Musings

*May, 1971--Marauders' Fifth Year*

"Moony?" Sirius Black questioned one warm night in May.

"Hmm?" Remus Lupin replied.

Sirius was silent a moment, as he stared up at the sky. Sirius had convinced Remus to come stargazing with him. Remus had only agreed because Sirius would never have shut up if he hadn't.

"Sirius?" Remus said, sitting up.

"'M thinking," Sirius replied vaguely, pushing Remus back down. "Moony, y'know how Sinistra said there's no proof for aliens, or Martians, or whatever you want to call them?"

Remus' reply this time was cautious. "Ye-es..."

Sirius shifted slightly, bringing himself closer to Remus. "Bloody rock," he muttered, reaching under himself and then tossing the rock in the lake. "Anyway, d'you believe her?"

"What do you mean, do I believe her? Of course I believe there's no proof, that's a known fact."

Sirius made a noise of irritation. "No, Remus! I mean, do you believe there's no aliens?"

"Oh. Well, um...I suppose so. I mean, if they haven't found anything yet, there can't be much up there," Remus said, shrugging.

"How can you think that?" Sirius demanded. "I mean, the universe goes on and on and on--for infinity. Our galaxy is just such a little piece of it, and our planet is just such a little piece of that. You can't honestly believe we're the only intelligent life in that huge ocean of stars and planets? The universe is just so big, and we're just so small. We can't be the only ones. If not in our galaxy, there has to be something, someone in another."

Sirius fell silent, actually blushing a bit. Remus gaped at him. "Sirius, I...wow."

"Of course, I could be wrong," Sirius mumbled.

"Either way," Remus countered, "that was still a lovely and thought-provoking speech."

Sirius shrugged. "I was overdue. I haven't inspired thought in awhile."

"You inspire me to think every day," Remus said quietly.

"Hmm?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing," Remus replied.

Sirius shifted a bit more, tossing another rock into the lake. "My star's not there," he commented.

Remus looked up. "Guess not. But the moon is." He looked at it unhappily for a moment, then looked away. "It's waxing too."

Sirius squeezed Remus' shoulder. "Don't worry."

"I'm not worrying," Remus replied, somewhat sharply.

"Sorry," Sirius said softly.

Remus sighed. "No, I'm sorry." He was silent a moment. Then he said, "I think I'll head in. I can get away with being out of bed. It's not to late. "Unless you want to come?"

Sirius shook his head. "You go on."

Remus sat up, pressed his lips to Sirius' then fled before Sirius could say anything.

Sirius stared after him, touching his lips in wonder.

A few hours later, Remus could be heard talking in the Gryffindor fifth year boys' dorm.

"I don't know what came over me! I mean, I know I like him, and I think I fell in love with him, but he obviously isn't gay, and he obviously doesn't like me, and he probably hates me now!"

"And that's where you're wrong," Sirius said, grinning, and sitting on Remus' bed.

"You don't hate me?" Remus asked in a small voice.

"Of course not," Sirius said, seriously. "I could never hate you. In fact, I...I like you too. I...think I...might...er, love you."

Remus stared. "Really?"

Sirius nodded

Remus leaned forward and kissed Sirius again.

And this time, Sirius kissed back.

(*

*Early August, 1995--Just Before Harry's Fifth Year*

"Don't look so happy, Sirius," Remus said, admittedly a bit cruelly, looking across the kitchen table at him.

Sirius' scowl deepened. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"Just--cheer up a little. It could be worse," Remus replied.

"Barely."

Remus didn't reply. Sirius kicked the table moodily.

"Sirius, what is your problem? I know you're not happy about having to stay here, or about being here at all, but you did offer Dumbledore the house, so--"

"It's not about being back here, or having to stay inside all the time, not really. It's--it's the feeling of being unable to help Dumbledore, the Order, Harry, you. I failed the people I cared about most once; I couldn't stand it if I did it again. And there's nothing I can do. That's why I offered Dumbledore this place. I mean, it helps a little, right?"

Remus looked up at Sirius. "Pads...I had no idea..."

"Well, now you do," Sirius replied.

"But Sirius," Remus continued, "you help more than you realize. I've been told that your letters always make Harry happy, and I...well, just knowing...you help me too."

Sirius sighed. "It's not enough."

"Sirius, I hate seeing you like this," Remus said, standing, walking around the table and putting his arms around Sirius from behind. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Sirius looked up at Remus. "No, I'm fine."

"You're not," Remus said quietly.

"Nothing I can do about it," Sirius replied. "I may as well just go out and get thrown back in Azkaban for all the good it'd do."

Surprisingly, Remus' eyes filled with tears. "Don't ever say that again."

"I-I'm sorry?" Sirius said. "Don't--don't cry."

"I'm not going to," Remus said, blinking. "But Sirius, I love you, and I'm sorry you ever had to spend all those innocent years in Azkaban, and I--I don't want you to be thrown back in--please do what Dumbledore says." He pulled Sirius closer.

"I will," Sirius said quietly.

"Promise me."

"I promise."

Remus closed his eyes. "I love you Sirius."

"I love you too," Sirius replied.

Remus leaned down, and they kissed, a kiss that was both the same and different from the kiss they had shared that May night twenty-four years earlier.

~Fin~