The Reason

The Reason

'It's down to this; I've got to make this life make sense. Can anyone do what I've done? I missed life, I missed the colours of the world. Can anyone go where I am? 'Cause now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place, I'm so far down, away from the sun again. I'm over this, I'm tired of living in the dark. Can anyone see me down here? The feeling's gone, there's nothing left to lift me up, back into the world I've known. 'Cause now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines into the darkest place, I'm so far down, away from the sun that shines the life away from me to find my way back into the arms that care about the ones like me, I'm so far down, away from the sun again. It's down to this, I've got to make this life make sense and now I can't do what I've done, and now again I've found myself so far down, away from the sun that shines the life away from me.' "Away from the Sun" ~ Three Doors Down

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Harry Potter sat up in bed, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding, and a bitter, acrid taste in his mouth. He took deep breaths, trying to convince himself that it was just a dream.

Several floors away, in the dungeon that was the Slytherin dormitory, Draco Malfoy lay awake also, tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

Neither boy slept for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Harry sat in Defense Against the Dark Arts, staring unenthusiastically at the front of the classroom where Professor Lupin was explaining sparky bargs, rare creatures that fed off of the magic of witches or wizards, and transferred the power to their masters. Once they found a master, they would never serve another. Any other day, Harry would have been fascinated. Defense Against the Dark Arts was usually Harry's favorite class now that Professor Lupin was back, but today he just couldn't concentrate.

Finally, class ended, and Harry rushed out, hoping that he could evade Ron and Hermione and skip Potions -- he didn't think he could handle Snape's rude, condescending remarks and Malfoy's derisive laughter. Unfortunately, they caught up to Harry just as he was about to duck into an empty classroom and wait until the halls were clear.

"Harry, wait up!"

"Are you okay, Harry? Lupin was worried about you," Hermione said anxiously. She looked at Harry, and to her dismay, he looked pale and very tired.

"I think I've got the flu or something," Harry lied. "In fact, I'm just gonna go upstairs and sleep for a while."

"Oh, Harry, you can't!"

"Hermione, we all know how you feel about skipping classes, but look at Harry. He looks horrible - give him a break and let him sleep a little," Ron broke in.

"No, you don't understand; he really can't. Snape's giving a pop quiz -- we have to make a potion, and it's different for every class. You know if you skip, he'll give you the most difficult potion he can find!"

"Damn it!" Harry muttered, and then flushed slightly as Hermione stared at him in surprise. He looked away and walked the rest of the way to Potions in silence. He was so intent on his thoughts that he smacked straight into Draco Malfoy as he entered the Potions dungeon. Much to Harry's shock, instead of turning around and hexing him, Draco just continued walking, and Harry was almost positive that he had heard a mumbled apology as well.

Snape was as rude and snide as ever, but Draco was silent the entire class, not even saying anything when Harry's first attempt at the wart-removing potion burst in to flames and he had to start over.

When Potions was finally over, Harry attempted to escape, but Snape called him back.

"Mr. Potter, I must say, you have impressed even me. I thought that you couldn't get any worse at your studies, and yet, today, you have proved me wrong. I'm amazed that you're still here; with performances like that, you should have been expelled long ago. Of course, the whole school is being far too easy on you because of Black's death."

Rage flooded through Harry at the contemptuous way Snape said Sirius' name; Harry wanted to scream at Snape, tell him that Sirius had been a better man than Snape could ever hope to be, but he stayed silent, working to keep his temper in check. As it was, some of the glass vials containing common potion ingredients rattled ominously on Snape's desk, and Harry looked at Snape with barely veiled hate in his eyes. Snape continued, amazingly oblivious to Harry's anger.

"I, however, have no problem giving you exactly what you deserve. You will behave, and you will take your classes more seriously, or I will see to it that you are disciplined. Now get to your next class," he said coldly, and the discussion was over.

Harry walked dejectedly through the school, now resigned to go to all of his classes. At least Herbology was next, which meant that they would at least be outside in the fresh air. He stepped outside and nearly fainted.

