A Fine Line

"Good evening, Mrs. Alice Catherine McCoy-Longbottom."

Alice froze mid-step. "Excuse me?" she stammered, whirling around to face Sirius.

He was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on the table in front of him. He brought his hands up behind his head and grinned at her. "You heard me."

She looked around the library quickly, terrified that someone would hear. "Yeah, and if you tell anyone, I'll be forced to castrate you with a spoon!" She pulled up a chair next to him and moved her face inches away from his. "How did you find out?" she hissed.

His grin widened. "For fear of losing the family jewels, I shall not disclose such information."

"Black," she growled, clenching her fists. "That was two years ago; I am completely over it."

"Then why are you so defensive?"

His grin was beginning to piss her off. It was as if he was begging her to slap him across the face and get rid of it.

"Because he's teaching here, that's why! You can't say anything about this to anyone. It would embarrass both of us."

He shrugged nonchalantly and pretended to be innocent. Alice frowned.

"I have nothing to lose," he told her, rocking the chair back and forth on it's back legs. "I also have nothing to hide. So tell me, dear Alice. How far would you go to keep this particular dirty little secret a secret?"

Alice leaned back in her chair and considered it. Great lengths would have to be taken to keep Sirius Black quiet, and at this point, Alice was toying with the possibility of murder. Yes, that would keep him quiet and tie up all loose ends, meaning it was practically a win-win situation. Perhaps that was the road... no, let's use that as a last resort. See what he has to offer first; if it's no good, well... sucks to be him. "What are we talking about here?"

Why was it that every time she encountered Sirius, big words and complex clauses were involved?

"Let's see," Sirius remarked, putting a hand on his chin and pretending to mull things over. Alice knew he had to have a painfully embarrassing trick up his sleeve, and the more he mused, the more nervous she became. "Perhaps your assistance can be enlisted in the next step of the plan."

"Next step? What 'next step'? I thought we were lying low for a bit."

He put the chair's feet on the floor and leaned forward. "Well, I lied. And not only are you not going to resist, you are going to be an active participant." He pulled a rumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and smoothed it on the table. "This is the plan."

Alice snatched the paper from him and looked it over. "You want me to do what?" she hissed, not believing what she was reading.

Sirius grinned. "My brilliance amazes me too."

"There's no way I'm doing this!"

"Aw, c'mon McCoy--"

"No." Alice tossed the paper on the table and crossed her arms. "Lily is my best friend; I can't do something like that to her." She paused. "Besides, isn't it bad enough that I'm meddling in her love life? She trusts me, and just being here is completely betraying that trust! I don't need to go meddling in her school career, which is her pride and joy."

Sirius pouted a bit and moved so his nose was mere centimeters from hers. "No, it's not good enough. Your plan wasn't working fast enough, so we're going to try it my way. If this doesn't work, we'll have to regroup and reconsider our options."

"Sirius, it's my way or no way."

"My way or every one finds out about your obsession with a certain Defense professor."

Alice scratched her neck and cleared her throat. "Former obsession," she mumbled. "Look, I'll think about it. But you can't rush into these things, Sirius; they take time."

He stood while reaching across the table to push her books towards her. He looked down at her and grinned. "Don't worry, McCoy. Everything is under control."

He turned around and walked towards the back of the library, disappearing behind a bookcase. Alice folded her arms and let her head fall. She could feel the control slipping away and it was beginning to bother her greatly. "Bloody hell."

After a few moments of wallowing in her pity, she began to weigh her options. Would it really be so bad if Frank found out? Was it really something to risk her longest friendship over?

Even though Sirius's plan was definitely not something she would have thought of, it was brilliant in a way. It would force them to be in the same room for at least an hour, and seemingly alone, meaning James wouldn't be getting crappy lines from Sirius. Lily wouldn't be thrilled, but if James was sincere enough, perhaps the entire thing could work and Alice would never have to stoop so low as to call on Sirius Black for help again.

The fact that Frank Longbottom would never know of her 'former' secret obsession with him was a definite plus as well.

