplaces as immaculate as his. The Ministry kept a number of cars for cases like this, and Lucius had sent for one today. It had come with a driver, as he had demanded, and was a beautiful Rolls Royce Silver Cloud. The driver had already packed Draco´s chest of school supplies into the trunk, and his eagle owl, Theodore, hooted pretentiously from his cage in the back seat.

"My dear," Lucius addressed her with clenched teeth and gave her a warning look. No matter how fearsome his mood, Narcissa could never help but think of what a handsome man he was. He stood with his hands thrust into the pockets of his charcoal grey trousers, and his matching overcoat was folded neatly over one arm. His silver-blonde hair fell past his shoulders and was tied back with a black silk ribbon. His skin was fair and the bones of his face were well-defined, and his lips... lips that she had seen twisted into the cruelest of sneers, and yet lips that could also make her knees go weak by just turning up a corner. I remember kissing those lips, once, she reflected, a long time ago...

"Lucius," she replied with just the slightest smile as she walked over to him and grazed his cheek with her lips. He said nothing, but took her by the arm and led her out to the car. He opened the door for her and let her climb in first, leaving Draco to the driver´s care. Draco wanted to have his owl in the front seat with him, so Narcissa and Lucius were left quite alone in the back seat. Her hand rested on his forearm where, under layers of coat and shirt, she knew an ugly black tattoo lay. She had seen it in its many phases, from dark, inky black to the faded blue-ish tint most Muggle tattoos acquired after a few years, to being almost invisible. The color, she had noticed, seemed to coincide with the waxing and waning of Voldemort´s power. Ten years ago, it had been as dark as she had ever seen it, and it seemed to cause Lucius some pain, and then suddenly, on Samhain, it had all but disappeared. That was the night the whispers had begun, of The Boy Who Lived.

Lucius had not become a Death Eater until after they were married. Or rather, he had not received the Dark Mark. Narcissa felt that Lucius had been a Death Eater at heart every day of his life. Her gaze traveled down his arm to his hand, gloved as always. Sometimes she wondered if he wore the gloves because he truly believed that no gentleman would be seen in public with bare hands, or to hide his wedding band, as it had been quite the battle to get him to even accept the idea of wearing one. Narcissa thanked the memory of his mother for her intervention in that case. She suspected Lucius feared his mother in some way, and so had acquiesced under her insistence.

His ring did not match Narcissa´s. He had chosen it by himself, and she had not seen it until their wedding, as she was placing it on his finger: a single platinum serpent that wound around his finger to swallow its own tail, with glittering emerald eyes that somehow always seemed to her to convey malice.

Narcissa´s engagement ring had belonged to Lucius´ mother, and was a family heirloom. It was a beautiful antique silver creation with filigree work all along the band, and holding a diamond Narcissa was sure glittered with magic as well as the cut. Her actual wedding band was quite simple in contrast: just a very thin platinum band, hardly noticeable by itself. Perhaps Lucius had intended it that way.

Seeming to suddenly realize she was touching him, Lucius pulled his arm back. "I do hope Draco develops none of your silly romantic tendencies," he said the word as if it belonged in a foreign language. For Lucius, she thought sadly, it may as well be.

"There will be too little time for that once he´s at Hogwarts, Lucius, I wouldn´t worry about it," she replied.

"Good. The last thing we need is for him to get involved with some little Mudblood who shouldn´t have been there in the first place. Ridiculous," he said, sneering out the window, "letting them into the school..." Narcissa slowly tuned him out. She had heard his objections against having Muggle-born children enrolled at Hogwarts too many times to count. They dragged down the quality of education for all the proper witches and wizards there, he would say, or they contributed to the thinning and tainting of wizard blood by making purebloods fall in love with them. He almost hadn´t let Draco attend Hogwarts, for just that reason. He had intended to send Draco to Durmstrang. But Narcissa couldn´t bear the idea of her son being so far away, and she had pleaded with Lucius to let him go to Hogwarts. Lucius had agreed, but only after he had become one of the school governors, and so felt a little more comfortable with his son around the `dangerously insane´ Headmaster Dumbledore and his precious Mudbloods. "Well, in Slytherin he´ll have no problems with that." Narcissa came back to herself when Lucius turned toward her again.

"Are you so certain that he´ll be put in Slytherin, Lucius? That Sorting Hat seems so random at times," she said, hoping they would receive a letter from Draco tonight, proving her correct. Lucius gave her an incredulous look.

"My dear, every Malfoy who has attended Hogwarts has been in Slytherin. That is as firm as a law of nature." His eyes dared her to contradict him.

She shrank from his glare, as he expected her to. A corner of his mouth lifted in a self-pleased smirk, and he turned away from her and snapped open the Daily Prophet. There were far more important things to concern himself with than the emotions of the woman beside him.

Narcissa had learned that trick early. If she chose not to press an issue with him, he smiled as if he won some battle, and would go about his own business, quite ignoring her; which was far better than the alternative. Lucius would stand for no `disrespect,´ which included contrary opinions, and would do his utmost to exorcise such willful thoughts. Narcissa turned to her window and watched as the countryside turned almost seamlessly into suburbs, and then into the heart of London itself. She stopped watching after a while, as all that could be seen was dreary grey building after dreary grey building. Her eyes turned instead to her son in the front seat, reaching a finger through the bars of his owl´s cage to pet the bird.