His entire body felt as if a white hot brand were searing into his skin, and lightning bolts of pain sliced through his head.

Harry let out a low moan and slowly collapsed into a sitting position. He sat there for a full minute, his head in his hands, and then suddenly, as abruptly as it had come, the pain was gone. Harry staggered to his feet, still amazed at the power of the pain that had gripped him, and made his way to Herbology, noticing that the sun was now behind a cloud and suddenly the day had become very gloomy, much like his mood.

He slipped into his spot between Ron and Hermione in the green house, and began working on the assignment. They were planting philagora seeds that would be needed for Madam Pomfrey's medicinal potions later in the year.

Harry was almost finished planting his and actually feeling better than he had all day when suddenly the pain was back, worse than the first time.

He fainted, and within seconds, the whole Gryffindor half of the class had surrounded him. He woke up almost immediately, and once again felt fine, but Professor Sprout insisted that he go see Madam Pomfrey.

"I'll take him, Professor." Draco spoke quietly, but his voice rang through the room as everyone stared at him in silent shock.

"I've already planted my philagora seeds, and I need to see Madam Pomfrey anyway."

Hermione looked as if she wanted to protest, but Harry subtly shook his head at her. She wasn't finished planting anyway, and he was curious about Draco's motives for helping him.

So he walked silently out of the greenhouse, followed closely by Draco. Harry was bursting with questions, but he knew Draco was hiding something, and he was determined to make Draco speak first. Finally, when they had reached the school and still no one had spoken, Draco turned to Harry.

"Aren't you even a little bit curious as to why I haven't hexed you yet? We're out here alone, you're weak, and I'm just walking quietly along. Doesn't that make you even a little bit curious?"

"Yes, but I know that you know something that I don't, and I want to know what it is. Weird things are happening, and you're a part of it."

Draco sighed. "You make everything difficult. This would have been so much easier if you were already mad at me. Look, let's go in here." They had reached the second floor, and Draco pulled open a door and led Harry in to an empty classroom.

"Sit down, Harry," he said softly, and Harry looked up at him, shocked by the sadness in Draco's voice and eyes. Normally, he would have been suspicious, but he felt instinctively that something was different.

"You've been having nightmares lately, right?" Draco continued softly. Harry nodded mutely, not wanting to know how Draco knew about the nightmares, wishing this whole thing was just a nightmare of its own.

Draco took a deep breath. "They're real... you're becoming a vampire."

Chapter 2

'I like you the way you are when you're talking to me one on one, but you become somebody else 'round everyone else, watching' your back like you can't relax. You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me. Tell me, why do you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated. Life's like this; you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty. Promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it.' "Complicated" ~ Avril Lavigne

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"So you're here to gloat?" Harry exploded. Before Draco knew what was happening, Harry had leapt from the desk he had been sitting in and shoved Draco against the wall. Draco remained motionless, staring calmly at Harry, and suddenly a little bit of his old arrogance and condescension entered his eyes again.

"I wouldn't do this if I were you, Harry. I'm the only person you've got. After all, you know I'm telling the truth. You've had the nightmares, you've seen what the sun does to you, the thought of normal food turns your stomach -- you're a vampire, Harry. Who are you going to tell? Ron and Hermione? You haven't even told them that the Sorting Hat tried to put you in Slytherin. You can't very well tell them you're becoming a demon, can you? You remember how they reacted when they learned you were a Parselmouth, don't you?

"You could go to Dumbledore, but he's got the whole school to think of. Vampires are very violent; he can't have a bloodthirsty demon terrorizing his students; he'll have to expel you -- maybe even kill you. Lupin is always an option, but even he wouldn't truly understand. Werewolves only change with the full moon, and with the advances they've made in potions, they're practically harmless even when they change, whereas vampires are always demons, always dangerous. Besides, werewolves and vampires are mortal enemies -- Lupin might kill you before you even have a chance to explain anything. You could always go to Snape; he knows what it's like to be hated and considered evil and yet not really be evil. But he doesn't really like you; in fact, he hates you. So, I am your only hope. Do you still want to punch me?"

