The Thunder Within

The Thunder Within

By SaveOurSouls

Chapter 1: They Were Gone

'They were gone,' PoA, Hermione's secret, page 303

'Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.' Dorothy Allison, O Magazine

James Potter watched from afar, his heart sinking as he saw her read the presaging letter. She left the Great Hall saying nothing but still leaving the inhabitants of the Great Hall in semi-shock. Well, most of them. There were a few that smirked at each other knowingly. They all knew what that meant. Her family was dead. James looked up at Dumbledore, who had bowed his head slightly as a sign of respect for her loss. Professor McGonagall looked at Lily's retreating figure with a kind of sadness he had never seen his Head of House hold before, or knew she could hold for that matter. She leaned over towards Dumbledore talking hurriedly, the headmaster himself shook his head slowly.

It wasn't long before her friends got up slowly and exited the hall. They would need to comfort her. Something he wished he could do. However, Lily Evans hated him. She had hated him since she had first laid eyes on him and he doubted that would ever change. What had started out as an infatuation for him had turned in to an obsession before, eventually, it turned in to something that was deeper than anything he had ever felt before, something he couldn't quite explain.

~~~

Lily finally fell asleep, curled up on her bed and clutching her pillow. Her eyes were red and swollen; her skin was as white as a sheet. As expected, her dreams were full of the parents she'd never see again. They were smiling and waving at her before dissolving into nothingness. She woke mid afternoon her face stiff from the tears that had dried on it. The weak autumn sun was filtering through the window filling the room with a pale light. She sat up rubbing at her eyes, which were extremely sore and tender. Slowly she got up and straightened her dishevelled robes out. To be quite frank she didn't know what to do with herself. Everyone else would be in class. She sniffed slightly and headed to the bathroom in an effort to clear up her appearance. Not that she cared what anyone though anyway. It was just a natural thing to do.

She wandered around the castle listlessly; everyone was currently in lessons, which would not finish for another half an hour. She didn't want to be alone. She could feel herself wanting to be in the company of living, breathing people, not left alone with images of people who had diminished from the world. Tears pricked painfully at her eyes again but she held back from crying. What's the point? Crying isn't going to solve anything, she though in desperation.

It was only when she bumped into Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster, did she find someone who had the time and patience to listen to her.

~~~

Lily wasn't aware of walking through the corridors. Dumbledore guiding her to his tower office. She was only pulled out of her stupor when Dumbledore's phoenix, Fawkes, flew to her should perching on it happily. Lily gasped half in shock that something so beautiful was perched on her and half in admiration of the way the fiery red of Fawkes's plumage matched with the copper tones of her own hair. She stroked him softly; unaware that Dumbledore was smiling slightly, watching the scene in interest. Eventually she tore her eyes away from the crooning bird on her shoulder to Dumbledore.

"He's beautiful," she said quietly, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Indeed," Dumbledore replied, offering her a bowl of what looked like sherbet lemons. Lily declined politely, shaking her head and returning her gaze towards the floor. "I have to say that I'm surprised Lily." Lily looked up from her hands, which she had been avidly staring at.

"At what, Professor?" she asked half curiously, the other half holding back and mourning.

"At the fact you are dealing with the situation you have been placed in better then I would have thought," he said quietly conjuring up a cup of hot chocolate and passing it to her. She took it gratefully sipping on it slightly.

"I'm not Professor," she said glumly, her face falling. "I'm not at all. I can cry, and the more I do, the more it seems to hurt. I can fall asleep and their faces will haunt my dreams. When I wake, I'll find I can't cry anymore. I'll take to wondering around doing nothing. If I'm left alone... I'll end up doing something horrific. They'll still be there inside my head..." she trailed off, taking another sip of the boiling hot chocolate. It burned her tongue, bruising the delicate taste buds, yet she didn't cry out with pain like a normal person would, just swallowed, it roaring down her throat like boiling water being poured into a pan.

"You are strong Lily, not just physically but mentally. I can assure you that you have the strength to move on when the time is right. But for now, you need time to grieve over your loss. Time to heal. However, eventually you will have to move on and you won't be able to look back. Those who are dead never truly leave. They show themselves quite clearly in many ways, including in their children," he said wisely. Lily stared at him through her emerald green eyes.

It was at that moment that someone appeared in Dumbledore's fireplace. He was a fairly tall man with untidy hair that was flecked with grey. He stooped down to avoid hitting his head on the mantle and came out into the more open space in the circular office. Lily was fairly surprised that Dumbledore received visitors straight into his office. With the times that were passing she knew she certainly wouldn't. However, much to her relief Dumbledore smiled.

"Edward! What a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?" Dumbledore greeted the man standing up and shaking his hand.

