Resonance

Chapter 58 - Snape's Story

"You pick up spells very easily," Vineet commented to Harry as they practiced at the end of a long Monday's training.

Harry was feeling a bit proud of the Diamona Block he had learned that day but he was also sensitive to his new friend's limitations. Aaron he didn't mind beating out on nearly every new spell. "Not always," he insisted. "Some things, Transfiguration for instance, takes me a long time to learn."

"You are trying to be making me feel better, I think."

Harry grinned but didn't deny it. As Vineet used a Chrysalis to block Harry's Figuresempre, Harry glanced over at someone entering the workout room and brightened when he saw it was Snape.

"You are late getting out," Snape said. "I suggested Arthur not wait for us."

Harry glanced at the clock. "Ey, sorry," he said. "In that case, look at what I learned today." To Vineet, he said, "Give me a Figuresempre this time."

Vineet obliged and Harry put up his new block. "Sloppy, Potter," Snape criticized. At Harry's surprised look, he went on. "Wand at a 54 degree angle, flat to you. Focus more on the corners of the energy or it will not repel anything significant. Do it again."

Harry adjusted his wand as best he could and nodded for Vineet to hit him again. The yellow crystal around him did look brighter this time and glowed with harder edges.

"Corners," Snape reiterated. "You need to create the nodes in your mind for them to exist in the block. Your block is far too rounded."

"Excuse me," Rodgers said as he entered the room and stepped over. "But who are you?"

Snape turned to the trainer and gave him a close once-over. "I am Severus Snape."

"This is our trainer, Mr. Rodgers," Harry supplied, feeling static forming between the two men. "And this is Professor Snape, he teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts School." Rodgers expression narrowed rather than relaxing. "Are we released, sir?" Harry asked. "I have someplace to be."

Rodgers waved him off without taking his narrowed eyes off Snape.

Harry glanced at Vineet to nod at him in thanks. "I'll get my stuff," he said to his guardian and left the room.

"I don't believe it," Rodgers said in a low voice. After a long pause he added, "What are you doing with Potter?"

Snape crossed his arms. "I am picking him up; he has a dinner appointment," he replied flatly, as though the man might be dim.

Rodgers snorted. "You don't remember me, I suppose." He stepped closer to Snape's long nose. "What are you doing free?" he asked quietly. The other apprentices stopped practicing at that question and turned to listen.

Snape raised a brow but didn't respond. Aaron stepped closer and said, "Sir, he does teach at Hogwarts. I can vouch for that."

"I don't care about that beyond a passing interest in who the idiot was who trusted him around that many children," Rodgers said, still matching Snape's challenging gaze.

Harry returned, bookbag slung over his shoulder. He opened his mouth to say he was ready but paused; he hadn't seen a face-off like this one since Snape and his godfather had pulled their wands on each other at Grimmauld Place. With a quick stride Harry went over. "What's wrong?" he asked, looking between them.

Rodgers turned to Harry. "Why is this wizard picking you up?" he challenged.

Harry, startled, looked to Snape and back to his instructor. "I don't know what you mean."

"I don't want him in here again," Rodgers said sharply to Harry before he turned back to Snape. "I don't know how you managed to stay out of Azkaban, but-"

"Wait a second," Harry interrupted. Anger filled him as he stepped forward. "Where do you get off . . . ?"

Rodgers grabbed the front of Harry's robe and pulled him short. "You don't know what he is," he breathed quietly. "I do."

Burning purpose filled Harry like it hadn't in a very long time and he didn't fight it. "Don't be ridiculous--of course I know," he snapped back at his trainer.

"I will not have Death Eaters in the Auror's training area," Rodgers snarled back. Behind the trainer, Aaron dropped his wand. He bent slowly to retrieve it. "They're all supposed to be in Azkaban, Potter," Rodgers went on angrily.

"Why haven't you caught them then?" Harry mocked him. "Why is one still free? Why did I have to help catch the last six?" Rodgers jaw tightened. Forcing calm over himself, Harry added, "Severus isn't who you think he is. Talk to Tonks, or Shacklebolt, or . . . Headmistress McGonagall. You're jumping to conclusions." With a frightening jolt Harry realized that the only person who had the influence to convincingly vouch for Snape was dead.

"Harry," Snape prompted from closer to the door.

