Before Harry Met Sevy

Chapter 29: Easier Said Than Done

Despite Severus' attempts to find Lily the next morning, the friends seemed to miss one another at every turn. Having an entirely Gryffindor-free day meant he was unable to catch up with her until after their final class. Even then, she wasn't easy to track down.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked when he finally found her, gazing up at the Owlery amidst the same group of girls who'd been with her on the train. The other girls glanced at Lily before offering a plethora of excuses and quickly dispersing.

"I thought, after yesterday, that you'd be avoiding me," she explained, evidently surprised that he'd come looking for her.

"Because my housemates don't approve? In case you hadn't noticed, they've never been especially fond of you."

"Narcissa isn't just your housemate, Severus. Next to Lucius, she's just about the most influential Slytherin there."

"So?"

"So, if she starts some sort of movement against me - or you - or both- she'll have the entire Slytherin house behind her."

"Not the entire house," Severus pointed out. Lily smiled warily, and he went on. "Just the same, maybe you'd better not wait in the Slytherin corridor anymore." For a brief moment, her eyes hardened, but then she grinned, eradicating any trace of anger. Severus envied the way she was able to shut down her temper before it erupted.

"We'll just have to come up with a different way to get in touch after your lessons."

"I'm not taking them anymore, remember?"

"Oh." Lily looked confused. "I thought that once you'd calmed down-"

"How am I supposed to calm down when he's made me relive - " Severus stopped and let out a frustrated growl. "He's fishing for something."

"Maybe he's just trying to push you a bit," Lily suggested.

"I don't care! I'm through with it!" Lily didn't fuel the argument, but the look she gave him plainly revealed that his comments worried her.

--------

Since the day after Remi's confession had been relatively quiet - the Gryffindors had made only a few snide remarks as they passed - and because the other boys had not been able to retaliate on Sunday evening, Severus fully expected the worst on his next day of shared classes. As he and Lily made their way from the Great Hall to the greenhouses for Herbology, he kept his eyes open for any sign that something was up.

The boys ignored the pair as they breezed by, but Severus caught Peter casting a look over his shoulder at them as they hurried to take their places.

All through Herbology, the group of Gryffindors seemed to take extra care in not looking towards either Severus or Lily.

"What are they up to?" Lily asked as the bell rang to end class. Severus shrugged, but kept his eyes on the back of the boys as they raced to their next class.

When Severus and Lily finally caught up to the group, they were standing just down the hall from the Transfiguration classroom, passing around slips of parchment to a crowd which had gathered around them. Remus seemed to be doing his best to stop his friends, but it did little good.

"Oi! Snivelly!" Sirius called, waving a fragment in the air. "The jig is up!" He thrust the paper into Severus' hand. Before he could see what was printed, Remus had quickly removed it, and set about obtaining the other copies.

"This is too much," Severus heard the other boy mutter as he pulled the parchment from the other students' hands. James and Sirius soon foiled their friend's attempts as they withdraw stacks of the parchment slips and tossed them into the air. Remus was unable to prevent Severus from grabbing one and reading:

The following was taken verbatim from a letter found in the effects of Pandora Pemberton:

Dearest Pandora,

Without you, my heart aches with longing. Your refusal makes my soul weep, and I will be always incomplete. I will make you mine, or see that you are nobody else's.

~Severus

"I didn't know you were such a romantic, Snivelly!" Sirius guffawed. Laughter from the crowd soon followed, and Severus found himself pulling his wand from his robes, forgetting discretion. When Lily held his arm back, he spun on her - surely she couldn't expect him to stand for this! But Lily wasn't looking at her housemates - she was staring down the hall at the doorway of the Transfiguration classroom, where a fuming Professor McGonagall had emerged.