The man, Edward, looked around and saw Lily sitting there with Fawkes on her shoulder. On closer inspection he had dark rings under his eyes and several scars lining the length of his face, he had several chunks missing out of his hands Lily noticed, as her eyes swept over his appearance. He was wearing robes made out of the finest materials she had ever seen; they moved graciously, like water lapping over a rock. It was plainly obvious that they had cost a fair few galleons, and the man in question must be someone of great importance. Especially if Dumbledore was using the gentleman's first name.

"Yes, you can, Dumbledore. I need to see James," he said, returning his gaze to the Headmaster's face. Dumbledore nodded slightly. Lily felt her eyes widen ever so slightly, was this James Potter's father? Even though she disliked the younger Potter greatly she had never known him talk openly about his family... or how rich they were. Her family hadn't been rich... just normal people.

"Ah, I thought that would be the case," Dumbledore said with a smile. He turned to Lily his eyes dancing. "Lily, this is James's father, Edward Potter. Edward, this is Lily Evans." Mr. Potter looked at her, mild surprise written all over his face. He quickly recovered and smiled, taking her hand.

"Pleasure to finally meet you Ms Evans," he said shaking her hand, an odd twinkle in his eye.

"I shall be back with young Mr. Potter shortly," Dumbledore said, exiting the office briskly. The door closed with a small bang and there was a silence where only the roar of the fire could be heard, crackling merrily in the fireplace.

"Mr. Potter?" Lily asked quietly, her voice hoarse and clogged up, making him jump slightly. "What did you mean by finally?"

Mr. Potter laughed good-naturedly and sat in the spare armchair. He looked at Lily carefully out of the same eyes she had met, staring at her.

"My son never shuts up about you, and that's when I'm at home." Lily looked quite stunned. She new James liked her, but to never stop talking about her?

"He-he does?" she asked timidly.

"Oh yes," Mr. Potter replied with a smile before it fell. "How are you Lily? After the news of your parents-"

"I don't know," Lily said before he could finish his sentence, she couldn't bear to hear someone say it aloud, not so soon after she had received the news. She took a deep breath, trying to stop her self from lashing out, or saying something she shouldn't. However, her self-control was thin on the ground and she suddenly burst out, unable to help herself. "I keep seeing them in my head, and realising that they aren't there anymore! I just- I don't know how to feel! I don't know how I'm meant to feel, I haven't heard from my sister at all, I don't know what's happening, what will happen next. I don't know what to do with myself, I can't think straight, I just... Argh I just don't know what to do," Lily said, tears welling up in her eyes. Talking it through made it all seem so... final.

Mr. Potter nodded understandingly and said no more on the subject. The door of the office opened and in entered Dumbledore followed by a very confused looking James.

~~~

James sighed heavily as he entered Transfiguration roughly ten minutes late. Professor McGonagall looked up from the rolls of parchment she appeared to be marking and glared at him. The inhabitants of the classroom looked up from the textbooks they had currently been studying.

"Potter!" she barked, standing up abruptly. "May I ask you why you have just walked into my lesson more then ten minutes late?" James sighed. He was ready for the week's worth of detentions that was surely heading his way. That was until Professor Dumbledore walked in, his midnight blue robes swishing about him majestically.

"Minerva, I need to borrow Mr. Potter for the rest of this lesson," he said politely. Professor McGonagall sighed irritably.

"If you really insist, Albus. Potter, I expect you to catch up on today's lesson and complete the homework I will be setting for tonight," she said to James before sitting down at her desk and shuffling through a stack of parchments. James exited the room, following Dumbledore towards his office.

"Professor? Why do you need me?" he asked nervously, hoping that his headmaster hadn't found out that it was him who had blown up the boy's toilets on the third floor the other week.

"It's not me who needs to see you I'm afraid, it's your father," Dumbledore merely replied, uttering the password ('sugarplum') and climbing up the spiral staircase. James's face creased into a frown. His father worked as one of the elate Aurors at the Ministry and had, over the years, increasingly little time to spend with him and his mother. As Voldemort grew stronger and more and more Aurors died everyday. Why he was visiting him on a school day, James had no idea.

Dumbledore opened the door to his large circular office, revealing many cabinets and tables displaying various contraptions. Sitting in one of the two armchairs in front of Dumbledore's large desk with its numerous books and sheets of parchment littering it in an untidy order, was his father, Edward Potter.

~~~

"Dad?" James asked questioningly, not noticing Lily, as her armchair was turned to far round it blocked her view. "What are you doing here?"

Mr. Potter looked up and smiled slightly. "Can't I see my own son for once?" he asked before continuing without a reply. "I was just talking to Lily," he said gesturing to the other armchair. James eyes widened with shock as he saw Lily sitting in the armchair, Fawkes the phoenix perched on her shoulder.

