Love Among the Marauders

Chapter Two

Lily is alone in her room, fussing over a cauldron, when Andromeda enters, sniffs suspiciously at the air, and slams the door shut. "What the hell are you doing?" Lily, startled, jumps and turns, knocking a spell book to the ground. Her face is tear-stained. Andromeda's expression softens and she says, "Oh, honey. What on earth is wrong?"

"Corwyn. It's Corwyn. He..."

"Shhhh," says Andromeda, dropping her books on a table and wrapping her arms around Lily. "He's a git. I know this is horrible---"

Lily yanks away, suddenly furious. "You don't know anything about it, with your stupid blue blood and your fancy crest and your manor houses---"

"Lily. Calm down. Corwyn's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you. But that's not all of us. I'm all right. Alice is all right. Sirius is all right."

"Sirius is an annoying lunatic."

"Yes. I know." Andromeda tries not to smile. "But he doesn't give a damn about blood and neither do I. That's all I'm saying."

Lily nods and sits down on the bed, her expression pitiful. "But I'm not in love with you."

"Well," says Andromeda bracingly, "I don't honestly know that you're in love with Cor anymore, either. He certainly thinks you aren't. You did leave him for James."

"But that was just---"

"What?"

Lily nods again and says, "I know."

"You're not stringing James along, are you? He's been crazy about you for years. There's no need to---"

"Of course not!"

"It is a little weird, Lil. After all this time. You always seemed to hate him so much." She pictures James's messy black hair and devil-may-care grin, the way his breezy self-importance used to evaporate into a hangdog desperation when he looked at Lily. "He was pretty cute when he was pining."

"I never hated him. And anyway, he wasn't pining. He was in love with Sirius. He's still in love with Sirius."

"Oh, that," says Andromeda dismissively. "Teenaged boy love. They'll both be over that in a year or two. What are you doing in here anyway? This looks very...illegal." She approaches the cauldron bubbling gently on Lily's desk. The potion in it is black and viscous. It smells faintly of honeysuckle.

"Corwyn invited Bella to watch him in the Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff match."

"She's not going!"

"Yeah, she is."

"And this?"

"I thought I'd make sure there was nothing to watch."

"Lily! What the hell! I mean, before a date in Hogsmeade, maybe, but you can't...this is Quidditch!"

"I don't care."

"You dumped him!"

"He's not too cut up about it though, is he. Just as glad to be rid of the unpresentable Mudblood. Do you know that his parents wouldn't even shake my hand last year when we got off the train together?" Lily's voice breaks. Andromeda remembers.

"All right, honey. I know. It's rotten. But you can't...poison him."

"I'm not going to poison him, just knock him out for a while."

"Lily."

"Fine. I don't think it's working anyway. I never was much good in Potions." Andromeda looks at her warningly. "Fine, Drom, fine, we'll go throw it out together. Will that make you happy?"

"Yes," says Andromeda, continuing to look at Lily warily, "very happy. And then you can come down to dinner. James and Remus are waiting for us."

Lily smiles brightly and says yes and Andromeda thinks that right now, in this state, she doesn't trust Lily Evans at all.

*

Over dinner, people lay bets on the Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff match. Most of them use Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans or licorice sticks or Fizzing Whizbees. One or two offer to do each other's homework. When Sirius sets down a small stack of gold galleons, everyone turns to look. He announces, "Remus and I have decided to back Hufflepuff." He looks at James with exaggerated casualness. "You in, Prongs?"

James shrugs and nods, trying to look similarly casual, but the smile breaking across his face is like the sun. He cannot remember a single separation between them that he did not have to end himself. Sirius is not one to extend the olive branch. James feels euphoric. Then he remembers why they have not spoken for a week and glances across the table at Lily. "What about you, Lil?"

Lily looks as though there is a pack of ravening dogs at her feet. The blood drains so thoroughly from her face that her lips are chalky. "I can't."

James feels his happiness collapse, wonders if this is about Sirius making peace or her feelings for Ambring or both, and thinks how hopelessly lousy it is to be the victim of a prophecy that dictates your love life. His voice is a little hard as he says, "Ravenclaw, then." He can feel Sirius looking at him and knows that Sirius knows that this isn't what he looks like when he's in lust.

Remus says gently to Lily, "Perhaps you aren't in the mood to take a side?"

Lily looks at him gratefully. "I just...can't."

James says, "Well I can. Count me in, Padfoot."

Lily says, "James. Please don't."

"Don't what? Bet?"

"Please?"

"Lily. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I can't explain why not. I just wish...I just wish you wouldn't." The entire table is staring at them. Lily realizes that she couldn't have made this worse if she'd planned the entire thing in order to get caught.

Andromeda, sitting beside Lily, says lightly, "Gosh, Lil. Anyone would think you had a problem with gambling. Or maybe you're worried the match will be rigged."

"What?" Sirius, scenting intrigue, glances back and forth between them. "Drom," he says, his voice teasing, "What do you know?" Andromeda is his cousin, his favorite cousin, and he knows exactly how she sounds when she's pretending to be innocent. "Just give yourself up and I'll persuade the executioner to be quick."

"Relax, Sirius. It was a joke. No need to get your knickers in a twist. Although," and here she tilts her head and looks at him as if she's checking him out, "I guess you don't wear much in the way of, ah, underthings." This is fairly common knowledge and Sirius has the grace to blush as the attention of the table turns toward him and the forgotten Lily slips away. Once the hilarity dies down and people return to wagering, Sirius notices that James is on his way after Lily. He catches up with him at the entrance, grabbing his arm, and they pivot around the edge of the doorway together, out of sight of the other students.

"James."

"Sirius."

"I'm sorry about before. Let's just forget about all this. It can be how it was. More or less. I mean, if that part of it is over, fine, but we're still us. Having a girlfriend doesn't mean you can't have us. Look at Remus, for god's sake. He has loads of girlfriends."

"That's not exactly what I call them, in the privacy of my own mind."

Sirius laughs. "Poor Moony. So many women, so little emotional satisfaction. Look, can you please just admit that you miss me?" They are wedged into the space behind the stone pillar that frames the door of the dining hall. Their legs have gotten tangled together and Sirius can feel James's thigh pressing between his; he can feel the few hot inches of space between their hips. They are both breathing a little unevenly.

"God, Sirius. You know I miss you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"It's... I can't talk about it."

"If you're really in love with Lily," Sirius murmurs, "then why does this," he shifts his leg, "make you feel like that?" James's eyes are closed. Sirius watches him trying to get hold of himself and suddenly feels guilty. He takes a step back. "I'll stop if that's what you want."

James opens his eyes. He looks flushed and miserable. "God, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine about Lily. Really. I don't care. Just please let's go back to normal."

"Maybe if you were with someone else..."

"You want me to sleep with someone else."

"I don't know. Maybe. The way it is now is torture."

"Really. Torture." They are standing close together, not touching. James's head has dropped back against the wall. Sirius can see the hard curve of his chest beneath his robes and knows exactly how it dips to the flat plain of his abdomen; he loves the twin plates of James's narrow hips and the silky line of black hair beneath his navel.

"I mean it, Sirius. This is killing me. I need to be away from you right now."

"For how long?"

"Until I'm not in love with you anymore."

Sirius says sardonically, "We may be dead by then."

James looks at him heavily and pulls himself away from the wall. "I know," he says and walks away.