"Mr. Snape, put that wand away this instant! You four should be ashamed of yourselves!" she announced, advancing on the four Gryffindors. "A girl's death is no laughing matter! All four of you will serve detention, and I hope the loss of fifty house points will impress upon you the seriousness of this matter!" The boys looked properly admonished, though as McGonagall stood aside to allow the students to file in, James grinned over his shoulder at Severus.

This time, Lily's hand was to prevent him from hexing her housemates. "Leave it for now," she said. Severus was surprised to see that, although she'd prevented him from casting anything towards the boys, her eyes held a loathing similar to his own. "Wait until there aren't any teachers, at least." Severus smirked, already planning his retaliation.

His revenge was put on hold when McGonagall kept the four boys after class to berate them again, and the other students headed down to lunch. The Gryffindors were absent for most of the meal, showing up only in the last few minutes before they were due in Potions.

Severus had to admit he wasn't too keen on the idea of spending a period with Melison after the memories he'd witnessed during their last Occlumency lesson. Class, however, was routine, and Melison said nothing about their extra lessons. Severus' spirits soared as the bell rang without a comment from his Head of House, and were further buoyed when he was able to jinx his tormentors with a well-aimed spell that had them sprouting feathers and tails.

------

Severus was as good as his word to Lily, and stayed in the Slytherin common room the following night, successfully missing his scheduled Occlumency lesson. He fully expected his Head of House to approach him the next day, and was mildly surprised to find that he did not. His anxiety did not leave, however, as he feared a reprimand during their next Potions lesson.

Every time he spotted Melison - in the halls, during meals, on the grounds - his thoughts become jumbled. He therefore approached his end of the week Potions class with a bit of trepidation. When the bell rang to mark the end of the ordinary period, Severus received the expected summons to Melison's desk. The second year approached hesitantly, unsure of what to say.

"I'm sure you have a valid reason for missing our lesson on Wednesday, son, so I won't bother discussing it. I'm afraid I will be unavailable on Sunday evening, and thought we might arrange for a lesson tomorrow as an alternative."

"I've already told you - I've changed my mind. I don't want extra lessons anymore." Melison had obviously been expecting this reaction, though his expression remained unperturbed.

"Frightened of what I might discover?"

"No," Severus answered quickly. "Because I don't have any more interest. I think you and my uncle are trying to turn me against my friends - my Slytherin friends - and I don't agree that learning any of this will do me any good." He left before Melison had a chance to argue - or point out the fallacy of his logic.

-----

Severus seemed to run into Melison at every turn over the next day and a half, although the professor never spoke more than a greeting to him. By lunch on Sunday, Severus felt as though he were going crazy - his thoughts continued to jumble in his head, just like - he abruptly stopped eating his lunch to stare up at his Head of House, who suddenly seemed interested in his kidney pie. How could he have he been so stupid? As soon as Melison left the Hall, Severus followed. Neither said anything until they reached the door to Melison's office, and the professor seemed to notice the boy for the first time.

"Ah, Severus. You're a bit late - our lesson was for last evening."

"Stop."

Melison arched a brow at Severus' demand. "I beg your pardon?"

"I know you're using Legillimency on me," Severus accused, his eyes burning with righteous anger.

"Oh?" Melison seemed unconcerned.

"It isn't going to work," Severus said vehemently, smirking with satisfaction.

"Now, were you an Occlumens, I would say that you had a point. But, as it is -" Melison stopped and glanced up at the clock before turning back to Severus. "I must be going, or I will be late for my appointment." He left the dungeons without a backward glance, leaving a dumbfounded Severus standing in his office.

For a moment, the second year wasn't sure what to do - he'd confronted Melison, who had not denied the charge, and yet nothing had been accomplished. Frowning, Severus went in search of Lily. She was good at solving problems - maybe she'd have an answer for this.

"Go to Dumbledore if you're that upset," she advised him. Severus brightened immediately - of course! Dumbledore would put a stop to it - after all, it had to be against the rules to randomly root around in students' minds. He decided to seek out the headmaster after dinner - at which several staff members were missing.