Alice picked up her books and continued on her merry way to Lily's table, a few bookcases away. Lily, in true bookworm fashion, was practically buried under her pile of books, but as Alice approached, she realized Lily wasn't reading her textbooks.

It was one of those trashy romance novels Alice bought her as a joke last year for her birthday. When Alice gave her the large box full of paperback Muggle romance novels, Lily had been less than thrilled. "A bunch of impossibly romantic crap rolled into a few paragraphs and they call it a book," Lily had told her, placing the box in her closet. Alice had later bought her the biggest ice cream of her life and Lily had forgiven her. Alice never imagined she'd ever see those books again, let alone catch Lily reading one.

"Oh Miss Lily Evans!"

Lily snapped the book shut, quickly burying it under the pile of textbooks to her left. She was looking very flushed. "Oh, hallo there, Alice."

"Well my my, don't you look a bit flustered?" Lily brushed her hair away from her face and cleared her throat before loosening her tie. "And you're awfully fidgety too."

"I am not," Lily declared, pulling a book down from the stack and cracking it open. "I'm just-- frustrated."

"About what, may I ask?"

Lily closed the book and propped her elbows on the table. She put her chin in her hands and sighed. "Potter has been acting strangely towards me. Like today, I knocked a pot over in Herbology, and he comes over, gets down under the table with me and helps me re-pot the plant. Usually, and this has happened before, he'd just stand behind me and make comments about my bum or something, but he didn't say a single word. Not even a 'you're welcome' after I said 'thanks'."

"And this has you in a tizzy?" Alice asked, setting her books on the table before taking the seat across from the redhead. "I always thought you wanted a more mature Potter."

"I did; I mean, I do." Lily sighed heavily, and as she exhaled, she blew a stray lock of hair out of her face. "It's just-- annoying the bloody hell out of me because I know this is some type of scheme. I mean, why would he do all this if he knew it wouldn't get my attention? There'd be no reason. But since he knows that he would get my attention, he's doing it to get to me, right? I mean-- actually, I don't know what I mean."

"You shouldn't swear so."

Lily raised her head and narrowed her eyes. "I spill my heart to you and all you can say is 'You shouldn't swear so?' Do you enjoy taking pleasure from my pain?"

"Of course not."

"Then why don't you impart some of your knowledge to me? Tell me if I should kill him now, or wait until he screws up and then kill him. I mean, the first one would rid me of the problem quickly, but the second one would allow me time to formulate a plan. You see, then I could commit the perfect murder, bury the body and no one would know."

Alice smiled. There for a minute she thought Lily was going to get all soft on her. "I think you should wait. Who knows? Maybe Potter isn't such a jerk after all."

Lily snorted. "I highly doubt that. Now, are you ready for dinner? I'm starved."

---

James watched Lily and Alice leave the library. His line of view was temporarily blocked by a bookshelf, but right before Lily turned out of sight, he caught a glimpse of her rather shapely behind. Her skirt fluttered a bit as she turned the corner, and his mind began imagining green lace knickers. He was itching to run after her.

"PRONGS!"

His head snapped back to his friends and the task at hand. "What?"

"Stop ogling her bum and pay attention. This is your future we're planning." Sirius brushed his hair out of his eyes before turning to Remus. "Now, if you would be so kind as to explain the plan to Mr. Evans over there, we can leave and go eat. Hurry up, because I'm starving."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Good things come to those who wait," he reminded his friend. He then focused on James, who had his forehead on the table and his arms over his head. "James, this is very important. In order for this to work, you have to stop concentrating on the prize and focus on the moment. While you two are alone, you can't afford to do anything that will set her off. One, because you two are alone and if she decides to murder you, there will be no witnesses, and two, because Alice won't be there to smooth things over if you start acting dumb. This is the most crucial step, and you have to show her that you are not some mindless prat whose crush on her is borderline obsessive. Do you understand?"