Harry turned to him. As he did, Rodgers grabbed Harry's sleeve. "Why are you defending him? What is he to you?"

Harry jerked his arm free. "My dad." A wand hit the floor again. At Rodgers befuddled expression Harry added, "He adopted me over a year ago." Harry turned again and headed for the door, his thoughts churning crazily.

"I saw him in seventy seven," Rodgers announced loudly in a newly calm voice. A voice that hinted at power and righteousness. "I am pledged to cleanse society of those such as him."

Harry spun back, cloak flipping out behind him. He stalked back over until he was toe to toe with Rodgers. "How dare you?" Harry breathed. Pure white fury coursing through him now, masking his alarm and filling him with raw purpose. "Did you share Voldemort's thoughts for three years? Feel every strong emotion he felt, frightened when he was angry and utterly terrified when he was joyous?" Rodgers leaned back as Harry went on, building in volume. "Were you taken over by him and used as puppet against every fiber of your will until everything you cared about was gone? Did you steep yourself in his snakelike mind to make him experience every last ounce of pain you'd ever felt until he was too incapacitated to fight back so he could be killed once and for all?"

Rodgers took a small step back; Harry immediately shifted forward to meet him.

"Did you inherit his inner vision of his servants?" Shouting then, Harry went on. "I have a green world in my head with a black shadow for every one of his marked followers, and you have the gall to assume I don't know when I am standing next to one?" Harry finally stepped back, breathing heavily. "How dare you stand there and judge him, and assume I don't know who he is."

After a long pause Snape said, "Harry, if you have left any bridges . . . at all . . . standing, you should perhaps not disturb them further."

With a last sharp look at his trainer, Harry turned, glancing around the room as he did so. The other three apprentices stood stock still, eyes wide as they tracked him. Harry shook his head in frustration and stomped out, verifying that Snape was close behind.

The lift began to move upward into the next floor and Harry hit the lever to stop it. He knocked his head back against the cage. "I lost it," he said, still short of breath, heart rattling in his chest.

Snape sighed. "So I noticed."

"I panicked," he whispered. "I realized the only person who can protect you is gone."

Calmly, Snape said, "At the risk of sounding like my father, that is not quite true." He pushed the lever back and they started moving again. "Though I have no desire to see it come to that. Still feel up to the Weasley's?"

Harry shook his head and said, "But let's go anyway. They're waiting."

They stepped out into the relatively quiet atrium. Harry said, "Where did he know you from?"

"It took me some time to recognize him, but I believe I remember him being sent by the Ministry to infiltrate the inner circle. He was not adept at Occlusion and it was immediately obvious to me what he was doing. Someone at the Ministry must have also recognized his lack of ability, because he disappeared before anyone else suspected. This was before I had gone to Albus," Snape added more quietly as he fished in his pocket for his small canister of Floo powder.

After a pair of witches went by, talking in low tones, Harry said, "This is something I've left lie and I wouldn't ask except I feel like we are under attack, but how long was that?"

Snape held the shallow canister out for Harry. "Five months," he replied casually, though Harry could hear unease in it. "Go on," Snape said to make him go first.

Harry stood inside the hearth and said, "The Burrow," as he tossed the powder down. Many turns later, his feet slapped the hearth at the Weasley's. He stepped out quickly so Snape could follow, feeling uneasy about leaving him behind. He relaxed marginally when the flare sounded behind him.

"Harry, dear," Mrs. Weasley said in welcome as she came over and gave him a hug. She had on a horrendously mismatched dress and apron. Harry apologized for their late arrival and gave her a hug back, feeling the need for the external support. She said, "The others owled that they would be late as well. So busy those two."

Arthur Weasley stepped over from the dining table. "Well, there you are."

"Sorry to be late. Got, uh, caught up in something."

"Have a seat. Have a seat," Arthur invited, gesturing at the worn, old, orange couch. "Hello, Severus."

Harry gratefully sat down and put his head in his hands as his emotions swung wildly. "Have you something strong to drink?" Snape asked.

"Of course." Arthur went to a strange crooked red bottle on the shelf running along below the ceiling. He took down three bright orange little cups and dusted them with his sleeve before pouring into them. Snape immediately handed the first one to Harry.

Harry shot him a pained expression as he took it. "My, my," Arthur said, "Care to tell us what the matter is?" Cup in hand he sat down beside Harry and considered him.