Determined not to let Melison get away with this sabotage, Severus started out towards the headmaster's office. He stared at the statue of the stone gargoyle, trying in vain to remember the password from the previous week. It had been some kind of sweet, he was certain of that - and he recalled thinking that he didn't care for those in particular - but before he could remember what it was, the statue had already begun to move.

"He's still just a man," Melison's voice drifted down the stairwell. "If we are able to stop him now -" Severus' Head of House, along with McGonagall and Flitwick, appeared at the bottom of the stairwell.

"Snape!" McGonagall's eyes snapped as she spoke. "What are you doing lurking about?"

"Professor, I'd hardly call standing in the middle of the corridor 'lurking'," Flitwick pointed out. McGonagall said nothing, but turned to Melison expectantly.

"You'll be wanting to see Professor Dumbledore, I expect?" he asked. "He'll be waiting for you, I shouldn't wonder." Severus nodded curtly, and then advanced into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time.

Dumbledore's office door stood ajar, and as Severus reached the top of the stairs, he was able to see the headmaster through the opening.

"Ah, Mister Snape. How are you?" Apparently, Dumbledore had seen him as well.

"Melison's been casting the Legillimens spell on me," he blurted out, forgoing pleasantries as he stepped inside the office.

"Oh? Is that not the purpose of your extra lessons?"

"I'm not doing them anymore," Severus explained in response to Dumbledore's arched brow. "I've told him it no longer interests me."

"Quite a change in such a short time," Dumbledore mused. "Professor Melison had nothing but praise for your progress - and enthusiasm - when last we spoke of it." He paused, giving Severus a chance to speak. When the boy did not take it, Dumbledore continued. "I wonder, Severus, if you're fully aware of how susceptible your mind is to outside influences. You've had first-hand experience with what Professor Melison does - what you perceive as an invasion - but he wants you to realize he's there. If he so chose, you wouldn't have the slightest inkling that he'd gained access to your mind."

"If Occlumency is so important, why isn't it offered as a class, Sir?" Severus pointed out.

"An excellent question!" Dumbledore beamed at him. "Though I don't care to admit it under normal circumstances, the majority of our students hold very little of interest. They may go their entire lives without the need to safeguard their secrets. The fact that a skilled Legillimens is required on the part of the professor also limits us. You see, my boy, there are remarkably few Legillimens at the skill level required to teach Occlumency."

"Headmaster, why is everyone pressuring me to do this?"

"Do you feel pressured, Severus? I'm sure that is not the intent."

"So you aren't going to stop Melison, sir?"

"Professor Melison, Severus. And I cannot prove, any more than you can, that what you say is happening is, in fact, transpiring. I am afraid this is a matter which must be settled between Professor Melison and yourself." Severus' anger rose at each word from the headmaster's lips.

"So it's fine for a teacher to randomly get into a student's head?" he raged, his fists clenched at his side. Dumbledore said nothing, but simply stared at Severus over the rim of his spectacles. The old wizard's silence only infuriated the boy more. "You two have it all worked out, haven't you? Well, it isn't going to work! I'm through with Occlumency!"

Without being excused, he stormed down the stairwell, through the corridors, and burst out through the main doors onto the grounds. Who did those two think they were? Who were they to decide what he must do? If something wasn't related to his school work, why should he participate?

"You're going to catch cold if you keep running out here without a cloak," Lily observed. Severus blinked in surprise. In the meager moonlight, he'd not noticed her sitting beneath the beech tree.

"Dumbledore isn't going to do anything," he grumbled, pacing in front of her as he spoke. "Says he can't prove Melison's doing anything. I won't do it!" he announced, stopping mid-stride. "There's no way they can get away with this - I'll fight it!" He turned towards Lily, his eyes shining with triumph. "Lucius will help me!"

"Severus, no!" Lily jumped from the ground and grasped his arm. In the moonlight, her green eyes seemed to glow. "Malfoy can't know anything about it, remember?"