James raised his head and nodded. Remus looked to Sirius, who looked back to James. "Prongs, if you mess this up, Merlin help me--"

"You aren't helping," Remus hissed, kicking him under the table. Sirius let out a little yelp, but didn't speak. "James, you can do it," Remus assured him. "You just have to stay focused."

Just then, Peter came rushing in. "They're--" he paused, taking a deep breath, "they're in the Great Hall now."

Sirius rose, moving behind James and roughly yanking his chair out from underneath him. James landed on the hard floor with a thump, and Sirius helped him up. "Showtime Prongsie. Go make us proud."

---

Lily elbowed Alice in the ribs with unnecessary force. "Look."

Alice turned to see James, Sirius, Peter and Remus walk over to the dinner table. The only available seats were those directly across from Lily and Alice, and as the boys sat down, Sirius caught Alice's eye. She tried to shake her head discreetly, but he didn't seem to take the hint. "McCoy, Evans," he drawled, pouring himself a glass of pumpkin juice. "Fancy seeing you two lovely ladies here."

Lily stood to leave, but Alice wasn't about to let the tart in front of her go to waste. "Lily, just wait until I finish my tart. Then we'll leave."

Lily sat back down, her lips set in a thin line. Alice knew she had better enjoy this tart because it was probably going to be her last. "Hurry," Lily hissed, clutching her stack of books to her chest.

"Now why would you be in a rush to leave? We were hoping for some good company for this dinner, weren't we James?" Sirius stated, slapping his friend hard on the back. James choked on his food, and after Remus tapped him on the back a few times, he managed to swallow. He nodded.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Black, everything you want always has strings attached." Sirius shrugged and smiled cheekily at her. She sighed disgustedly.

Alice popped the last bit of tart in her mouth and stood. "Okay, Lily, let's go." The girls stood, and the next thing Alice heard made her want to groan.

"Evans, there's something on your skirt."

Lily's face turned bright red. She whirled around, and through gritted teeth she hissed, "I don't care, Potter."

James recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "I just thought you'd want to know..." he mumbled softly.

"Well, I didn't."

Lily yanked Alice's collar and marched out of the Great Hall. After the doors swished shut, Lily turned on Alice, brushing at the back of her skirt furiously. "Alice, you are supposed to tell me when these things happen!"

"I'm sorry my eyes aren't glued to your arse!" Alice spluttered, trying to flatten the back of her collar. Lily swatted her skirt viciously, turning in circles as she did so. "Is it not coming off?"

"No," Lily snapped, stopping long enough to stare her friend down. "I enjoy chasing the back of my skirt. What is this?" She yanked her wand out of her bag and uttered a spell, watching as the mysterious stain vanished. She flattened her hair and readjusted her skirt, breathing deeply. "Okay. Let's just get out of here."

The girls walked to the Head Dorms in silence, which gave Alice time to think. Lily hated Potter; that much was clear. So why, as Lily's best friend, was Alice trying to get them together. Things weren't going to change, for Lily had made that much clear. Was there a sliver of hope? Or was Alice just jerking Potter's chain?

Plus, if Lily ever found out what Alice was doing behind her back, Alice McCoy would no longer exist.

When they reached the statue that served as the entrance to the Head Dorms, Lily mumbled the password, and Alice found herself taken aback by the room. While it was similar to the Gryffindor common room, there were at least twenty bookcases lining the walls and a huge fire crackling in the marble fireplace. Lily tossed her bag next to a chair and threw her arms above her head to stretch. "This has been, without a doubt, the longest week of my life."

"You don't have to tell me," Alice said, falling into a rather comfortable overstuffed chair. She sank down a few centimeters before saying, "This chair shall be my grave, for I refuse to move."

"That's bad for your back you know," Lily told her, pulling up a hard-backed chair and sitting down. She sat up straight and crossed her ankles, and Alice felt disgusted. How could that be comfortable when she could be slouched over in the most comfortable, fluffy armchair ever? Alice glared at her, and after a few moments of staring, Lily rose and forced Alice to move over. Alice moved, and Lily plopped down next to her. "This is my favorite armchair," she finally admitted, closing her eyes and the cushion sank. "So comfy..."