Harry took a swallow, choked violently and immediately took another. He held his little cup out for more. When Arthur didn't notice the hint, Snape handed him his serving with the admonishment, "Slower this time." Harry sipped it but still coughed.

"What happened?" Arthur prompted again.

"I yelled at my trainer after he threatened Severus," Harry said glumly and then blinked. "Do you think I can get kicked out for that?" he asked, considering, only now, the broader repercussions. Ginny came down the stairs then and stopped on the last step in surprise at those words.

Snape pulled over a rickety, straight-backed chair and sat down across from him. Molly stepped over and crossed her arms to listen. Methodically, Snape said, "In my experience with administrative matters, which is what any action to remove you would come down to, what is critical is how it would read if it were reduced to a memorandum." He waited for Harry to look up before going on, "In this case the memorandum would read, Harry Potter, in parenthesis, THE Harry Potter, became incensed with his Auror trainer when the man questioned his judgment on a Voldemort-related issue."

"He what?" Arthur asked stridently. Snape held up his hand and Arthur sat back, looking intently between them. He sipped his drink and waited, postured as though at the theatre.

"Mr. Potter proceeded to detail, perhaps too forcibly but in his case, understandably, for Mr. Rodgers his personal experiences, mostly traumatic, with the aforementioned dark wizard. Mr. Potter should be familiarized with the rules for decorum and procedure regarding Ministry apprentices, etc."

Harry looked up at him with a grateful expression and a small crooked smile.

"What did Rodgers say?" Arthur asked, refilling his own cup, garnering a slap on the shoulder from Molly for doing so. "Easy day tomorrow, dear," he pointed out as he toasted her coyly.

"Do I get one?" Ginny asked, taking a seat beside her father. Her mother gave her a doubly sharp look.

Harry said, "He recognized Severus from his . . . real Death Eater days."

"Uh oh," Mr. Weasley uttered.

"Asked me why he was there looking for me. Said he should be in Azkaban. That even though he was my guardian, he still should be." Harry drank the last of his cup and didn't even cough this time.

Arthur sat back, cradling his drink. "Hm," he murmured in thought. "I can see why that would upset you, all right. But don't worry, Harry; the public relations battle would be over in a week, tops." Harry gave him a confused look, and he said with grin. "All you'd need is two interviews in the Prophet tearfully saying how the Ministry after all these years has decided now of all times to take away the only family you've ever known. Bam!, he'd be free. Guaranteed."

Harry stared at him mutely.

Arthur hit him on the arm. "You, my boy, have political capital to burn and you've studiously avoided spending even a Knut of it. It's all sitting there, like King Midas's riches, just waiting for you to need it."

"You really think that would work?" Harry asked doubtfully.

"I know it would," Arthur said with certainty.

Harry gave Snape a pained look, making Snape look down at the table between them. The Floo flamed and Ron stepped out, brushing the ash from his hair. Behind him Hermione arrived as well. "Sorry we're late, we-"

"Just in time, dinner is ready," Molly said jumping up to go into the kitchen as though she had forgotten something.

"You missed hearing Harry's troubles," Ginny chastised her brother.

"Wha?" Ron prodded.

Harry summarized as they settled around the table and other than Ron's suspicious glance at Snape, as though he may have been overlooking their old teacher's past, they reassured Harry that Mr. Weasley was most likely correct.

Harry looked over the faces of his friends glowing in the candlelight, and felt very grateful he had come tonight. "Thanks," Harry said to Mr. Weasley as he picked up his fork.

Arthur leaned over. "Harry, any Ministry employee who questions your judgment about Voldemort deserves to lose his job."

* * *

It was after midnight when they returned home. Seeing the dark, quiet dining room made Harry think about the immediate future and tomorrow's training. He leaned his head against the mantel and waited for the hearth to flare again. Finally, it did and Snape stepped out of it. "Are you all right?" his guardian asked.

Harry exhaled loudly. "I need to know what happened," he said reluctantly.

Snape stepped to the table and laid his gloves upon it before leaning against the back of a chair.

When he didn't reply, Harry said, "I know you have a meeting to go to at Hogwarts in the morning, but I'm having a hard time imagining going back to the Ministry tomorrow without knowing what I'm defending against."

After a long silence Snape said, "Sit down."