"Why is it not okay to keep things from anyone but Lucius? Why does everyone distrust him?"

"Why do you want to quit Occlumency?" she shot back. "Even if Melison knows what happened to you - how would it be bad? If he doesn't already know, what harm could come from it? Unless -" she paused, then went on hesitantly. "Unless there's more to this. If you're hiding something -"

"I'm not hiding anything!" he snapped. "He has no right to my memories, and I'll make sure he doesn't get them again!"

-----

Throughout the next day, whenever Severus knew Melison would be around, he focused on the black circle he'd accomplished during his first lesson. By Potions on Tuesday afternoon, he felt sure that he'd be able to hold out. He'd not had any trouble blocking Melison's invasions, and he had high hopes that his Head of House would let him be if he just made it through the end of the week.

His hopes were soon dashed. Ever unforgiving, Melison cast the Legillimens spell at every opportunity. In an effort to ward him off, Severus kept his mind clear - which proved disastrous for his potion making. Halfway through the period, his cauldron exploded, destroying his concentration as well as earning him a zero for the day. Severus' fury threatened to imitate the cauldron as the Gryffindor boys guffawed loudly at his misfortune.

The bell rang to mark the end of class before he had a chance to quiet their laughter, and he hastily cleared his mess with a flick of his wand.

"You have improved since your last lesson," Melison noted as he crossed the room, arriving at the boy's side before he could leave. "Were you to continue, you would learn to select which portions of your mind to guard and which to keep accessible. Might be useful, wouldn't you say?" Severus said nothing as he shoved his books into his bag, and stalked from the room.

Lily hurried over as the slamming of the classroom door echoed through the dungeons, but still Severus remained quiet, silently fuming.

"What was that all about?" she demanded. "Aren't you feeling well?"

"Try holding out against Melison's Legillimency and see how well you feel!" Severus shot back at her.

"Severus, he isn't going to just stop," she pointed out quietly. "And you're learning Occlumency either way - why not keep the lessons and do it properly?"

"If I continue the lessons, they've won," he explained morosely.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Lily asked after a moment. Severus frowned as she excused herself when they neared the Slytherin dorms.

He thought about Lily's words that night as he lay in his bed. What would happen if he admitted defeat? He knew from past experience that Melison wouldn't rub the victory in his face - and he also knew that Lily was right about his Head of House not relenting. And nobody but he and Lily knew that he was even taking Occlumency - how much would it matter if he quit or stayed?

By six o'clock Wednesday evening, he'd made up his mind. Melison had left him alone during breakfast, lunch, and dinner - though Severus wasn't sure whether the professor was giving him a chance to think or just convinced he'd already won.

When Severus showed up in Melison's office, his Head of House made no mention of winners, losers, or quitters. Instead, he began the lesson.

"You're well behind where I expected you to be by now, but as I said yesterday, you are showing solid improvement. We will begin where we last left off - I trust you won't have any problems blocking me." Indeed he didn't. Severus was able to successfully block each of the five Legillimency spells Melison cast in quick succession. When his last attempt was again foiled, Melison smirked with satisfaction. "Continue in that vein, and we'll progress quite well."

"So we can begin on selecting which parts of the mind to protect now, Professor?" Severus had to admit that the promise of this skill was one of the key factors in his decision to resume his lessons. To his frustration, Melison shook his head.

"It's much too soon for that. You must first be able to block the Legilimens spell at all levels. Once you are consistent in your successes, we shall move on to the much more difficult area of choosing which information to safeguard."

By the end of the lesson, Severus was thoroughly worn out. His head pounded, his back ached, and his vision had begun to blur - but he had blocked every first-level Legilimens spell his professor had cast, and had been able to block three-fourths of the second-level spells.

"We shall continue on your next visit," Melison dismissed him, with an approving smile. Severus made his way back to his common room, exhausted but convinced he'd made the right decision in resuming his lessons.