"I don't blame you," Alice told her, leaning her cheek against her friend's shoulder. "I miss having you around the dorm. Victoria and Juliette are driving me crazy." Victoria Key and Juliette Cove, the girls Lily and Alice had shared a dorm with for the past six years, kept insisting on giving Alice a 'makeover'. Alice vehemently insisted that all she needed was a good night's sleep and lotion, but they had done everything but tie her to a chair and paint her face.

"I miss you too," Lily admitted. "One cannot amuse oneself by books alone." A few minutes passed before Lily perked up. "You should stay here tonight. I miss you; you miss me; this way we can have some quality 'us' time."

Lily jumped up before yanking Alice out of the chair. "You make it sound like we're married," Alice moaned. "I want to take that chair with me."

"Don't tell me you're about to choose a chair over me," Lily warned, grabbing her bag and walking towards her room. "You have three seconds to get your bum over here."

Alice looked from Lily's back to the chair. "I'll be back," she whispered, giving the chair a sad look before bounding after Lily. "Hey, wait up!"

---

James fell on his bed face-first, not bothering to take off his shoes. He threw his arms out and sighed dramatically into his pillow, the feeling of self-pity in the pit of his stomach growing. He knew Remus was rolling his eyes, and probably wishing Sirius didn't have a Saturday detention. Sirius was so much better about dealing with James when he was being melodramatic. "James, you really have to pull yourself together. This is disgusting. There are bigger problems in the world than yours."

James mumbled something into his pillow, knowing that Remus couldn't hear it. James listened as Remus stood, walked over to the side of the bed and pulled on James' hair, lifting his head off the pillow. "Ow! Moony, since when have you been so violent?"

"Since you started moping," Remus replied, letting go of his hair and sitting at the edge of the bed. "Now, what did you say?"

James widened his eyes pathetically, laying his cheek on the pillow. "She hates me."

"That's never stopped you before."

"But she loathes me. She loathes me like she loathes people who bend down the corners of the pages in her favorite Potions book, like she loathes people who don't do their homework, like she loathes people who talk too loud in the library. She'd rather die than even think of being with me." He buried his face in his pillow. He knew he was being melodramatic and a huge baby about this, but there was nothing like a little pep-talk from Remus to make him feel like the king of the world.

Remus was probably plotting something complex and beyond the grasp of James' mind, like murder by toilet paper, but James didn't care. "You are such a drama queen." Taking another pillow from the bed, he began hitting the moping boy with it. Granted, the full moon had passed a few days ago and he wasn't that strong, but he put everything he had into it. James growled and curled up into the fetal position. "You can't-" Remus paused, trying to catch his breath. He dropped the pillow and sat back down. "You can't just give up. If you really want to make this work, you have to stop being such a git and really reach out to her."

At that moment, Peter came out of James' bathroom. "Prongs, you truly have it made!" he exclaimed, completely oblivious to his friend's state. "You don't have to share a bathroom with anyone anymore!"

James groaned and rolled back on his stomach, mumbling into his pillow. Remus waved Peter over next to him, and together, they hauled James off the bed. "--and you should just kill me now!" James howled, his words clear now that his face wasn't in the pillow. "Why does the violence continue?"

Before they could respond, a high pitched shriek interrupted them. All three heads turned to the door, and James whispered, "Lily has a friend over..."

He jumped up and tiptoed out of his room, Peter and Remus right behind him. After crossing the hallway between his room and Lily's room, James knelt down and put his ear to the Lily's door. Peter did the same, and after an internal battle with his hormones and his conscience, Remus followed suit.

Hormones top conscience every time.

Well, almost every time.

"Lily!" a slighter deeper voice screeched. James immediately recognized it as Alice's voice. "Give me the chocolate, you naughty, naughty girl."

All three boys looked at each other incredulously.

