Rising from Embers

RISING FROM EMBERS
by shiiki

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CHAPTER EIGHT

Nightmare

Christmas break, 1976

When Lily stepped through the barrier separating platform nine and three-quarters from the Muggle world, her parents were nowhere to be seen. Undaunted, she leaned against a pillar to wait. Likely the traffic was bad. Or the car had broken down again. She didn’t even want to think about other possibilities.

Such as Voldemort … and Death Eaters … and Muggle killings …

‘Your family isn’t here yet?’ James sauntered over.

‘No.’ Lily glanced at her watch. ‘I expect they’ve been held up,’ she said firmly.

James nodded. ‘Would you like me to wait with you?’

‘I can take care of myself, James. And they shouldn’t be long.’

She raised her chin a little defiantly, expecting a rebuttal, but it didn’t come. James accepted her refusal gracefully.

‘All right, then,’ he said simply.

‘Thanks anyway,’ Lily added, as an afterthought. James smiled and held out a small box wrapped in brightly-coloured paper.

‘What’s this?’

‘For you. I suppose I could’ve owled it, but I wanted to give it to you myself. Merry Christmas, Lily.’

Lily stared at him uncertainly. James nodded back at her and parted with an ‘I’ll see you back at Hogwarts’. She watched him stroll back to his parents and Sirius. James turned his head, caught her watching, and waved cheerily before the four of them rounded a bend and disappeared from view.

The parcel had tiny Snitches printed all over. Trust James to get wrapping paper of the Quidditch variety. Still, the winking Snitches zooming about showed up well against the red background and had a rather gay effect. Lily scanned the station again. There was still no sign of her parents or Petunia, so she turned her attention back to James’s present.

In the first year she’d known James, she’d given him a sugar quill and a card she’d drawn herself for Christmas, having had limited funds for presents. However, eleven-year-old boys weren’t particularly good gift-givers; none of the Marauders had bothered exchanging presents with each other, let alone with her. The second Christmas she’d known James they had been in a feud, and ignored each other completely, although they’d made up again after. By third year, they’d fallen out.

James had started to fancy her in fourth year, and refusing to take ‘no’ as an answer, he’d sent her a box of expensive chocolates for Christmas. She’d thrown it into the fire. Ever since, his other presents, Christmas or otherwise, had met with similar fates.

This year, however, Lily unwrapped the little box to find inside a single sugar quill and a piece of parchment with a badly-drawn Christmas tree on it. She lifted it out and turned it over.

Lily,

I know you hated all my other gifts, but I hope I got it right this time. I don’t know if you remember the only Christmas present you ever gave me. A sugar quill and a card. I’m returning the favour now – though it’s six years late. Sorry the card is such a flop, though. I tried – really, I did.

Merry Christmas!

James.

It was a perfectly innocent letter, with nothing but friendly greetings. Lily smiled to herself as she read it again. She had missed James’s friendship all this while – but now they had a second chance, and she couldn’t help but feel warm all over.

~ * ~

Two hours later, James and their friendship was the last thing on Lily’s mind. She was in a hospital, which had a sterile, clinical smell. She felt like choking. The hard plastic chairs in the waiting room were horridly uncomfortable, but this fact barely registered in her mind as she sat, watching Petunia pace the room.

She’d waited at the station an hour before Petunia arrived, her face pale and her blonde hair dishevelled. Lily’s heart had skipped a beat when she saw her sister’s distraught countenance.

‘Pet? Where are Mum and Dad?’

‘Dad had a heart attack,’ Petunia had told her grimly.

Lily had thought she was about to have one too. She’d followed Petunia on the Muggle Underground until they’d arrived at the hospital. Her father was in intensive care, her mother at his bedside. One visitor at a time, the nurse had said. Fear gnawed at her heart as she waited for her mother to come out.

‘How did this happen?’ she asked Petunia, when she couldn’t bear the silence, punctuated only by Petunia’s footsteps, anymore.

Petunia froze mid-pace. ‘This morning,’ she said. ‘Dad was at work. Trying to put in extra time so he could get off to see you home. He’s been working too hard. It just happened at the garage.’ Mr Evans was a mechanic.

