The Way It Should Be

"Then why are you here?" Sirius looked tired, more tired than he remembered, but some of the apprehension slid off his face.

Remus took a deep breath, and figured, if it didn't work, then at least he would still have the memories, right?

"For this," he said, and stood on tiptoe to ghost a soft, gentle kiss on the taller man's lips.

For a second, nothing happened, and Remus was scared that he'd thought wrong, that Sirius had moved on and this was all a great mistake... Remus leaned back, removing his hands from strong broad shoulders he knew so well.

"Oh God, Sirius I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have come, I..." Remus gave up trying to talk and turned to leave, mildly grateful the rain masked his tears.

"Moony." He froze, mid step and slowly rotated back so he was facing Sirius. Amazing, the hold this man still had on him after all this time. One word and he succumbed. Pitiful. Sirius' face was still the shocked, unreadable mask it had been before. Oh, why couldn't he have just let him slink away to be mortified alone?

"Why did you come back?" A simple enough question, yes, but Remus had no answer, so he countered it with a question of his own.

"Why did you leave?"

Sirius chuckled.

"My brother had just died; my parents couldn't stand the thought of there not being an heir to the Black name." Sirius said, by means of am explanation. Remus had been around long enough to know that Sirius' explanations were almost never brief. He listened quietly, as he continued.

"They were... distraught. They said they'd overlook me liking... men; they just wanted me to come home. So I did. Even after all that they put me through, I still went back to them." Sirius frowned.

"Why?" Remus asked. Sirius has been a lot of things, but he had always been proud. It must have been something really drastic for him to have even considered going back. .

"Have you ever watched James with his parents Remus? They love him, you know. It's not a big thing. It's a pat on the back, or a hand on a shoulder, or a smile. But you can tell. They're proud of him, and they love him." Sirius paused; his face said more than his words ever would. He took a deep, shuddering breath and continued.

"Even Peter, with his parents, you could see they loved each other. Peter's nothing." Sirius' face was suddenly alive with jealousy and spite. "Mediocre marks, mediocre brains, the only thing exceptional about him was his talent for being mediocre. And they loved him anyway." Here he paused, and his face softened as he looked at Remus. His voice cracked with emotion as he began to speak again.

"But you were the worst, Moony. You were something... despised by the world. It wasn't your fault," he added quickly, seeing the rage underneath the calm mask that was Remus. "But still, everyone turned against you, the whole world did, except for James and Peter and me. And your parents. Do you know how many people told them to just drop you in a lake somewhere? They never told you, didn't want to hurt you, none of us ever did. But despite what you were, they still loved you. And for that, I was eternally jealous."

Sirius' eyes pleaded for Remus to understand. He snaked his arms up around the other man's neck, so familiar, yet different. Sirius was soaked. Remus let his thumbs come to rest on his wet cheeks. Some of the raindrops looked suspiciously like tears. But that wasn't possible. Sirius never cried.

"So we were friends, and I was almost able to forget the jealousy, the loathing, I had for you, because you were such an amazing person. I never went to your house often; I never had to see your parents. I could deal with James and his parents, what's not to love about James? I could identify with them. But then you and me, Moony, we became more than friends. And as I fell more and more in love with you I became more and more jealous of what you had. It got to a point where I couldn't stand it anymore. And then my parents asked me to come back, but I couldn't bring you."

He paused for breath and drew away from Remus, shoving his hands in his pockets and turning his face upwards to better receive the rain. He paced for a bit, back and forth on the sidewalk, before turning back.

"That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. You, or the love I'd always wanted but been denied. It hurt so bad, leaving you. But I thought, now I could have what I've always wanted, I could be loved." Sirius turned his face back, eyes reflecting the lights of the dim street lamps.

"Did they give it to you?" Remus asked, finally speaking up

"No," Sirius said, after a pause. "It was the same as always, so I left. Now I'm here. Alone."

"So come back to me," Remus said, like he was stating the obvious.

"Where do you get off, being all forgiving and superior?" Sirius' sudden outburst startled Remus. "I told you to leave, and I treated you like shit and yet you're still here. Why?"

"Because I love you. And I don't give up things I love that easily." A car passed by, momentarily illuminating the premature lines on Remus' face. It just wasn't fair.

"I'm so sorry Moony. For everything." Sirius hung his head.

"Some came home Padfoot, it's not that hard. We can pretend like it never happened, like you never left... We can be happy. " Remus was vaguely aware that he was crying, but he didn't care.

"I don't want you to feel second best... It's like you're my fall back, my reserve if there's no one else to take me in. And you're better than that."

Sirius was perfecting his talent of Not Looking At Remus, when all of the sudden he was caught in a fierce kiss that slammed him backwards into the brick wall of the apartment building.

Remus had been fed up with talking. It was time for action. When he was kissing Sirius, it felt... right. Better. Like the fact that he wasn't even twenty and he had a gray hair didn't matter. This was right.

They broke away slowly, Remus stepping down and releasing him.

"Wow," Sirius gasped, "I don't remember you kissing like that Moony."

"I never had anything to fight for before." Remus smiled smugly and reached out to grab the other man's hand. "Shall we go inside? It's rather chilly..."

They walked through the doors completely soaked, and the doorman gave them a disapproving glare. They stepped into the lift, leaving soggy footprints on the floor, as his eyes continued their glaring at their entwined hand and ruffled appearance.

Sirius suddenly wrapped his hands around Remus' waist and kissed him hard, as if he was marking his territory. He could feel the blood rushing behind his ears, and something in his chest was playing a complex cadence on the inside of his ribs. He closed his eyes and colors swirled behind the lids, and if he didn't stop now surly his knees would give out.

They broke apart as the doors closed, and Sirius looked up over Remus' head to catch the doorman looking positively appalled.

"Jealous?" he asked, and the doors clicked shut.

Both men collapsed into giggles.

"God Moony did you see his face? I think he wants you all to himself!!" Sirius flinched slightly as he turned back to see Remus starting, unabashed, at him with a look that screamed sex.

"What about what I want? Can I have that?" Remus was not used to being this blunt, he had always been the quiet one, but he quite liked the effect he was having. A soft blush crept up Sirius' cheekbones, and he looked very flustered.

"I.... uh.... Are you feeling alright Moony? Because you're MMMMPHF!!"

Whatever Sirius was planning on saying was cut off by a desperate mouth on his. Well, he thought, if you can't beat them...snog them senseless!!

Somehow, they made it into the foyer of the apartment, but no further before they threw themselves on top of each other right there on the floor, reclaiming bodies that had so long been denied from each other.

Afterwards, they basked in the afterglow, breathing in the scent of one another and trying to memorize the feeling.

"Padfoot?" Remus asked quietly.

"Mmmm," Sirius grunted, not bothering to remove his head from the other mans chest. It wasn't worth the effort, he figured. Not to mention Remus was soft and warm and squishy in all the right places.

"I love you."

This time, Sirius did lift he head, to search the other man's face. Remus was suddenly incredibly interested in the ceiling.

"You do, don't you," he said, slightly surprised. He knew that Remus cared for him... but love?

"Do you...?" Remus started

"Yeah. I do."