Free Will and Fate

"You really are going to do it?"

Harry ignored the censuring tone to her voice and added the last ingredient to the potion. He stirred it the requisite number of times before lowering the flame, getting rid of the parchment he'd copied the potion onto and joining the frowning girl on the sofa. She'd been crying, pleading and railing at him for the past hour and still had yet to convince herself that yes, he was very serious about what he was going to do.

"So you're not going to answer me?"

"Hermione, you know what I have to do," Harry said. "I'm not going to continue arguing with you about this. He deserves a hell of lot worse."

"No one deserves to die," she responded. At Harry's frown, she touched his hand tentatively, pulling his fingers open when he curled them into a fist. "I know how you feel."

"You have no idea how I feel," he interrupted.

"I have a good idea," she corrected. "I thought about doing it too, until this morning. Now that I know you're going to live--"

"You're okay with letting him off the hook?" Harry asked.

"He's not off the hook! Why do you keep acting like he's escaped?" She pulled Harry closer and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I know it's hard to think of it this way, but it's better if all of this goes through the courts. I don't want to think you could do something so cold--" She broke off as she felt him stiffen next to her. "Promise me something." He said nothing when she fell silent. "Don't do anything until you know for sure what the Wizengamot is going to do. I--" She swallowed hard. "I'll stand behind whatever decision you make after that."

He turned to her. "You're sure about that?"

She nodded. "Though I'm not sure Professor McGonagall wouldn't beat you to it if Professor Snape walks out of court."

"I doubt that," Harry said.

"You haven't seen how angry she's been," Hermione said. "After she read your medical file--you were still at breakfast--she was pacing her office and swearing. I know how she felt. I suppose I should've known better than to read it myself."

"At least it's over," he said. "Most of it. I still think this whole discussion is ridiculous," Harry began. "I know for a fact Fudge had Sirius thrown into Azkaban without a trial when he thought he'd had my parents killed."

"Well, yes," Hermione said. "Wasn't he found among a ton of wreckage, with nothing but Pettigrew's finger to prove that someone else had been there?"

"Yes, but my point is Dumbledore could have the lot of them locked up if he wanted to. He can get evidence later. We know it's possible to extract memories from someone else."

"Professor McGonagall said that's dangerous."

"I don't care," Harry replied. "Plus, there's always truth serums. Or one of those interesting Ministry approved methods of gathering information."

Hermione forced out a dry laugh. "Perhaps you could convince the Minister to let you question him yourself since you're so eager to hurt him."

"I'm not--Hermione, I thought you understood. I don't have this thirst for violence or whatever. This man has hurt my family in ways I can't even describe. He has to pay for it." He touched her chin and turned her face up to his. "I'm not going to let him hurt my mother anymore. I would do anything to protect the people I care about."

"That's one of the reasons I love you," she said before pressing her lips to his. After a few seconds, Harry turned away. Hermione leaned forward to kiss him again, frowning when he pulled back. "I thought we'd agreed you wouldn't fight me anymore," she said. "All I want is--"

"I think its pretty obvious what you want," he replied. "I thought we'd agreed you wouldn't push me."

"You're not really going to hold me to that, are you?" As she stared at Harry, he started to smile, in spite of his reservations. "I'll make a deal with you. I won't argue with you for the rest of tonight and tomorrow, if you can...sufficiently distract me now." She slid a hand over his back and snuggled closer to his side.

"You're not afraid of moving too fast?"

"Honestly! I've never seen a boy fight so much against something--or someone he wants." Ignoring Harry's smirk, Hermione unzipped her school robes and tossed them onto the floor. Her tie followed. She unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt, her eyes on the face of the boy next to her.

"I promised you earlier that we'd celebrate your return to health properly." She reached out and unzipped his robes. "There's no need to be shy, Harry." She turned half-lidded eyes up to his. Leaning close, she let her lips brush his briefly before pulling millimeters away to whisper, "Tell me you want this as much as I do."

He didn't respond in words, but didn't offer a protest as she kissed him again, this time pressing her body against his as she slid his school robes from his shoulders. Without warning, everything he'd told himself about having control with regards to their relationship flooded to the forefront of his mind. He'd spent the past several days pushing it all to the back of his thoughts, enjoying the moments they were together as if they would be the last of only a few. Now that he knew his life wouldn't abruptly end in a few months, was he willing to live his life as if every moment had to be taken advantage of?

