Leash

The entire night felt like a dream. Amazing and unreal and overwhelming as it had been, it was real. Even before he moved his hand to feel the rough hair and bare skin beneath his fingers, Remus knew the confession, their first kiss and the torture of having to control himself until he fell asleep was all part of the same delicious new reality. Sirius was his. No, that was an overstatement. He was open. Willing. Submissive when it came down to it. And Remus had fallen asleep with a smile on his face, listening to Sirius's heartbeat.

There was still a faint tilt to his lips when he woke. Remus could feel the steady rise and fall of Sirius's chest beneath his hand; his own body tensed slightly in response. It had taken everything he had not to strip Sirius completely the night before, but tackling his friend shirtless had felt like the closest thing to heaven. Remus moved his hand, lightly tracing his fingers down Sirius's chest and over his stomach. He inhaled, taking in the faint traces of soap and shampoo before he opened his eyes and watched the play of his fingers against skin. He edged his fingers downward and gently slid them just beneath the catch on Sirius's jeans.

Before Remus could move further, Sirius cleared his throat and pulled at his hand. Remus moved his head to look up, a wide grin splitting his face. "You're up?"

"So are you, I noticed." His voice was husky; he sounded out of breath. Sirius licked his lips and shifted in the bed a bit. Remus was still getting used to the feel of his bare skin against the worn denim encasing Sirius's legs. The slightly rough texture and the warmth of the skin underneath excited him.

"I don't think you need to take any more of my clothes off."

Remus laughed long and low in the back of his throat. For the second time, he showed Sirius a glimpse of the wolf in the man who could devour him. "Aw, are you shy? I never pictured you as the shy type," he said. "Especially after last night."

"No, I am not shy." This was accompanied by another faint blush. "I'm just sure you won't be needing to do that. For a while."

"Of course," Remus said slowly. He moved his hand down Sirius's chest, further, smiling when his friend inhaled sharply; the muscles of his stomach bunched against Remus's fingers.

"Stop moving your hand," Sirius said.

"Why?" Remus edged his fingers under the waistband of Sirius's jeans again. "You didn't seem to mind last night. As a matter of fact, you seemed to like everything I did with my hands." To emphasize, he slipped his hand over the front of the jeans and squeezed lightly. The other man's breath caught. "Mm. I don't think you mind now. I think you like it a lot." Remus's nose flared and he closed his eyes briefly. "You even smell differently when you're aroused."

Sirius grabbed his hand and moved it up to his chest again. "You really need to stop there."

Remus laughed again. "It's not like you have anything I haven't seen. A number of times."

"Right," Sirius confirmed. "But I think we should do this very slowly. Your hands will not be removing my pants any time soon."

Remus narrowed his eyes. Seconds later, the button popped off of Sirius's jeans, hitting the floor with a light plink. Just after that, the zipper slid down with a soft whirr. "Ooh. Looks like I don't need my hands. A good thing too. You needed the room." Ignoring Sirius's light groan of protest, Remus moved over him until he was straddling his lap. Their lips connected briefly before Remus moved to place soft kisses along his neck.

"Didn't you get enough of teasing me last night?" he whispered. He grabbed Sirius's arms and held his wrists down over his head. Sirius gave a half-hearted struggle from beneath him before settling in place. "Wouldn't it just be easier to give me what I want?" He growled in the back of his throat and nipped Sirius on the neck with the edge of his teeth. Sirius sighed and leaned into the contact. "You know you want to."

Sirius didn't respond in words, instead moving until he'd repositioned himself for a kiss. Remus let their lips connect briefly before he moved back a few inches, a wicked grin on his face. "All right. I'm willing to be patient with you. For a time."

"Right," Sirius responded. "And what do I have to do to receive this mercy?"

"Mm, not much," Remus whispered. He caressed Sirius's face briefly then ran a hand down his torso, stopping at his waist. "I promise not to steal too much of whatever virtue you have left, if you just let me kiss you."

"Kissing?" Their eyes met. Sirius's eyes had darkened until they were nearly black. He was breathing hard as he licked his lips. "All right. That sounds safe enough."

Remus laughed and began tugging at his jeans. "I haven't said where I'll kiss you yet."

Remus had been forty minutes late to work. Not the best move, considering how long it had taken him to get his job, but Mr. Knight had been quite forgiving. Especially after Remus had explained how he'd had to comfort an ailing friend in bed until the other man had released the awful tension he'd been suffering from. He'd spent the better part of his work day remembering just how he'd helped Sirius relax; the feel and taste of him seemed to linger on his lips.