Harry shucked his cloak and took a seat at the table. Snape stepped to the hall and the steps down to the kitchen to ask Winky to bring tea. He returned and sat across from Harry. He didn't speak right away, just examined his fingertips. Tea arrived. Winky looked uncertainly between them before taking the tray away.

"I was a Sixth Year at Hogwarts," Snape eventually began. "Theodore Nott was a Seventh Year I admired for his intelligence and because he was never, ever pushed around."

Harry dropped his head and stared at his own hands as he listened. He heard Snape pouring two cups of tea, and reached out for his without looking up.

"Nott would not have paid me any mind had he not needed assistance in Potions. He needed help especially to prepare for his N.E.W.T.s. I spent a great deal of study time tutoring him, was honored to do so. While this was going on, I became aware that I had fallen under an aura of protection from him. Not an overt one, in fact, more powerful because it was not." Snape paused to sip his tea. "In the end he used Legilimency to learn Potion techniques from me when my tuition wasn't clear enough for him. At the end of the year he suggested I learn Occlumency so no one else could do that. I had not known either existed until then.

"I spent the summer studying both Legilimency and Occlumency. I had to practice on strangers which forces one to become adept very quickly. The prospect of returning for seventh year without his presence was daunting. I owled him to ask his advice. In his reply he asked how serious I was about making something of myself, so a week before Hogwarts restarted I met with him. The transformation he had undergone in just the months since the school year had ended was phenomenal. He had such confidence, such an air of power. I wanted that, like I had never wanted anything before. Your tea is cold."

Harry shook his head at that transition. He topped up his cup and sipped it as he tried to pull himself back to the present. "I'm sorry," Harry said.

"It was hardly your fault."

"Still," Harry insisted quietly, eyes glancing away at the stone wall to the right.

"Nott introduced me to two others--a witch and a wizard who were reluctant to show their faces. It was clear Nott respected them though, despite this quirk. I returned to school and almost forgot the introductions, until Nott owled me with a request for Veritaserum. It isn't a difficult potion but it was forbidden to students. I brewed it in an attic that weekend and owled it back to him. He asked me to meet him at the Hogshead on the following weekend. He brought me a potions manual full of forbidden recipes, asked me to mark off the ones I could make.

"I was eager to please, so anything I thought I could work out, I checked off. He made a list of what he wanted. I told him I needed Galleons for ingredients. He gave me a purse-full. Told me to keep what I did not spend."

Snape looked up at the dining room ceiling, gaze far beyond it. "I learned more about Potions in the east wing attic than I did in any class. I needed other equipment so I started doing poorly in class, so that I could convince Professor Beezel to let me do extra credit. I recall to this day how pleased she seemed at my eagerness to improve my grade. That was the first time I realized how ignorant they all were. Or perhaps more generous . . . how trusting.

"Except the headmaster."

Harry grinned lightly and finally met Snape's eyes.

"Never said a word," Snape went on. "But I always sensed that he knew. Eeriest feeling in the world, that. You could never imagine what was going on in his mind because his motivations were utterly opaque."

Snape took a deep breath before continuing. "I finished school and, within a week, Nott paid a visit. My parents discovered the potions manuals and the galleons and after a loud confrontation with them, they threw me out, which was a mistake on their part because it made my answer to Nott much simpler. Nott treated it as automatic that I would be accepted into the Dark Lord's organization, at some level. He prepared me for a few weeks while I stayed with him and then took me to the next Summoning.

"In retrospect, it was rather comical. Nott had been promising I would meet the Dark Lord. I never actually believed him. Ludicrous, I had thought, to just be introduced to the living evil bane of the wizarding world. Nor did I actually want to meet the most reviled wizard alive. Who in their right mind would? So I never argued the point or asked when exactly that might happen.

"One night he came to my room at one in the morning, told me to change into the hooded robe he had brought, and I was taken to Voldemort." He paused to refill Harry's tea before going on, "Perhaps you of all people can appreciate what it is like to be so utterly terrified that you feel nothing."

Harry nodded as he blew across his cup.

Snape laughed harshly. "I was praised later for my poise." He shook his head. "At the Summoning, the Dark Lord approached me. I remember Nott bowing and scraping, which was the first beginnings of my doubt, if you can imagine that. I Occluded my mind and the Dark Lord asked me something and I answered--answered as though I were standing beside myself watching. They were easy questions to answer. Of course I wanted power. Of course I wanted to belong."