‘Lily?’ Their mother stepped out into the waiting room. ‘Lily, you can go in.’

She didn’t need a second invitation. On shaky legs, she entered her father’s hospital room.

David Evans was a stocky, muscular man, but lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of machines, with needles in his arm, he looked frail and helpless. It hurt Lily’s heart to see her father looking so weak and fragile.

‘Dad?’ she whispered.

‘Tiger.’ Her father’s voice was hoarse and breathless, coming from under the oxygen mask over his face. But he called her by his pet name for her with the utmost tenderness.

‘Dad, how – how are you?’ Stupid question – obviously he wasn’t well. But Lily couldn’t think what to say.

‘I’ll be all right, Tiger,’ said her father haltingly. ‘Just a little under the weather.’

‘Dad.’ She took his hand in hers gently. ‘You’re going to get well, aren’t you? You’ve got to get better.’

Her father smiled at her. ‘Don’t worry about me, Lily. Tell me about school. I want to hear everything.’

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lily began to talk, starting from the train ride, and the first prefect meeting she’d ever headed. She held her father’s hand as she did so, and from time to time, he gave her a tiny squeeze, as if to reassure her that he was still there, still listening.

‘– and he’s being really just friends again, and I’m really glad he’s stopped all that nonsense.’ Lily paused upon finishing her account of the latest news on James Potter, but her father did not press on her palm again. ‘Dad?’

His eyes were closed, his breathing slow but regular. Her father was sleeping. Lily peeked out of the room window. Her mother and Petunia were sitting outside, waiting.

‘I have to go now, Dad. I’ll just let you sleep. Rest well and get better, OK?’ Lily bent over to plant a kiss on her father’s cheek. ‘Good night, Dad.’

‘It’s getting late,’ said Mrs Evans as Lily emerged. ‘Girls, I think you should go home and get some rest. Lily, you must be tired, you’ve had a long day.’

‘You must’ve too, Mum,’ protested Lily. ‘You should get a rest.’

‘I’ll stay with Dad,’ said Petunia. She cast a dark look at Lily. ‘In case he gets bad dreams about all the stuff you must have told him.’ Lily sighed. Petunia had adopted her anti-magic stance since the previous Christmas, and it looked like she wasn’t letting up any time soon.

‘Petunia,’ said Mrs Evans warningly. ‘Please don’t start that here.’

‘Dad wanted to know.’

Petunia didn’t answer, but stalked into their father’s room. Thankfully, she didn’t slam the door behind her.

Mrs Evans shook her head wearily. ‘She’s tired, Lily. And worried, too. Don’t mind what she says now.’

‘I’m all right, Mum.’ She took her mother’s arm and led her down the hall. ‘Why don’t we go home and get some sleep so we can come back early tomorrow.’

~ * ~

It was snowing. James watched the flakes tumbling down with an anxious heart. Was Lily all right? Had her parents come? She couldn’t possibly still be waiting now – she had to be home by now. He wished he had a way to know for sure that she was OK.

‘Dinner, James!’ Sirius’s cheerful voice rang out. ‘Merlin, it’s cold in here. Why on earth do you have the window open?’

James shut his window with a bang.

‘It’s snowing,’ he said irrelevantly.

‘Evidently,’ said Sirius. ‘What’s bugging you? The lovely Miss Evans didn’t refuse your Christmas present this time, did she?’

‘No, she took it.’ That, at least, seemed to have gone right. ‘Sirius, you don’t think there’s been any … any Death Eater stuff recently, do you?’

Sirius’s face darkened. ‘How recent do you mean?’

‘I don’t know. Lily’s parents weren’t at the station though. You don’t think anything’s happened?’

‘You know I don’t read the Prophet anymore –’

‘I know.’ James didn’t like finding out about all the chaos outside Hogwarts either, but Sirius had a sadder reason: he had sworn off the newspaper ever since he’d opened it one day to find an enormous black-and-white picture of a Black cousin sneering at him. The day Marcellus Black had been captured by Aurors, Sirius had refused to look in the Daily Prophet again. ‘Your family –’

‘They’re not my family anymore!’ growled Sirius fiercely.