By the time he'd Apparated back to the house, Remus was nearly panting in nervous excitement. It was one thing for Sirius to come to him in the dead of night and sleep in his arms, it would be another for him to acknowledge what was happening in the bright light of day. And reciprocate any physical favors he'd received. That was key. The moment Sirius was willing to give as well as receive, Remus knew he could let go of the niggling doubt in the back of his mind.

The little voice had been quiet when he'd woken, but as the afternoon wore on he could hear his fourteen-year-old self screaming that Sirius would never look at another man that way, he was repulsed by very idea. Lily had taken the initiative and spiked Sirius's drink as soon as she'd figured out how he felt. It would only be a matter of time before he returned to his usual untouchable self--and he would be angry that Remus had taken advantage of him.

A vision of an angry and vengeful Sirius was in the back of his mind when he walked into the house. A number of faint sounds caught his attention just as he reached the stairs and Remus turned, pausing outside the kitchen door to decipher what they were. He stopped breathing. Maybe angry wasn't the response he should've expected. Inside the room he could hear a woman giggling and then moaning softly, then the distinct sound of wet kisses. Remus eased the kitchen door open and peeked in.

Across the room, he could just make out a brunette with her back to him. What he could see of her was limited to long wavy hair, long legs and a firm bottom covered in short, tight denim and a pair of large, roaming hands. Remus took a step back and closed his eyes. Half a dozen hexes coursed through his mind before he opened them again and pushed the door open, intent on parting Sirius from his favorite appendage.

A giggle pierced through his anger before the two people before him separated and the girl turned to face him. "Oh!" She put a hand to her mouth and giggled again. She began to adjust her skimpy red top. "Sorry, Sirius said no one would be here for a while."

Remus felt the tension leave his shoulders when he saw who was behind her. Peter took a moment to straighten his clothes before coming to stand next to his girlfriend. "We probably should've found a room." He grinned as he glanced over to his companion. "Then again, it's probably better that we didn't. Might have gotten carried away."

"Oh, my wittle bunny wabbit." She giggled as she slapped at his shoulder playfully. "You can be so bad sometimes." She winked. "Of course, I like you that way." She turned to Remus and presented him with a wide smile. He had to give Peter credit. She was just as pretty as James had described. Her bubbly personality was obviously contagious; Peter hadn't stopped grinning since he'd come into the room. Of course, with the luck he'd had, the very existence of a girlfriend was reason enough to smile. "You must be Remus," she said. "I'm Cara. It's nice to meet you." He crossed the room and she extended her hand for him to shake.

"Nice to meet you too," he said. "You mentioned Sirius. Is he upstairs?"

Peter nodded. "Said something about taking a nap before the meeting because he didn't get much sleep."

Remus didn't know what to make of that. He'd slept fine with his head on Sirius's chest and his arms around the other man's torso. Was Sirius uncomfortable outside of his own large bed or was it the company and sudden expectations that had made him miss sleep? Remus frowned before bidding Peter and his girlfriend goodbye and heading up the stairs. Why would Sirius have come to him if he wasn't ready for what might happen? He'd already set one pretty big line they couldn't cross--they would never be naked in bed together until Sirius was ready. The more Remus thought about it, the more that moment seemed further and further off.

Or it could be that he had already changed his mind. That would be understandable. As much as he'd responded physically the night before and early that morning, Remus couldn't expect him to change overnight. Or at all. No matter what kind of signals Sirius seemed to be putting out. As he approached the closed bedroom door, Remus had to remind himself to take this one day at a time. As much as they had both enjoyed their brief time so far, the last thing he needed to was fall for someone who would only lose interest after he'd satisfied his curiosity.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door, listened until he heard Sirius's softly spoken response and opened the door slowly, unsure of what he would find. Sirius stood in front of the bank of windows along the far wall, looking down at the valley below. Their eyes met in the reflection on the glass. "I thought you wouldn't be back for a while."

"I left early," Remus stated. "I wasn't focused on work."

Sirius turned into the room. Shadows fell over his face, but Remus could just make out his small smile. He felt the knot in his stomach loosen as he crossed the room. "I saw Wormtail downstairs. I take it you didn't tell him about last night. Does that mean we're keeping it a secret?" He sounded desperate, he knew that, but Remus couldn't help the faint sound of begging that laced his words. He wasn't comforted when Sirius's smile dropped and he glanced towards the windows again.