A hand sliding against the inside of his thigh gave him pause. "Hermione, we should talk about this." She responded by pressing her mouth against his neck and nipping at his skin lightly. She slid one leg against his, sighing as she inched closer to him. "Just because I'm not going to die, doesn't mean we should just jump into things."

"You make everything too serious."

He wanted to laugh. That line coming from Hermione was near-priceless. He thought back to where they'd been a week ago, in the Prefects' bathroom. She'd said she saw him as the same person and loved him the same. A lot had happened since then. Did he believe her? Did he care? Did he feel the same?

As the questions swirled through his mind, he got up from the sofa and went to check on the bubbling potion. When he put the low flame out, he felt her hands snake around his torso from behind and come to rest on his chest. He turned in her arms and felt a surge of an emotion he was scared to name as she slipped her arms up to his neck and pulled him closer.

"I know how you feel," she whispered. Her tone was much softer than before. It held a note of emotion that echoed her thoughts. "I was where you are now just a few months ago. I know you're not ready for everything I'm ready for." She pressed her lips to his briefly. "I'm willing to take things as slow as you need me to." She pulled one of his arms tighter around her waist. "I just need to be close to you. After--" She closed her eyes and he could feel her take a deep breath. He knew she was thinking of seeing him lying in a hospital bed that morning, weak and dying. And holding him as he coughed up blood. "Please, just let me have that."

It wasn't about sex, but a need to feel something...substantial from him. After all they'd done and seen over the past few days, he could sort of understand why she wanted that closeness, but didn't she understand how hard it was for him to not succumb to something he might regret later?

"Hermione..."

"Harry, I could easily immobilize you and have my way with you on that bed," she said, motioning to the object on the other side of the table. Hermione smiled and began backing her way towards the sofa, pulling him by the tips of his fingers. She pushed him down onto it and straddled his legs before he could stop her. "Just put your arms around me. I've told you, you'll enjoy it a lot more when the feelings are mutual. Consider this a preview of things to come." She pressed her lips to his again and began unbuttoning his shirt. She sighed loudly when he turned his head away from hers.

"What if I can never give you what you want? I'm not ready."

She wiggled around on his lap, feeling the evidence of his desire pressing against her leg through his pants. "Liar," she whispered. Hermione stared into his eyes for a long moment and then smiled slowly before kissing Harry. "You know what's great about being with you? You don't want to rush things between us. It's sweet. You want to enjoy every moment as much as I do and you don't want to hurt me. Stop over-thinking it. I know you're not in love, but you are so close," she whispered, her voice rising on the last word.

"I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. You've spent the last few years carrying around guilt over things you couldn't control." She shook her head. "I can't change that, but I can tell you this. I know exactly what I'm getting into with you and I still want you. I'm going into this with my eyes wide open. You're not going to hurt me." She kissed him again. "But, if you keep pushing me away, I may have to hurt you."

He cracked a smile at that and she continued. "I know I've told you this before, but you have to be willing to open up to me. Give us a chance. A real one. It's very easy to hold my hand in the hall or hug me when I'm crying, but true intimacy is about more than that. We don't have to have sex tonight, but when we do, I don't care if it means exactly the same to you as it does to me." She sighed. "It will in time. That is enough for me. It should be for you too."

"Hermione..."

"If you're going to say no again, just know that I don't fancy kissing someone under the Imperius Curse, but I will do it."

He laughed. "You will not hex me and you know it."

She struggled to hold down a smile for a few seconds before finally giving in. "I know you. Stop fighting. It's been driving me crazy that I got to spend all day in the same room with you this week and we could barely touch."

Harry put a hand to her back and then slid his other hand to her leg, stopping at the edge of her skirt. "And now?"

"Now I know you're going to make it. So are we," she said.

"A lot has happened this week--"

"Harry!" Hermione shoved him in the shoulder.

"Ow! Are you going to let me talk?" When she frowned, he continued. "You're right, I don't want to hurt you. You've had years to get used to us being together."

"Not this way," she countered.

"And I've had days," he said as if she hadn't interrupted. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to take you over to that bed right now. The only thing stopping me is..." He stopped. What exactly was stopping him?