"More than ever," Harry muttered, but he backed away from Draco and sat down resignedly.

Draco sighed, and the arrogant, condescending look was gone, replaced by sadness and pain.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be that cruel, but you need to understand how serious this is, and you need to trust me, because I am your only ally at the moment."

"I realize that you're the only option I have, but I don't have any reason at all to trust you. How do I know that I wouldn't be better off working on this alone?"

"You don't. You just have to trust me, Harry. Do you really want to do this alone?"

Harry was silent.

"I didn't think so. Now, if you're done throwing tantrums, I'll explain as much as I can about all of this. As I'm sure you know, my father is one of Voldemort's key supporters, and they've been holding Death Eater meetings at Malfoy Mansion for as long as I can remember."

"And you were star struck and spent hours of your free time listening at the door, praying that someday you could be an evil prat like your father," Harry said acidly.

"If that's what you'd like to call it, fine. Yes, I went home for the weekend last Friday, and I was listening outside the door while they were discussing their newest evil plan - to make you a vampire - and they discovered me."

Draco sighed again. He didn't really feel like explaining the whole thing, so he concentrated for a moment. The room seemed to abruptly dissolve around Harry, and he was suddenly in a large hall with mahogany walls filled with pictures of sinister looking blond men, with a few goblin portraits mixed in every so often. He was facing a set of tall wooden doors with silver handles fashioned in the shape of snakes, and as he watched, the door swung open.

"Master Malfoy, please join us," Peter Pettigrew said in his whiny voice. He was ushered into the room, which was obviously a Dark Arts chamber filled with tons of creepy-looking artifacts. At the moment, several Death Eaters were in the room, looking perfectly at home.

"Draco, I thought I told you to stay in your room." Lucius Malfoy's voice was mildly scolding, but his steel gray eyes were blazing with fury.

"Nonsense, Lucius. The boy is merely curious about his future; you can't blame him for that." Voldemort stood near the fireplace, and he smiled over at Draco in a way that could make anyone's blood run cold.

"Truly, Draco, I am impressed. Not many boys your age are so ambitious and interested in their destiny. If it is alright with your father, I would like to give you a reward. You know the Potter boy, yes?"

"Yes, he and Potter are in the same year at Hogwarts. Sadly, Draco has never won a game of Quidditch against him."

"Then young Draco has a personal interest in this. Did you hear what our plan is?"

Draco nodded silently.

"Vampires are such useful creatures, you know - so powerful, and yet subtle. I think it will be perfect for Potter. I'm sure it will be a wonderful educational experience for you to watch the transformation and since you are such an ambitious young man, I'm going to perform a spell so that you can not only watch his suffering, but feel it. There is a mind connection spell that will enable you access to all of Harry's thoughts, allowing you to feel all of the glorious pain of his transformation. What do you think, Draco?"

"Sounds wonderful," Draco said softly.

"Perfect. I will perform the spell tonight, and you will remain here for two days to recover. Now, we still have other sensitive matters to discuss."

"Of course. Thank you, my lord. I will leave you now, with my apology for my intrusion, and my gratitude at your kindness."

Draco walked quietly out of the room, and the doors slammed shut behind him with a loud echo.

Suddenly Draco was in front of him again, looking slightly pale.

"What just happened?" Harry asked hoarsely.

"Harry, for being the boy wonder who's defeated the Dark Lord countless times, you're kind of an idiot."

"Evaded. I've never defeated him, only escaped. And not without losses."

"The point is, that was my memory. I was spying on the Death Eater meeting, I got caught, and I was punished with a spell that connects our minds. That's how I know about this whole vampire thing."

Harry stared at him for a moment, not wanting to believe him, but knowing it was true.

"So why don't you enjoy it? Voldemort thought it was a great privilege. Why isn't it?"

"Because I'm not evil, regardless of what you may think. Would you enjoy it, if the situation were reversed? I don't want you to become a vampire in the first place, not to mention experiencing the change. I know you don't believe me, but I'm telling you the truth."