"You can't tell anyone," Sirius said. His voice was flat, but Remus sensed the edge behind it. His shoulders tensed again. "I mean it."

"Aw, are you ashamed of me?" Remus asked, a teasing tone in his voice. There was a sudden sharp thump in his chest at the brief flash in the gray eyes. He would ignore it. For now. Remus put his arms around Sirius's waist and snuggled close to his side.

"In a word, yes," he responded. Remus sighed. "Look, don't get all weepy about it. I just think, until we know what's going on with us--"

"We do know," Remus interrupted. "At least, I do." He slipped his hand over the front of the hip-riding baggy denim and smiled when he felt Sirius stir through the fabric. It didn't take much to get him excited. "I'm seducing you, bit by bit, and you like it. A lot. More than you're willing to admit to our friends. Maybe even to yourself," he added in a lower voice.

"How do you know I like it?" Sirius asked. "I could just be humoring you."

Remus laughed. "Right. That's why you gripped my hair so hard earlier I felt it in my scalp for the better part of the morning." He moved his hand lower and squeezed, grinning when Sirius sighed and thrust his hips forward slightly. His breathing changed, quickening. Remus leaned close to his ear. "You love what I can do to you," he whispered in a husky voice. "The way you feel in my hands, in my mouth. You just need to be braver and take the next step."

Sirius's laugh filled his ear. "You're joking, right? There's no way I can--we could--" He swallowed hard. "No," he finished, his voice shaky.

"Afraid you'll like it?" Remus asked. He flexed his hand again and leaned up to kiss Sirius on the chin. He leaned on his toes and sucked Sirius's earlobe into his mouth, suckling gently until he heard the other man moan. A shiver went through Sirius and he grabbed Remus with both hands, pulling him up on his toes for a leisurely kiss. Before he could take stock of what was happening, Remus found himself falling backwards onto the bed, Sirius's hands running over his chest and stomach, a corresponding arousal coursing through the lower half of his body as Sirius separated his legs with a sharp thrust of his pelvis.

"Why do you insist on teasing me when you know how weak I am?" he asked. Remus gasped as Sirius arched his hips again, creating a wave of hot friction between their bodies. Sirius held his shoulders down as he captured his lips in another kiss. A minute later, he rolled off of Remus and stood from the bed. A shaky hand went through the spiky black hair.

Remus lay back on the bed, inwardly cursing himself for not forcing the issue the night before. If Sirius was going to attack him like that without warning, he wouldn't be able to control himself the next time. He was long past the time when an enthusiastic touch or vivid dream would cause him to lose control, but with Sirius, he felt like an inexperienced child dealing with his first feelings of lust. One touch too many and Remus knew he'd feel more than a shiver up his leg.

Sirius turned back to him. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Sorry about that," he whispered.

"Don't be," Remus said. "I'm just disappointed that you stopped. It means I still have work to do with you."

Sirius stared at him for a long moment before his shaken expression broke into a small smile. "You're not going to change my mind any time soon." His voice was certain, but Remus saw telltale signs that his resistance was close to breaking. The way his eyes shifted, the way his mood changed from a stoic denial to hot and heavy abandonment--Sirius was closer than he thought to forgetting his fears of what other people would think and going after what he wanted. All it would require was patience--and nerves of steel--on Remus's part.

When they stepped out of the Floo into the Gryffindor common room a couple of hours later, Remus was back to doubting what he'd seen in other man's eyes. After they'd joined Peter and Cara downstairs, Sirius couldn't have been more distant. He'd barely made eye contact, drawing enough suspicion from Wormtail that he'd asked if the two were fighting. Sirius had laughed it off and then went back to his usual obnoxious behavior, teasing Cara about developing a fruitless crush on their friend like the rest of the girls at Hogwarts.

Remus couldn't have been more relieved when Peter announced it was time to Floo to Hogwarts for the Order meeting. If there was anything worse than Sirius setting him at a cool distance as he had in recent weeks, it was knowing they were closer than ever and Sirius was doing everything he could to keep their friends from being aware of that fact. Still, keeping this secret was far better than the alternative, pining for someone who would ultimately reject him.

When the group entered the room, Remus spotted Lily and James seated near a window. Lily smiled when she saw them. "Miracles can happen," she said once they walked over. "You managed to get Sirius out of the house without a two hour grooming session." She looked him over. "Or did he start just after lunch?"