Hermione answered for him. "You're afraid to admit you're falling in love with me." She hadn't phrased it as a question and didn't really need an answer. She smiled. "You know, it's okay for a guy to admit to a girl what he's feeling, even if it's hard to explain." When he closed his eyes, she put a hand to the side of his face, willing him to look at her again. "I know you said you grew up in a loveless home, but you can't run away when you do finally have someone that loves you, especially if you're starting to feel the same. It's a new experience, but you have to let it happen."

"What if I don't know how to do that?"

She smiled and leaned close to him. "I'll show you."

Albus Dumbledore stepped through the green flames and into the Headmistress's office, a small smile on his face. "Twice in one day, Minerva? What have I done to earn the privilege?"

She frowned and motioned the older wizard towards a chair even as he transfigured it into the cushy chintz he preferred. "It's late. I don't think either of us wishes to exchange pretend pleasantries. What do you need to go to trial?"

"I don't need anything," he responded. At her raised eyebrow, he said, "It is you who thinks he deserves a trial. I'm ready to go after him now."

"But...so you know then?"

Dumbledore nodded. "I suspected a few days ago, but just now, after watching Harry's memory of meeting his godfather in the Shrieking Shack, I have to say I should've seen it sooner." He leaned back into the chair and drummed his fingers along the armrest. "I must've been blind not to see it before. Severus would've been the only person to benefit from Lily losing her husband. But it was years before they...." He raised his eyes to McGonagall. "Why go after Harry?"

"Because he's been planning to bring Voldemort back to power and the boy found out he was hiding something. The question is, did you know?"

"Did I know what?"

McGonagall glared at him. She was tired as it was and she was hardly in the mood to play games with the former Headmaster.

"Yes, I knew he was truly a Death Eater a long while ago, but I thought his allegiance had changed."

"What would make you think that? Never mind that," she said. "Why would you have hired him, or Bellatrix Lestrange, to work around children knowing what they were capable of?"

"Bellatrix?" Dumbledore sat up straighter in his chair. "What do you mean?"

"Don't toy with me, Albus. Your spy told you everything he could about Voldemort's supporters when he was active. He had to have told you Bella was a part of his inner circle."

Dumbledore frowned and watched as McGonagall began pacing around her office. "No, he did not. He claimed few of them knew each other's identities and only Voldemort knew them all. He felt safer that way."

"He trusted them as little as he trusted anyone else."

"I suppose so," Dumbledore said. "So you've brought me here to find out what I intend to do to Severus?"

"I brought you here because I need to find a safe place for Harry, Lily and Raven to go. As soon as I explain the situation to Lily. Possibly Hermione Granger, as well. She's gotten herself mixed up in this and could easily suffer consequences if...well if you don't take care of what needs to be done," she said.

"My Minerva, your tone is positively dark," Dumbledore said. "I'd hate to see how far that could go."

"Spare me," she said. "What do the courts require in the way of proof? I want them away from my students as soon as possible. It's taken everything in me not to kill that--" She stopped and cleared her throat. "Harry has volunteered to let his stepfather confront him. He seems to think he'll be able to get some sort of confession and we can use his memory for a conviction. Even after seeing all he's been through, I have to say, the boy's got to be out of his mind if he wants to--"

"It's an idea with merit."

"Excuse me?" She stopped pacing and stared at the Minister, a frown pulling down her features. "You can't be serious."

"Again, you're the one that wants to go through the courts," he responded.

"Then you're as crazy as he is. I will not condone a fifteen-year-old child volunteering to be bait. And vigilante violence is hardly the order of the day."

"A quick death at my hand is better than Severus deserves," Dumbledore said, echoing her own thoughts from days before. "What do you suggest we do since you do not approve of Harry's idea? What evidence do you have against him that will hold up in court?"

"The curse that was used to kill James." McGonagall glanced around until she spotted the copy of Advanced Potion Making Harry had been poring over earlier. "Look at this." She opened it to the inside front cover and showed him the name written there. Then she flipped to the page containing the scribblings over Everlasting Elixir.

"This is what you used to create a cure."

"This is what Severus used to slowly kill James Potter. He wrote dark spells throughout this book," she said, flipping through several pages and pointing. "I didn't want to tell Harry. He's livid enough. But to know Severus had been plotting this for years..." Conjuring a large magnifying glass quickly, she stopped at one page and pointed to a spell marked 'for enemies'. Below it, in barely legible faded script, were the initials J.P.