"Make me!" Lily squealed. There was a thump, followed by a giggle. "Alice! Don't--" but Lily was cut off by a fit of giggles, and soon their giggles turned to loud laughs, and when it all died down, Lily said, "Alice, your hand is on my bum."

While they burst into another bout of laughter, James nearly choked. The love of his life was less than five feet away, fooling around with her best friend. Her best GIRL friend. His life was so depressing... in a really, really hot kind of way.

"No wonder Lily doesn't like you," Peter whispered.

Before James could respond, the door knob turned above them, and the three boys flew into the main part of the common room. Of course, by the time Lily and Alice stepped out into the hall, they were halfway across the room. Peter fell on the floor, Remus barely made it to a chair and James was flung over the couch. "What are you three doing?"

A very flustered, very rumpled Lily Evans stood before them. Her cotton pants were a size too big, so James figured they were Alice's, and her shirt looked like it had shrunk in the wash. Lily noted his gaze and tugged on the bottom of the shirt. Alice wasn't far behind her, wearing a short yellow dressing gown and pink slippers. "Nothing," James replied, sliding down the couch so that he was lying down. "What have you two been up to?"

Both girls turned bright red. "None of your business," Alice huffed, walking across the room to grab her school bag. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we are going to return to doing nothing. Good night."

---

Sirius trudged up the stairs to the boys' dorms. Usually after a Saturday detention, he'd be in the Head Dorms, devising some prank to pull at Monday's breakfast, but today, he was way too tired.

For his detention today, Professor McGonagall had him polish every broom in the broom shed before he cleaned, shined and polished every single bloody trophy in the trophy room, without his wand.

But if she thought he was going to let that discourage him from pulling any more pranks during her class, she was sadly mistaken.

Groaning, he rubbed his upper arm. The biggest trophy in the room had fallen on him while he was attempting to polish it, and after some swearing and wiggling, he'd managed to get out from underneath it, almost ripping his arm off in the process.

He collapsed onto his bed and winced as his neck cracked. What he needed was a good massage... from a buxom blonde with skimpy clothes and a French accent. Of course, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon, so he'd have to settle for his best friend and the bottle of Firewhiskey under his bed. After a few sips of that, Remus did look like a girl... if Sirius stood on his head and really squinted.

He heard the sound of muffled footsteps on the steps and he rolled onto his back. He lifted his head just in time to see James fling himself on the unoccupied side of the bed. "I am the most pathetic person in the world," James announced, a very triumphant smile on his face.

Sirius sat up, watching as his friend flipped onto his back and stared up at the red canopy. Sirius looked from James to Remus and Peter. "What in bloody hell is he so happy about?"

Remus cleared his throat. "Well, we think-- I mean, we heard--"

"McCoy and Evans were fooling around and we heard them," Peter told him. "It was pretty funny, actually. You'd think he'd be upset or something."

"James," Sirius began slowly, "there's no way in hell McCoy and Evans are together. We both know Evans is straight as an arrow and McCoy... she's in love with Longbottom, every woman's man. It isn't like they just woke up one day and said, 'Hey Alice!' 'Yes Lily?' 'Let's shag!' 'Okay!' Prongs, they aren't together."

"But you didn't hear them!" James told him. "McCoy had her hand on Lily's arse!"

"Did you see this so-claimed 'girl on girl' action?"

"No," James said slowly. "We heard about it through the door."

"Trust me, they aren't involved. Besides, everyone knows you should only believe a quarter of what you hear and half of what you see. Now if you'll excuse me, I have dreams of buxom French women to attend to, and if you will so kind as to leave me to my dreams, I will be forever indebted to you." Sirius shoved James off his bed and quickly closed the curtains.

James rose, shaking his head viciously before smoothing his hair down. "I want you to know that I will be crawling into a hole and dying now," James told him, turning towards the door. "And you: you, sir, are removed from my will so you shall not receive my broom and collection of Quidditch trading cards. Remus gets everything, including custody of Peter. Good day."

Sirius shook his head as the door slammed before yanking open the curtains. "Now that the drama queen is gone, we can perfect our Monday plans. So I was thinking..."