‘Sorry.’ Sirius was touchy about the subject; he’d renounced all things Black last year when he ran away from home. But James knew that it was difficult for Sirius to dismiss all his memories of his family – especially those of happier times when they were children. James wondered how he’d feel if the cousins he’d played with when he was young turned out to be torturers and murderers today.

‘Don’t worry, James,’ said Sirius finally. ‘Lily will be fine.’ He spoke with conviction, but James could see there was no substance behind it. Still, there wasn’t anything he could do now but hope Sirius was right.

‘Yeah,’ he said.

‘Come on, then. Dinner’s waiting.’

~ * ~

There wasn’t much to say in the car. Mrs Evans drove along the icy roads in silence. Lily stared out of the window, watching the snow fall. It would be a white Christmas this year, without doubt. But it wouldn’t be perfect unless her father was well.

Why did you have to work yourself so hard, Dad? she thought sadly. Why didn’t you take better care of yourself?

A sudden brightness startled her. Two flashlights seemed to have been switched on in front of her eyes. There was a sharp intake of breath from her mother. Lily barely had time to register that they were heading right for a truck – her mother yanked the steering wheel and the car swerved – Lily’s first instinct was to reach for her wand in her pocket – there was an awful screech –

A pop, a bang, and Lily felt her head hit something very hard.

Impedimenta, she thought. She had to slow the car down. But her mouth wouldn’t move. She seemed to be stationary, and it didn’t feel like she was in the car anymore. Where was her mother? Still in the car – stop the car!

Impedimenta, impedimenta, impedimenta …

The world went black.

~ * ~

Someone was screaming hysterically. Lily’s head hurt. Had the car stopped? She felt warm; she was lying down – had they somehow got home? But who was screaming?

‘Calm down, Miss Evans – Miss Evans, please.’

She didn’t recognise the voice. And why was someone telling her to calm down? She was calm; she wasn’t even moving.

‘This isn’t helping, Miss Evans, would you please calm down –’

‘No, no, no, she has those freak powers, she can –’

‘Miss Evans, you’re not thinking straight –’

‘Lily Evans, bring Mum back now!’ howled Petunia’s voice.

Lily opened her eyes and took in the scene before her.

She was in a plain, whitewashed room with pink curtains drawn across the windows. The bed she was lying in had clean, white sheets tucked tightly around her. A hysterical Petunia was fighting against a flustered lady in a nurse’s uniform.

‘Miss Evans, if you aren’t going to calm down, I’m going to have to ask you to leave immediately. Your sister has been through an ordeal, and –’

‘Lily, you have to bring her back!’ roared Petunia. The nurse slapped her around the face. Petunia stared at her, livid.

‘Miss Evans, that’s enough!’ scolded the nurse. ‘I’m sorry, but you’re hysterical.’

Petunia looked very much like she wanted to hit the nurse, but she refrained, trembling with what Lily was certain was anger.

‘I’m calm now, nurse,’ she said in a low voice. ‘Could you leave the room?’

The nurse gave her a searching look. ‘I’ll give you another chance, Miss Evans, but I don’t want to hear you causing any more disturbances.’ She left, closing the door softly behind her.

‘Pet?’ Lily put a hand to her aching head as she tried to sit up. ‘Pet, what happened? What am I doing here? Where’s Mum? Aren’t you with Dad?’

Petunia looked at her with pleading eyes. ‘The nurse is gone now, Lily. You can do your … stuff now. I won’t call you a freak any more, I promise. Just bring them back.’

‘Them? Pet, what happened?’

‘Stop being like this, Lily!’ begged Petunia. ‘Please, hurry up and do your … magic.’ The last word was a whisper, and it was the first time in a year that Lily had heard her sister mention it. A cold suspicion snuck into her mind, but she pushed it away firmly. She couldn’t let herself think that anything bad had happened …

‘Pet, I don’t know what happened. The last thing I remember is the car – it swerved …’

‘You don’t remember?’ said Petunia incredulously. ‘After what you did, how can you not remember?’

‘What did I do? Pet, what did I do?’

‘There was – there was an accident.’ Petunia said it quietly, but her whole frame was shaking. ‘The doctors say it’s a miracle you’re alive, but all I know is that you should be dead, but you’re not, and I know you used that – that magic to save yourself.’