Snape stopped then. The teapot was empty. Harry swallowed consciously, unable to find any words.

Eventually, Snape continued, "I didn't mind brewing for them, by any means. One can easily get buried in an interesting activity and ignore that the result, somewhere else, is extortion, blackmail, torture, and even murder." Snape's tone fell darker, "There is no excuse for that, or forgiveness, for letting oneself be a pawn." He lifted his empty cup and tossed it violently against the stone framing the hearth.

The motion and noise startled Harry, who gripped his empty cup fiercely as though to protect it. The air beside the table sparkled and Winky appeared.

"It's all right, Winky," Harry reassured the elf.

Snape looked sharply at her and she said, "Winky not allow anyone to be hurt."

Snape's look darkened at the challenging tone in her squeaky voice. Their gazes locked for a long time. "Go," Snape finally ordered her.

She hesitated, clearly troubled by her conflicting impulses. Harry said gently, "He's only angry at himself. Go on."

She took a half step away as she twisted her tea towel in her hands. "That is worst, Master Harry," she insisted.

"Don't concern yourself," Harry said. "Don't try to help." When Snape's dark look redirected toward Harry, he explained. "She's offered before to intervene."

"In what way?" Snape asked angrily.

"I don't know. I simply told her not to."

Snape stood and faced Winky down as she was backing away toward the door.

"Severus," Harry said. "Please. Her instincts are to deal with someone like Barty Crouch Jr. You have to take that into account."

Snape straightened and turned away from her with a snapping motion. She hovered in the doorway. "I not allow Master to hurt another or himself," she insisted.

"We understand that," Harry said. "It's not going to happen. Go on." He motioned her away. She finally left, looking very unhappy.

Snape dropped back into his chair. "Where was I?" he asked in an annoyed tone as he rubbed his forehead.

"Pawns."

"Yes." He pushed his hair back. "At the next Summoning, I gave myself over."

"Why?" Harry asked in disbelief, pained at the thought.

"I felt I had no choice, which was clearly not true in retrospect. One always has a choice, even if it is an alternative of death." Snape paused again, looking pained also.

"After that I was trusted completely and given much more to do. I followed Nott and Malfoy as they went about their task of bringing down what was left of the Ministry power structure. I was alarmed at how little actually remained. No ordinary witch or wizard understood how dire things were. Ordinary paths of justice and administration had been hollowed out and were merely shells to be manipulated for the those with old influence or for our organization when needed.

"I was impressed with how careful they were about remaining invisible, even when it cost them. Nott frequently commented that if the Ministry were so weak it deserved to be torn down. He started to sound reasonable, in his own twisted way."

Snape fidgeted a moment before he went on. "But Malfoy and Lestrange were another thing. They loved it most when someone held out." He swallowed hard, looking unwell as he remembered. "Power and the right to torture those they saw as beneath them were all they wanted. The intricacies of the politics were a distraction to them. I was sent out with them one night to encourage someone to see things our way.

"I stood by and did nothing. Nothing. Except absorb the hatred and loathing of two perfectly ordinary people who had a thousand times more honor than I did."

Harry bit his lip. "That wasn't the Longbottoms, was it?" he asked with great reluctance, only because he knew the question would haunt him until it was answered.

Snape shook his head. "But it might just as well have been," he replied. "The next chance I had in Hogsmeade, after an ordinary drop, meaning giving money to someone in exchange for something they've collected that we wanted, I went up to the castle." He laughed lightly. "The doors were spelled. They would not allow me entrance."

Harry held his breath. "What did you do?"

"I went around to the gamekeeper's cabin. Realize that at the time I did not know Hagrid beyond his name. But he answered the door quickly enough, considering the late hour. I told him I needed to see Dumbledore, which was very difficult because it meant I had failed, utterly.

"He said he would try his best, which was not the most reassuring at that moment. But presently he returned, told me to follow him, and took me up to the headmaster's office. I was shocked to gain such easy entrance. What if I had been sent to do him harm?"

Harry broke in, "You couldn't have touched him."

"At that time I did not realize how powerful he was. I always figured no truly powerful wizard in their right mind would settle for such a position. In any event, he listened to my story and then simply waited, for what I wasn't certain. I filled in more details and still he remained silent, and so bloody patient it was downright aggravating."

