Secrets Best Kept

Part One

"I know that you would do anything for Harry," Dumbledore was saying, his voice carrying the same lilt that she remembered from her school days, but with something somber scratching at the surface. He was worried. She hated that, because if he was worried that meant that everyone else had cause to be terrified.

"However," he continued, "I know the stigma that is placed on this particular request, and I... we... would understand if you would rather we chose someone else. Several have volunteered; we just felt that you..."

"I am the best choice," Hermione said defiantly. "And of course I'll do it. Tell Harry I'll do it."

Her old headmaster's face softened, into something of relief, or perhaps pride. "You do realize everything that this entails?"

"I do."

There is something unspoken. Names, unspoken. James. Lily. Peter...

She took a deep breath, and added, "If Harry is going to go into hiding, then I will be his secret keeper until my dying breath, and then I'll take it with me to the grave."

*****

Later that evening, Hermione packed a bag of belongings from her apartment in London. She had been living there for the last five years, since the day she had graduated Hogwarts and begun preparations for her auror training. Ron had lived with her for a short time... while they were still together. But the resentment that he felt at not being accepted as an auror took such a toll on their relationship. And on his and Harry's as well. He still did occasional work for The Order, but most of his time was now spent traveling with the Tornadoes, who had taken him on as keeper.

Even Harry no longer worked at the Ministry. He was a wonderful auror, but his situation - the mere state of who he was - simply drew too much attention. Voldemort had spent the last six years hunting him with a fury that was simply exhausting for everyone around Harry, and the fact that Voldemort may turn up at any auror raid just because Harry was there... well, it became far too much of a liability.

In fact, it was Harry's recent resignation that prompted Hermione's earlier conversation with Dumbledore. Harry of course, being as he was, just wanted to go after Voldemort himself, confront him and finish everything once and for all.

"I don't care which way the prophecy unfolds anymore!" he'd said to her, looking more weary than she'd ever seen him. "I just can't do this anymore. I need it to end, one way or the other."

It had taken both she and Dumbledore to calm him down, to explain to him that there was more at stake. It was not just about the end or continuation of his own life, but of Voldemort's. If there wasn't a triumph for good in the end... Voldemort would likely shroud the wizarding world in darkness forever.

"Everyone around me is hurting," Harry had said, and there was this intense sadness in his eyes that Hermione knew was about Ginny.

The two of them were so in love, so happy together when the rest of the world was forgotten... and yet they had never been able to be together in the way that they wanted. It was simply too dangerous, to let Voldemort know that there was someone so important to Harry; she would instantly become a target. So they hid their feelings. And it was straining on both of them.

It was finally Dumbledore who came to a decision, which had always been enough for Harry to follow. Harry and Ginny would go into hiding, not for a long time, but long enough to throw Voldemort off in his hunt. It would detract attention from his resignation, make it seem as if Harry was missing due to his involvement with an auror mission. He would be able to regroup, gather his strength, and give the rest of The Order a chance to monitor Voldemort without his hunt for Harry getting in the way.

Harry was reluctant, but in the end he agreed. Hermione suspected that a large part of his acquiescence had to do with the chance to be with Ginny. She didn't blame him. She had never been in love like that before (not even with Ron, though she didn't realize it until later), but she imagined that it must be something close to dying, to be apart.

That was when Dumbledore had dismissed Harry and spoken to Hermione about being their secret keeper. Her work as an auror would be put on hold for a while so that she would not be so foremost on the minds of dark wizards. Though even in her job she had never been nearly as visible as Harry. Stealth was more of her specialty, and research. She had spent more time in libraries in her days as a "spy" than ever she had as a student.

So she would be coming to Hogwarts, under the pretense of being a substitute professor for Arithmancy. Professor Vector would be taking a long-deserved vacation, about which he was quite pleased, and Dumbledore had great faith in her abilities to teach the subject.

She would be able to lie low, be protected by simply being at Hogwarts, and (as Dumbledore had explained was of utmost importance) be trained in occlumency.

She realized the importance of this role that she was being given. Because she remembered another time that a red haired woman and her lover in dark hair and glasses had entrusted their secret to a friend.

With every ounce of strength she had in her body, she would ensure that their fate would not be Harry's.

*****

Most of the Hogwarts professors seemed delighted to see her. One did not. It was not, however, a big surprise who that one was.

"How nice to see you, Miss Granger," Severus Snape said, his tone indicating that there was nothing nice about it. Five years they had both served in the Order of the Phoenix and he still called her "Miss".

She couldn't even imagine how he would react if she suddenly referred to him as "Severus." "Likewise, Professor," she replied.

"I understand you will be teaching Arithmancy," he continued. His hair fell in front of his eyes as he leaned forward at the table and he didn't bother to push it away. "Do you actually have any training as a teacher, or will you just be faking it?"

Before Hermione could retort, Professor McGonagall jumped to her defense. "I assure you, Severus, that Hermione is one of the most accomplished..."

"Now, now," Dumbledore interrupted, holding up his hands as in peace, "I can assure everyone that I have the utmost confidence in Miss Granger's abilities to perform admirably in Professor Vector's absence." His gaze shifted to Snape. "And I'm sure that should she need any assistance that any of you would be happy to volunteer your expertise."

Hermione thought she heard Snape snort defiantly, but it went unnoticed.

Dumbledore stood, and the others followed suit. "If you would excuse us," he said, motioning to Hermione, "We have much to discuss involving her new position."

Hermione flashed McGonagall a grateful smile as she filed out of the room. Snape was the last to leave and as he reached the door, Dumbledore called, "Severus? Would you please stay for a moment?"