Impedimenta, said a voice in Lily’s mind. So she had used the spell. Her mother should be all right, then.

‘Mum’s fine, then? Where is she?’

‘Where is she?’ Petunia’s voice was half-gasp, half-choke. ‘You didn’t even bother to save her and you’re asking me where she is?’

The words hit Lily like an anvil. Didn’t bother to save her. Surely that didn’t mean …

‘No – Pet, what are you saying. I stopped the car, didn’t I? That’s why we survived. That’s why it’s a miracle –’

‘The car went crashing down a cliff! With Mum in it!’

‘No. No. No, it didn’t. I’m here, Petunia, I’m here. It can’t have, or I wouldn’t be here.’

‘She died, Lily. That’s why you need to bring her back!’

Lily shook her head frantically. It wasn’t possible. She remembered … she remembered …

‘No. Mum’s not dead.’

Petunia let out an impatient scream. The nurse burst into the room, appalled.

‘Miss Evans! That’s enough, I really must ask you to leave now!’

She frog-marched Petunia to the door and pushed her out, shutting it firmly behind her.

‘Is – is it true?’ Lily asked the nurse. ‘My mother –’

The nurse hung her head. ‘I’m sorry. There was nothing anyone could do. She must have been killed on impact. You’re lucky to be alive, Miss Evans.’

Lily thought she might faint. It was really true. Her mother was …

Gone.

‘Incredibly lucky,’ the nurse was saying. ‘It appears that you were thrown out of the car when it swerved. You hit your head, so you were mildly concussed, but besides that, all that seems to be wrong with you are bruises and scratches. It’s amazing.’

Lily barely heard her. Suddenly, she needed to find Petunia. She threw the sheets aside and got out of bed.

‘Miss Evans!’

‘I’m fine, aren’t I?’ Ignoring the nurse’s protests, she rushed out of the room.

She found Petunia two corridors down, slumped against the wall and sobbing inconsolably. Lily squatted next to her, her heart heavy. Petunia looked at her with red-rimmed eyes.

‘Dad’s gone too,’ she said brokenly. ‘He just slipped away … like Mum called him away when she – when she –’

It was almost too much to absorb. In the course of a few hours, she and Petunia had lost both parents. She was an orphan. The word rang in her ears, cold and ugly. An orphan. Just like that. Lily couldn’t stop shaking her head; she didn’t want to believe this. She wanted to close her eyes and open them again to find that it was a dream.

‘Bring them back,’ whispered Petunia. When Lily didn’t reply, she repeated herself, more forcefully. ‘Bring them back.’

‘I can’t …’

Petunia grabbed hold of Lily’s shoulders and started to shake her. ‘You did this, now reverse it! I don’t care how – turn back time or start their hearts up again, just do something!’

‘Magic doesn’t work that way –’

‘Of course it does! Wave your wand and make everything right again – why won’t you do it?’

‘Because I can’t!’

A stinging slap across Lily’s face sent her reeling.

‘You selfish bitch,’ said Petunia hoarsely. ‘You let her die and you won’t even bring her back, and what’s the use of all that magic if you bastards won’t even lift a finger to help people who can’t do it?’

‘Pet, I tried to save her, I really did, I thought I’d cast the spell –’

‘I’m not stupid, Lily. You’re alive. If you could cast a spell for yourself, you could’ve done one for Mum, too. You just didn’t want to.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Why, Lily? Is it because we’re Muggles, Lily? We don’t matter at all?’

‘What – Pet, what are you saying?’

‘You’ve become just like them. All those sadistic monsters in that world.’

‘No – no, you’ve got it all wrong!’

‘Shut up,’ snapped Petunia in a tone of voice that could have frozen an entire lake. ‘I’ll never forgive you.’ She gave Lily a glare of pure loathing. ‘I don’t want to see you again.’

Lily pressed her head against the cool wall of the hospital. She wanted to throw up, but the bile was stuck in her throat; it couldn’t get pass the lump that was growing bigger and bigger. Petunia’s footsteps died away down the corridor, but Lily hadn’t any more energy to run after her.

She could only clench her fists and wish she was dreaming.