"So when did this spell happen?"

"Friday night."

"So can you hear all of my thoughts? Like, everything?"

Draco nodded, and Harry flushed.

"Don't worry, I haven't been trying to find out who you have a crush on or anything like that," Draco said with a small smirk. "I can block your thoughts out of my mind, as well as block mine from your head. That's why you didn't know - if I hadn't been blocking them, you would have heard my thoughts, too."

"Oh. I wasn't worried or anything," Harry said, but there was an undercurrent of relief in his voice.

"Don't worry, my hunch about your secret crush on me is still just a hunch," Draco said, his smirk growing even larger.

"Sod off, Malfoy," Harry snapped, but his tone lacked conviction. He looked at his watch and sighed.

"Listen, it's almost lunch time, and Ron and Hermione are going to be looking for me. We need to discuss this more, but not right now."

"Alright, let's meet back here at 10:00 tonight."

"Fine," Harry said, and turned to walk away, but then he stopped.

"Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there a distance limit on this spell? Like can it only work when we're within, say, a ten-mile radius of each other?"

"I don't think so, because it worked on Friday, when I was at Malfoy Mansion."

"Oh. Okay."

Harry walked out without another word, and Draco sighed. Harry at least believed that, for the moment, Draco was on his side, but he was still suspicious. If only he knew the whole story. Draco walked slowly out of the classroom, and instead of going to the Great Hall for lunch, he headed outside towards the lake, wanting desperately to be alone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione asked anxiously. "You looked pale when you left, and you left with Malfoy... What did he say?"

"Did he try to hex you?" Ron asked, looking excited.

Harry forced himself to laugh and reply calmly, "Oh, he wanted to get out of class and I was the perfect excuse."

"So he left you alone in your condition? What a jerk!" Hermione said indignantly.

"You know, Harry, I think there's something going on here, and Malfoy's involved. I mean, he didn't say anything when you bumped into him, not even 'sod off' or anything, and he didn't say anything at all during Potions, and then he's almost nice to you in Herbology. Even if it did serve his purposes, he still didn't do anything to you while you were alone, not even verbally torment you. That's just weird, Harry. And you look like hell - you're pale, you obviously haven't slept well, you can't concentrate - something's wrong. I think Malfoy may be poisoning you, or maybe he has some curse on you, and he's being so subdued because he's basking in the glory of beating you at something," Hermione finished breathlessly.

Harry was torn-- he couldn't decide whether to laugh or scream; he settled for being completely exasperated.

"Hermione, honestly, I would have expected this from Ron, but not from you! I just have the flu, that's all. And maybe there is some evil plan that Malfoy's trying to enact, but first of all, do you really think that Malfoy is capable of carrying out a complex scheme to kill me? I don't. And if there is something, it will surface eventually, and we'll deal with it then. Most likely he was just told that he was too young to go to the Death Eaters convention and now he's too depressed to bother with me."

Hermione sighed, unconvinced.

"Alright, if you say so, Harry."

"Listen, I'm gonna go up to the dorm. I'm still really tired and all we have after lunch is Divination and History of Magic, which I have no problem skipping."

"Alright, Harry. See you later."

"Get better soon, mate. Classes are so boring without you," Ron said sadly.

"Thanks, guys," Harry said with a small smile.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Harry."

Harry sat bolt upright and looked around in the pitch black room.

"Harry, where are you? We were supposed to meet half an hour ago!"

"Draco?" Harry thought tentatively.

"Yes. Wait, are you still in bed?" Draco asked irritably. "We need to talk; we need to make a plan!"

"You make a plan and tell me about it tomorrow. I'm sleeping."

And with that, he cut off the connection and fell back asleep, feeling very proud of himself for already starting to understand the telepathy and be able to turn it off, instead of being at Draco's will.

The next morning in Charms, with Ron and Hermione sitting beside him talking about Gryffindor's next Quidditch match, Harry began to wonder if maybe it hadn't been a dream -- not the whole thing, but maybe the vampire part, at least. Maybe he had been so sick with fever that he had imagined the whole thing. Maybe he had actually --

"No."

