Into Her Eyes

I barely remember the night that she died: her and her pathetic excuse of a husband. It's his entire fault everything turned out this way. All his fault. After I heard the news I went out to drink. It eased the pain for a little bit but it all came back in full force the next morning. I stayed in bed the entire day just thinking how she used to smile in the way that made you want to melt. How she twirled her hair in between her fingers when she was frustrated. I must have memorized all the curves of her face during the Potions lessons we had together. She was never rude or ignorant to me, no, not at all. She treated me differently than all the others. She treated me with the respect she believed I deserved. She trusted and befriended me when I was shunned aside. Of course I had friends but they just didn't have that air of wonder and excitement that she did. I fell in love with her as soon as she stepped into my compartment on the Hogwarts Express the first day of school. I could not tell anyone of my feelings for her for fear of being dishonored.

After all, a Gryffindor and Slytherin could not be together. Besides, I wasn't the only one who had my eyes on her.

That idiot Potter had his eyes on her from the very start. They ended up getting married and having the child that should have been mine. When they started going out in our 5th year, a group of friends decided to follow the Dark Lord. Potter had always been famous at school and he was the most wanted person by the Dark Lord. I hated Potter from the moment I had first seen him, and my hate had increased when he started dating her. When I was asked to turn to the Dark Side, I didn't hesitate to refuse. I regret that decision more than ever now. I sat in Dumbledore's office, explaining everything, a year before that tragic Halloween night. He sat their, just listening, and there was pity in his eyes. I begged him, on bended knee, not to tell anyone about my double job. I could not bear to see the same pity in her eyes, the eyes of my beloved.

And now, I remember eleven years later sitting in the staff room when I heard that the Potter boy was coming to Hogwarts. I remember sitting at the Sorting Ceremony, watching everyone be sorted. In the crowd of 1st years, I saw a head of messy black hair and nearly falling out of my chair.

'How could he be alive?' I thought. He looked up at me and I saw the same eyes that had haunted my nightmares for the past eleven years. I knew at once that it wasn't James but his son. He had those same emerald eyes. When he looks away I felt hate for the child that should have been mine and when he looked at me, I felt love. I don't think I can handle James or Lily Potter for the next seven years.

As I look out into the darkness of my room, I finally take in what has happened to me in the past. I hate that child. It is the cause of her death. She died to protect him. I loved Lily Evans with all my heart and am not ready to look at her future. This boy is the future I should have had: that we should have had. Damn James Potter to hell and to take Harry Potter, his son, with him. It is said that Lily and James Potter died on that fateful Halloween night eleven years ago, that's a lie. They still live. Harry Potter is proof of that. I remember looking into the eyes that should have held love for me.

Harry Potter has her eyes. I am not ready to look into her eyes, not at all. I will never be ready. Not at all.