Diseased

=====

'Cause your presence still lingers here

and it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase.

~ My Immortal by Evanescence

You love someone not because they are beautiful,

But because they sings a song only you can understand.

=====

Contagious

"When I think of your smile, Weasley, I smile too. You could do that to me, just like you could do it to everyone else. It was your sincerity, your placidness, and the utter natural beauty that radiated out of your simple smile that sought to infect everyone else around you with your charm. Even though they didn't know why, they would smile in spite of themselves." Draco Malfoy paused sweeping the black hood of his cloak away, exposing his pale face. He looked at the shiny black stone and sat down, his image mirrored off its smooth surface. He saw a haze beside him, reflecting off the surface of the stone. It did not go away, but he ignored it and continued.

"It was contagious.

"That's why I hated it when you cried. That's why I fidgeted when you frowned. To see anything on your face that wasn't a smile made me feel uncomfortable. And that's all I ever saw when I talked to you. A smirk, a frown, a trembling lip; I could never stand to look at your face unnaturally distorted like that for more than a few moments. And so I always walked away, under the impression that you weren't important enough to hold my attention for more than a few minutes.

"You hated me for it. You hated it when I made you feel like you weren't worthy. You hated it when I acted as if you were inferior to me. You hated it when I brushed your second hand dirt off myself. You hated it when I acted like I was better than you were, and that I was superior to you. Like you were nothing - which, I kept telling myself you were.

"But your smile, I couldn't get your smile out of my head. It was like an angel's, with perfect white teeth and soft pink lips. A dimple in your left cheek, but not on your right, so out of place, it looked like a calm lake with a small, single ripple in the center of it. The indents behind the corners of your lips that were just right. I can't explain why it was so beautiful, but I wish I had you and could bottle its beauty, containing it forever so I could admire it, and yet despise the beautiful thing.

"But I was the only person in all of Hogwarts who was never able to be granted a view of your smile. Throughout my seventh year, I searched for it, meeting on the pitch and at the Lake, and in Hogsmeade and in the hallways, looking for you and your smile. I tried everything, being classy, suave, subtle, sexy, comical - even. But you refused all my charm.

"When had an innocent wondering evolved into an obsession? I knew that whenever I wasn't around, you would smile, and everyone but me would feel its beauty and its grace. I knew that it would happen, and Malfoys have never been very keen on being left out. So I watched you; haunted you. If I couldn't see your smile, no one could.

"And you returned the favour. You looked at me across the Great Hall, worry written across your pretty face. You perceived me between classes, quick darts and suspicious glances. Yes, I saw you. You stared at me during Quidditch matches, and then glanced away when you thought I hadn't noticed you. You avoided me on the Pitch, at the Lake, and at Hogsmeade, but you knew that I was watching you, so you watched me.

"The castle seemed to deflate as the light from your smile extinguished, an unfortunate thing, seeing how Voldemort was running amuck. The morale seemed low, and suspicions and whispers began to float around that he could come to the school and attack, the Slytherins backing him.

"One day, Pansy cornered me in a classroom and accused me of staring at you. Mind you, Weasley, this was almost a month after I had begun this horrid obsession of mine. I flatly denied it of course, but she didn't believe me. She was watching me while I watched you watch me, and she knew that there was something that was not quite right. I assured her that there was nothing wrong, and that I would never stare at you in a million years.

"So I quarantined myself. I withdrew, staring at my plate rather than you during mealtimes, looking at the wall as I walked past you, and staying as far away from you as I could during Quidditch matches. I missed you, but I ignored you as well as I could.

"And it worked. Your smile was restored. The castle returned to normal. The whispers faded away."

Draco paused to think. He closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the gray clouds, and a rare smile illuminated his face. "You were beautiful, Weasley, I don't know if I ever told you that. You always looked like a goddess, who had stepped down from heaven to an unworthy world of sinners. With your ruby red hair, I could spot you out in a crowd easily; it was exotic, and different, not ugly. It was lovely, but I never told you that. Everytime you walked by, its scent wafted behind you, and it smelt of fruit and flowers.

"Your brown eyes always sought after the positive, they shone in any and every circumstance. They looked at the repulsive and saw the beauty, they looked at death and saw rebirth; they looked at me and saw a soul. They were different shades of brown, a dark ring on the outside and flecks of gold throughout. It looked as if pieces of the sun had fallen out of the sky, and the angels put them in your eyes to shine over all of us during the dark times.

"Four years, and you can still drive a man crazy as if he had kissed you yesterday." He sighed and smiled sadly. "I miss those beautiful eyes."

"I miss you, Ginny Weasley." His voice cracked very suddenly and ended in a choked sob. Even though no one was around, he still coughed it off. He brought his hand up to his own eyes, and his fingertips were moist when they came back down. He wiped them on his black cloak.

"I miss you like the sun misses the moon and the stars miss the sky. I miss you like the sailor misses the sea and flowers and trees miss the earth. I miss you like the dark misses the light and the chocolate truffle misses its cherry. I miss you more than anything I will ever miss in this world, and in the world to come.

"I wake up every morning, knowing you're not here. I wake up every morning, facing the life I chose to live. I wake up every morning, knowing the person who is sleeping beside me isn't you, and never will be. It drives me to where I almost think that I'm going insane.

"And I'm sorry you died. I'm sorry you had to suffer for eighteen years and live with what my father did to you. I'm sorry you had to go through the Chamber of Secrets. I'm sorry about all the times I made fun of your hair, or your second-hand robes, or your hand-me-down books at school."

Ginny Weasley, forever eighteen, whose red hair had been reduced to the color of a dried pink rose, wiped an opaque tear that slid down her white cheek. She slid her hand into Draco's, and silently sobbed. He did not notice the ghost tear in his right hand.

"Sometimes, I feel the sun peaking out behind black clouds of doom and death, and I know you're out there, waiting for me, and you're smiling down at me.

"And maybe someday, I'll finally get to see your smile for myself."