Harry's head sprang up and he looked around, trying to figure out who had spoken -- Hermione and Ron were both concentrating on reading the chapter Professor Flitwick had assigned. It was Draco, of course.

"No, what?" Harry thought innocently.

"No, I'm not a natural blond!" Draco snapped. "No, it wasn't a dream. Go over and stand by the window if you want proof."

Harry looked over at the window where sunlight was streaming into the classroom, and the thought of standing anywhere near all that brightness made his head throb.

"That's what I thought," Draco said, and even though his back was to Draco, Harry could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Harry, are you okay? You look a million miles away," Ron whispered.

"I'm just a little out of it still; I didn't sleep well last night, thanks to this flu that I've got."

"Well, you need to get better fast. We've got our Quidditch game against Ravenclaw next Tuesday - less than a week away. And they have a new seeker, you know." Ron would have gone on, but Hermione looked up and glared pointedly at them, and they fell silent.

Harry sat in his seat as still as stone. He had a Quidditch match in less than a week and he could already barely even stand to look at sunlight, let alone be outside in the middle of the day. If they didn't find a cure, then he would never be able to be in the match. Hell, it could kill him - he had fainted in the greenhouse, when the sun had barely peeked out of the clouds while he was inside. He wouldn't be able to even go out on the pitch, and everyone would want to know why, and Snape would figure it out - he hated Harry so much and he was really very shrewd when it came to such things - and then he would be expelled, or maybe he would be too far gone, or maybe there wasn't a cure and they would have to kill him. Oh god, he was so dead. There was no way he could pull this off any longer.

"Harry!" Draco practically shouted telepathically. "Calm down! Everything will be fine - we'll find a cure, but in order to do that, I need to still be alive. And let me tell you, you're making that rather difficult at the moment." Harry glanced cautiously at Draco, and saw that he had his head in his hands from the pain Harry's panic was causing him.

"Sorry," Harry said, and made a huge effort to calm down.

"Listen, we'll meet later on, and discuss our plan of action, and we'll find a way to fix everything. I promise, Harry. Everything will be okay."

"Thanks, Draco."

Oddly enough, Draco's words calmed him, and Harry managed to get through everything fine until it was time for lunch in the Great Hall.

He hadn't thought of it the day before because for the most part, the day had been cloudy, but today was bright and sunny, and the Great Hall with its bewitched ceiling was full of sunshine. Harry's head started throbbing the second he stepped in.

"Listen, guys, I still don't feel very well. Tell Hagrid I'm sorry I'm missing his class."

"Oh, Harry, are you sure you can't handle it? It's such an easy class, and Hagrid loves seeing you," Hermione said, looking disappointed. What she meant was that Hagrid was going to invite them to come see Grawp later on that night, she and Ron hated going, and it would be even worse without Harry there.

"No, I feel really dizzy and light-headed, like I might faint again," Harry said honestly. "I'm just gonna go back to sleep. It's better to miss a few classes now and get better fast than keep going and get so sick that I have to miss a lot more later on."

"Alright, Harry," Hermione said softly, but she still looked doubtful.

Harry spent the rest of the day in bed, but he only slept half of the time - he spent the rest worrying. He and Draco had agreed to meet in what had become their conference classroom at 10:00. When Ron came in around 9:00, Harry turned over and pretended to be asleep. He left ten minutes early, just to be sure that he was on time.

After checking the room to make sure everyone was asleep, he climbed silently out of bed, grabbed his Invisibility Cloak, tossed it on, and slipped out of the room.

Across the room, Ron sat up in bed, debating whether or not to follow Harry. Something was up; even when Harry was sick, he didn't usually act so depressed and secretive. Something else was going on and he was hurt that Harry hadn't asked him for help. But Harry obviously thought he could handle it himself, and Ron would let him - at least until he could tell Hermione about it and ask what she thought. He sighed and went back to sleep.