To Seduce a Serpent - The Diary of Pansy Parkinson

September, 1997

In the Common Room With the Firsties

Gah, I hate the little firsties. Everything, no matter how stupid, gross or otherwise, seems to amuse/fascinate them to the point where I want to grab one of their heads and duff some sense into them. I mean, what is so amusing about a cat's boogies? Even when I was eleven I knew nothing was amusing about them; they were just beyond gross.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the execution of my not-so-brilliant plan...

So, after my unfortunate run in with that damned desk, Draco didn't stop smirking all day. All damned day! I mean, wouldn't his face hurt from keeping his mouth set like that? Mine hurts after smiling for too long, let alone smirking.

So, while me and my battered ego hid in the library, I formulated a step-by-step foolproof Plan A. It goes as follows:

1. Wear more foundation. That way it doesn't look like I blush as much.

2. Find a way to force Draco to sit next to me. That way he has to have contact with me, meaning I have more opportunities to get to him.

3. Stop thinking I look like a fat cow. I have not, nor ever will I ever look like Millicent Bulstrode.

4. Steal more of Daphne's clothes. They look better on me anyway.

5. Try and control what I eat (ha-ha, that's funny!) while in the Great Hall. I look better thin, so I'd like to stay this way. And shoving food into one's mouth isn't very attractive.

6. Get a life outside of Draco, that way I don't look desperate.

7. Be nice to the three uglies with whom I have to share a dorm. They may be ugly, but I can get the gossip of who Draco fancies off them easier than having to wait for it.

8. Get more chocolate. I can't be bitchy during my visit from 'the dot'.

9. Be nice to Blaise (once again, ha-ha) since he is Draco's best friend.

10. Try Plan B if nothing else works.

Too bad I don't have a Plan B. Shame...

XxXxX

September 1997

In the Common Room, Pissed Off

MUTINEY! THERE IS MUTINEY AFOOT!

I hate Blaise. She knew that. She knew I HATE him. MUTINEY I TELL YOU!

Daphne, the newest edition to the mutinous monsters, accepted Blaise's invitation to go to Hogsmede with him. That little TART accepted! She should know better. For shame Daphne, FOR SHAME!

This morning she tells me Zabini asked her to go to Hogsmede with him. I thought, being as she was my best friend in the whole country, she'd say no. True friends say no to dating your worst enemy. Even truer friends would punch the shit out of him for even suggesting something that disgusting and horrible. But no, Daphne is neither because she said yes.

Even Draco was upset about this. When he was forced to sit next to me in Potions (again, there was no available seats for his bum to grace), he complained about it the entire time. "I can't believe he'd do that to me," he muttered darkly, stirring the potion counterclockwise. "I mean, we've been through everything and he goes and does something like this."

"I know," I snapped back, cutting the rabble root into perfect squares. "She's supposed to be my best friend. Some friends."

And for one blissful moment, we both looked up and stared at each other. His eyes betrayed amusement, and just when I thought he was going to smile, the potion spit up and covered us in disgusting green slime. I sputtered, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt (well, it's Daphne's. And I'm not going to wash it so she has to deal with it by herself. Ha.) and I felt that damned blush creeping up into my cheeks. "Damned thing," I swore, dumping in the final ingredients. "This is stupid."

He continued stirring, his face down. "I know."

The rest of the class was unsuccessful (drat) and when we left, I swallowed my pride and walked out with Charlene Borgin and Beatrix Bole. I made a point to ignore Daphne, and she took it because I saw her clinging to Blaise pathetically. Let her suffer...

Charlene and Beatrix are desperately boring, talking about things that happened last year and laughing it up like that isn't the most pathetic thing in the world. I ignored them, almost embarrassed to be seen with the likes of those two bottom feeders, but walking out of a class with them was much, much better than walking out alone. That's the kind of thing a Weasley would do...

Must look like I'm taking notes, the teacher just looked at me... I just caught Draco's eye, and after a few seconds of staring, I tried 'the' technique. In our second year, Daphne and I tried this thing where you kind of stare at the guy for awhile and drag your eyes away slowly. It worked like a charm, but Daphne (who is from here on know as M, for mutineer) needed some help with it, which she won't get because I'm the queen of this flirting technique and since she betrayed me, I will never grace her with the information... But anyway, I tried this on Draco and I had his eyes glued to the side of my head for a good five minutes.

Score three for Queen Pansy.

But now, I fear your Queen sits here in the common room with no one but the firsties for amusement, and despite the fact they are disgusting as all hell, they never fail to amuse me.

XxXxX

September, 1997

In History of Magic

I'm still ignoring Daphne, I mean M.

Draco still isn't madly in love with me.

I'm still overly obsessed with him.

I'm still bored.

It's a right day in hell I tell you.

First, 'M' sat next to me and tried to act like she wasn't dating the boy who called me a frigid bitch every time he saw me for the past four years and everything was normal. I entertained the idea of pushing my eggs into her hair, but the eggs were too damned good to waste on hair like hers, so I took a spoonful of butter and flicked towards the back of her head. It's still there, by the way, and this is third period.

Then, in Potions, that stupid cow Beatrix made a pass at Draco. She saunters up to our desk after Snape leaves the room, bats her eyelashes and says, "So Draco, going to Hogsmede with anyone this weekend?" She stuck out her lower lip, and as she leaned forward on the desk, I clenched my fists underneath the desk so I wouldn't stand up and duff the brains out of that little tart.

Draco looked a bit sick, and frankly, I don't blame him. She's a right sight in the morning, messy, greasy hair, blemishes all over her neck and face. There were sheet marks on the side of her face, and her eye was all squished up like she was squinting. I almost felt bad for her, but then I remembered she was making a pass at my assignment.

Draco laughed. "Actually, yes. I have plans for this weekend."

Beatrix's mouth fell open and didn't close so she looked like a dead fish for a few moments before I finally said, "Why don't you just put your tail between your legs and go lick your wounds someplace else?"

She stomped off, and I don't know if she was more mad at me or the fact that Draco had plans. I, of course, was shocked and rather appalled that he had plans (he was my assignment after all and now I was going to have to find out who this girl was, make a poly juice potion, kill her, bury the body, go to Hogsmede with him and be back before the damned thing wore off. Goodness, so many things to do...) and whilst I began plotting my murder/getting away with it plans, Snape starting going on about some potion, yada yada yada, that was, until he called on me.

I, of course, was thoroughly absorbed in my plans, so when I heard his slimy voice say my name I jumped. "Well Miss Parkinson?" he demanded.

I panicked. "Well what sir?" I stammered dumbly, feeling the urge to bite my nails.

"What ingredients are needed to make this potion?"

I stammered on about something or other before he got sick of listening to my voice (his words, not mine) and called on someone else. Now that I think about, Snape has always said something about how annoying my voice is. I know he and my mother never got along, but I never expected him to be one to hold grudges. Yeah, sure.

Okay, lunch is just about to begin, and being as last time I had this out at a meal, eggs and butter flew, I think I'll just stop for a bit.