Hermione sighed, clasped her hands together at the table.

Snape looked a bit deflated as he sat back down. "I really must get going, I have to..."

"This will only take a moment," Dumbledore interrupted. "You know the real reason that Hermione has joined us here, and along those lines I must ask you a favor."

Snape's expression was sour as he nodded.

"It is vital that she become skilled in occlumency in as short a period as possible," Dumbledore continued, then looked at Hermione and added, "Just in case."

"And I suppose you want me to teach her?"

"You know I would do it myself, Severus, but I just don't have enough time to devote at the moment and you know how important this is." He gave Hermione a look that she would almost describe as apologetic.

"Well then, I suppose that leaves it on me," Snape said, his voice resigned but bitter. "I will expect you in my office at eight o'clock." With that, he nodded to Dumbledore, stood, and exited the room.

Hermione sighed, wondering if Snape had always been this unpleasant. "What was Professor Snape like as a student?" she asked Dumbledore as he stood to leave.

The headmaster looked thoughtful. "Shorter," he replied.

*****

Hermione paced back and forth in the room formerly occupied by Professor Vector, trying to remember everything that Harry had told her about occlumency when he was learning (or rather, not learning) it their fifth year in school.

The magical defense of the mind against external penetration. It was known that Voldemort was highly skilled in legilimency, the ability to extract feelings and memories from a person's mind. So in other words, Dumbledore wanted to be very sure that the important secret she was about to be entrusted with could not be stripped from her mind with any force.

She also realized that, in accordance with these lessons, Snape would be attempting to break into her mind. And this made her very, very uncomfortable.

In fact, she was getting slightly panicked at the idea. Perhaps she could construct a pensieve, put in everything she didn't want him to find... but no, they were far too complicated to make and she didn't have the time.

The clock on the wall chimed half past seven.

Empty her mind, she'd have to empty her mind. Let go of emotion. Emotions are bad, they make you weak. They're easy to find, easy to read, easy to use against you... Her pace quickened as she started trying to think of all of the emotions that she felt that she would have to suppress. Deep down. Where he'd never find them.

Anger. Fear. Embarrassment. Lust.

Especially lust.

The clock chimed quarter to eight and she realized that this point, before the secret was lodged in her mind, she was far more frightened of Severus Snape getting in there than she was of Voldemort.

*****

"I trust you at least know what occlumency is?" was the first thing that Snape said when Hermione walked into his office.

"Yes," she said, between gritted teeth. If he was going to insult her, there were much better things to have a go at than her intelligence, and they both knew it.

"Well then," he said, getting up from his desk and coming to stand in front of her, "Let's get started. This is just going to take a lot of practice so the harder you work the sooner we'll have these lessons over with." He narrowed his eyes. "Perhaps you'll have a better go at it than when I tried to teach Mr. Potter."

She didn't say anything.

"Very well." He took out his wand, and motioned for her to do the same. "I want you to clear your mind. I'm going to attempt to break in. Try to resist me with your mind, and if you must, disarm me."

She concentrated on clearing her mind, tried to think of anything but the things she didn't want him to see. Started reciting arithmancy astrological tables in her head.

"Legilimens!"

The office in front of her faded to black and images started flooding her mind.

Crying at the sight of her dead cat when she was six years old. A boy in grade school making a crack about her teeth. Her mum reading the Hogwarts letter and looking confused. Sneaking up behind the teacher's quidditch box and setting fire to Snape's robes...

"Expelliarmus!"

She hadn't even realized what she was doing, but suddenly she was back in the office, holding Snape's wand in her other hand while he stood a few feet away looking slightly stunned. She murmured an apology and handed it back to him, hastily.

He straightened his robes and said, "I've seen worse first tries. At least you disarmed me before I got any further." His mouth twitched slightly at the corner, and he added, "So it was you who lit fire to my robes that day."

She tried to place the tone in his voice, but he almost sounded... No, it couldn't be. He almost sounded... impressed? "Um..." she began, her voice faltering, "I can explain about that. See..."

He waved his hand. "Save your breath, silly girl. I can't very well give you a detention now, can I?"

She felt relieved. Well. If that was the worst thing that he would get hold of in her head, she could handle this. She relaxed, feeling some of the tension disappear.

"We're going to try again," Snape said, stepping back towards her. "Now this time, concentrate on not letting me in at all. Use your mind, not your wand."

She nodded, tried again to clear her mind, and then his voice came, sooner than she expected it to...

"Legilimens!"

Another wash of images. Giving Harry a hug outside of the Hogwarts Express. Sitting in the library, listening as a student walks by and whispers "She thinks she knows everything" to a friend. Breaking into Snape's stores to get the ingredients for polyjuice potion. Snape standing in the hallway of the house at Grimmauld Place, yelling at Sirius Black. Snape lecturing to a potions class, pacing at the front of the classroom, his robes billowing behind him. Snape sitting across from her at an Order meeting, looking down as his hair completely covered his face.

Suddenly the images faded and she was standing back in the office, looking at Snape. And she was mortifed.

She couldn't read his tone as he said, "You didn't push me away."

She swallowed, her voice shaking slightly, "I tried! I did, I mean, I..."

"Your first attempt was significantly better," he said, and she noticed that his eyes were obviously avoiding hers. "We'll try again tomorrow. I will see you here again at eight o'clock."

She started to say something, but then looked at him and changed her mind. She practically fled from the office.

She looked back, only briefly, and saw him. He was sitting in his chair, staring at the wall, unblinking.