I Am Mary Sue

Welcome to my memoirs. I have decided that with all the talk about me around Hogwarts that I should cash in and let people know what is really going on in my life. First, I will give you a little history about how I came to be and then I will give you some examples of my cunning, charm, and vast intelligence. Finally, I will give you a small insight into how it feels to be so important to everyone, everywhere. If you have any questions about me that aren’t covered in this text, please feel free to contact me by owl.

So, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I was not born in a normal muggle or wizard sense. Severus Snape, in what appears to be an evil plot to take over the fan fiction world, created me. You see, he knew that he would be loved by some authors and despised by others, so the only way for him to find a way into every story was to create me, Mary Sue. His work has not only guaranteed me a place in the annals of Hogwarts history, it has allowed you, the reader, to get an inside perspective into a number of young wizards’ lives.

Honestly, I don’t really remember much about my existence before Hogwarts and I’ve heard several versions of where I may have come from. Some seem to think that I came from the United States. That may be in part due to my in-depth knowledge of American vocabulary and music. Others think I came from another school as a transfer student. This would of course explain my stunning intellect and vast knowledge of the wizarding world. Wherever I came from, I know that since I’ve come to Hogwarts, I have had a huge impact on those around me.

Possibly from my diverse background or possibly by my father’s design, I have become quite a chameleon. I seem to be able to blend into any house and can get along with most anyone. I also have no sexual preference, so I would be just as happy cuddled up with Ginny as I would with Draco. Age really doesn’t matter too much to me either, so I have enjoyed trysts with Hermione and Albus (just to name a few). I am also quite a spellcaster and Quidditch player, which only adds to my enjoyable presence in a group.

There have been occasions where I have had to use all my charm and intellect to save Hogwarts students and staff from horrific and painful deaths. On one memorable occasion, I single-handedly defeated Voldemort with a cotton swab and duct tape, but that’s a story for my biographer. I also have found ways to apparate in and out of Hogwarts with ease so that I can visit with my admirers throughout Europe and the Americas on a moment’s notice.

I’m sure you have also noticed my infinite array of special abilities. Some believe that I am part Veela, but that is purely speculation. I attribute this misconception to the constant glow that surrounds me and how others flock to be by my side. This, of course, is due to not only my beauty, but also to my charm and charisma. Other talents have been noted in the varied accounts of my triumphs, and let me just say that they are not only accurate, but are somewhat understated.

I have tried to play the part of the dumb first-year student as often as possible, but I am finding that to be a bit tiresome. I obviously would fit in better with teachers or members of the Ministry of Magic or some of the Death Eaters, but my place in society for now has been made clear. I will suffer in silence so as to reach as many members of the wizarding community as possible.

I have found at times that it has been difficult to be so omnipresent. I have found that a few have become weary of my exploits and are no longer enthralled by me. Although I initially was troubled by this revelation, I have decided that it is their loss and I will continue to exist for the faithful who look to me for solace and plot resolution.

This concludes the brief introduction into my world. As I am sure you are most interested in hearing of my many exploits, please look for me in the many reports of my adventures spread about the fan fiction community. I may not always go by the name Mary Sue, but you will know me when you see me.

Until then...