She Waits

When Parvati suggested Truth or Dare to a bored Gryffindor common room, Ginny furrowed her brow. It felt very familiar and trite--like she'd read about this very thing before. She shrugged off her de ja vu and seized the opportunity. After all, Harry was in here, too.

Gathering in a circle on the floor was her usual cast of characters. Ginny thought about how centralized her world felt--everything she did or experienced happened with the same set of people. Like now, taking their seats on the carpet were Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Parvati, Lavendar and Dean. She joined the circle and prayed that she could withstand it; she knew already that she would be asked to do something terribly embarrassing like confess her crush on Harry or kiss Dean. But, still she joined the forming circle.

Ginny nervously glanced in Harry's direction. He and Ron were laughing over something Ron had whispered in Harry's ear. They both looked in her direction, then at each other before succumbing to another fit of giggles.

Ginny felt her cheeks burn as she stared into her lap. Her eyes traced the pretzel of pants created by her folded legs.

They are making fun of me. How dare they? Her eyebrows knitted together and there was a scowl on her face. She stared hard at the seam of her pant leg. Ginny felt her jaw start to tremble and her eyes start to burn. Without looking up at anyone, she jumped up and quickly made her way to the staircase.

"Hey! Ginny! Hey, where are you going?" Ron called to her. She stopped mid-stride. Her gaze was still focused downward. Behind her, she could hear the others chatting easily and passing bowls of popcorn.

"Yeah, Ginny. Come back and play!" Harry yelled. Ginny lifted her head. Staring at the mortar between the stones of the wall surrounding the staircase, she felt her inner walls start to crumble. No matter what happened or how she tried to convince herself otherwise, that voice still affected her.

Ginny didn't pretend to think that she loved Harry. Yes, she cares about him, but what she feels is not love. Not yet. She had decided long ago that she wouldn't love him unless he loved her--and that did not appear to be happening any time soon.

But still....that voice. Ginny slowly turned to face the group. She could almost see her soul being physically pulled from her body and back to the circle of friends. Harry smiled and clinched his grip around her heart. How could she deny him?

"Oh. Well...er...I was going to...study Charms, but...I guess I could play for a while," she stammered. Against her better judgment she returned to her place in the circle and awaited her embarrassment.

The game started, and the usual questions and answers flew:

"Who is your crush, Parvati?"

"Harry!" Giggles and sideways glances. Harry blushed.

"What was your most embarrassing moment, Hermione?"

"In first year, when Harry and Ron had to rescue me from the troll!"

"Ron, I dare you to get on one knee and propose marriage to Dean."

"Dean, would you make me the happiest man ever?"

"Aw, Ron! I never knew! But...no, sorry."

"Give Harry a kiss--full on, full tongue--Ginny." Ginny's world stopped, and she physically lurched from the jolt of it. She expected it, but it still shook her to her core. Ginny stared at Lavendar and the looked quickly at Harry. He was staring expressionlessly at the floor. He twirled his shoelaces around his fingers. He didn't look up at her.

No! No, no, no, no, No! Ginny screamed inside her head. This is wrong! This isn't supposed to be how it happens! Ginny's first kiss with Harry was not suppose to be showcased for Gryffindor--fodder for their analysis and gossip.

Their kiss should be only theirs. It should happen outdoors on a snowy day after a rowdy snowball fight. Harry would gingerly brush the snowflakes from her eyelashes and--It should happen in a stairwell one night after dinner and studying in the library. Harry would grab her by the hand and pull her into a secluded corner. With a mischievous grin, he'll pull her to him and--It should happen after a Quidditch game. Harry catches the snitch and celebrates his victory by flying straight to her and grabbing her up World War II style.

It should not be here. Harry looked at Ron. Ginny could not read his face. He turned and looked at her with a half-smile that did not reach his eyes. It slowly faded. He went back to playing with his shoelaces.

"No. I...no. He doesn't want to." She looks squarely at him. She looks straight at Harry with an expression that reads, See. I am no silly little girl. I know what you think of me. I don't need your pity kiss. At least, she hoped that what he saw. His shoelace wraps around and around and around his finger. Before the tears can start, Ginny clumsily jumps up and runs to the staircase. She runs up the stairs, but she stops on the eighth one. Her heart is pounding and her eyes are stinging. She is hidden from sight by the stone wall surrounding the staircase. She waits.

It should be a moment like this. He will come bounding up the stairs, taking them two at a time, to stop her. Without speaking, he will place a finger under her chin and lift so that her face is looking up to his.

Ginny waits.

She waits.

He doesn't come.

He doesn't come.