She smiled at this rare glimpse of Draco´s compassion. Lucius had not been able to destroy it all. Draco was only eleven, but already far more jaded and cynical than most people twice his age. Lucius had pushed him to excel in everything, and the tutor he had hired to teach Draco in their home had been instructed to teach two grades above where a child of Draco´s age should have been. Draco was brilliant, Narcissa knew, but Lucius would also not stand for any overweening pride or showing off from his son. A truly powerful wizard, or any kind of gentleman, had no need for such vulgar displays of his abilities. Well, Draco will prove himself at Hogwarts, Narcissa thought as the driver parked the car in front of King´s Cross Station. The man scurried around the car to open doors for the family, then set to pulling Draco´s chest out of the trunk as they stood stretching their legs and straightening their clothes.

Lucius tipped and dismissed the driver, then called to one of the attendants to load Draco´s things onto a trolley and push it most of the way to platform 9 3/4. Once there, he carelessly handed the man a note, who left thanking him profusely and staring wide-eyed at the money in his hand. Lucius shook his head at the man´s behavior. "Come along, Draco," he said as he offered his arm to Narcissa and began walking toward the barrier that led to the Hogwarts platform. With only a slight grumble, Draco set his small weight against the trolley and followed after his parents.

They stopped at a pillar that looked exactly like every other they had passed, but Draco, knowing already what was necessary, never stopped or slowed as he pushed his trolley into and through the brick column. Narcissa and Lucius followed him.

The bright red Hogwarts Express sat waiting on the tracks. The Malfoys had arrived in plenty of time to see Draco settled on the train before it left. So undignified to have to rush, Lucius would always say. Draco pushed his trolley down to the baggage car where a man was mechanically shrinking each trunk or chest to the size of a shoebox, then handing it up to a man inside the car who packed them neatly against the wall. Another man came and took Theodore´s cage to another car, where there were hooks on the ceiling and arms extending from the walls to hold the cages for students´ owls. Draco took his small leather satchel from his trolley before the baggage wizard could shrink it and looked excitedly at his parents.

"Can I change into my robes now?" Narcissa smiled and was about to tell him he could, when Lucius cleared his throat.

"On the train, Draco," he said with a raised eyebrow. Narcissa could hear him thinking, Ridiculous, getting all excited over something as simple as wearing robes...

"Yes, sir," Draco replied and lowered his head.

"Now, see that no Muggle-borns try to sit in your compartment," he instructed. "Find Crabbe and Goyle´s boys and sit with them. They should be able to discourage any unwanted company."

Draco nodded, "Yes, sir." Lucius gave a curt nod of approval and held out his hand. Draco fumbled to switch the satchel over and shook his father´s hand, with an expression that looked to Narcissa like he was trying to swallow a large lump in his throat. Her own eyes began to sting as Draco turned to her. "Mother," he said quietly.

She didn´t trust her own voice, so she simply ran her fingers through his soft, silvery hair, and bent down to kiss his cheek. She felt his own lips touch her cheek, and then suddenly his arms were around her neck, hugging her fiercely.

"I´m scared, mum," he whispered in her ear.

She rubbed a hand gently against his back and said, "You´ll be fine, darling." She slowly pulled away from his arms so she could look at him. He was her boy again, but on the brink of growing up. She wished so much that she could stop time there and then, and keep him like that forever, but she knew she had to let go. She took a deep breath and gave him what she knew was a weak smile. "You write to me tonight when you´re all settled in your House, all right?" She ran her fingertips over his face, wanting to memorize every detail. He nodded. "There´s my lad," she said, and kissed his forehead. Draco smiled at her.

Lucius cleared his throat from beside her, and Draco quickly backed away, his smile fading instantly. He wiped at his forehead with his sleeve and moaned, "Mother, your makeup..." though they both knew her lipstick had left no mark.

"Off you go, Draco," Lucius said as Narcissa straightened back up. He held out his arm for her.

"Yes, sir," Draco answered, though his eyes kept darting between his parents as if to ask if this really was it. After a moment of hesitation, Narcissa slipped her hand through Lucius´ arm, which Draco recognized as the sign that they really were leaving. He hesitated to watch their first few steps away, then he turned to the train and climbed into one of the passenger cars.

Lucius stopped them before the barrier and pulled out his wand. Narcissa followed suit and Apparated with him back to the mansion.

"Well, that´s done with," Lucius said when they were both standing in their parlor. He handed his coat to a waiting servant. "You once more have the house to yourself, my dear," he called over his shoulder as he headed to his private study for a glass of cognac in his favorite chair.

Narcissa turned to the servant, who was waiting to be dismissed. "I´m a bit tired. I think I´ll have my lunch late today, Rebecca. Please have the cook send some tea to my room." Rebecca nodded and bustled off. Narcissa climbed the stairs slowly, numbly. Her feet carried her to Draco´s room.

It looked much the same as it always did, but was missing the boy. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and remembered how it had always seemed to dwarf him, no matter how much he grew. The top of his desk had been cleared, and presumably all the drawers, too. She walked over to his wardrobe, which still held the robes he hadn´t taken to school: grey, blue, green, and black dress robes. She opened the drawers at the bottom and found his jumpers all neatly folded, most in the same colors as his robes, and a brown bit of fuzz sticking out from underneath one of the piles.

With a smile, she pulled out the jumpers and set them aside, revealing an old and very loved teddy bear. The bear´s face was flattened from the weight of the jumpers, but the fact that Draco had preferred hiding it here to leaving it out so his father could find it and throw it out with all his other stuffed animals, spoke of how much it had meant to him. The bear was simply called Teddy, and Narcissa suspected it had something to do with the fact that Draco had named his new owl Theodore. She laid the bear in her lap and put the jumpers back in the drawer, handling everything as if it were fine porcelain that would break with too much pressure.

She carried the bear to her room, where she found a tea tray ready and waiting for her. Out of habit, she poured herself a cup and set it on her nightstand. But she kicked off her shoes and lay down on the bed, with Draco´s bear pressed close to her chest, and softly cried herself to sleep.