"There are at least half a dozen spells I'm sure the Ministry has never heard of, and most of them have James's initials underneath. Or S.B. for Sirius Black. Harry was too busy reading potions in this book to notice it. Do you remember, their fifth year, when James came to the hospital wing with his face cut open?" She pointed to the page. "That was this spell. Severus spent most of his time at school attempting to find ways, not only to get back at James and his friends for their teasing, but to murder him. Now I question every time James was sick when he was enrolled here. Thankfully, he did not get a chance to slip James or anyone else that elixir before graduating. It's a wonder we haven't had a lot more unexplainable deaths."

"Perhaps we would have if Lily had refused his advances."

"What will we do about her, Albus?" McGonagall frowned. "You know how fragile she was after James died. She was dependent on us for so many things and we told her to turn to her friends for comfort. When she told me they were getting married, I said James would've wanted her to be happy."

"Is that what bothers you about this? Aren't you the one who said we can't blame ourselves for how dark some people go?" Dumbledore asked.

"There is blood on everyone's hands," McGonagall said. "Where Severus is concerned, at least one of us should have had questions. Lily didn't speak to him for years and he became...different. We all saw it. Suddenly he's at Voldemort's side and reporting to us. Why didn't any of us notice that something was off?"

"We wanted to believe he could truly be on our side."

"We wanted to believe Voldemort couldn't turn everyone dark," she said after a long silence. "I still want to believe that every person's life he touched will not turn to violence. Especially Harry. He is hell-bent on revenge and I do not want him to murder anyone, no matter how justified."

"I wouldn't send him to Azkaban," Dumbledore said.

"And what would that teach him? That it's okay to murder someone if you have a good reason?"
"Teach him? This is not a lesson he needs to learn. This is a young man's life. Severus will suffer--if not the Dementor's kiss, then at the end of my wand." Dumbledore stood and faced the Headmistress. "Auror Tonks will help you with whatever Harry wants to do. Short of murder," he added. "If you can get Severus to confess anything, any small thing will do, I will make sure he doesn't get away." As she opened her mouth to speak, he said, "This is the best I can do in the name of justice. If the situation is not resolved by next week, I will take care of it my way. I have no worries about my immortal soul," he said. "I'll make sure Lily and everyone else are kept safe." Inclining his head in her direction briefly, he stopped back into the fireplace and left.

McGonagall resumed pacing around her office. Her feelings on murder had changed quite drastically over the past week and a half, but she still had no desire to see Harry become more like his stepfather than he knew. She glanced down at the book before slamming it closed. Then again, she wouldn't go out of her way to stop him if there was no other way for this to end.

Hermione pushed Harry's shoulder back onto the sofa when he attempted to get up again. He motioned pointedly towards his watch, but she ignored him, drawing him into another kiss. Groaning at his own weakness, Harry ran his hands over her back as she pressed her body to his and returned the kiss with fervor.

After a long while, she pulled away and rested her head against his chest, settling her legs firmly on either side of him. "This is so hard."

"I know."

Hermione blushed. "I meant stopping." She leaned up and kissed his neck. "Are you sure we can't?"

"We could, but I think it would bother you if I shrugged like it meant nothing after," Harry said.

"You wouldn't do that."

"No, but I am starting to feel a bit violated. I always thought this sex thing came in stages. Shouldn't there be more than two?"

"You mean between kissing and getting naked?" Harry felt her laugh against his chest. "I rather like the idea of skipping any step in between with you. You're not going to be able to say no for much longer. I think you've got less than a week before I stop taking no for an answer."

"When have you ever listened when I said no?"

She giggled again and kissed her favorite spot beneath his ear. He shivered. "I'm going easy on you now, Harry Potter. You can't hold out forever."

"Who says I want to?" It had slipped out before he could think about it. The smirk on Hermione's face as she sat up told him his confession had been noted.

"Right," she said. "I won't be threatening you with hexes anymore. As a matter of fact, I have a feeling you'll be begging me before long." With that, she resumed kissing his neck, grinning when he pushed her away and sat up abruptly. Hermione knew, even as he stood and began straightening his clothes, Harry was so close to the edge he could barely breathe for wanting her. All it would take was just one more push. Given the circumstances, she could wait just a little while longer.