"Oh," James said eventually, flushing slightly red. "Is that all?" he said not pausing, raising an eyebrow.

"No, there's a real reason why I came, though I'd prefer if I discussed it with you alone."

Lily got up slowly. "I'll go. Nice meeting you, Mr. Potter," she said smiling weakly. Dumbledore was waiting at the office door and ushered her out. James watched her go, his eyes scanning the back of her head as though he was going to see right into her mind. The door closed. He rounded on his father.

"What did you say?" he demanded furiously. Mr. Potter shrugged nonchalantly, keeping his clam expression, even though it was clear James was extremely annoyed.

"Nothing," he said laughing, breaking the stillness of his face. "Nice girl, pretty. Intelligent from what I've seen as well. Reminds me of your mother actually. She'd make a good Auror," he suggested.

"No!" James said, a little angry. "She's not going to be an Auror, dad. I don't want her to be an Auror."

"Why ever not?" Mr Potter raised an eyebrow. Then it dawned on him. "Oh. James, are you sure?"

"Yes I'm completely bloody sure!" James exclaimed, taking the vacant armchair. "Anyway, what did you want to see me about?" he said pressing on.

"I'm retiring as an elate Auror," Edward informed him lightly. James blinked. His father, Edward Potter was retiring at the grand old age of... thirty-nine. He still had more then half of his life left to live! Why the hell was he retiring?

"W-why?" James stuttered taken back by his father's revelation. His father's face turned serious, the lines it bore becoming more pronounced.

"Because I'm more useful sitting behind a desk then going out and capturing Death Eaters. I'm getting too old to be running around like I'm your age. Besides, they want me to teach junior Aurors. You know, train them up a bit so they're fit to go out into the world." There was silence. James had taken to looking at the floor with intent, instead of his father's face.

"Okay, if that's what you want," James said indifferently, trying to keep his true feelings hidden... Mr. Potter nodded slightly, though it was quite obvious that he was puzzled with his son's reaction.

"So... how's school going?" his father asked, changing the subject.

"Same old," James replied, looking up slightly.

"Good, good. Well, I best be getting back to your mother. She's having Bagnold over for dinner," he said getting up and rolling his eyes. James stood up as well.

"Bye Dad," he said reluctantly. Mr. Potter smiled and clapped him on the back.

"No worries son. You'll get her in the end. Just give her some space for now," he said allowing the smile to spread. James merely nodded. In a whirl of Floo powder he had disappeared.

James exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. That was his father, always rushing off to do something other then talk to him and then trying to give him advice. Like he'd know anything! James thought angrily, walking towards the office door. He opened it to find Lily and Dumbledore in deep conversation on the stairs.

"Ah, James. Have you finished?" Dumbledore asked looking up his long white bearded glimmering in the semi darkness.

"Huh? Oh yes," said James coming back into reality.

"Would you like to join myself and Ms Evans over a cup of tea?" he asked. The offer was too tempting to pass up. He need time to think things through, which would be a lost cause if he tried to do so in class. Then again, his thinking could be put on hold for a while.

"Yes. Yes, I think I will," he answered, turning back into the office.

~~~

Lily was once again sat in the armchair previous facing Dumbledore across the desk, though this time James Potter was keeping her company. She had hoped he'd decline Dumbledore's offer, she knew he knew how much she disliked him, as on several occasions in the past four years she had told him so.

She didn't feel like talking very much; her mind was wandering back to her parents and the happier moments of her life with them. How she would miss them in the holidays... at Christmas... her birthday... Easter... so many things they would now miss out on in her life... the day she walked down the aisle... life wasn't fair.

"I'm guessing you'll want to contact your sister sometime soon, to make the arrangements for the funerals?" Dumbledore said gently, breaking her out of her trance. Lily swallowed biting her lip, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Y-yes I guess," she said slowly. "I'll-I'll need to go home for a few days-sort everything out," she stammered. She saw James cast her a side ways glance but ignored it the best she could. She was in no mood to deal with him.

"Of course. You have my full support, Lily. You may be excused from lessons and your Head Girl duties for as long as you need; I'm sure James will manage without you... I'm guessing you'd like Ms McKinnon to accompany you to the funerals?" Lily nodded slowly, gulping. Marlene! Her mind screamed. Of course she wanted her best friend by her side. Lily didn't actually think she could make it alone. Dumbledore nodded. "Then you both have my full permission to leave Hogwarts for the funerals," he told her soothingly.

"T-Thanks, Professor, Sir," she mumbled under her breath. James was still looking at her, his persistent gaze making her feel uncomfortable. Lily couldn't handle this anymore. She stood up swiftly and made for the door.

"You know you are welcome here at all times, Lily," Dumbledore added. She forced a smile in thanks, nodded to Potter and left the room as quickly as possible.

~~~