Love To The Loveless Shown

Chapter V

The werewolf´s eyes suddenly contracted sharply, pupils shrinking into a molten-silver-steel amalgam of iris as a faint light penetrated the thin folds of the cloak. The end cubicle was glowing faintly in the gloom, as if someone was holding a torch under the bedclothes and was trying to read.

Snape was, at least, awake. Lupin thanked a god he didn´t believe in for that. He had heard tales about how incredibly angry the boy became when he was disturbed during his rest and he did not want to have to contend with that and try and apologise at the same time. The Slytherin was a known insomniac and, as with all poor sleepers, he got extremely pissed off when he got woken when he was finally getting a decent night´s sleep. He has even blacked Lucius Malfoy´s left eye in temper after the blond menace had decided to see what would happen if he prodded him awake. Remus empathised. He hated having his sleep disturbed too because of the draining effect of his monthly change.

He carefully pulled aside the heavy grey curtain that separated the cubicle from the others and crept in.

The dark boy reclined slightly in his uncomfortable looking hospital bed, his knees crooked so he could rest his book on them and hold his wand, which was emitting a faint but clear shaft of light, over the creamy pages. Bandages wound up his arm from knuckles to elbows, and his face was spotted with the unmistakable silvery-red scales of eczema. They looked sore, as if he had been using his bandages to scrub away the itchiness. He looked gaunt in the flickering wandlight. Underlit, his face took on an almost inhuman form; the sockets of his eyes deepened, the hollows under his cheekbones darkened and his oil-slick eyes unreadable as they scanned and flickered over the pages of his text.

Lupin licked his lips, squared his shoulders, and thought about what to say. Nothing came to his mind apart from hello, so he knew that it had to be now or never. Taking a deep, calming breath he shrugged off the invisibility cloak.

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To his utter consternation Snape did not say a word. No sound came from his mouth. Remus had been expecting at least a shriek or a sharp gasp or something but nothing came from the Slytherin´s lips. Indeed instead of looking up, he ran a red-raw finger down the moth-eaten parchment and kept reading.

Lupin stared. He could not believe that this was happening.

"What do you want, wolfboy? Come to gloat at your enemy´s fall from grace and antisocial skin disease?"

"I´m...um...oh....um..."

"Spit it out, for God´s sake. The sooner you do the sooner you´ll be gone and I can do something more worthwhile that listening to you whitter on about nothing." Finally those obsidian eyes stared into the werewolf´s pewter, causing him to step back. In those impenetrable eyes was a mixture of disgust, loathing and utter contempt.

"I...um.."

"For crying out loud," muttered Severus, turning back to his book.

"Icametosaysorryaboutthepotionthingandstuff."

"Could you repeat that without merging every word into another please?"

" I came to apologise for the potion exploding."

"I have no idea why you would do such a thing. It wasn´t your fault...unless... you feel guilty, don´t you wolfboy?" A mirthless chuckle emitted from the Slytherin´s throat. "You want to say sorry so you can go back to being Remus Lupin, werewolf and Marauder´s bitch, and not have to dwell on this!"

"Bitch? What the hell are you on about Snape?" Remus was caught between a wave of denial, hatred and a terrible feeling that the scaly boy giggling before him was right.

"Potter and Black are the popular ones, aren´t they? You´d be nothing without them, nothing at all. You are just a sad, almost pathetic little bookworm who has to hang around stronger people than yourself to make you feel better. You aren´t brilliant, you aren´t charming, and you haven´t got people hanging off your every word. However, everyone seems to like you. Why? Because people don´t want to piss off the Gryffindor two."

"shut up, Snape..."

"Why should I - all I am telling you is the truth and you know it."

"shut up..."

"Why would anyone want to be friends with you, the werewolf, if they didn´t get anything out of it. You are their bitch - you do their homework, you run around after them picking up their pieces - and you do it so you can receive a morsel of comfort in that you are their `friend´ and they will protect you."

"Why do you have to bring everything down to your level, you bastard? Why?!"

"Because the world is a cynical and dark place, Lupin. I would have thought that you of all people would know that. I´m trying to open your eyes to it all before you are destroyed because of your trust and goodness and..." Snape broke off, frantically scratching at the eczema on his temple with the back of his bandages hand.

"You think I´m good?"

The Slytherin looked at him sharply. His eyes were narrowed but not by hate. There was something else lurking in the depths of those black eyes.

"Of course you are good. You are so good it makes me feel nauseous. Damn you, Lupin. You have no idea about anything, do you? You have no idea at all."

"What are you talking about?! Tell me!" Remus was totally confused by the turn of the conversation. One moment Snape was belittling him, the next he seemed to be complimenting him.

"Those innocent silver eyes and your face and the way you move and the tone of your voice - you have no idea what it does to people. You don´t see them staring at you, almost bewitched. You are blind, Remus! You can´t even see what you do to your best friend. The hunger in his face as you talk to him, the need, the desire. You drive people mad and you aren´t even aware of it." The dry laugh seemed to turn into a broken sob.

"Severus, I..." Lupin suddenly came to an epiphany. The first was that Sirius liked him. Really liked him. It felt a little unpleasant. The second thing was that ... oh God, Snape liked him too...

"Severus, please don´t. I´m sorry - I´m so sorry. I didn´t know, really I didn´t." He sat awkwardly on the narrow bed and slid a comforting arm around the shivering Slytherin. "Please. I´m not worth all this, you know. I´m just ... me. Just Remus Lupin." He didn´t like Snape at all, but he felt dreadful for having reduced the boy to such despair and had not noticed a thing.

"You are worth it though," mumbled Snape, looking with bloodshot eyes into the werewolf´s worried face. "You are worth every bit of pain and heartache that I´m put through. I said all that stuff because I wanted you to hate them, wanted you to leave them alone. If you can´t be with me, I don´t want them to have you. You are far too good and precious for them, and I can´t cope with seeing you around them, them touching you as if you are their property."

"Hush, Severus, hush." He pulled the boy closer, trying to warm the cold skin with his own body heat.. Then, a cool hand caressed his throat and wandered along his jawline, pulling his head down to where Snape´s surprisingly warm lips were waiting.