Harry grinned lightly.

"I finally simply apologized for having to be there, for being too bloody stupid to have fallen into the whole thing, for needing help at all. And he smiled." Snape shook his head at the memory. "He asked me if I really wanted to defeat Voldemort . . . threw his name out, just like that. When I replied, yes, he told me to unOcclude my mind.

"Having decided that the last time I had given myself away was a major mistake, it was very difficult to do so again. He told me that he understood and to return when I felt ready. I could not do that; I could not leave without some hope. So I did as he requested."

Snape clasped and unclasped his hands rhythmically before continuing.

"It was very different being suddenly beholden to someone who had no desire to have anyone be so. He said he would be in touch. I insisted he make some request of me and I will never forget what he said. He told me to preserve what was left of myself and hold it dear because I was going to need it."

Harry flipped the teacup around in his hands nervously. Eventually, turning it upside down to let the dregs seal it to the tabletop.

Snape went on, "Over the next month, he asked a few small things from me, informational things, which I willingly provided. Then that fall he suggested I seed the idea with Nott, of planting a Death Eater within Hogwarts, which was a bastion they could not penetrate. Have something befall the current Potions teacher." When Harry's eyes went wide, Snape said, "With Beezel complicit in the scheme, since she was considering retirement anyway. She mysteriously fell ill before the next school year and a replacement was sought in a hurry. It was made to appear that rather a lot of convincing was required to secure my place. At first I was a temporary fill-in and only after exemplary performance was I made permanent. Always I complained to my fellows about Dumbledore's lack of trust. Only McGonagall knew otherwise, although I knew she doubted me, nonetheless."

"How long did that go on?" Harry asked in pure curiosity.

"I am not certain. She was always grudging about granting me any leave, even after the Dark Lord's apparent demise after attacking you."

"She still is, I think," Harry commented, feeling the need for some lightness.

"It used to be worse," Snape said forcefully. He stared at the far wall for a long time, deep in thought.

New uncertainties were haunting Harry now but it was nearly two in the morning.

"You have more questions," Snape stated without looking at Harry.

"They can wait."

"I would prefer to get this over with," Snape said tiredly.

"Then they aren't that important," Harry said. He mostly wanted to know how much Snape had been forced to do in the spirit of remaining above suspicion, but at the same time, was afraid to know.

Snape broke the silence by quietly observing, "It is ironic that this should be coming back to snare me now."

Harry mulled that over. "You were putting it behind you?" he asked, hopeful that might be true.

In a surprised tone Snape said, "I have moments when I feel so--to which I credit you--so perhaps my mother was right."

"If that works for you, you may have it. I don't mind giving it," Harry said.

Their eyes met for a time. Snape finally said. "I have to admit, I sometimes feel as if I've won." At Harry's curious look he went on. "I cannot equalize the harm I did; it isn't possible. I cannot get even with your father, because he hasn't been here to confront. Nonetheless, I have been feeling free of it, as though I've risen above it and it no longer matters nearly as much."

"It doesn't matter as much," Harry confirmed.

"Is it possible I've won?" Snape asked, sounding as though he were addressing someone not present. "You, Harry, are in the unique position of judging if I have."

"Only you can, I think," Harry returned reluctantly.

Snape laughed lightly, but not in a totally sane way. "I adopted my enemy's son and treated him as my own. What more could I possibly have done to prove I am beyond the trap of my hatred for him?"

Harry didn't have a reply. That assertion was too tangled for him to dare address.

Snape went on, sounding very tired now. "And if amendment were possible for what I did, you are the only vehicle for it."

A little uneasy, Harry asked, "Is that why you adopted me?"

"No," Snape replied firmly. "I did it because I enjoyed your companionship and was tired of being alone. If that is a better reason," he added flippantly. "Mostly I did it because you seemed to need it and Dumbledore had faith that it was the right thing to do."

"That's an okay reason," Harry opined. "And I did need it."

Snape fell silent as though he had emptied himself of speech. Harry rubbed his eyes; his mind begged for quiet and sleep. He wanted to say something about his determination to protect Snape, but he could not find a way to do it without hitting his guardian's pride. Instead, he put a hand on his shoulder as he stepped by. "That's enough for me."

