Some Snupin Silliness

"Ugh! Lupin, would it have been such a chore to have brushed those fangs of yours before you molested me?"

Remus Lupin, who had just crawled, more than a little drunk, between the sheets of his Slytherin lover's four-poster bed, was pressing sloppy, open mouthed kisses to Snape's jaw, all the while grinning like an idiot. The slight on the size of his incisors passed straight over his head.

"If you wish to spend your evenings drinking in the company of that flea-infested mutt," Snape continued icily, "it is no business of mine; however, I must insist that you be more mindful of your dental hygiene if you expect to sleep here."

Remus huffed at this, sending a gust of rank air in Severus' direction, causing the darker man to wriggle out of his embrace. A pink and yellow umbrella slipped from its place tucked behind Remus ear and the werewolf frowned at it, picked it up, and attempted to replace it, narrowly missing poking himself in the eye.

"How much have you had to drink?" Severus eyed him suspiciously, his penetrating gaze making Remus giggle stupidly.

"Well, we started with a bottle of Ogden's finest," he announced, his speech slurred. Remus poked Snape in the chest, incurring an indignant squeak. "Then we shared the sherry... No, wait, then it was the mead, then the sherry... or maybe there were two bottles of sherry..." Snape sighed and shook his head, exasperated. He squeaked again at being prodded more harshly. "No," poke, "no," poke, "I remember, there were two bottles, then there was the red current rum, and we had some Billywig Brandy," each alcoholic beverage was punctuated by a poke that travelled higher and higher up Snape's torso, "and half way through the nettle wine, I said I was going to call it a night so I could come and talk to you." Lupin tweaked Snape's nose and promptly fell into a giggling fit. Snape hissed and smacked his hand away.

"Though I can understand your preference for my conversational skills over Black's I do not appreciate being woken at three o'clock in the morning for your amusement."

Remus nuzzled Severus' neck affectionately, then without warning, fastened his mouth there and blew a loud wet raspberry. His lover squirmed while Lupin giggled some more.

"You're disgustingly playful when you're drunk, did you know that?" The Potions Master complained as the werewolf whom he had the misfortune of being utterly besotted with snuggled closer and absently stroked the smattering of black hair on Severus' chest.

"Sevvy...?"

Snape squirmed again. "Call me that again and I will not hesitate to hex your balls off."

Lupin pulled back and pouted. "Do you love me?"

Severus fixed Remus with an empty glare- he hated it when the werewolf looked at him like that, gazed up at him with those big amber eyes between gold tinted lashes in a way that made him just want to... damn him!

"Don't ask stupid questions, Lupin."

Those eyes were growing wide and watery dangerously fast.

"Lupin, stop it," Severus snapped, irritated with his stupid lover for becoming so inebriated that he was likely to weep at the thought of squashing a Flobberworm. "You are truly far too soppy for your own good."

"You never tell me you love me," Remus muttered into his pillow, having detached himself from Severus' shoulder and rolled over in a sulk. His voice rose higher and higher in pitch with every word, "I tell you all the time and I'm always really patient with you and then whenever I ask you call me stupid-" Severus attempted a protest but Remus carried on regardless.

Severus had been about to argue that this was because when he was sober, Lupin had the presence of mind never to ask him. When he was sober, Lupin knew the boundaries. Therefore, whenever Lupin did demand declarations of eternal devotion he was usually off his face and Severus was completely justified in doubting Lupin's intelligence.

"-and I come home wanting a cuddle and you push me away..." Lupin broke off when his vocal chords would not allow him to whine any higher.

"Are you quite finished?" Severus drawled.

"If you don't love me you shouldn't be leading me on; it's not fair." Severus sighed heavily. "Sirius doesn't think it's fair."

The Potions Master stiffened and turned to stare at the back of his lover's head. "What has that mangy cur been saying about me?"

Lupin lay quiet for a moment before saying, "He thinks you're-" there was a pause where Remus tried to remember the exact words Sirius had used earlier that night, " 'taking advantage of my good nature' and that you 'should have given me a guarantee that your intentions were honourable.'". Lupin twisted in the bed to see Severus' reaction, depriving his gaping lover of the covers in the process.

Severus stuttered momentarily: "The... the interfering bastard. What does he mean by that? Just what would Black construe as a guarantee of the nobility of my intentions?"

Lupin grinned wolfishly at him, all previous sulking forgotten.

"A marriage proposal!" He beamed in a nauseatingly adorable manner as he watched Snape's eyes pop.

"What?"

"Severus, I think we should get married!" Lupin threw his arms around Snape's scrawny neck and pressed a noisy kiss to his partner's mouth. Wiping saliva from his chin, Severus groaned.

"Please tell me you jest."

Lupin only tittered girlishly. "We could be Mister and Mister Snupin!" he declared before howling delightedly.

"You are joking, thank Merlin for that."

"No, no," Lupin stammered between tears of mirth, "I'm deadly serious. I want us to get married." He latched onto Severus' left arm, squeezing until its owner swatted at him when he felt his circulation being cut off.

"Lupin, don't be soft. Aside from such a notion being revoltingly romantic," Snape spat the word with distaste, "it is impractical for wizards of our position, not to mention the small matter of it being illegal."

"It's not illegal to have a blessing," Remus pushed, his honey eyes shining. "We could just have a small ceremony-"

"No."

Lupin scowled; Severus thought he looked pathetic.

"Siri was right; you don't care for me at all."

"Yes, that's right," Snape snarled, his voice oozing sarcasm, "I invite you to live in my quarters, have you a key cut for my Gringotts vault and reveal to you the details of my past because that is the way I treat all of my sexual conquests. You're quite right Lupin, I don't care a knut for your physical, mental or emotional well being."

Lupin, despite being addled by alcohol, had the sense to look appropriately apologetic. "I'm sorry, Sev," he murmured as he moved close once more to rub his cheek against Severus'. He let the subject lie for all of five seconds. "But don't you think it would be lovely? A little ritual by the lake, in autumn when all the forest is reds and golds and all our friends would be there; we could have a proper traditional handfasting. It would be so perfect..." he drifted off dreamily. "Don't you think so?"

Severus stared at him for a long time before answering quietly: "No, I don't. It would be public and insipid and overblown and utterly meaningless if you still feel you have to ask whether or not I love you. I find it unbelievable that you would even contemplate marriage if you possess such doubts."

Severus rolled over, tugging back his half of the bed clothes. His words weighed heavily in the air between them; he knew that in his current state of intoxication Remus would be unable to appreciate their full meaning but hoped that by morning his lover might realise their significance. Behind him, Severus felt the mattress dip as Lupin propped himself up on one elbow; he was surprised to feel a soft kiss pressed to the back of his head before Lupin settled down beside him without another word.