"Come off it, Lily," he said. "I'm naturally gorgeous and don't have to spend forever untangling my hair and changing clothes every few minutes to look presentable, unlike some people." Sirius smiled at her. "Some people just have a gift."

"If you have something," Lily began, "I'm sure any girl you give it to will not consider it a gift." Beaming at his temporary silence, she stood and greeted Remus with a hug. "You look better than you did when I last saw you," she said, her voice soft. Her eyes searched his face in question.

Before she could analyze the blush he could feel beginning to spread over his cheeks, Remus grabbed her hand. "James, I'm going to borrow your girl for a few minutes." He began dragging Lily towards the stairs. "Don't worry, we'll be in Dumbledore's office in time for the meeting," he said over his shoulder and he pulled her around the corner of the landing.

"Remus, what--?" Lily pulled her hand out of his and stamped her foot once. Remus turned to her. "You're acting worse than James when he wants to get me alone. Care to tell me what's going on?"

Remus held open the door to the first empty boys' dorm room. "First, get in here." Rolling her eyes at his dramatic gesture, Lily preceded him into the room. She waited patiently while Remus set a charm to soundproof the room. He took a couple of deep breaths before turning to face her, a grin on his face.

"I have to say," he began slowly. "Last night went far better than I thought it would. Without the use of a certain potion," he added.

Lily squealed and jumped up and down twice, clapping her hands before her chest. "I knew it. Fantastic. Did you--?"

"No," Remus stated. He'd started blushing the moment Lily had looked at him in the common room and now felt as if his face was as bright red as the Gryffindor banner on the wall behind her. "We...something did happen, but I'm not going to get into any details."

"Something happened, but it wasn't sex?" Lily frowned. She crossed her arms and tapped one finger against her chin in thought. "Damn. You know, I could get you some--"
"I don't want to force him, with potions or otherwise," Remus said. "If something else happens, it will happen on its own. Oh, he said to tell you that if you tell James or anyone else anything, he really will hex you. And I won't stop him."

"How'd he know I'd know anything?"

"You're the only person who can read me better than he can," Remus stated. "We're not ready for anyone to find out yet. We're not even sure what's going on with us."

"So, it'd be out of the question to get you something to enhance your--"

"Yes, it would," Remus said. He was fighting down a smile and had to look away as Lily began giggling. "I don't think either of us needs help in that area, anyway. If it goes further, I'm sure we'll do just fine."

"I'll be able to tell if you don't. I can read that look easily," she said. There was a certainty in her voice Remus was at once curious about and sure he didn't want to know the full meaning of. "Don't worry, you won't have to ask for help." Lily paused, frowning again.

Recognizing the expression, Remus nodded. "Go ahead and ask."

"Is there a reason this is all a big secret?"

Remus began his sentence, scrapped the thought and started again only to stop a second time. There was no reason to sugarcoat the truth with Lily; she'd know if he wasn't telling the full story and she was possibly the only person who could understand. She was certainly the only person he could discuss Sirius with this way.

"He's not ready, not really," he said finally. "He--I mean, last night he told me that he'd been thinking about it and...what it amounts to is an experiment on his part," Remus said. "We're not a couple. He doesn't find women unattractive suddenly. I'm not going to pretend he's anywhere close to having feelings for me," he admitted reluctantly. "Right now it's just fun for both of us and I can live with that."

Liar. From her expression, Remus was sure Lily wanted to say it out loud as much as he wanted to confess his small self-delusion. Didn't matter. No amount of wishful thinking on his part was going to change the facts of what Sirius didn't feel. He'd have to accept that sooner or later and pretending was the first step of convincing himself it was true. Better to not care now than to nurse a broken heart later. Besides, it was easier to keep his expectations out of it if he just thought of it as an emotionless game with a firmly heterosexual man.

To her credit, she kept her doubts to herself. Lily grinned and took his hand in hers as she aimed her wand at the door. "Between you and I, I've always suspected Sirius harbored a secret crush on you," she whispered as she opened the door. "Why else would he feel the need to talk about how pretty he is all the time?" Lily winked at him over her shoulder. "Now that he's got you where he wants you, he won't be letting go any time soon."

Remus laughed softly as he followed her back down the stairs. At least one of them had confidence in how this might turn out. Remus merely had a possibility borne of the fleeting look in Sirius's eyes. He only hoped it would turn out to be enough.