"You have some potion remaining, if you need it?"

At the doorway to the hall, Harry replied, "Yes. Good night, Severus."

Snape turned his head in his direction so it was in profile. "Good night, Harry," he said tiredly.

In his bed, Harry finally managed to slow his twisting thoughts and relax, although he didn't really sleep, nor did he feel like taking any potion since he wanted this time to think. He must have dozed lightly, though, because he was awakened by an approaching shadow in the green haze of his sleeping mind. Harry lay still, pretending to doze, mostly because he didn't want Snape to think he had found his story disturbing enough to keep him awake. Eventually, Snape departed after hovering for nearly a minute.

When he was alone, Harry rolled onto his other side, wishing there was something he could do to change everything.

* * *

The next morning, Harry arrived early for their first session. The other three came in soon after, eyeing him with surprise and wariness. Aaron sat beside him and leaned close. "Was Snape really . . . ?" he started to ask when Rodgers stepped in. The trainer looked Harry up and down once, and ordered with a frown, "Potter, a word."

Harry followed him out and down to his office. It was a shared space and he gestured that he needed to be alone and his only present officemate, Rogan, retreated with a nod of hello at Harry.

"Sit down," Rodgers ordered flatly.

As he obeyed, Harry replayed in his mind Snape's comment about the memorandum. Rodgers was a long time in continuing, but finally he said, "I spoke with Tonks, and Kingsley, whom you apparently know as well. They supported your assertions." Harry didn't react except to relax a little. Rodgers flipped through a file that had Harry's name at the top. "Mad-Eye, who did the background check for your application, was also apparently unconcerned about your living arrangements."

Harry wanted to read the notes Moody had scrawled crooked on the white parchment Rodgers held, but he didn't want to obviously lean over to do it. Carefully, Harry pointed out, "Moody was in the Order too."

Rodgers looked Harry over before saying, "I am bothered by doing nothing--bothered a lot. I cannot believe the W.F.C. let him adopt you. They refused to give me a copy of your one year review unless I had an investigation number."

"I can summarize it for you," Harry offered.

Smartly, Rodgers replied, "Don't bother. I can imagine you told them what they wanted to hear."

Very calmly Harry said, "I told them the truth. I don't have to lie to tell them I couldn't be happier to have him as my guardian. I wouldn't be here in this program if he hadn't helped put me back together." Harry gave his trainer a intense look as he said, "I needed someone who understood for that. Somone who understood everything, including being marked by Voldemort."

Rodgers winced. "I can't just leave it. What about a hearing--a closed one--before the Wizengamot? Let them hear his story and decide what should happen. Surely you must trust their judgment?"

Harry wondered at his trainer negotiating at all. Flatly, he said, "I was before them once. They were going to break my wand for defending myself and my Muggle cousin against two Dementors. At the last moment they moved the location of the hearing and the time, to try to keep anyone from coming to help me at it."

Rodgers' face twisted in a frown. "You have to work closely with them as an Auror, Potter, so try to dredge up a bit more respect than that. When was this?"

"The Umbridge Era."

Rodgers rolled his eyes. "Oh," he said with a frown of remembrance.

"What are you hoping to accomplish?" Harry asked. "Are you just trying to soothe your own conscience?"

Rodgers gave the question due consideration. "An annoying but fair question," he huffed. "You know what is ironic, Potter? I've been trying to provoke that reaction out of you since you started. I thought it'd be easy. I expected you to be the ultra prima donna, that you were playing it nice and that you wouldn't hold up under pressure. I had finally admitted I was wrong, when out of the blue you hit me with that tirade."

"You threatened the only thing I care about," Harry said darkly.

"You're serious aren't you?"

"Completely. I like having a father. It isn't something I'd ever thought I would have." Harry wondered if he should hint at the P.R. battle he'd start if necessary, but held back.

"And given a choice between this program and him?"

Harry raised a brow. "You have to ask?"

Rodgers tugged at his hair. "I'll lose if I take you on, I know that. You hang in the wings most of the time, but I have a sense you understand what power you really hold. I'd hate to lose you in any event; you're a marvel with a wand, and when you talk about dark wizards you sound like one of the twenty-year veterans in this office."

"I do make mistakes," Harry said.

"Everyone does. Surviving to not repeat them is all that matters."

After a pause Harry said quietly, "That's what Severus did."

"You know his whole story? And you can in good conscience live under the same roof?"

"Yes," Harry assured him.

Rodgers sighed in defeat. "All right, Potter. I'll let it go."

"Thank you," Harry said sincerely, not hiding his relief.

"You were way out of line, though," Rodgers said stiffly. "You are on probation for a month. Don't step out again or we will have a hearing."

"Yes, sir," Harry said obediently, then stood when Rodgers waved him off.

"Whenever it bothers me that he's free, I'll just remember that you are keeping an eye on him."

Harry paused with his hand on the door latch. "He doesn't need it, but if it makes you feel better, I will, sir." It was true that Harry didn't know everything Snape was working on. Maybe he would be a little more curious from now on, or maybe not.

Back in the workout room, drills had already started with Tonks in charge. Harry took up a pairing with Aaron, who gave him a questioning look.

"Did you work it out?" Tonks asked.

"Yep. A month's probation for stepping out of line."

"A month?" she asked in surprise. "Well, from what I heard, you probably deserved it."

At the end of the day, Harry was tired, but the house would be empty when he returned. He hung around the meeting room where they stored their bookbags until Aaron and Kerry Ann left. "Do you feel like dinner, Vineet?"

The Indian looked up in surprise. "You are inviting me out?"

"Yep."

"I am a vegetarian, do you mind Indian food?"

"Not at all. I'd prefer a Muggle place since it will be quieter," Harry said.

"There is a wonderful tandoori place in King's Court, but I am leaping ahead . . . "

"No, sounds wonderful."


They arrived at the restaurant after a short underground ride and a longish walk, which Harry enjoyed as a chance to clear his head. As they took their seats, the waiter greeted them warmly. "Vishnu, good to see you. The usual?"

"Yes, plus something for my friend. The lamb?" At Harry's nod, the waiter smiled broadly and departed for the kitchen.

The restaurant was sparsely populated and no one paid them any attention. Vineet sat quietly for a long time. After their samosas and beers arrived, he broke the silence by saying, "You are a mystery to me."

Harry bit into a steamy pocket filled with curried stuff and quickly drank his beer. "Me?" he asked in surprise.

Vineet nodded his head, looking very serious. "Your guardian, whom you defended so powerfully, once served the Un-named One. I cannot understand this." He sounded disappointed as well as mystified.

"It was only for a short time and it was a very long time ago," Harry pointed out.

Vineet shook his shiny-haired head more solemnly. "To be marked he had to give himself over. There is no path back from that."

Harry put down his beer and smoothed the white table cloth with a brush of his hand. Equally solemn, he said, "There is if I make one for him."

Vineet gripped his beer glass hard and gave Harry a very long look. "And you do this?"

Harry hesitated, thinking over the last year. "I have to," he replied, feeling unsteady with the realization. He was experiencing a clarity that felt mocked by this place of spiral carved wood and jeweled paintings of calm, contorted figures. "It's the path I am using as well."

In silence Vineet considered this at length. Harry waited for some kind of verdict from him, felt that he needed one. The waiter brought little metal dishes of roasted eggplant, tandoori lamb, and chickpeas in tomato sauce. Harry thought he had lost his appetite to emotion, but the scent wafting from the table made his stomach growl.

As they served themselves, Vineet said, "You are doing too much in one turn of the wheel."

"I don't get that."

Vineet shook his head. "It is not a Western notion," he said evenly. As he tore the naan and used it to scoop up sloppy chunks of eggplant, he commented, "I hope you make your path well to carry two on it."

"I'm not working on it alone, so I think it will be all right," Harry said, feeling lightheaded with these notions.

This comment seemed to make Vineet curious, but he let the topic go in favor of eating with a serious expression.


Later at home, Harry studied in the dining room so he could greet Snape when he returned from Hogwarts. He felt secure now and relished in it.

It was after nine when the hearth flamed green. "Hello, Severus," Harry said in greeting.

Snape, looking a little worn out, returned the greeting and sat across from him with bothering to remove his cloak. Like clockwork, Winky brought tea to the table. As he poured, Snape asked, "How did your day go?"

"I convinced Rodgers to let it go," he replied, forced to cast his mind back that far in the day.

"Thank you, Harry."

Harry took a chocolate biscuit off the tray. "You're welcome," he said easily before he bit into it.